Five Portraits (34 page)

In due course they reached the bank of the river. It was a pleasant, peaceful scene. But there was no raft.

“Charon must be on the other side,” Zosi said. “He makes regular crossings. He'll be along soon. Then I'll arrange for your passage across.”

“I have to go potty,” Plato said.

Zosi choked down what might have been a bad word. “Now?”

“Very soon. I can do it in my pants if you want.”

“No!” She took a harried breath. “We have to go,” she said to Astrid. “He never bluffs about that.”

“We'll be all right,” Astrid said. “Thank you for your help.”

Zosi and Plato hurried back along the path.

“They're fun,” Santo said.

“But Hades isn't.”

“Actually—” Then he caught her glare, filtered through her dark glasses, and stifled it. He sat down to wait for the ferry.

“But he's right,” Fornax said, fading in beside her. “Hades is a challenge for folk who have labored too long under the restrictive Adult Conspiracy. And that child-eating demoness did deserve it.”

“I suppose so,” Astrid agreed, beginning to glimpse the humor of it. Then she thought of something else. “The way Santo's talent strengthened another magnitude, and he wound up right under Princess Eve's castle in Hades, where Zosi Zombie just happened to be in charge for the moment. That could hardly have been coincidence.”

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“The way you reassured him, and then Zosi did. You saved his life by enabling his return from the future, and then you saved his sanity. Taking no credit for any of it.”

“Anything you may think I did was purely for friendship.”

“You have been such a friend throughout! I don't think I can ever repay you.”

“Nor do you need to.”

“I wish you could somehow get some of the benefit of all you have done for us.”

“Friendship doesn't ask for benefit.”

“You have certainly learned about it.”

“I learned from you.”

Arguing was no good, and neither was trying to thank the Demoness for help she couldn't acknowledge giving. So Astrid simply turned and kissed Fornax's ghostly face.

“He's coming!” Santo called.

Sure enough, the raft was heaving into view. The dark ferryman stood on it, wielding his pole. He brought it to the landing, and the motley passengers got off.

Immediately the demons appeared, gesturing to the depressed folk, urging them to cross the line and enjoy marvelous pleasures. But they had evidently already been warned, and trudged along the path, which surely now led to their final abode in Hades. It really didn't make much difference whether they stayed on the path or crossed the line.

“You're on,” Fornax said, and faded.

Astrid stepped up to face the ferryman. “Demon Charon, I believe?”

“Believe what you want,” he said, eying her curves in a way that irked her.

“Two of us wish to obtain passage across the river, to return to Xanth. We are not dead, and not fated to remain here in Hades.”

“A day and night of vigorous stork summoning, for each passage.”

The bargaining was on. “The touch of one finger,” she said, thinking of Plato's shocking signal.

“An hour of passionate lovemaking.”

“One minute of hand holding.”

“One fabulous act.”

“One kiss.”

He saw that she was tough-minded. “One Kiss and a Feel.”

Capitalized? “Done,” she agreed without enthusiasm.

“Per passenger.”

Oh. “One set at the beginning of the crossing, the other at the end of it.”

“Done.”

She stepped into his embrace. “Oh—one minor detail I may have neglected to mention,” she said, removing her glasses. “I'm a basilisk.”

He gazed into her eyes without flinching. He was after all a Dwarf Demon. “And a lovely one.” She closed her eyes and he kissed her, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, and grabbed her bottom with both hands, avidly kneading it. This was more of a Kiss and Feel than she had anticipated, but nothing new to her; she could handle it. Hereafter she would better pick up on the capitalization.

Charon was a lecher, but he was also a Demon, and had his own powerful ambiance. Had she not been on guard, and on the verge of married, and a basilisk, she might have been swept into his orbit and become his love slave. That was evidently what he was trying for.

She endured his effort for a reasonable while. She had after all not specified a time limit. Then, when he did not quit, she opened her eyes and Stared him at point-blank range. That, coupled with her intoxicating ambiance, set him back, and he released her.

Astrid put her glasses back on and glanced at Santo. “On,” she said.

The boy stepped onto the raft. “I think I'll never understand what you gave him.” He was being literal.

“You don't need to. Not until you grow up.”

Charon, a little unsteady, started poling. So she had made an impression on him.

At the other side she stepped into the ferryman again. She gave him another deep Kiss and copious Feel, but this time did not have to Stare him to make him stop after a reasonable interval. He had evidently learned about her ambiance.

“You are a fascinating challenge,” Charon remarked as Astrid and Santo disembarked.

“Indeed.”

“Until next time, perhaps.”

“Perhaps.” Never was more like it, but it would not be expedient to say that. She walked away. He pushed off and floated back on the river.

“You handled him well,” Fornax said. “You needed no help there.”

“I'm still glad to know you are near,” Astrid said sincerely.

“The next chapter becomes complicated,” the Demoness said. “I may or may not be able to participate directly.”

“I trust your judgment.”

“Thank you.”

A path wound away from the landing. Astrid knew it led out of the dark region and back to normal Xanth. They had made it out of Hades.

Chapter 17:
Portraits

Astrid watched as a relieved Metria hugged the boy. “Oh, Santo, I'm so glad to see you aft.”

“So what?”

“Abaft, astern, rearmost, hindmost, butt—”

“Back?”

“Whatever,” she agreed crossly. “When you turned up gone, I feared you had gone to Hades.”

“I had.”

“Figuratively.”

“Literally.”

She looked at him. “There must be more to this floor.”

“This what?”

“Fiction, creation, level, elevation, narrative—”

“Story?”

“Whatever! Why did you go? Was it something I said? I know I foul up my words on occasion.”

“No, Aunt Metria. It was something I thought.”

“You thought we didn't want you? Santo, that's not true!”

“I thought I was unworthy.”

“How could you ever think that?”

“Because I'm gay.”

Metria didn't even hesitate. “That makes a difference?”

“I thought it did.”

“Well, it doesn't. If you thought it did, you should have asked me.”

“I should have,” he agreed penitently.

“Now we can do the Portraits.”

Astrid stepped in. “There's a detail to handle first. You are married, Metria, but the rest of us are not. We need to do it before we can adopt. Except for Merge.”

“Then let's get on with it. I know I'll look good in a Portrait.” That was evidently her prime interest.

They got on with it by holding a three-couple wedding ceremony, done freestyle, with each person saying his or her vow while the children applauded. Ease married Kandy, and kissed her. She became the board briefly, then reverted to lovely woman form. Mitch married Tiara, whose hair floated over her head as she spoke her vow. Art married Astrid, whose sequins lit up while the dress went translucent, much to the children's delight. Then they all shared a huge chocolate-covered wedding cake with candy candles, which the children evidently felt was the most important part of the ceremony. Then the three newly married couples retired for the night, while Merge and Metria saw to the children.

“I'm glad it's finally happening,” Astrid murmured as she hugged Art.

“You have worked so hard for it,” he agreed. “For all the children, not just ours.”

“They all deserve the best. They're fine children.”

“And Xanth does need to be saved.”

“That, too,” she agreed, laughing.

In the morning they set up for the first Portrait. They decided on Kandy and Ease, for no special reason. The two posed beside a mock-up of a wishing well, as they had first met at one. Then Squid emerged from the well in her natural form, shaped her tentacles into human limbs, and became the six-year-old girl.

Kandy embraced her. “We hereby adopt you to be our child,” Kandy said.

“Thank you,” Squid said, kissing her.

Then the three posed for the Portrait. Art set up his easel and paints, and sketched the scene. It took an hour to get it outlined; then they took a break while he slowly colored the figures in. They returned every so often so that he could get the details right. By the end of the day he finally had it complete, and it looked great; he was an excellent painter. Ease was supremely handsome, Kandy was marvelously lovely, and Squid was the very essence of a sweet little girl.

As he applied the last brush stroke, there was a ripple of color in the surrounding air, like an invisible implosion centering on the painting. Then it cleared, and the portrait seemed to glow. It was done.

“That suggests portentous significance,” Fornax said to Astrid.

“Well, it is to save Xanth.”

“That might count,” the Demoness agreed.

They celebrated with a great evening meal and a romp in the Playground, taking care to guard it from outside. Everyone was thrilled.

The following day Mitch and Tiara formally married, adopted five-year-old Win, and posed for a pleasantly windblown portrait. At the end of the day the painting was complete, looking a shade better than real life, and there was the rippling implosion of color. Another stage in the saving of Xanth had been accomplished.

Then it was Art and Astrid's turn to adopt Firenze. This required special handling to enable Art to both pose and paint. He set up a big mirror so that he could look at the reflection of the three of them, with him at his easel, painting their portrait. Astrid wore the Sequins of Events dress, and there was just a hint of translucency, enough to enhance her appeal without risking any freakouts. The picture showed in the picture, with a smaller one inside that, making an intriguing sequence. The children liked this effect.

At the end of the day there was another color implosion, rendering the portrait complete. Three down.

On the fourth day Merge formally adopted Myst, and the two posed together. Astrid was slightly afraid that there would be a problem manifesting in some manner, as some hidden rule was violated, but there was no trouble. The five aspects hovered faintly in the background, like supportive angels. This portrait, too, received the color implosion. Four down.

The fifth portrait was to be Metria with her husband and Santo. The demoness was eager for it. “How shall I pose?” she asked. “Sexy?” Her dress shrank so as to barely cover her swelling breasts and bottom. “Crazy?” she changed to her alter ego D Mentia, known to be slightly crazy. “Young?” She became her third form, that of the six-year-old child Woe Betide carrying a matchbox.

Oops. “Woe Betide is younger than Santo,” Astrid protested.

“Sure. I'm a perpetual child,” the child agreed.

“How can a youngel child be a mother to an older child?”

The demoness considered. “I hadn't thought about that.” She reverted to Metria. “I guess Woe Betide won't have parenting duties.”

“But she's still part of you. She'll always be part of you.”

Metria shrugged. “She always has been part of me. Ever since that sphinx stepped on me and fragmented me into three aspects.”

“I'm just not sure that's right for this,” Astrid said. “The Adult Conspiracy might intervene and ruin the adoption.”

“She's got a point,” Kandy said. “Santo is a very special boy, and he needs a very solid family. Woe Betide may be okay for other purposes, but not for this.”

“Conspiracy smiracy,” Metria said. “It didn't object to the single parent adoption, or to the basilisk adoption, or to a mother with five aspects. Why should it object to this, with only three aspects?”

“That's a point, too,” Kandy agreed. “Maybe we should try it, and if there's no balk, then it's all right.”

They tried it. But when Metria said “I hereby adopt you, Santo Claus,” and couldn't get it right, they knew there was a problem. The Conspiracy
was
balking.

“Bleep!” Metria swore, making the local vegetation wilt.

“I'm not worthy,” Santo said.

“That's not it!” Astrid snapped so fiercely that the wilting vegetation scorched.

“But it leaves us with a problem,” Kandy said. “We are left with no fit family to adopt him.”

“And the fate of Xanth hangs in the balance,” Mitch said.

Astrid felt guilty for even raising the issue of Woe Betide, though she knew it was not actually her fault; she had merely been the one to recognize the question. Now they were stuck without the fifth portrait. Then she got a wild idea. “Let me ponder this,” she said.

She walked out into the forest by herself. Soon Fornax joined her. “This baffles me too,” the Demoness said.

“I am having wild irrelevant thoughts,” Astrid said. “They hardly relate to anything we are presently considering.”

“I have encountered thoughts of that nature,” the Demoness said with a smile. Astrid was echoing her own manner, when it was not expedient to make a direct suggestion.

“I am thinking that if we searched long enough, we might find a suitable family for a certain eight-year-old boy. But we really need something now. Today, actually.”

“True.”

“He is a very special boy, with a ferocious talent. I have to say that he may not be very adoptable. Some folk might object to his—his social orientation. But there is one who has seemed to have a special interest in him, helping him when he most needed it, both with his talent and his personal outlook.”

“He deserved the help.”

“One who, if a really far-fetched conjecture were to be made, might make a better mother for him than the one we were considering.”

“Intriguing,” Fornax agreed, seeing where she was going. “But an unmarried foreign Demoness? That would never be accepted.”

“I am also remembering how a certain Demon got his hand caught in an interference in a Storage facility that could cost him a Demon Point, if a certain Demoness happened to make an accusation.”

“I believe I remember that incident.”

“In fact she now owns his backside, one of two she nabbed. She may be waiting for a suitable punishment for his infraction. One that would sufficiently gripe him for more than a day or a week.”

“She may.”

“It occurs to me that a Demon who bet against the survival of Xanth might be really annoyed if he were required to take some action that had the effect of saving Xanth and costing him his wager.”

“He might be,” Fornax agreed.

“Such as marrying a certain Demoness and adopting a certain child and performing thereafter as that child's father, with all that implies. That might annoy him even more, since he had figured to get access to her on less strenuous terms, rather than getting locked into an ongoing commitment of decades.”

“Oho! You have provided me some interesting thoughts.”

“That's what friends are for.”

“They are indeed.”

“Not that these thoughts relate to any present circumstance.”

“Not that they do,” Fornax agreed, laughing as she faded out.

Astrid continued her walk. Would the Demoness do it? The fate of Xanth might depend on it. But Demons were Demons, following their own rules, whatever they might be.

She completed her loop and returned to the camp. The others were waiting for her. “I have an idea, but I don't know whether—”

The Demoness Fornax appeared, with Demon Nemesis beside her. He looked as if he had swallowed an overripe stink horn but was constrained to digest it.

“Santo,” Fornax called.

“Yes, Aunt Fornax?”

“Would you prefer to call me Mother hereafter?”

His jaw dropped. “You would—would—?”

“The Demon Nemesis has graciously consented to marry me and adopt you, with all that implies. Do you accept us as your family?”

“Oh, yes!” Santo said, tearfully hugging her ghost form.

“Then we shall marry and pose for our Portrait.” She turned to Nemesis. “Smile, dear; it's for posterity.” She patted his backside, which she now owned.

Nemesis forced a reluctant smile. It was clear that Fornax had found the penalty that most dispirited him.

Art painted their Portrait, and a fine picture it was. At the end of the day the color implosion occurred, confirming the legitimacy of the Fifth Portrait.

A courtroom scene appeared, with three Demon judges, and three others in attendance. “I am Demoness Venus, presiding because I am impartial with respect to the current issue,” the lovely female said. “The others are Demon Saturn and Demon Earth, interested spectators. The issue is whether Demon Nemesis and Demoness Fornax are illicitly interfering in Xanth by filling a blank spot and thereby enabling a change in Xanth's future history. Who speaks for Xanth?”

Kandy tried to hide, but could not. The donkey-headed dragon wiggled an ear in her direction. “I speak for Xanth, as before,” Kandy said.

“Who speaks for Nemesis and Fornax?”

Fornax caught Astrid's eye. She was it again. But unlike Kandy, she didn't mind doing it. “I speak for Nemesis and Fornax,” she said.

Venus glanced at Xanth. “Make your case, Nimby.”

“The Land of Xanth should be for its own characters,” Kandy said. “If a child needs adoption, there are surely native Xanth folk who can rise to the task. Demons have their own realms, and do not need to interfere in this one. The Demoness Fornax has been interfering for years, as a recent trial demonstrated, and it's time it was stopped.”

It was Astrid's turn. “There was no conviction, so the issue is moot. The prior trial was aborted because Demon Xanth withdrew his complaint. Why is he renewing it now?”

“He withdrew it in the hope that outside interference would cease,” Kandy said. “Since that interference has renewed, he must act, lest his land be overrun by outsiders.”

“That interference, as he puts it, was to save Xanth from eventual destruction.”

“The Land of Xanth can survive by using its own resources. If the outsiders had not stepped in, this could have been the case.”

Astrid realized that she needed a stronger case, because she couldn't prove that some other family wasn't nearby ready to adopt Santo. It seemed unlikely, but she needed certainty. So she shifted her ground. “What the Demoness Fornax did was not for the sake of interference, but for the sake of friendship. She is my friend, and has been helping me safeguard the welfare of the children throughout. When there was a need for a family to adopt the last child, she stepped in to do it. She needed to be married, to make a complete family, so she persuaded Demon Nemesis to join her in this worthy effort. Now that child will have a good home. This was worth doing in itself.”

She paused to martial her thoughts. “This is also important to the welfare of the Land of Xanth. We know that completing these five adoptions, and the related Five Portraits, ensures that Xanth will be saved instead of destroyed. The Demon Xanth is in no position to object to the steps necessary for the salvation of his Land.”