Fixated On You (Torn Series #5) (5 page)

So instead of saying any of my thoughts, I declared rationality, “Do you want to go, Bass?”

“If it will cause an argument with you, I’d rather not.”

Damn it, why was he laying it all on me? “With all of that aside, would you want to go?”

“Of course, Emma. This could be my child.”

There. Those were the words of truth and they hurt like a bitch. Tears didn’t even get the opportunity to pool because they were so violent that they immediately started streaming off my face, soaking my pillow. “Then you should go. I’m not entirely okay with it, but if this is important to you, then I respect that.” Loving hurt. Compromising to this craziness was killing me. Slowly.

Bass’s sigh of relief made me ache even more. “Thank you; that means a lot to me, especially hearing you say that. It takes off a lot of worry. I mean—I was expecting you to flip or try to break it off with me. That’s why it took me a few days to bring the subject up.”

“Of course.” I reached for the tissue box on my side table, wiping my tears away. The last thing I needed was for Bass to hear my cry. I needed him to see that I was a strong woman because if he knew what I was feeling, he’d go into panic mode, and I didn’t want him to do anything drastic. As much as I wanted to be the only thing that ruled his world, I didn’t want him to regret anything. Yeah, I loved him enough that I was willing to endure all this pain for his welfare.

“Thank you, agápe mou,” he murmured into the phone.

When he called me that, the hurt temporarily left my heart. For a few seconds, I basked in the feeling, reminding myself how good it was to be with him—to be around him, to be loved by him. Bass loved like no other man, I knew that pretty well. His love kept me floating. And in this very moment, his love transported me into that heaven.

“You know you have the huskiest bedroom voice?” Closing my eyes for the second time, I sighed into mouthpiece. “I miss you, every day, but when we talk, all I have to do is close my eyes and listen to you. Then I feel like you’re right here next to me.”

That made him laugh, which only delighted me even more. “The things I’ll do to you when I see you, Emma Anderson…” That sexy voice was out to murder my hungered body. It was so bad that I had to restrain my hand from reaching down below and begging Bass to continue that sentence.

“Baby…I love it when you pull my hair from behind while you kiss my ear,” I blurted out, breathless, as the images of us making love played in my mind.

“Emma…I’m on a break—” he came out hissing and groaning before releasing a curse. His reaction made me easily picture him taking a break, possibly eating a snack on the side with a hot coffee as he tried to calm his erection down.

Bass junior was so predictable. “Poor mini me,” I teased, rolling onto my stomach with my hand on the phone still stuck to my ear.

There were voices in the background, but I couldn’t make out what was being said because Bass cleared his throat and spoke over it. “So, what are your plans for the weekend?”

This weekend was my birthday, but Bass couldn’t come home until the week after. I wasn’t sure if he did know it was my birthday. Half of me wanted to announce it, just to make sure he knew, but a large part of me thought that it might sound like I might be hinting for him to get me a present. I didn’t want him to think that I was out to get as much baubles I could get while with him. It was never about that; I made sure that he knew it too, since the very beginning.

“Oh, I was wondering if I could stay in your house. Trista’s having everyone over at Taylor’s, but I want to stay in your place. Is that okay?” Being in his house, surrounded with his things—his smell—made me feel closer to him somehow.

“Why are you asking for permission? It’s your home, too.”

He was so nice to me. “Technically, it’s yours. I just didn’t want to be all cocky and barge in there as if I own the place simply because we’re dating. That would be rude.”

When Bass responded, his tone shifted. “Do you want me to put your name on the title so you’ll feel more comfortable
barging
into our home, as you put it?” he said it with all seriousness.

That was not what I was getting at. Goodness, not everything was about monetary value. “No, of course not.”

Bass persisted, “I could if you wanted me to.”

I think I was blushing from head to foot. Why did he have to be so generous? I knew he spoiled his women from what I had read in the tabloids, but I didn’t want to be one of those women. Nope. Not happening.

“Please, don’t. I’m perfectly happy with what I have. People already assume I’m using you, I don’t need
gold digger
attached to my name, too.”

There was a big, fat, elephant pause.

“It’ll be all be yours one day,” he spoke, breaking the silence.

He needed to chill on that subject, seriously.
What the shit. “Even then, if we do end up together, I don’t want your money. I’ll work for my own.” There you go. Get the damn message, BC.

“So you think about us like that?” he asked, smiling. Yeah, I could hear him smile. It was ridiculous.

Cautiously, I tiptoed around the subject. “The future, you mean?”

“Yes, Emma, about the future.”

Should I lie? Honestly, the future was dominating my mind as of late. Since Nikki bombarded herself back into the picture, it was all I thought about before I went to sleep. “I do. Not so much before, but now, yeah.
Constantly.
”

He took a second before asking, “What do you see in it?”

Getting slicker, weren’t we? The subject was critical and I didn’t want to say the wrong thing. So what was the best strategic way to go about it without sounding so defensive or desperate? One must answer a question with a question. “
What do you see in yours?
” I quipped back.

“You.” He paused. “I see you, Emma. Very clearly, in fact.”

The way he said those words sent tingles all over my body. Even in his words, I felt his love. He overflowed with it. “Say my name…” It was driving me insane, however I needed to hear him say it again.

“Emma,” he rasped out.

Life was good. I sighed, smiling.

“You haven’t answered me.” Bass waited.

That bedroom voice of his threatened to make me bust out my spanking, brand-new dildo, all thanks to Amber’s wild, spontaneous trip to Hustler on Sunset strip. “I know, I haven’t.” I pouted, needing to make his imagination roll, hot and loaded. “But I want to keep you guessing.”

He made a half laugh, half groaning sound. “You can’t leave me in the dark, woman.”

Not putting up, buddy.
“Oh, poor you. You just have to wait, hey?” After our lengthy conversation, I had to hang up because I was due in the hospital to do my volunteer work for the rest of the afternoon.

The thought of hanging out with all of my little friends made me smile. They made my heart swell. When my life held no meaning for me after Bass left me last year, these angels helped me get through, healing me slowly as I got inspired with their relentless optimism and strength. These babies of mine kept me grounded, and no matter what happened, I would always donate my free time and money to help whenever I could.

“You’re late!” Trista announced the second I came through the double doors.

“Easy, love,” Flo, the nurse, winked at me as she tapped Trista’s shoulder.
“Angela’s been waiting for you.”

With an apologetic smile, I breezed through them. “Sorry, won’t happen again,” I muttered as I headed towards Angela’s room.

The little girl had the same birthday as I did, not to mention the name was my character’s name in the movie. I felt really drawn to her. She’d been fighting a stage II Lymphoma, and so far, her treatments had been working.

I knew, deep down, some of these kids don’t make it, but I tried not to go down that path because it could get really depressing. My role was to bring some fun and light into their lives, and that’s what I tried to do. It could get tough, but once one of those amazing fighters got through it and you saw them happy, it was worth every bit of sadness and tears. Yes, there were times, several in fact, where I cried along with them. I hated goodbyes. Period.

“Emma!” a voice broke out the second I knocked and entered her room. “You’re finally here.” Warm, brown eyes lit up as she held out her small arms, ready for my hug. “How was Vancouver? How’s your boyfriend?” she shot out question after question.

“Vancouver—what I saw of it—was good…and yes, I saw my boyfriend.” My arms wrapped around her skinny, small body while I told myself to get it together and not cry because she’d lost weight since I saw her last. “I noticed that you brushed your hair today, good girl.” I smiled before I sat next to her on her bed, curling the small strands of her hair that were close to her eyes behind her ears.

“Yeah, Miss Flo said that I should always take note of my appearance if I’m having visitors.” She sounded tired, but tried to sound like she wasn’t. Her medications always made her lethargic. “Will you ever bring Bass here? I’d love to meet him, you know. I think he’s the hottest man on the planet.”

This girl loved Bass. I was actually going to drag him here the second he came back because Angela would go gaga if the guy she dubbed “the hottest man on the planet” would come in and visit her.

“I doubt you’ve ever met the rest of the hottest male species, but I’ll take your word for it. Bass is kinda hot.” I grinned at her before I stood up and checked on the things she wanted to do for an hour. Usually, she liked me to read her stories, but now, it seemed she was up for storytelling too…she wanted me to give her all the details of my trip.

I did, after I took out the X-rated parts.

After spending a few hours at the hospital, I pulled up on the driveway just as Carter did. I barely had my door cracked open before he came running and opened it himself.

“How’s my baby doing?”

Here we go again. “Why are you here?” I asked as I got out of the car. Images of that body shot played in my head. Jesus…give me a breather.

“Lindsey’s here and she texted me to bring her some In-N’-Out since she’s starving.”

My eyes look at his empty hands.

“It’s in the car. Just thought I say hi before going in.” Carter kissed my cheek. “Miss you, Em,” he whispered then jogged back towards his car to get the food.

Shaking my head, I let out a long breath before walking towards the main entrance. I barely stepped into the house before I heard Lindsey. “
Carter is that you?
” her voice echoed through the house.

“Emma here. He’s outside,” I called out, yelling at whichever direction. Where was she anyway?

Lindsey came running down the stairs. “Thank goodness—if you happened to be Amber, I sure as hell didn’t want to see her lying face.”

“I’ve missed you, too.” I reached over and gave her a quick hug before looking at her straight in the eye. “Don’t you think it’s time to bury the hatchet?”

“My ass!” She looked at me then at the opening door, grinning at her brother. “You rock, bro. I’m starving. A woman can only eat so much lamb chops and steaks before craving a good burger,” she blurted out, hopping away towards Carter, grabbing her food and then speed walking to the kitchen to eat. “Stop staring at each other, come here and entertain me, please,” Lindsey yelled from the kitchen.

Carter rolled his eyes before cocking his head to the side for me to follow him into the kitchen. He got there first and seated himself across from Lindsey. His serious expression came into place. “So, why is it that I’m the last person to find out that you were married before?”

Lindsey took her time chewing while I snatched a few fries, smiling at the brother and sister.

“I’m divorced, didn’t you get the memo?” she said before sipping her soda.

He glared at her. “You’re crazy.”

“It’s true love. Of course, it’s crazy.”

“So your boyfriend is your ex-husband. Makes sense.” He nodded his head, looking at Lindsey like she was the most confusing thing.

Let’s face it, she truly was.

Carter pressed his lips together. “You’re not getting married again anytime soon, are you? I mean, if you are, I’d love to be there. I’m you’re brother, in case you forgot about that important fact.”

“I wanted to, after his grandfather suggested it…but this sucker didn’t want to marry me again.” Lindsey sighed. “I don’t fucking get it.”

“Maybe because you went to Brody. That’s what,” Carter interjected, leaning back against his seat. “He asked me to ask you, by the way, if you guys could talk. Or maybe all three of you could discuss this. We’re all childhood friends and treating each other this way is kind of bullshit, don’t you think?”

“You know what I think, so let’s not go there.”

Then the silent eye war began.

Time to dash into my bedroom
, I thought as I cleared my throat. “Nice seeing you guys. Have a good night.”