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‘I don't think so,' I say, beginning to doubt myself as I look in the mirror over the sink.

‘Murray is pissed, but I won't hold it against him. I'll have my vengeance tomorrow morning when he's begging me for a full English and paracetamol.'

‘I really like him, but seeing him tonight makes me feel the age difference.' I hardly recognise the man who was walking through the meadow with me and Frosty the other day, and making love to me in his bed.

‘He isn't going out with you, Zara.'

‘I know, but I thought he liked me.' I don't tell my sister I've slept with him. ‘I thought he'd have wanted to make a good impression.'

‘In front of Claire and Tessa, you mean?'

‘Well, yes.'

‘Why are you bothered about what they think?'

‘I wanted Claire to have a good opinion of him. I don't want her thinking he's a complete wanker.'

‘It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's what you think that counts.' Emily flushes the toilet. ‘You aren't going to let your new love interest go down the pan over this.' She comes out of the cubicle, washes her hands and checks her make-up.

‘You don't need any more,' I say, smiling weakly.
‘You look as if Poppy's drawn on your face with her crayons.'

‘Hey, what happened to the sisterhood?' Emily says. ‘Do you think it's too much? Really?'

‘No, it's fine, except I'm not sure I'd have gone for the red lip-liner or the metallic eye-shadow.' I dig in my bag for a tissue. ‘It just needs toning down, that's all, like Connor and Lewis.'

‘Come on, you wanted an opinion. Lewis is having a bit of fun, that's all.' She pauses, drying her hands. ‘He's probably a bit nervous so he had a bit more on an empty stomach than he might have planned and it's gone straight to his head. He wouldn't mean to upset you. He's a lovely guy.'

‘I thought he was.'

‘You can't blame Lewis for how you feel.' Emily stares at me. ‘It isn't his fault he doesn't know about Granddad.'

‘He knows I don't drink.'

‘But he doesn't know your reasons – at least, I'd hazard a guess that he doesn't. I certainly haven't talked to him about it.' Emily touches my arm. ‘Don't overthink this. Put your smile back on and get out there. He'll be sober by lunchtime tomorrow when you're doing your dog training, or whatever it is. He's hardly stopped talking about it.'

Partially reassured, I return to the table, where Lewis has two mango and pistachio kulfis in front of him. He slides his arm clumsily around my back as I sit down again and gives me the biggest, most heart-melting smile and a belch of
beery breath before he pushes one of the ice creams towards me.

‘For you, Zara,' he says. ‘Murray says I'm being a bit of a prat.'

‘He's not wrong,' I mutter. ‘But Emily says I'm overreacting, so I guess we're quits.'

He hands me a spoon.

Emily winks at me across the table while Jack asks me about Frosty, and Tessa and Emily talk about the best places to find nursery furniture, and Murray teases Kevin about how he'll soon be a dad. I wonder if Lewis and Connor are bored by this conversation.

‘Wedding, honeymoon, baby, that's how it goes,' he chuckles.

‘Oh no,' Claire says, ‘I'm going to need at least a year to recover from organising the wedding.'

Eventually, we're ready to leave the restaurant. Emily and Murray go ahead to the car while I say goodnight to Claire. Connor and Lewis follow on some way behind, playing another game of dare with the waves, seeing who can get closest to the sea wall without being swamped. I turn to watch them messing about in the light of the streetlamps along the front.

‘Lewis, you should have gone to Specsavers.' Connor staggers about.

‘What do you mean?'

‘If you fancy that. I can't see the attraction in a fat old divorcee who lives with her granny.'

‘Connor, shut up and stop being a knob!' Lewis
shouts at him over the sound of the sea that seethes across the shingle. ‘Zara is amazing – she's intelligent, kind and fit, most definitely fit.'

Although I'm incredibly hurt and offended by Connor's remarks, Lewis's compliments mollify me, and I manage a small smile to myself before Connor starts up again.

‘What does Jade think? Does she know?' He moves up next to Lewis, his hands in his pockets. ‘You haven't told her, have you? You really are a piece of—'

‘I'm not with Jade,' Lewis counters. ‘We're on a break.'

‘Are you sure about that?'

What?
I think. Does Connor mean what I think he does? I can't take any more. I scurry along the seafront, oblivious to the sea spray and the walls of water that crash and tumble away across the beach. Jade? I press my fist against my chest, fighting the unexpected pain. I mean, Lewis and I are supposed to be having a light-hearted fling – nothing serious – yet it hurts. The ex-girlfriend who apparently isn't quite such an ex as Lewis made out.

Wiping the sea spray from my eyes, I get into the Land Rover, choosing to sit next to Emily for the journey home.

‘We'll let the three stooges sit in the back,' she says, as Connor and Lewis catch up. ‘Would you like to come back to the farm for the night, Zara?'

I decline and Emily takes me back to Talyton where, outside the shop, I wish everyone goodnight.
Although it kills me to say it, I wish Connor a safe trip to Newquay and Lewis a good time in Shropshire.

‘Aren't you bringing Frosty for dog training tomorrow?' Lewis asks quickly on realising what I've just said.

‘No, I have things to do.'

‘Oh, it would have been good to know before . . .'

‘Hindsight is always a wonderful thing,' I say, unable to hide my sarcasm. ‘Goodnight,' I repeat. What else is there to say?

I spend the following morning in the shop, trying to take my mind off what happened the night before. I'm upset – I've been sleeping with him for the last three weeks, after all, and now I've learned the hard way that I'm not cut out for a no-strings attached, friends-with-benefits arrangement. I'm usually level-headed and in control of my emotions, but clearly this fling with Lewis wasn't quite as light-hearted as I thought, on my part at least.

Pull yourself together, Zara, I tell myself.

I check my mobile for messages. Paul has texted to say, hi, u ok x.

In a moment of weakness, I text him back.

Not really x

At which Paul texts again, telling me to meet him in the café at the leisure centre tonight for a chat.

Should I go?

I text back my answer.

There's a voicemail from Lewis, three voicemails, in fact, and several texts, but as far as I'm concerned there's
nothing he can say to make it right. I should never have allowed myself to be seduced by his looks and his gentle manners. I don't like his immaturity and his lack of respect for me and his girlfriend, and my heart aches at the thought of how he couldn't bring himself to admit he was still going out with Jade while at the same time he was asking me about the status of my relationship with Paul.

I can't forgive his deception. If I'd known he was in a relationship, I would never have let him kiss me, or encouraged him in any way. It's so wrong.

‘Zara, a penny for them.' Gran potters through to the counter with the pricing gun. ‘You seem out of sorts.'

‘I'm fine,' I say. ‘I think the curry disagreed with me.'

‘Are you still going dog training with Lewis today?'

How does she know, I think? How can she be so perceptive?

‘Lewis is busy.'

‘I see. That's a pity. You'll miss him, won't you?' she goes on.

‘Gran! He's just a friend who's been helping me with the dog, that's all.'

‘But you'll miss him all the same,' she insists, and grudgingly I admit that I'll miss him just a tiny bit because he's been so good with Frosty.

‘Please don't go on about it.' I force a smile. ‘I'm teaching Frosty the commands for “No” next.'

‘You'd better show me what they are,' Gran says.

‘Why?' I'm teasing. ‘You never take any notice of anything I say.'

She looks confused. ‘I want to know how to say no to Frosty.'

‘Oh, never mind. Would you like a tea?'

Gran glances towards the door. ‘You'd better make it for three. Here's Lewis. Why don't you take yours outside? I'll stay here.'

‘What if he's here for a paper?'

‘You know full well he isn't.' Gran stands as tall as she can and takes my place behind the counter, shoving me out. ‘Hello, Lewis. It's lovely to see you.'

‘And you, Mrs Witheridge.'

‘Don't be silly. It's Rosemary to you. Zara was just about to make tea.'

‘Thanks, but I can't stop for long.'

‘Zara, you take Lewis outside. Frosty's in the garden, watching the birds with Norris.'

I bite my lip at her machinations. I have nothing to say to Lewis and I don't wish to listen to anything he has to say in return.

‘Just a quick chat,' he says, as if he's reading my mind.

‘Come through,' I say stiffly. I hold the curtain aside for him. ‘Straight along the corridor, through the storeroom and out of the door at the end.' As we step into the light, I notice how he winces. ‘Serves you right,' I comment as Frosty comes bounding up to greet him. ‘I haven't done the “No” command yet,' I say as he tries to calm her down.

‘Someone must have slipped a hangover into my
beer last night. I've been trying to get hold of you. Did you receive my messages?'

‘Yes . . . Thank you,' I say.

‘But you decided not to reply.' Lewis is on his knees, hugging Frosty as though for comfort. ‘Look, I'm sorry for embarrassing you in front of your friends by getting wasted. There's nothing I can do to make amends for that, I can't undo it, but I can apologise and promise it won't happen again.'

‘That's a ridiculous thing to say,' I point out, finding my voice. ‘You can't promise anything of the sort.'

‘Zara, I didn't realise it was such a big deal for you. Me and Connor, we like a drink when we're together. I should have thought, but I didn't. I wasn't counting—'

‘It isn't that,' I interrupt.

‘What is it then? I thought we were getting on so well.'

‘It either doesn't bother you, or you don't remember.'

‘Probably the latter,' he says lightly.

‘It isn't funny.'

‘I'm sorry,' he repeats. ‘What was so awful that it made you change your mind about me?' Lewis stands up, going pale as he regains his balance. He smells of toothpaste and stale beer. He's tried to shave and missed some stubble on one cheek and nicked his chin, but I am not going to feel sorry for him when he brought this on himself.

‘When were you going to tell me about Jade, your girlfriend?' I go on.

‘I haven't got a girlfriend,' he stammers, ‘not really.'

‘So what is she? An imaginary woman? A fiancée? A wife?'

‘Jade is real.' Lewis releases Frosty who is trying to escape his embrace. She tears free and joins me, sitting on my feet as if in sympathy. ‘Oh god,' he sighs. ‘I wish I'd told you before, I really do, but I thought—'

‘That's bloody typical of a man. You thought you'd get away with it.'

‘Well, yes, I did,' he says, his admission taking me by surprise. ‘It isn't what you think. I met Jade before I left home for college.'

‘Don't waste my time,' I cut in. ‘Is she your girlfriend, or not?'

‘She's my girlfriend,' he says quietly, ‘but we've been more off than on, which is why she's never visited me while I've been at Greenwood Farm and why I've never talked about her.'

‘You bastard! How can you do this to her, and to me?'

‘Zara, Zara.' He touches my arm. ‘That's why I didn't say anything. I knew it was wrong to kiss you while I still had any connection with Jade.'

‘So you shouldn't have done it.' I'm furious.

‘I couldn't resist . . .'

‘Oh, here we go.' I fold my arms across my chest, determined not to let him back into my heart. ‘I know what you're going to say. I'm a man, I can't fight my natural urges and all that.' I remember Phil at dog training and Wendy's excuses for his behaviour.

Lewis cocks one eyebrow. ‘What are you talking about? What I mean is, I've been fighting my feelings
for you ever since the moment I first saw you getting out of your car to visit your sister. You took my breath away.'

‘Is that supposed to make me feel better?' I say, because it only makes it worse, knowing that he really did fancy me – and at first sight.

‘It was instant attraction on my side, and then, when I saw you again, I wanted to spend more time with you and get to know you. And we said we'd keep it casual and light, and fun, and that's when it gets complicated.'

‘I can't see the difficulty,' I say stubbornly. ‘You shouldn't have led me to believe you were free.' I don't say it, but the words echo hollowly inside my head.
You shouldn't have let me fall for you.

‘I know, but I wasn't sure you felt the same about me. You're older than me, more sophisticated. Why should you be interested in me, an itinerant farmworker, who has nothing to offer you except myself?'

‘But you aren't free to offer anything.' I squeeze my arms tight. ‘What does your girlfriend think about this? She doesn't know, does she? Of course she doesn't.'

‘Jade and I have been mates for ages – we hook up now and again.'

‘So you do this with every woman you meet?'

‘Of course not. Since I met you, I've been intending to tell her that I wouldn't see her any more. I wanted to tell her face to face, not by phone or by text.'