Fly on the Wall (31 page)

“Paige, please don't get rid of that baby,” Eva said as my hand reached for the doorknob.

“Why? So that you can really make my life a living hell?” I asked. “C'mon. Give me one good reason I should have this kid.”

“Don't you have
any
sympathy for me?”

“Sympathy for you?” I asked with a snicker. “For what?”

In a whispered cry, she fell into the chair behind her. “My son only died three weeks ago.”

“What?” I felt gravity on me like never before, pulling me downward, yanking my chains. “What?” She couldn't have been serious, but she would be demented to make up something so drastic. “What did you say?” I stared at her.

“He's dead,” she said from the chair next to the “termination” table. “But I guess you don't give a damn.”

“He's dead?” My back hit the door and stopped me from falling.

“Yeah.” Eva's eyes were already red. “I thought you knew.”

My body shook as I raised my head to look into her face. It seemed to take ten years, and on my journey I reminisced, remembering the first day Theo walked into my classroom, his first detention, the first time we kissed, the day I saw him fully nude, the day he nearly caught the kitchen on fire trying to imitate Emeril, and all of the times we made love. “No, oh my God, no.” My head was spinning, my body was falling, and my heart felt like it was failing. The next thing I remembered, I was lying on the table of doom with Eva checking my pulse.

“There you go.” She smiled. “Sit up and drink some water.”

I did, but quickly got back to the matter at hand. “When did this happen and why didn't anyone call me?”

“I thought you knew, but after the way I talked to you, I didn't expect you to voluntarily come around.”

My breathing was still irregular. Actually, it felt like I wasn't breathing at all, so I drank more water. “I would've come.” The tears made their way from my heart to my eyes and kissed my skin. “I would've come,” I repeated a half dozen times. “I would've.”

“I'm sorry,” Eva said as she helped me to my feet. “I wanted to call you back that night and apologize, but pride got in the way. I didn't want to admit that I was wrong.” She wrapped her arms around me. “It's terrible that it takes something like death to put things in perspective. I am truly sorry, Paige.”

“I'm sorry too.” We both cried and held onto each other for a few minutes. “This can't be real.”

“Believe me, it feels like a nightmare. This is my first day back to work,” Eva spoke as she rubbed my back, “but I don't even think that I can do this anymore.” She sighed. “I can't watch women throw their babies away when I would give my life to have my own son back.”

“What happened?” I needed to know.

“He and some friends went to the beach, and a riptide carried him out. They say that he struggled, he tried, and he fought all he could to get back in, but he couldn't make it. He went under and never resurfaced.” It was hard for her to go on. “At least not until the rescue team pulled him out like an hour later.”

I regretted the way I treated him on our last night together, but I figured that somewhere down the line we would both mature and end up properly discussing the matter. I should've listened or cried and allowed him to comfort me that night. However, I wanted to hurt him back. I turned my ringer off, didn't return his calls, and pretended not to be interested when I
did
decide to pick up the phone. I was playing the angry woman role, but I wanted him more than anything and I still loved him . . . but I was three weeks late and five dollars short.

I wanted him to show up at my door uninvited and
make
me hear him out. I didn't want to ask him to come over; I wanted love to bring him back. I even kept the house spotless awaiting such a day, but he was such a gentleman that he did what I asked and respected the facade I presented and stopped calling
three weeks ago . . .
now I knew why. These foolish games we play in life . . . no one ever really wins.

“I loved him so much.” I sighed painfully as I hugged her. “I can't—” All I was left with were memories, memories of this and memories of that, but in time they, too, would fade.

“Oh my God.” It was then that I realized that Theo had left me with the ultimate memory, something that would only age to remind me more and more of him, something that meant that he'd exist throughout my lifetime. Theo had left me with a child, his child. “I can't get rid of this baby.”

“It seemed like just yesterday when Kevin was a baby.” She smiled. “Now he's gone.”

“What? Who?”

“Kevin? My son.” She looked at me peculiarly, realizing the mistake. “Oh, oh no. I'm so sorry. I didn't say. I should've clarified that it was my younger son, Kevin.”

“It's Kevin that died?” Lord, the pressure lifted and I felt as though I could dance a jig, but all in all, she had still lost a son. It didn't matter which one. I still felt her pain—well, kind of—but it would be inappropriate for me to express how happy I felt that Theo was still breathing.

“I'm still sorry.”

“Thank you.” She wiped her face.

“Wow.” I wiped my tears away.

“You thought it was Theo,” she said. “Still in love, huh?”

I sighed. “Still in pain, too, though.”

“I used to date a married man who was in and out of my house, back and forth between me, his wife, and only God knows who else. He walked around with his head held high, like he did no wrong, like he wasn't sorry for anything or anyone.” She stopped. “That's the kind of man that you leave and don't look back at.” Eva continued. “However, Theo has shown me what a man who should be forgiven and deserves a second chance is supposed to look like. I see him every day, Paige. Everything he says and does tells me that he still loves you.” She paused. “Although it hurt him badly when you didn't show up to the funeral or call, all he wanted was you.”

“Really?” I felt giddy.

“Really.” She shook her head up and down. “I can't have any more children, and even if I could, they could never replace Kevin. But a grandchild would sure bring some light back into my life.” She grabbed my hand. “But it's your decision to make.” She turned her back to me and walked behind the curtain to pick up and fold the gown I left on the floor. “By the way, I never saw you here, Michelle.”

“Thank you, nurse.” I walked out of the room and left the clinic with my baseball cap and shades in my hand. I had nothing to hide.

 

 

I didn't need a map. I had dropped him off and screeched out of his neighborhood plenty of times to remember the street and the house well. I pulled into his driveway and parked next to his car. As I walked toward the house, I imagined him not being able to contain his happiness and sprinting out of the door to greet me. That didn't happen. Instead, I rang the doorbell six times and was walking back to the car before I heard the lock click.

I turned around and saw his sweet, young, and handsome face. “Hi,” I said and slowly walked back toward the house.

“What's up?” he said without a smile, and closed the door behind him.

“Nothing much.” I did need a map now, to guide this conversation. “How are you?”

“Good.”

“Um . . .” I didn't know where to begin. “I just heard about Kevin and thought I would come by to offer my condolences.”

“Okay,” he said, gazing across the street.

“Okay?” I asked. “Okay, is that all you're going to say?”

“Yeah, to someone who is three weeks late.”

I took a deep breath. “I just heard about it less than an hour ago. I would've came sooner if you—”

“I called you that night.” He raised his voice.

“I probably wasn't home.”

“You were,” he said.

I tried to defend myself. “How do you know?”

“Because I called from my cell, right outside of your house. Your car was there, and I even watched you walk by the window a few times.”

“I'm sorry.” I was caught. “I didn't know why you were calling.”

“Well, now you know why,” he said and started to turn away.

“Theo,” I said, “I'm sorry about not being there for you, especially since you never left my side when I needed you after what happened to Toni.” I couldn't believe that I was actually in his presence again.

“It's cool. I'm over it.” He paused. “I just figured that that was my punishment.”

“No.” I stepped closer to him. “I'm not that cruel of a person. Had I known, I would've been at your side night and day, regardless of what people would've said.” I wanted to touch him. “So, how are you
really
doing?”

“Better,” he said and shook his head. “I can't wait to move out of this house, though. I see him everywhere and it's driving me crazy.”

“I know how you feel. I feel that way whenever I go to Toni's house. It's comforting yet creepy at the same time.” He glanced down and looked at me, and it was like the first time all over again. I couldn't hold back.

“I miss you, Theo.” I grabbed his hand and he didn't pull away, so I continued. “There is a lot that we need to talk about.” I squeezed his hand gently. “I'm hoping that—”

“Pookie.” The house door opened. “Pookie, is that the pizza?” A tall, slim, light-skinned young girl pulled the door back. She was wearing the tightest, shortest pink shorts I had ever seen, and she was staring right into my face. She had the balls to ask, “Who is she?”

“Not the pizza guy,” Theo said to her. “They'll probably be here soon, though.”

“Okay.” She studied me and closed the door slowly.

I sighed and quickly pulled my hand away from his. “Well,
Pookie,
” I said with as much disdain as I could without crying. “I won't take up any more of your time.” I was already walking back to my car. “I was just stopping by to see that all was well with you.”

“All is well with me,” he said mockingly. “What about you?”

I opened my car door. “Couldn't be better.” I looked over at him. “Nice seeing you again.” Before I could put the car in reverse,
Pookie
was already in the house. I was waiting for Ashton Kutcher to spring from the bushes with the camera crew, 'cause I had just been
Punk'd
.

“I cannot believe this shit,” I said as I turned into the drive-thru of my favorite ice cream parlor. “Let me have two scoops of chocolate on a large waffle cone, heavy on the Hershey's syrup, please.” All I kept seeing were those tight pink shorts. She was pretty, had a nice body, long hair, and long legs. She would look great standing next to him at the NBA draft. “Bitch,” I whispered when I thought of him making love to her.

On the drive home, I cried and cried until salty tears got in the way of my sweet, velvety chocolate ice cream. I got frustrated trying to manage them both and ended up tossing the cone out of the window a few blocks from home.

I turned onto my street and almost went into cardiac arrest when I saw Theo's car next to mine in the driveway. My heart jumped, leaped, and skipped, until I noticed that he
and
Ms. Pink Shorts were waiting outside. “What in the hell is this?” I asked myself. “He's bringing this bitch to my house?” Oh, hell Naw!

I honked my horn and down rolled my window down. “Please get out of my space.” She jumped into the driver's seat and reversed, onto the street.

I parked and Theo approached me. “Didn't you say that we needed to talk?”

“Theo, I'm not into drama.” I walked past him and up to the door.

“Auntie,” he shouted at Ms. Pink Shorts, “I'll call your cell when I need you to come pick me up.”

“All right, Pook,” I heard her say in the distance.

“Stop calling me that, man,” he yelled.

Auntie? Oh, damn!

“That's your aunt?” I asked. “She looks so young.”

“My mom and grandma were pregnant at the same time. She's a few months older than I am,” he said. “She came down from Atlanta for the funeral and acts like she can't leave.”

“I'm sorry.” I covered my face. “I thought that she—”

“I know.” He smiled. “Everybody thinks the same thing.”

“Why didn't you say something?”

“For the same reason you stopped answering my calls.” He giggled. “I wanted to see how much you wanted me,” he walked up to me, “and I see that you do.”

I blushed. “You don't know.”

He bent slowly toward my lips until his touched mine. His arms, those arms that I loved so much, found their way around my waist. His tongue was sweeter, longer, and quicker. He smelled just as I remembered. My hands rushed to his back and he felt my body surrender.

He held me tightly. “I never stopped caring for you, and I never will.”

 

 

We moved from the porch into the living room, and as to cleanse ourselves of the past, we ended up in the shower
.
I stood beneath the showerhead, remembering the day with a smile as the warm droplets of water sprinkled my body. Drip . . . drop . . . plop . . . splash. I closed my eyes and giggled as each one kissed my breasts then sashayed slowly toward my nipples.

It was so good to have Theo back in my house and heart. When he entered the bathroom, my thoughts were, “There is a God.” Theo turned off the lights and allowed the glow of a candle to soften the mood.