For Better or Worse (Book 2 in the Forgiving Hearts Trilogy) (15 page)

Having read Jackson’s letters, she knew her first impression couldn’t be further from the truth. This didn’t, however, make her current situation any less awkward. There was nothing easy or routine about meeting a husband she hadn’t been aware of. It seemed inevitable that she would disappoint him given that she couldn’t remember anything about their life together or even how they fell in love.

Hannah couldn’t imagine how frustrating it must be for Jackson. Was the woman he loved gone? He had every right to expect a continuation of their previous relationship, but was that possible? They were only one step removed from being strangers, and she had no memory of what kind of woman she’d been.
Would Jackson want to stay married to the new Hannah? And would he be patient enough to let her learn to love him?

Perhaps she shouldn’t have pushed for this meeting after all. But it was too late now. She could only hope her actions wouldn’t have any negative consequences.

She was facing away from the door when Jackson walked into the room.

“Hello, Hannah,” he said quietly.

Her head turned slowly in his direction and a shy smile touched her mouth. In trying not to look at his scars, she discovered his eyes. They were deep blue, and the timid yet gentle expression in their depths reminded her of the little boy she hadn’t been able to get out of her mind.

“Hi, Jackson.”

He seemed hesitant to come any closer to the bed so she held out her hand. After a few seconds, he walked over and took her hand in his. She noticed that the scars were only on one side of his face and that his dark hair had just a hint of a wave in it.

A faint smile passed over his face. “I used to think my worst moment with you was when I had the nosebleed, but this is a close second.”

“I haven’t made this easy for you. I’m sorry about that.”

“It’s not your fault. My face takes getting used to.”

“Don’t say that. There’s nothing wrong with your face. You were turned away from me that day. I couldn’t see your nice eyes or kind smile.”

“I thought you were asleep. I didn’t know I was being observed.”

“I was never asleep. I shouldn’t admit this, but I fake sleep when I don’t feel like talking.”

This confession seemed to break the tension in Jackson. He smile became more natural and he laughed. “The secret is out. You won’t be able to fool me anymore.”

“Oh, I won’t do it to you anymore. I like talking to you.”

“I like talking to you, too. As much as I enjoyed writing the letters, it’s nice to converse face-to-face.”

“I’m going to miss the letters. They helped me more than you’ll ever know.”

“The stories don’t have to stop, only the method of delivery.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.” She hesitated a second and then said, “I’m supposed to leave here soon.”

Jackson looked around the room. “I’m sure you’re ready to get out of here.”

“It seems weird that I don’t know where my home is.”

After a slight pause, he said, “This hospital is in Brunswick. We live in St. Simons, one of the barrier islands nearby. Colton and Laurel live in our neighborhood.”

“Colton? Oh, you mean, Dr. Samuels.”

“Yes, Dr. Samuels. That’s what I should call him when I’m at the hospital. He gets upset if I call him doctor anywhere else.”

“How long have we lived here?”

A shadow passed over his face. “A little over four years.”

“The doctor says that being in familiar surroundings should help me remember things.”

“I’ll do everything I can to help you.”

Hannah touched his wedding band. “I don’t have a ring. Did I lose it in the accident?”

His glance fell from hers. “Your ring is at home.”

Her face cleared. “I’m so glad. I’ve been worried about it.”

They were interrupted by the arrival of Hannah’s dinner. After thanking the lady who brought it, she glanced at Jackson guiltily. “I seem to have lost more than my memory. I have no appetite at all.”

He eyed the tray of food with distaste. “I don’t blame you. Would you like me to go get you something?”

“I don’t even know what to suggest.”

“I’ll pick up a few different things. It won’t take long.”

Hannah smiled as she watched him walk out the door. Meeting Jackson hadn’t been nearly as nerve-wracking as she feared. He was as nice and friendly in person as he seemed in his letters. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so difficult; maybe they could make something good out of this.

* * * *

Jackson looked ruefully at the assortment of food on the seat of his truck.
So, he’d gone a little overboard, but wasn’t it better to have too many choices than too few?
He had no idea what Hannah might be interested in eating so it made sense to get one of everything he could think of.

He might be uncertain of what was going through Hannah’s mind, but there was no secret about what was happening to him. Somewhere between ‘Hi, Jackson’ and when she’d held out her hand to him, his heart had taken on a life of its own, ignoring all attempts by the rest of his body to resist or at the very least remain neutral.
What was there about love that flouted all the rules and laughed in the face of logic?

It was as if a curtain had been drawn between the last two years and now. He knew what was behind the curtain, but it didn’t matter. The fact that Hannah had lived in a way that went against everything he knew to be right hadn’t changed how he felt about her. His love wasn’t dependent on her actions or limited by her behavior. It didn’t blind him to her faults, enable him to exaggerate her strengths or help him rationalize her decisions. What it did allow him to do was to love her completely and without reserve.

Back in her room, he set out the various items in a neat row. “Okay, we’ve got hamburgers, burritos, an Italian sub, chicken salad, and chicken strips. Take as much or as little as you want and don’t worry about what you can’t eat because I’m going to eat with you.”

Hannah laughed. “This is a
few
things?”

“I wasn’t sure what you were in the mood for, and I’m so hungry that everything looked good.”

She eyed his tall, muscular frame in amusement. “I’m not surprised. You’re much bigger than I imagined.”

“Like I told you, I left you in the dust in high school.”

After they finished eating, she leaned back in the bed. “Thank you for dinner. That’s the best meal I’ve had yet. I hope this means my taste buds are coming back to life.”

“What do you want me to bring you for breakfast in the morning?”

“You don’t have to do that,” she protested.

“I want to do it. So what will it be?”

Her eyes gleamed. “I’d love some pancakes.”

“I happen to be pretty good at making pancakes.”

“Are you? For some reason, pancakes just popped into my mind when you said breakfast. Did I eat them before?”

“We used to have blueberry pancakes every Sunday.” He cleared away the remainder of the food and returned to the chair by the bed.

“Jackson, it’s terrible to have to ask this, but do we have any children?”

“We have a daughter named Sophia.”

Hannah peered at him intently. “I hope she has your eyes.”

He swallowed a sudden lump in his throat. “She actually has green eyes like yours. I have a picture of her on my phone. Would you like to see it?”

“Yes, I would.”

Jackson found a picture he’d taken just a few weeks ago when he and Sophia had gone to the park.

A radiant smile spread over Hannah’s face. “Where did she get all that blonde hair? I expected her to have dark hair.”

“She takes after you. You had light hair until you were about ten years old.”

Hannah continued to look at the picture intently. “Why can’t I remember my own child?” she asked in a sad voice that tore at Jackson’s heart.

He caught the phone as it slipped from her hand. “Just because you can’t remember now doesn’t mean you never will. This is a journey, Hannah, but it isn’t one you have to make alone. I’m going to be with you every step of the way. We’ll get through this together.”

Her fingers moved restlessly across the blanket covering her legs. “What if I’ve changed? What if I’m never the woman I was before?”

Jackson didn’t hesitate. He leaned forward and took her hands into his. “Then I’ll have to fall in love with you all over again.”

“What if you can’t?”

“You’re now in the realm of impossibilities.”

“How can you be sure?”

“Because an accident can’t change what’s inside here,” he said as he touched his heart.
Nor could anything else.

She smiled slowly. “Do you really believe that?”

“Yes, I do.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “I’m going to leave now so you can rest, but I’ll be back in the morning with your pancakes.” He bent down and kissed her cheek. “Goodnight, Hannah.”

* * * *

As Jackson watched Sophia finish the last of the cookie he’d brought her, a wave of guilt and apprehension swept over him.
He’d become so consumed by his own reactions to Hannah that he hadn’t stopped to consider how any of this was going to affect Sophia.
She’d been too young to be impacted by her mother’s departure, but that wasn’t the case this time. Hannah’s reentry into their lives would alter everything. He prayed for the right words to make Sophia understand something he hadn’t entirely figured out himself.

“Guess what, pumpkin. Someone is coming to stay with us.”

“Who is it, Daddy?”

“It’s someone very special. Someone you’ve been waiting to see for a long time.”

“Is it Nana?”

“No, it’s someone who used to live here.”

Her eyes got wide with speculation. “Is it my mommy?”

“Yes, it is.”

She started jumping up and down excitedly. “Is she coming for a sleepover? Like I did at Amanda’s house?”

Jackson nodded slowly. “Yes, except this would be for longer than one night. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, oh yes!”

“Now, I want you to listen carefully, okay? Mommy has been in an accident that hurt her head. She can’t remember things very well. It’s going to be our job to make her feel comfortable until she does remember.”

“I’ll help take care of her, Daddy. I’d like to help her.”

He took a napkin and wiped the milk mustache off her mouth. “I thought you would.”

“Where will Mommy sleep?”

“In her room, sweetheart. The room next to yours.”

“Will she be bringing her clothes?”

Thinking of the suitcases in Hannah’s closet, he said, “Of course.”

Sophia smiled happily. “It will be nice to have her with us, won’t it?”

“It sure will.”

She climbed onto his lap. “I can’t wait to show her my room. Do you think she’ll be able to play with me, Daddy?”

“At first she may get tired easily, but yes, I’m sure she’ll play with you.”

“We can take her to the park to feed the ducks.”

“That’s a great idea, pumpkin.”

“When is she coming? Is it soon?”

“In a few days.”

She jumped down to the floor and tugged on his hand. “Let’s go find paper and crayons. I want to draw a picture and put it in her room.”

“You go ahead; I’ll be right there.”

Jackson watched her skip out of the room, more excited than he’d seen her in a long time. Sophia’s easy acceptance of what could only be a confusing situation made him even more aware of the risk he was taking. Was bringing Hannah home going to harm Sophia?

He closed his eyes.
Hannah is my wife, Lord. My first duty is to her. Please help me to do the right thing for the right reason and in a way that won’t hurt Sophia.

* * * *

The drive home from the hospital was mostly silent. Hannah watched everything outside the window with an avid interest that Jackson didn’t want to interrupt. He couldn’t begin to comprehend how she must be feeling right now, going home with a man who was little more than a stranger to her.

Thinking it would be easier for Hannah to get used to the idea of a husband before she was forced to be a mother, he arranged for Sophia to spend a few days with Colton and Laurel. He had yet to decide how much or how little he was going to tell her about the events leading up to the accident.

As they walked through the front door, he led her into the living room. “After you rest for a bit, I’ll show you around.”

With a grateful smile, she sank down on the couch. “I stayed in that hospital bed too long. My legs feel like jelly.”

“That will wear off as you become more active.”

Her eyes moved slowly around the room and then without warning she swayed. Thinking she was going to faint, Jackson put his arm out to steady her.

“Are you okay?” he asked urgently.

She put a hand to her head. “Sorry about that. I got dizzy for a moment.”