For Both Are Infinite (Hearts in London Book 1) (37 page)

I nodded, but it still hurt physically since it had been two years since Aaron, and it hurt my heart a little too. I was saddened that the idea of Aaron and I being with only each other was over. Gone. A small part of me felt guilty that he had only been with me, and I was becoming someone else’s, but then as Rhys started to shift slowly in and out of me, I felt the sweetest joy that he was my everything, and made me feel loved unconditionally.

He kept his eyes on mine the entire time, only closing them to kiss me on my lips, my chest, my neck, and even my ear as he whispered that he loved me. My eyes welled up and he felt my tears on my cheeks, pulling away to say, “Am I hurting you?”

“No, I’m perfect.”

“Why are you crying, love?”

“Because this is so
right
with you. I didn’t think I’d have it again.”

Rhys' kisses became commanding against my mouth as if he was trying to tell me something. He stopped and leaned his head against my forehead. “I am so deeply in love with you.” He stirred our bodies together gently and the more he did, the less it hurt and the better it felt. “I hope you know, I don’t ever want to be without you… you’re the love of my life…” He stopped moving to assure he had my attention and forced me to meet his eyes. “I’m not saying this because we’re having sex. I have felt this for a long time…you know this.”

“I know,” I whispered, turning my cheek into his hand and looking away shyly. Rhys pulled my eyes back to his.

“But now that we are together in this way, I love you even more…not because it feels good, of course it does, but because you’ve given me every part of you. I’ll never be the same without you.”

I stayed quiet, having no words I could reply with that would equal the love he had just expressed. Instead, I reciprocated by pressing my mouth to his and wrapping my legs around him tighter. He continued rocking against me, our lips forever joined as we held each other closely, but never close enough. His gentle, deep thrusts brought us both to climax and after, Rhys rolled us to our sides keeping us connected in every way.

He devotedly rubbed his hand through my hair as I nuzzled into his chest.

“Are you all right?” he whispered.

“Yes,” I stared back. “You know, I’ll never be the same without you either. I’m not going anywhere…this is it for me.”

"I know," he said, turning over to turn out the light and returning to my side. I could still see his face in the moonlight splashing in when he asked, “Why tonight?”

It caused me to smirk, and feeling a sudden bashfulness I hid my mouth with the covers. “Lots of reasons: I love you without limit and know you feel the same. You’ve been so patient with me, but mostly because you won your award.”

“What?” he jerked back in the bed. “Why would that change your mind?”

“You don’t understand. You won something tonight, but I wanted you to understand I did too. You won your award, but you’re mine… life awarded me you, Rhys.” I paused, watching him process my explanation and then saw it sink in when his eyes watered.

“You see, I’ve suffered through things that will stay with me forever. Sometimes it felt like a test, maybe from God or life, challenging me to move forward and be happy in spite of what I’d been through, and since that moment you started loving me, even before either of us knew we were loving each other, I realized life brought you into mine as a reward for pushing through all the bad days that I didn’t want to live through. You’re my reward for trying and I’m so glad I tried because I found you.”

He didn’t respond and hugged me so close I could barely breathe. Rhys kissed my forehead in a way that demonstrated how much my words affected him and I thought I felt moisture against his eyes. He never said it, but I knew Rhys was proud of me. Not because we’d had sex, not for loving him, but because I had chosen to live and I chose to do it with him by my side. I put a lot behind me to move forward, but Rhys loved the idea of being next to me through it all.

He fell asleep first, breathing deeply and louder, no doubt exhausted from the day’s events and our lovemaking. But I stayed awake for a while, unable to keep myself from smiling at the thought that I won twice in life, with Rhys and Aaron. I relived moments with Rhys from earlier, shyly remembering how wonderful he felt all over my skin, and looked forward to discovering more of his body and heart.

∞

The sound of Rhys’ light snoring woke me as the sunlight entered his windows. He had been holding me tightly, which made it difficult to sneak to the bathroom before he awoke. We had woken up with morning breath before, but after the night we’d had I was concerned he would want to be overly affectionate the moment he saw me. I also wanted a minute to myself; to think, to breathe, to remember all the wonderful seconds we shared only hours before.

Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I noticed a difference no outsider would see. Everything looked the same, but within I could feel the change pouring out. I held no regret, I wasn’t distressed, and it was because everything felt right. I had never seen Rhys so nervous, with shaking hands that he tried to steady as he held me. He was gentle and loving, and in a way it felt like losing my virginity all over again because it was such a monumental first for me. It may have added pressure on him, but I hoped that he was able to enjoy the moment the way I did. It seemed he had.

I begun washing my face and when I lifted my head to my towel I saw a naked Rhys sleepily watching through the door. He startled me and I covered myself with the towel out of habit. Rhys smirked sheepishly. “Why are you always hiding from me? I’ve seen all there is now.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Old habits die hard,” I said, hanging the towel up and revealing my naked body again. He strode over toward me and stroked my face with his fingertips before embracing me. Though he was turned on, there was nothing sexual in his hug, or in the way he pressed his lips to my forehead in a devoted kiss. Resting his cheek against mine he whispered, “Are you okay? Was everything last night all right?”

“It was,” I nodded.

Pulling back so I could see his eyes, he asked, “Are you happy…with all that happened?”

I could see concern forming in his crystal blue eyes; he was nervous that I had gone to the bathroom to hide from him. It was always surprising to see someone as confident as Rhys, become so disheveled by my thoughts.

“Rhys, I’m very happy. Everything about last night was wonderful: your win, the song you sent me, the Chinese food in our formal wear, and making love to you. I wouldn’t change a single second. Would you?”

“No, Ellie, not a single second since the day I met you.”

We showered together after that, having sex as we cleaned each other and then Rhys made me the sweetest breakfast. He had become greedy with me, touching me every opportunity, whether it was lightly as he passed me, or passionately in a groping embrace or kiss. It made me feel like he couldn’t get enough of me and I was unable to keep my hands off him as well. We spent the day lounging around, laughing and kissing, watching movies in our pajamas, and best of all making love repeatedly.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

F
or the two Christmases before I’d met Rhys, my life was stagnant. I celebrated holidays only out of obligation from society, my parents and Anne. They lacked the usual joy that came with festivities since I was missing my partner, but with Rhys it came back in spades. I couldn’t wait to open gifts with him, the excitement reminiscent of my childhood when I counted down the days.

He seemed equally excited and took me to Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park. The date was juvenile; two adults riding carnival rides and eating junk food, but it was the exact kind of date Aaron would have taken me on. It was as though he was still around, because as Rhys integrated himself into my life, he had given me experiences that reminded me of the old Ellie while including me in his life as
his
Ellie.

Sometimes I’d get lost in how Rhys stared at me, as though he’d been searching for me for years, wandering through life just a little incomplete without me. And I would think back to moments when I felt loneliest, or missed my old life most; I couldn’t have imagined that one day things would not only get better, but wonderful again. It seemed time really did heal all wounds, whether we believed it or not. After everything it was just nice to believe again. My heart had earned a hole in it from Aaron’s void, but I had started filling it with happy memories instead of my last image of him, all because Rhys had bandaged it with his love and understanding.

After the night of the show we had been making love nonstop, slowly acquainting ourselves with each other’s bodies. When we got home from Winter Wonderland, I caught Rhys watching me take off my coat. I could tell what he was thinking. I could hear it in the void of his words and I wanted it too. I’d grown captivated to how he made me feel when intimate. After removing my boots, I stood up to meet him and lifted his black shirt from his waist. He started doing the same to me and we became drunk off one another’s mouths, stripping everything and having sex in my bed for the first time.

Rhys made me feel worshiped every time and I hoped it would always be that way with him. I couldn’t have felt closer, physically or emotionally, and my entire body loved him. My skin adored him as we melded together, my heartbeat attempted escaping my chest just to be closer to his, and my mouth couldn’t get enough of him. I couldn’t fathom that there’d ever been a time when I hadn’t loved him, when I almost didn’t tell him. I repeated my breathy whisper of those words between staggered breaths, over and over into his ears, his neck and mouth. Above me, he stopped moving and leaned up. “Ellie, promise me I can keep you forever,” he whispered.

I nodded as I kissed his face until he started moving again and we breathed our satisfaction into each other’s mouths. Afterward he spooned me from behind and I considered that I wanted nothing more than forever with Rhys, but feared it wasn’t always promised. As if he sensed my doubt, he gripped me tighter, silently telling me that he wasn’t going anywhere.

∞

In all the holiday chaos, Christmas Eve sneaked up on us. We hosted a small dinner, inviting Noah and a girl he’d been seeing, John and his wife, and Rhys’ best friend Charlie. I asked Rhys why I’d never met Charlie if they were such great friends, and he explained that Charlie lived in Scotland for most of the year. His parents had a vacation home near Catherine’s house and they had grown up spending their summers together, but after a few years Charlie’s mother loved it so much they moved permanently. Rhys only saw him a couple of times a year, but told me that they spoke often and that I would really like him. Something in the way he said it was odd, and when I asked about it he explained, “All the girls love Charlie.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say he’s suave, good looking, and a huge flirt.”

I grew anxious to meet someone important to him, curious to see his looks if Rhys thought him handsome. I’d also been uneasy because Rhys was acting odd all day, and whenever I asked about it he gave me a sad smile and brushed it off.

We made a traditional American ham with sides; Rhys had wanted to cater, though it didn’t feel right having someone work for me during the holidays. His intentions were kind too, but I enjoyed cooking because it reminded me of who I was and how far I’d come to find that again.

John and Veronica arrived first with Noah and Poppy close behind, but when Charlie arrived the mood in the room changed. He was devilishly handsome and carried himself with a cocky grin that said he knew it. After hugging Rhys tightly he sauntered up to me and said, “So this is her…the girl that has you humiliatingly infatuated.”

Rhys was smirking, and I intentionally snapped back, “As a matter of fact, yes. Nice to meet you,” I said, extending my hand assertively.

“Oh,” he looked back at Rhys. “She has bite; no wonder you like her!” He turned back around and grabbed my hand with a strong grip. “Charlie McConnell,” he said and kissed my hand. “Pleasure to meet you, Ellie. I’ve heard a lot about you and I’m very glad to meet the lady that makes my friend feel on top of the world. Don’t be fooled, I don’t bite.”

He winked flirtatiously with his last comment and I flushed, my skin betraying me. He was quite handsome, tall with dirty blond hair and green eyes. Based on first impression I guessed that Charlie was a heartbreaker. Rhys didn’t like that he was still holding my hand and knocked Charlie’s away. “All right, hands off my lady now.” They both laughed and Rhys led me to the dining table with his hand possessively against my back.

We started dinner shortly after and Rhys was still acting off, but gave a toast anyways. As we passed food around, we discussed everyone’s plans for the following day, and Charlie brought up how Rhys and I met.

“So, did he really almost botch it up by hinting through the telly?”

“He didn’t,” I scoffed. “I misunderstood.”

“Nah, don’t take the blame for his daftness. He was too timid!” Charlie took a swig of his whiskey and winked at Rhys.

I looked over at my boyfriend, smiling away my frustration and said, “Has he always picked on you this way?”

Rhys laughed, “Yes, but that’s how brothers treat each other.”

John chimed in, “It’s true, Ellie. My brothers and I used to drive each other mad.”

“Don’t even get him started. Horror stories,” Veronica mumbled under her breath.