First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (51 page)

***

              Ever since the Jake Drug Bust the tension in my house was at an all time high. My father had used his connections and got a restraining order against Jake. He would go to jail if he came near me. How did my dad do it? I don’t know, but he did. I guess being a lawyer had its perks. He basically ruined my entire life and my mom was totally on his side. The closeness between my sister and I stalled because my father forbade her from inviting her boyfriend, Owen, over anymore too. Kyle didn’t give a crap because he never brought his girlfriend around anyway.

             
Every night my dad made a lame attempt at getting us to talk and this night was no different. I didn’t know why my parent’s insisted we eat as a family. None of us ever had anything to say to each other. “Anyone have anything they want to share? Kyle, how are those college applications coming along?”

             
“They’re coming along.” He replied flatly.

             
My dad pushed his food around on his plate and his jaw clinched.
Uh oh.

             
“You kids need to realize that everything I do, I do for you…”

             
Snap.

             
“Cut the crap, Dad!” Kyle said, snidely. “I’m so sick of hearing how you do this and that for us. Yeah, we know. We know, we know, we know! But you know what? I’ve got an announcement. I’m moving out. How you like them apples? I can’t take living here anymore.” Kyle pushed his seat away form the table and began to leave the room.

             
I never saw that coming.

             
My mother gasped. “Kyle, you come back here right now…”

             
“Ha!” Kyle turned and pointed, mockingly at my mother. “See, this is a perfect example. Mom, this isn’t the 1950’s! Stop with the dramatics.”

             
Kyle disappeared into the kitchen. My father didn’t know what to do with him self, as he raked his hand through his hair, his forehead looked like a pack of hotdogs.

             
“Kyle Montgomery! Get your ass back here right now!” He roared.

             
My mom was in tears, dabbing her eyes with a napkin. My heart sank seeing my mom so disturbed. I wanted to go to her, but was paralyzed watching the train wreck in front of me.

             
Allison and I sat holding our breath as my brother walked back in and calmly but firmly told my father everything he was feeling. “You are a great provider, Dad. There’s no question. I just can’t watch this anymore.” Kyle pointed at me. “This whole thing with Jake and Aly, that whole thing that happened, a restraining order? Was that really necessary? Instead of turning your back and pointing fingers, maybe we should be there supporting him. Drug addiction is a disease, Dad! And we don’t even know the half of it with him. You just judge like you’re the end all.”

             
“Kyle,” my dad shook his head and rubbed his face. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

             
“Dad, isn’t that what growing up is all about? Learning on our own, making mistakes?
Getting
the idea along the way? Being controlled by you certainly isn’t helping us. It’s alienated us from you, Dad. ” Kyle’s gestures were grand. He swept the room with his arms and stood on his tiptoes.

             
“Kyle, if you move out. We won’t let you move back.”

             
Kyle snorted and shook his head. “One more last threat? Dad, you won’t have to worry about that.”

49

Alyssa

              My mother quietly cleared away the plates from the table. I sat desperately trying to hold back tears and surprisingly my sister kept rubbing my back. My dad’s hair was messy from running his hand through it. I’d never really seen it as messy. He always had it combed neatly, like Superman’s Clark Kent.

             
“Can we be excused?” Allison asked timidly.

             
My mom paused. “Girls, you can go.”

             
“No. I have more to say,” My dad said looking at both Allison and I.

             
“No, Frank. You’ve said enough.” My mother never took center stage, but it was her turn. “I’ve let you be the leader, knowing you do what you do out of love for our children,” she said turning her gaze on us. “I can’t stand being lied to anymore, girls. Your father does the best with what he has. He provides for us and there are rules, regardless if you agree with them or not. We need to take a step back. You two think that we don’t know what’s going on, but we do. We see the bigger picture because we’ve been there. You may think we’re too conservative or not cool, but the fact is we’ve been through our share of heartbreak.”

             
Allison sat shaking her head. Finally brave enough to speak. “Mom, it’s just tough to listen to you guys. Just because Aly got trapped up into something doesn’t mean I should be punished too. Not allowing Owen to come over is so lame. It’s not gonna keep me away from him. It’s not gonna change my past either.” My heart sank when I heard her last words. I looked at my dad for any kind of reaction. My mother’s lips went tight and my dad looked sadly at my mom. What kind of look was that? Did he know about Allison and her past? Was I just over reading everything? Allison pushed her chair away from the table and its legs made a deep screeching sound against the hardwood floor. I held my breath. “Jake isn’t a bad guy. He’s taken care of Aly, maybe in ways you don’t approve of, but he has. We’re all just experiencing what it’s like to be teenager’s and you guys act like it’s a crime. I didn’t know that Jake had a drug problem. I don’t think anyone did. I think you’re being way harsh on everything, Dad.”

             
My dad looked like he aged 10 years right in front of me as he hung his head. His face looked drawn and droopy as the creases tucked deeper into his skin. Allison disappeared with out another word and I sat like a piece of stone, as if I’d stared into Medusa’s eyes.

             
“Alyssa, you think I don’t know about what goes on under my roof or outside of these walls? I know I may not know everything, but I know how it feels to love and lose. I know what it feels like to be alone. I know what it feels like to be lied to by people who say they love you. I know what battles to fight. Your mother and I tell each other everything, whether you all think we don’t. Under the circumstances of Jake, I thought it was better not to have Allison’s boyfriend hanging out. I thought of you when I made that decision. I didn’t want him flaunted in your face. Maybe I should have stated that.”

             
“Why don’t you tell her now?” I choked out, holding back tears.

             
“I will when the opportunity presents itself.”

             
“Dad, I’m sorry,” I said, trying to gulp down the golf ball in my throat. “I still don’t understand what the big deal is.”

             
“Alyssa, I don’t think you will until you have your own children. Jake just turned 18 years old. You’re 14.”

             
“I’m gonna be 15 soon.” I piped.

             
My dad just rolled his eyes at me and went on. “He’s not your typical teenage boy, Alyssa. He never was. I thought he’d end up more like Kyle, the studious type, but he took to music and the road. However, in light of his drug addiction I think he needs to know what rock bottom is. If not having access to you is hitting rock bottom, then hopefully it’ll help him to realize what he’s lost because of it. I’m going to say this one more time, for the last time. I will not sit here and allow you to have an intimate relationship with an 18-year-old, drug addicted rock star. I don’t care how long we’ve known him.”

***

              My mother and I sat on my bed and barely said a word to each other. She kept getting up, milling around and putting my clothes away. “Mom, can I please go to Nicole’s? I just wanna get out of here for an hour. Please?”

             
She looked long at me. “Where’s Jake?”

             
“He’s on tour.”

             
“How long has he been gone?”

             
“I think 3 weeks.”

             
“You still keep track of him?”
              I sank inside. “Not too much lately.”

             
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Sure. One hour. It’s late already.”

             
Instead of going to Nicole’s I ended up on Marshall’s overly plant laden doorstep. I sent him a text to come out. “Hey,” he said as he opened the door finding me sitting on the top step. “You look awful, what happened?”

             
Marshall pulled the bright blue scarf off his head and retied it as he waited for me to reply. “Do you know that sometimes I wish I was you?”

             
“Aw honey, you shouldn’t. It’s a shit show being me.” He laughed, making light of his predicament. “Be careful what you wish for.”

             
“Seriously. You and Bobby, no one cares. They let you be who you are, you know. I mean I know your brothers give you a hard time. But your parents, they leave you alone. You still get good grades, you have a job, you have an older boyfriend and they just let you be.” I began to cry, the tears spilling down my cheeks. “I wish I was you.”

             
I sobbed, leaning into him. “Oh Aly, I’m sorry. But time will go by faster than you think.”

             
“No, it won’t. I haven’t talked to him in 8 weeks. He told me when he got out of rehab that he needed to focus on the band because he was going on tour again and that we’d talk when he got back. I don’t think it’ll ever be the same.”

             
“Girlfriend, it can’t be the same. Maybe it’ll be better. Think positive.”

             
“You make it sound so easy. By the way, my brother went off on my dad and told him he was moving out after graduation. Dude, you shoulda been there, you woulda shit yourself.”

             
“No way!” His eyes flashed wide in disbelief. “What’d your dad do?”

             
“He just made threats. Everything at home is a big huge downer. You can actually feel it in the air. Everything’s changed.” I sniffled the snot back up my nose. “I feel like it’s all my fault, like if I’d just done what I was told my dad would be happy.” I began to sob again. It was uncontrollable. I felt overwhelming guilt. “And Kyle wouldn’t be moving out.” I wept harder and Marshall held me tighter.

             
“Oh Aly…” Marshall rested his head on my shoulder and grabbed my hand.

             
“And Jake wouldn’t have gotten addicted to those pills!” I couldn’t control my crying. I began to hyperventilate, hiccupping and snorting with each breath.

             
“Aly, you can’t blame yourself for all that, seriously.”

             
I sighed out loudly. I knew he was right. “You’re right, but I still feel so bad, you know. Marshall, I’m gonna call him.”

             
“Really? Isn’t he still in rehab? Like no phones allowed?”

             
“I have to hear his voice, Marshall.” I stared at my phone. “He got out of rehab three weeks ago and is on tour again.”

             
“Why do you have to talk to him?” Marshall looked at me wary. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

             
“Yeah, well nothing I do is a good idea.”

             
Marshall and I took a short walk to the nearby park down the street. It was a park that was in an odd spot, as if a house should have been built there. It was a square lot between two huge houses, like someone donated the lot space or something, but there was no plaque stating such a thing, just a wooden sign with painted blue trim – “Jefferson Park”. We walked up and sat on the swings.

             
“Ok, here goes it.”

             
My hands shook slightly and my palms grew wet. When I heard his voice I melted into a puddle. I could tell by the sound of his voice he was surprised and happy to hear from me.

             
“Hey you,” I said, my voice shaky.

             
He breathed heavily into the phone. “Hey Alycat.”

             
My heartbeat jumped. “How are you?”

             
“I feel pretty good, I guess.”

             
“Where are you?”

             
“In Nebraska.” He laughed softly.

             
I felt the tension pulling through the phone line. “Um, Kyle told my dad he’s moving out after he graduates. It was a shit show at the house earlier.”

             
“Aw man. How did your dad react?”