First Thing I See (18 page)

                Lauren sat across from him rocking in the
rocking chair, watching Kennedy’s movements.   “What happened?  I thought you
finally found the one?” 

                Kennedy stared straight ahead.  His warm
breath visible as he blew out deep into the cold air.  “So did I.”

                “Can it be fixed?”

                “She thinks I was with Mikayla.  She doesn’t
trust me.”

                “Were you?”

                Kennedy’s head shot to Lauren’s face. 
Daggers in his eyes.  “No.”

                “Did you tell her that?”

                He picked up his glass and swallowed back
the liquid.  “I did, but she doesn’t believe me.”

                “Why wouldn’t she believe you?  How could
she not trust you knowing how you feel about her?

                Kennedy winced just slightly, but Lauren
caught it.  “You didn’t tell her how you feel about her, did you?”

                Anger tempted his voice.  “So it’s my fault
that she doesn’t trust me?”

                “I didn’t say that.  But if she knew what
she meant to you, then maybe she would understand that you could never betray
her.”

                Kennedy was silent for a moment.  “It’s
better this way, she was causing me to lose focus on my business.”

                Lauren rose to her feet.  “Kennedy Jenner, I’ve
never known you to be a coward.  You take on every challenge you can find and
don’t give up until you win.  But you won’t fight for her because you’re
afraid.” 

                Kennedy stood and stared down at Lauren. 
“This is bullshit, I don’t need this.”  Then he stormed his way through the
house and drove home with his fists clenched around the wheel.

***

                The next week passed in a frenzy.  The Monet
was sold out until long after New Years and the elite of the city held their
corporate holiday parties at the hotel.  More than 1,000 bold red poinsettias
adorned the hotel and small white lights set the backdrop.  The hotel looked
magical during the holidays, but Hope didn’t notice.  She worked seven days a
week and attended to hundreds of details to make every event perfect. 

                “Hope, is everything okay with you?”  George
looked concerned.

                “Yes, everything is fine.  Did I miss
something?”  A look of panic on my face.

                “No, no, you are doing a great job.  I’m not
even sure how you are managing it all.  But you’ve seemed so….sad the last two
weeks, I thought something was wrong.”

                I attempted a smile to thank him for his
concern.  “I’m sorry George, I guess the holidays have me a little down since
my boyfriend and I broke up.  I didn’t mean to let it interfere with my work.”

                “You’re doing a great job.  I just wanted to
make sure you were okay.  Maybe my two left feet could cheer you up if you will
save a dance with me at our Christmas party next week.”

                I smiled.  “Sure, why not.  That sounds like
fun.”

***

                Saturday night the grand ballroom was filled
till 1am with drunken lawyers.  The smaller banquet rooms were all filled with
parties for three of the larger brokerage houses from downtown.   At 2am the
lobby of the hotel had turned into a drunken meat market where men in two
thousand dollar suits huddled around the last of the women leaving.  I said
goodnight to the reception staff and made my way to the door in a fog.  I was
exhausted from all the long hours, and normally would have been more cordial to
the man working to get my attention, but I was tired and sad and had no more
energy left for men in power suits. 

                “I’m not interested; please step out of my
way.”

                The tall attractive man was obviously not
used to rejection.  He put his arm out to touch my waist.  “Come on baby; let
me buy you a drink.”

                I kept on walking, ignoring him.  But he
grabbed my arm in a tight hold. “You fucking bitch.”

                The doorman saw me approach and walked
toward me.  “Ms. York, is everything okay?” 

                I looked at the man who released my arm and
then to the doorman.  “Yes, I think it is.  Thank you, have a good night Ray.”

                Outside the street was quiet, and I knew I
should probably take a taxi, but I had just splurged on a pair of ridiculously
expensive boots on one of my ‘cheer up Hope’ shopping trips with Shauna, and
walking was more in my budget than taxis.

                A few couples passed by on the street and it
pained me to see how happy they looked.  Would I ever feel that way again?  Two
weeks had passed since Kennedy and I broke up, but I still thought about him in
every spare moment.  As I rounded the corner to make my way across town to my
apartment, I was so caught up in my thoughts about Kennedy that I didn’t notice
the footsteps behind me until I felt a hard tug on my arm.

                “You know you want me.”  The man from the
hotel lobby pulled me by my elbow and pinned my arm behind my back.  He pulled
me close to him.  I could smell the liquor on his breath.  “You can’t ignore me
now can you bitch.” 

                I was suddenly aware of his size and
anger.   The street was desolate.  I panicked and pulled my knee up as hard as
I could, smashing into his crotch with all my might.  He released me and bent
over.  I watched for a second as he groaned and doubled over.  Then I ran, as
fast as I could.  I was so focused on getting away from him before he righted
himself, that I didn’t even notice the taxi turning the corner until it was too
late.

***

                I woke confused and disoriented.  My vision
was blurry and I had no idea where I was.  There were tubes in my arm and a
mask over my face and I heard the sounds of beeps coming from all around me. 
Someone was holding my hand, but I couldn’t focus enough to see their face.  A
woman walked over to me.

                “Ms. York, do you know where you are?”

                I shook my head.

                “You are in the hospital, you were in an
accident last night.  You were injured, but you are going to be okay.   Try to
stay still and I’ll let the Dr. know you are awake and see if we can remove
your mask so you can speak to your husband.”

                My husband?  I turned to the man sitting
beside me and worked on bringing the face into focus.  Kennedy was staring at
me and holding my hand.  “It’s okay beautiful.  You are going to be fine.”

                I was confused and wasn’t quite sure if it
was a dream or not.  I wanted to focus more but I couldn’t keep my eyes open no
matter how hard I tried.  The doctor must have walked over because I heard him
speak. 

                “Don’t be alarmed, I gave her a sedative
because she was so upset when she was brought in.  She will probably sleep off
and on through the night.  It looks worse than it is.  Her nose is broken and
it’s normal for her to have two black eyes.  There is a lot of swelling so she
will probably have some trouble with her vision, but it will improve as the
swelling goes down.  We had to remove her spleen because of the internal bleeding,
so she is going to be sore for a while, but other than that, it looks like she
was lucky she didn’t suffer any permanent damage.”

                “Thank you Dr.  As soon as she can be moved,
I want her in a private room so she can rest.”

                “I’ll let the nurses know, but I would
expect she will be in ICU for another day or two for monitoring.”

***

                I heard my Dad’s voice and opened my eyes. 
He kissed me on the forehead and whispered.  “Everything is going to be okay
baby girl.”   I closed my eyes, caught somewhere between sleep and awake.  

                “Thank you for calling me, Joe.”  Kennedy
still held my hand at my side.

                “Of course.  Did you just get here?”

                “I got here about 6am.” Kennedy spoke
quietly over me to my dad.

                “Oh, I didn’t realize you were in the city
when I called.”

                “I wasn’t.  I chartered a plane and came
straight here.”

                Dad nodded.  “How is she?”

                “Doctors say she is going to be fine.  She
was in the operating room when I got here, they had to take out her spleen, but
they say it went smoothly and she will make a full recovery.”  A minute passed
and then.  “I should have been with her.  This is my fault.”

                “It isn’t your fault, son.  You are here
now, and that’s what matters.”

***

                By the time I woke up it was the middle of
the night the day after the accident.  Kennedy was still sitting next to me,
holding my hand.  I watched him sleep for a minute and then his eyes fluttered
open as if he sensed I was looking at him.

                “Hey beautiful.  Can you see better now?” 
He reached over and removed the mask from my face.

                “Yes.”

                He stood and hovered over me close, looking
into my eyes.  Then he kissed me gently on the lips.  “I’m so sorry Hope.”

                “Why are you sorry, I’m the one that ran
into a taxi?”  I tried my best at humor but my throat was dry and sore and the
words were barely audible.

                Kennedy poured me a glass of water from the
pitcher on the tray next to him and held my head up to sip the straw.  “Sip”

                I did and it burned but felt good. 

                “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I love you
sooner.  You didn’t believe that I would never cheat on you because I didn’t
let you know what you meant to me.  If I was honest with you, instead of
afraid, then you would have understood that I couldn’t ever be with another
woman again.”

                Tears stung my eyes and rolled down my
cheeks.  He gently wiped them away with his thumb.  “Please don’t cry Hope.” 
He looked into my eyes.  “I love you.  You are going to be fine.  We are going
to be fine.  I’m not letting it happen any other way.”

***

                The next morning I was moved to a private
room and some of the tubes from my arms were removed.  Kennedy had gone to go
get some coffee, and I decided it was time I looked in the mirror.  I called
for the nurse and asked her to help me to the bathroom. An older woman in a
nurse’s aide uniform came in to help me.  We moved slowly and I was a bit dizzy
from spending days in bed.  But I almost fell when I saw my reflection in the
mirror.  My face was shades of black and green and my nose was swollen to twice
its size.  I had to reach out and touch the mirror to make sure it was my own
reflection staring back at me.

                The nurse’s aide saw my face.  “It usually
looks worse before it gets better, but you are healing nicely.  And I wouldn’t
worry honey, that husband of yours doesn’t see what you just saw.  He looks at
you like you are the only woman in the world.  And I’ll admit that more than
one of the nurses have looked his way, that boy of yours sure is a looker.  But
he doesn’t even notice them.  Now he’s a keeper.  We don’t see many of them
around here.”

                I smiled.  She put my mind at ease. I tied
my robe and steadied myself for the trip back to the bed.   As we exited the
bathroom, another bed was being rolled into the room.  “I thought this was a
private room?”

                Kennedy walked into the room and came to
help me walk with the aide.  “It is, but I was tired of sleeping on a chair.” 
He gave me a devilish smile and I rolled my eyes in response playfully.

                The Doctor entered the room.  “Mr. Jenner
made a generous contribution to our clinic and it was the least we could do to
thank him. “

***

                Being in bed resting all the time had thrown
my body’s internal clock into a tailspin.  Kennedy had set up his laptop in my
room to try to keep up with his work, and I noticed he went outside to make
phone calls whenever I fell asleep.  But for the most part, when I was awake, he
was right there next to me.   After the nurse came in to take my vital signs at
2am, I was wide awake and so was Kennedy.  He quietly closed the door and
gently pulled back the covers and climbed into bed next to me.

                I put my head on his chest and listened to
his heartbeat.  He stroked my hair softly.  “Kelly was my high school sweetheart. 
When we were 15, we had a fight over a cheerleader.  Girls had started to
notice me and I hadn’t learned how to handle the attention yet.   I liked it
when other girls flirted with me, and I was starting to learn how to flirt
back.   I think my heart belonged to Kelly, but I was a 15 year old boy with
raging hormones and no self control.  She took off by herself after our fight
and I never saw her again.  There were signs of a struggle, and my own
investigators watched a suspect for years, but she just vanished.”           

                I felt him struggle to continue.  He stopped
stroking my hair and wrapped his arm around me tight.  “I didn’t protect her. 
It was my fault.  I’m not going to let anything happen to you ever again Hope.”

                My heart broke for the 15 year old boy
inside him.  I looked up at him in the darkness.  “It wasn’t your fault.  You
were 15 and you couldn’t have known that something would happen to her after a
fight.  That’s what all kids do.  They flirt and fight with their girlfriends. 
Her disappearing had nothing to do with your fight.”  I squeezed him hard even
though it was painful because of my incision.

                He kissed my forehead.  “You are the first
girl I loved since Kelly.  You are the first woman I’ve ever loved.  I don’t
know how to do this, but I’m going to figure it out.  I never wanted anything
more in my life.”