Flashback (25 page)

Her lungs wanted to break open, force her to breathe in the water. Not yet, Anna thought. Seconds only had elapsed. Though she'd lost air on the ill-fated laughter, she could last another minute, maybe more.

There was one more thing she could try but, should it fail, she'd die.

Like you're not dying now, for Chrissake? a rude voice in her head mocked. Chrissake. Christ's sake. Whoever or whatever really is God, if you exist, I'm sorry I never got in touch.

Having covered the eternal bases, Anna blew every bit of air from her lungs, collapsing them down till the final bubbles were squeezed out.

14

Dear Peg, At last I have some good news to relate. First and foremost: rain! We have so desperately needed it and have been teased by seemingly endless storms that brought nothing but high seas and drying winds.

For four days it rained. The lighthouse keeper (who keeps records of all things meteorological for the army) said we got seven and three quarters inches. The cisterns are filled and we've bathed, washed our hair and laundered our clothing. Till coming to live on Garden Key I had not known what a blessing it is to be clean. Out here one begins to think constant itching and irritation in areas both public and private are simply how God ordered the world.

The only ones not put in a happier disposition by this recent deluge are Dr. Mudd, our benefactor, Joel Lane and the unsettling Mr. Arnold. Rain was driven in their high narrow windows and, though one would not believe it possible seeing the thickness of the ramparts, seeped in through walls and ceiling. The brick and mortar became so saturated, for a clay and a half after the skies cleared it continued to "rain" in their casemate. The cells became ankle-deep in water. We had to raise Joel's bedding on a pallet of loose brick to keep it dry.

Joel has regained partial use of his right thumb. He was cheerful enough to make jokes about surviving the war only to drown in bed. When last I was at the cells, both Mr. Arnold and Dr. Mudd were busying themselves by chiseling drainage ditches in the cement of the flooring so they'll not again be flooded.

Unlike other prisons, it is not unusual for the men incarcerated here to be given tools. Indeed many have complete freedom of the island. Without a boat, escape is impossible.

The discomfort of the conspirators aside, the rain brought the feel of a new beginning and, so, hopes to the garrison. Thirty-seven of the confederate soldiers were released and given passage to Key West. Seeing the exodus begin put the others in high spirits. A lessening of the hostility and the burden of overseeing so many men passed these good feelings on to the guards.

Colonel Battersea-remember me telling you of him? He's the confederate officer who befriended Joseph at West Point and became a prisoner here. His wife was ailing and he wished an early release. Though he tried, Joseph was unable to get it for him. Well, not a week ago he managed to escape. How, I don't know. It is suspected he stowed away on one of the ships that docked during the confusion when the conspirators were brought. Joseph did all the things duty required, but I could tell he was glad the colonel was never found.

Into this holiday mood came the Quinterra under Captain Johns. Captain Johns and his crew come to the island twice each year, and he and Joseph have formed a fast friendship. As captains, they have few outlets for conversation among equals. To make him welcome, Joseph suggested a dance with the garrison band making the music. Captain Johns kindly offered the use of the Quinterra for the festivities.

Oh, Peggy, you cannot imagine how we looked forward to getting off this teeming pile of brick and sand! I didn't know how much I longed to escape until the opportunity was presented. You would have thought I'd been chained in the dungeon itself, away from light and air for a hundred years. Tilly, at sixteen, couldn't have been any more excited than I. We would go out to sea only a mile or more-not even out of the sight of the battlements-but the women of the fort-including old Mrs. Farrow, the lighthouse keeper's mother-in-law-decided we were going to make the evening as fine as we could. Our officers needed a return to civility as much as we did, and while we pestered the laundresses with our skirts and fancy sleeves, they tried to bribe them away with money, rum or promises of love to get them to attend to their dress uniforms.

Molly, ever proper, saw to it Tilly was sent to Fort Jefferson with one good gown. It had lain in Tilly's trunk, folded in the tissue she'd used to pack it, there being no need for anything finer than ordinary day dresses. My gown was sadly out of fashion but, if noticed, it will be forgiven. Most of the women here are in the same situation as I, and a couple have been here longer.

My blue taffeta is cut well and drapes beautifully off the shoulder, and even at my advanced age I can customarily turn a head or two of the older-or more myopic-men, but once we'd completed our lengthy toilette I knew I could have gone in a pair of Joseph's old work trousers for all the attention I might expect.

Tilly was stunning. The dress, a rich bronze that carried light with it, exposed her shoulders and as much of her bosom as was decent. The browning of her skin, unavoidable in this climate, rather than making her look coarse as it would any mortal woman, coupled with the coppery tint of the dress, turned her to gold. Even I, who had witnessed the curling rags, the pins and the petticoats in need of repair, had my breath snatched away when she turned from admiring herself and curtseyed to me.

Knowing myself to have been effectively rendered invisible, I took those gold and lapis combs you gave me on my eighteenth birthday out of my hair and put them in hers and handed over my good fan. She was so lovely, even knowing it was Tilly with all her pouts and pets and passions underneath, one was moved to make offerings.

"Let's go show Joel and Dr. Mudd," Tilly said.

That, of course, was an exceedingly bad idea, but she'd asked it while I was still in thrall to her startlingly new and totally womanly elegance, and I simply followed her like lady-in-waiting to the queen.

My wits returned as I trailed her up the spiral stairs leading from the ground floor to the second, then the third tiers. The rustle of the taffeta as her skirts swept over the steps put me back twenty years-twenty-two-to my first grand ball. I doubt you'll remember, but I have forgotten nothing. My gown was of scarlet silk, and I met Joseph. Stumbled over him nearly. He was shooting dice with two other bored lieutenants in a dark corner of the upstairs veranda.

"Tilly," I called up to her. "Stop at the top of the stairs. I need to speak with you before we go any farther." The light rhythmic shush of her soft-soled slippers on the stairs increased. For a moment I thought she meant to run away from me-not in wickedness or disobedience but just in the playful way of girls giddy with the sudden knowledge that they are grown, gowned and gloriously pretty.

To my relief she did as she was bid. The climb was not long, but both of us were corseted as tightly as whalebone and Luanne's strong hands could make us, and we were in need of a moment to catch our breath.

I had recovered sufficiently to explain to Tilly why we must go back, meet the others at the dock, when I heard footsteps approaching. Though the usual ring of heels reinforced with iron was replaced with the gentle tap of leather-soled dancing pumps, the military stride gave his identity away.

"Joseph." I turned and, Tilly behind me, watched him come. The sun was near the horizon, the light burnished and saturated with color as though it passed through honey. Each of the brick arches separating the casemates threw its own shadow. Joseph passed from shadow to light, back straight, hair as shining and black as the day we married, the brass of his sword scabbard, buckle and buttons polished and gleaming, he looked very much a hero from one of the old books. Had he been on horseback, I believe I might have swooned.

As is his wont, he brought me back from my dreaming posthaste.

"And just what in hell do you think you are doing up here dressed like that? Where do you think you are, woman? I'll not have you-"

I believe he was sufficiently wound up with the excitement of the dance and his responsibilities for seeing that all came off in a way that would bring honor to both Captain Johns and Fort Jefferson that he might have gone on berating me for some time. Knowing full well I was every bit the idiot he took me for, I would have stood and taken it, too. Fortunately Tilly saved us from having to play out the entire scene.

"Uncle Joseph, it was my fault," she insisted and stepped out from behind me into the light of the setting sun.

Joseph abruptly fell silent. It wasn't her assumption of responsibility. Joseph knows better than I that ultimate responsibility falls at the feet of the man-or in this case, woman-left in charge. Seeing Tilly in her evening splendor and drenched in the fairy light that had my heart spinning when I saw him approach had struck him dumb.

You would have laughed to see his face. Years fell away. His lips, often a bit cruel these last years, softened to the sensuous line that so captivated me as a girl, and his eyes widened like a child's. The transformation was so quick as to be comical. It made me want to cry rather than laugh, though I cannot tell you why.

"My lady?" he said and held out his arm. Tilly took it and he escorted her back to the stairs.

My lapse in judgment had brought us to no harm, and Tilly's new gown saved me from having to withstand a tongue-lashing, however deserved. I told myself to be grateful; count my blessings.

Despite the inauspicious start, the evening was everything our joint wishes and those of the officers and crew of the Quinterra could have wished. We dined in the crew's mess (the captain's being too small to seat us all). The ship had been cleaned and buffed till the fine old wood of the hall looked rich rather than tired, and the tables had white linens. The food was good enough, and by fort standards, excellent. Captain Johns provided the wine. It was from New York State but surprisingly good.

We danced on deck. The crew had hung lanterns from the rigging. The night was clear and full of stars, and the band in excellent form, making our makeshift ballroom more romantic than any well-appointed hall lit with candles. As she deserved to be, Tilly was the belle of the ball. I watched her carefully but I needn't have. She was having far too good a time being admired and fawned upon by thirty adoring swains to sneak off with any one of them. And, too, Joseph never took his eyes off of her and cut in a time or two when a partner held her too closely.

The men outnumbering the women five to one, none of the rest of us had reason to begrudge Tilly her conquests. We were all danced off of our feet, and, near three in the morning when time came to go back to the tort, all but the youngest and strongest among us were ready to do so.

Night had grown so still it was decided that rather than raise sail and bring the ship back into harbor, the party from the fort was to be rowed back in the Quinterra's dinghies. There were but twenty-two of us in all, and we fit snugly in three boats along with crew to row us home.

But for Tilly's misguided enthusiasms the trip would have been a lovely and peaceful end to a wonderful evening. I was sandwiched between Mrs. Dicks, the lighthouse keeper's wife, and her mother, Mrs. Farrow. Mrs. Farrow is a trial at the best of times. This night she'd stayed out late and drunk too much of the captain's good wine. One might have hoped this combination would have sedated her and the most we'd be called upon to do would be to keep the old harridan from falling asleep and tumbling into the sea. Unfortunately being tipsy and overtired only served to agitate her nerves. She fidgeted so the boat rocked, and actually pinched me twice to make me move over as though her derriŠre hadn't already claimed a good half of the seat we three shared.

Tilly and Joseph sat on the bench in front of us. The moon was very low-near to setting-but there was still much light from stars and sea. The moon had the effect of turning Tilly from the shimmering golden girl of sunset into a lovely silver statue. Well, not a statue. Miss Tilly was as vivacious and lively as she had been when the evening began.

At first her chatter was of the ball and the sailors with whom she danced, the clever things said and witty rejoinders made. As she was the youngest in our lifeboat by a good twenty years, all but Mrs. Farrow seemed to enjoy the girlish babble. Tilly was already well on her way to being a pet of the officers and their wives. Even Joseph, usually stony faced, was looking at her now and again. In profile I read an indulgent smile on his lips, and he kept his arm protectively about her waist lest her excessive reenacting of the waltzes hurl her over the gunwale.

I thought it a pretty picture of avuncular devotion, but Mrs. Farrow, not satisfied with merely savaging my upper arm with her bony pinches, leaned close and whispered: "I'd watch out if I were you. In some societies it's considered the man's duty to marry the sister if his wife dies."

I was so furious, wondering if anyone would really mind if I pushed the old witch overboard, that I didn't notice the turn Tilly's prattle had taken till it was too late to stop it with a few well-placed pinches of my own.

It was the cold that brought me around. Joseph's voice had gone from honey to ice, and it penetrated the fog of my self-absorption. "The man conspired to murder our president," he said softly. Tilly, unaccustomed to reading my husband, must have heard only quiet reasonableness in the words and not felt the crippling chill underlying them. Either that or her youth and innocence led her to believe there is such a thing as a friendly argument when discussing politics.