Flare (8 page)

“I’m glad I could do this for you.”

That explained it. Kevin always did better when he could focus on anything but his own turmoil. “Thanks,” Hugo whispered one last time.

“Let’s drop you off at the airport. We’ll all go so you can have us in reach until the last possible moment,” Kevin said with a smile.

Hugo easily relented.

As the wheels of Hugo’s plane left the ground and he rose above the earth, he looked down from his first-class window trying to make out Kevin’s house. The plane was flying in the wrong direction, but that didn’t keep him from looking. He pulled on the chain around his neck, tugging the keychain-turned-pendant Kevin gave him so many years ago so he could hold it in his hand. Kevin had been wearing it the last several months, to give him strength. Right before Hugo got out of the car at the airport drop-off, Kevin had slipped it over Hugo’s head once again. Thumbing over the North Star, feeling the inscription spiraling on the back, Hugo felt comforted, knowing that even as he was close to a mile above the earth, he still knew his way.

CHAPTER SIX

Distance & Fondness

I
T
HAD
been a long, hard day. Hugo was tired and feeling beat when he arrived back at his hotel and immediately stripped down to his underwear. He crawled beneath the sheets and released a huge sigh. Eventually, he pulled his laptop out of its case and turned it on, then precariously leaned over the side of the mattress to plug in the charger, coming very close to falling, but luckily counterbalancing and catching himself with an outstretched leg and arm.

Talking. That’s all he’d really done all day long. It had been days of talking, over a week of talking, including the weekend. It didn’t sound tiring in the least, but he’d been stuck in a sound booth vocally acting into a microphone over and over and over, take after take of different inflections and timing. While acting was far from something new to Hugo, doing it like this with no one to truly play off for days on end was far different from voice-over work he usually did, narrating books or documentaries. But the people he worked with for this animated film were impressed with how much of the script they had gotten through in such a short time. Apparently there really was something to the Midwestern work ethic everyone talked about, based on how the director had gone on and on about their
tremendous
progress.

But it all came with the huge cost of Hugo feeling ready to fall asleep in seconds, his throat achy and his soul purged. He missed Kevin and the kids so much there was no way in hell he was even going to contemplate going to sleep without logging into Skype to chat. Kevin was already there, so Hugo clicked on the call button near his name.

“Hey, babe. How are you?” The computer speakers were small, but Kevin’s voice sounded huge.

“Tired. And I miss you.” Hugo knew his voice wasn’t able to hide anything. He’d simply used it too much in the last day. Hugo hit the Video button and waited for Kevin to do the same. A few seconds later, he saw Kevin’s smiling face on his screen. “Oh God. You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

“You are too.”

Kevin sat in his bedroom in the middle of the huge mattress surrounded by dark-brown sheets and pillows, which set off his golden skin and blond hair. “How’s it going? You look worn out.”

“I am,” Hugo readily admitted, “but we’re making a ton of progress. Barry thinks we might be done tomorrow if all goes well.”

“Does that mean you’ll be flying home for the weekend?” Kevin sounded hopeful.

“I’m not sure. If I do, I’ll get in really late. Why? What’s up?”

Hugo watched as Kevin leaned back on his pillow and palmed his bare chest. His fingers bounced over his muscled stomach until his hand disappeared out of the camera’s sight.

“I want you here. That’s all. It’s weird being here with Rowan in the house. It’s….”

“How’s she settling in? What about Brooke and Finn?”

Kevin smiled, and that eased Hugo’s mind more than being told things were going well. “She reminds me a lot of how you and your mom were with the kids right away. She seems genuinely interested in them and getting to know them, but she also demands quite a lot.”

“In a good way?”

“Yeah. She gets them to take responsibility and all that. The other night, she heard Finn whimpering in his sleep, as if he were about to have a nightmare, so she went into his room and sang to him. I woke up to this singing so I went to check it out. He didn’t wake up that night.”

“That’s cool. I’m glad it worked.”

“Me too. It was cool to see,” Kevin shared. So many of their conversations over the last days seemed to be spent playing catch up on logistical stuff or talking about all the new things the kids were doing. Kevin largely avoided anything negative. That was, when they were able to talk. Many nights, Hugo had been pulled from one event to another and they’d only been able to have short chats. He was more than thankful Kevin had bought him a new phone, because he was able to do all of that on the go now rather than waiting to get to a computer. He didn’t know how he’d managed so long with such a useless phone.

“I was actually wondering about heading to the lake this weekend if you were going to get back, but I don’t want to go if you’re flying in late Friday,” Kevin said.

“Go without me. I can drive there if we finish up here on time or early. Don’t compromise your plans on a what-if. I might not get done.”

Kevin gave Hugo a speculative look, as if he didn’t believe what he’d just said. “You’re willing to waste gas so the kids can have fun?”

“I am, because they need it. And so do you.”

“You’ll come if we go and you end up flying home, right? I won’t get a picture on Saturday morning of you at home in bed or sitting in the sunroom, will I?” Kevin asked with some teasing in his voice.

“No. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were missing me.”

“I am,” Kevin said without pause. “I just want to see you again. I want to kiss you right now, even.”

“What’s going on?” Hugo asked, easily reading beyond the surface flirting. It was unusual for Kevin to get this way, for him to be sentimental while Hugo was away on a job. He had always been more pragmatic about work-related separations, which was one reason Hugo felt supported in taking the jobs he did. Kevin encouraged him to focus on roles that would be career advancing so he could work less for more money rather than working several piddly jobs that required months of work for a measly paycheck.

In the past, Hugo had teased Kevin that he just wanted to make Hugo his housewife, not really believing a word that came out of his own mouth or even being able to get the accusations out without smiling around them. A few days after that conversation, Kevin had first brought up hiring a nanny, saying Hugo had already put aside his career long enough to care for Kevin’s family, and now it was time Hugo focused on his work.

As the months passed after Erin’s death and Hugo eventually came up for air, he realized how stagnant his career had become. He’d readily jumped into the role of caregiver to the kids and then Erin. He liked that he was needed there. It didn’t hurt that being a caregiver fit really nicely with what he was good at. Years of being a theater director had taught him to manage fifty things at once, solve problems on the spot, and make sure everyone around him had what they needed to perform. As a director, that worked well. He could eventually come home and just be. But living on the edge like that for months and months without a break was a lot harder.

These ten days of acting, even if they were exhausting, were still quite rejuvenating. He could come back to his hotel room and do nothing at all. He could order from room service or soak in the pool or even work out. Or he could go to bed early and not think twice about anyone but himself. He missed Brooke and Finn like crazy, but it had been a welcome break too. It would all be different when he went home now, but Hugo was grateful for Rowan and happy to hear she was doing so well with the kids.

Luckily, Kevin had the money to pay for a highly recommended nanny, and from what he’d said, she was doing a great job. Hugo didn’t want to admit aloud how much of a relief it was to let go even a little of that responsibility, because he loved Brooke and Finn very much, but it was hard work being their… dad. He’d never planned on being a father figure of any sort, only on being an actor, a director, and a drag queen—possibly a drag mother someday, but that was it. Being a dad was harder by far.

For all intents and purposes, that was how the kids saw Hugo, Finn even saying
Papa
from time to time. Brooke never did. He was just Hugo or her
friend
.
My dad’s boyfriend
was uttered on occasion when she was talking to her closest friends on the phone, like Serena, her BFF.

“Seriously, Kevin. What’s going on?” Hugo asked again when he didn’t answer. Kevin leaned forward and Hugo could see the light reflecting off tears in his eyes.

“It’s just strange to see them with Rowan. That short red hair is probably about the length Erin’s would’ve been if she were still alive. It might have grown back that dark even.”

Hugo tilted his head in empathy and pressed his lips together, emotion quickly filling his own eyes. He lay down, pulling his laptop closer so he could talk more comfortably. “It comes out of the blue sometimes, doesn’t it?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Kevin said with a nod, the motion setting a tear free to trail down his cheek. “I miss her and wonder how things would’ve been, you know?”

“Yep. I know exactly what you mean.” No jealousy. Hugo knew where Kevin was coming from, and despite Hugo’s past experiences with boyfriends, he knew Kevin loved him, even if Kevin was missing Erin at the moment. Hell, so was he.

“We’d probably be fighting over whose weekend it was to have the kids by this point, but that’s not what I think about,” Kevin said.

“I was a little worried when I first saw Rowan, but I thought since she had green eyes, freckles, and darker hair that would help. Have the kids said anything?”

Kevin shook his head and added, “No. She really looks nothing like Erin, but I think it’s just having a woman around that’s about the same age. It’s like it sets something off in me, like ghost memories. I don’t know. I sound ridiculous.”

“No you don’t. You sound like a man still in mourning. It hasn’t been that long. Don’t forget that and certainly don’t dismiss it. Hell, even before all of this loss, I’d have moments when I missed my dad like he’d just died. It does come out of the blue, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I think it’s harder because I’m used to having you here to help distract me. The kids too, but Rowan’s been keeping them entertained, almost like she’s trying to keep them out of my way.”

“She did say that previous employers basically had her raise their kids,” Hugo shared. “Maybe she just needs to know that you want to be a hands-on dad.”

“Yeah, maybe.” Kevin sounded so resigned and sad.

“What can I do? Please tell me. I’ll do anything I can from hundreds of miles away in a hotel room.”

Kevin’s face warmed, and he even managed to laugh a little. He took a few moments to lie down, mirroring Hugo’s position on his own bed at home. “I miss sleeping with you.”

“That’s easy to fix with Skype. Just stayed logged in and we can sleep together.”

Kevin scoffed. “Seriously?”

“I’m totally serious. Tell me what you miss most about sleeping next to me?” Hugo asked with what he knew was a flirty smile.

“This is stupid,” Kevin said, his voice sounding defensive, but Hugo knew it was really because of embarrassment.

“It’s not, and besides, who else in the world even knows we’re talking about this? Now tell me. What do you miss the most?”

Kevin licked his lips and took a second to readjust his pillows before he spoke. “I’m not going to go for the obvious and tell you I miss your warm, naked skin pressed up against me, because there’s nothing you can do about that over the computer.” He bit his lip for a second’s worth of thought. “I guess it’s just too quiet here. I’m used to waking up to your breathing or pushing against your shoulder so you’ll stop snoring when your allergies are acting up.”

“You miss my snoring? Is that what you’re telling me?” Hugo laughed.

“You don’t
really
snore. Only when you’re sick or if you didn’t take allergy meds. And yes. I do miss that. It’s like my own personal white-noise machine,” Kevin said with a cocky smile.

“You’re such a shit.”

“I know.”

“We should sleep. You’re going to have a hard time waking up in the morning considering how late it is.”

“Staying up to talk to you was worth it.” Sincerity filled Kevin’s face as he rested on his side, eyes lazily blinking. “I love you. G’night.”

“Love you too,” Hugo said, reaching over to crack open a can of sparkling water, which caused Kevin’s eyes to pop open. “Sorry. Let me finish this and then I’ll be quiet. I’m still breathing, though.”

Hugo saw Kevin’s smile slowly fade as he fell asleep. Hugo took a few sips of his water from time to time, always watching Kevin, noticing muscles in his hands twitch and the steady rise and fall of his chest as he drifted deeper. His face was peaceful and relaxed in a way it hadn’t been since the previous summer, long before their lives were totally transformed. Hugo wanted Kevin to have more moments of calm, and he was willing to work hard so they could both be happily engaged in those placid moments again, even if they were only fleeting.

Hugo was also determined to get this job done so he could get home to Kevin and the kids, because being away was no longer something he wanted to consider. Even getting up and leaving the computer image of Kevin to brush his teeth before bed made Hugo think about their separation.

For nearly a year they had been together, both knowing almost immediately when they met at the lake last July Fourth that they wanted to be with each other. The days they’d spent apart after Kevin told Hugo about Erin’s terminal cancer had been hell and not just because of the life-altering news that Kevin wasn’t going to finalize the divorce with his wife. Being apart was hard. Even sleeping alone in his own apartment now, Hugo found he hated it. Why was he still holding on to it? What was the point?