For the Love of Cake (26 page)

She shouldn’t even be so excited to see her. Shannon probably only wanted to try to talk her out of the interview. And Maya definitely didn’t want to discuss that. She took another deep breath, then opened the door.

“Is it too late?” Shannon asked right away.

“Of course not, come in.” Maya stepped back and waited for Shannon to enter. She leaned out and checked the hallway before closing the door.

“I wasn’t followed.” Shannon’s voice carried a note of humor.

“Good.” Maya laughed.

Shannon glanced at the array of covered dishes Maya had arranged on the coffee table in the sitting area.

“I took the liberty,” Maya said. “I didn’t want the room-service guy to see you here and sell his story.”

“Good thinking. A little paranoid maybe.”

“When you’ve been doing this as long as I have, there’s no such thing as paranoia.”

“Doing this? You mean inviting women back to your hotel room?”

“You invited yourself.”

Shannon shook her finger at her. “No. You extended the original invitation yesterday. I’m just a day late showing up.”

“Anyway, I meant living in the public eye. But, yes, that too.”

“Well, you’re honest.”

“I haven’t pretended to be anything I’m not. Not with you, anyway.” She purposely injected a self-deprecating tone. Shannon stepped closer, grasped Maya’s chin, and lifted her head. Her eyes raced over Maya’s face, then narrowed as if seeing something she didn’t approve of. But as quickly as her expression changed, it was gone again.

“And you don’t have to.” Her response was so sincere that Maya allowed herself to believe things could really be that simple. Here was a person she could truly be herself with. But believing something like that might only get her in trouble.

“Let’s eat before it gets cold.” Maya took Shannon’s hand, pulling it away from her face. But she didn’t let go of it as she led her to the sofa. “Have you had any sleep at all in the past two days?”

“Yes. I had a nap in an extremely uncomfortable hospital chair.”

“That sounds lovely. Maybe we should skip dinner. You have a big day tomorrow. You need to be alert and at the top of your game in just eight hours.”

“I’m too wired to sleep right now.”

“I’ll bet. How’s your daughter?” Maya uncovered several dishes and began piling food onto two plates.

“She’s good.”

“And the baby? Everyone happy and healthy?”

“Yes. The baby’s beautiful.” Shannon’s eyes welled up. Maya moved toward her, intent on deepening the conversation, but Shannon took one of the plates and said, “I want to talk about the interview.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m giving the interview and that’s final.”

“You said if I had dinner with you, we could discuss it.”

“Okay.” Maya settled onto the sofa beside her, laid a napkin in her lap, and picked up a fork. She looked at Shannon expectantly. “Go ahead.”

“What?”

“Tell me why you don’t want me to do it.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re only indulging me and you’ll do what you want to do anyway?”

“I won’t let that photo go public. Can you think of another way?”

“Are you that worried about your relationship with the show?”

“My relationship with the show?” Maya set aside her plate, flew off the sofa, and threw her hands up. “That’s already toast. I wouldn’t come back next season if they asked me. I’ve been getting pressure from the producers, through Hugh, to be the same person they brought onto the show as a competitor. It’s been seven years. I’m not that stupid kid anymore. But I’m not allowed to grow up?”

“Then what’s this about? Why stop the photo? Let it go public.”

“I won’t let them do that to you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your advancement in this competition is in no way due to my feelings for you. I won’t let it appear as if it were. I know how easily the press can tarnish a reputation and how difficult it is to earn it back.”

Shannon froze with her fork halfway to her mouth and stared at Maya. Uncertain, Maya played back her words in her head, and realization brought an ache to her chest. Had she just admitted she had feelings for Shannon? And, more importantly, had Shannon picked up on the fact that she’d admitted it?

Shannon patted the sofa cushion beside her and said, “Sit down and eat. We’ll finish this later.”

“It’s decided,” Maya said stubbornly.

Shannon picked up her own fork and began pushing her food around, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. They didn’t talk any more about the interview. In fact, the only sound in the room was the clinking of their forks against the plates.

When they finished Maya gathered their plates, including Shannon’s half-full one, and stacked them on a table by the door. “Did you not like the food?”

“No, it was good. I guess I wasn’t as hungry as I thought. After a couple of bites, I just lost my appetite.”

“Were you sneaking all of your daughter’s hospital food?”

Shannon smiled halfheartedly. “No. But I should have. She wasn’t eating it anyway.”

“What’s wrong?” Maya sat back down beside her. Shannon had been subdued since she arrived. She looked exhausted, but Maya sensed there was more to it.

“Nothing.”

“Then why do you look sad?”

“I’m not. Not really.”

Maya waited patiently, not content with the answer but sensing that pushing wouldn’t get her anywhere.

Shannon sighed. “I’m so happy for Regan and the amazing journey she’s beginning. Adopting was the best decision I ever made. But a part of me will always wonder what it would feel like to be pregnant, you know?”

If it was physically possible for all of a person’s breath to leave their lungs in one sudden, painful moment, Maya’s did. The agony that pierced her chest hit her surprisingly hard, even after a year.

Shannon kept talking, apparently unaware of Maya’s pain. “I—I’ve been a parent for the past thirteen years. But I don’t—I’ve never felt a life growing inside me.” She rested her hand against her own stomach, still not meeting Maya’s eyes. Maya wondered how much of the guilt that kept her looking away was for Maya—for what Shannon believed she’d done.

She wanted to tell her, but she didn’t know how to force the words out. In all of these months, she’d never talked about it to anyone except Wendy, and even those conversations had been stilted. Maya had kept herself as emotionally distant as she could, and Wendy clearly didn’t know what to say. Now, Maya was no more eager to revive the pain. But, today especially, she couldn’t stand for Shannon to think she’d had so little regard for another life—for the life that had grown inside her.

“This all probably sounds silly to someone who doesn’t even want kids,” Shannon said.

“I never said I didn’t want kids.” Maya’s body went cold. She stood and walked to the window, every step made more difficult by her urge to flee the room. Every second that went by brought her one step closer to the truth.

“I—well, I guess I just assumed, considering—”

“I know what you assumed.” Her voice was as hard as she could make it, like a brick wall she wanted to keep between them. Her anger surged—anger at the press and at Shannon for believing their speculation and lies. But though she tried to cling to the safety of the wall, she could feel it crumbling and somehow knew that if she looked at Shannon, she’d find her holding the bricks as she took them down one by one. She took a breath. “I didn’t have an abortion.”

Shannon’s reflection glowed in the surface of the darkened window in front of her. Though she didn’t turn, she could see Shannon staring at her.

“I got pregnant. I wasn’t exactly with the father so, yes, it was unplanned and unexpected, but I was so—” Maya’s voice broke and tears fell down her cheeks. She swiped the backs of her fingers against her face, not stopping them, only diverting their path. “When I found out, I was happy. I didn’t abort my child. I had a miscarriage.” When she reached the words she’d been dreading, they spilled out surprisingly easy. Shannon stood and approached, but Maya kept her back to her. “And to answer your question about being pregnant, it was amazing. And heartbreaking.”

“Oh, sweetie.” Shannon touched her arm, gently turned her, and pulled her closer.

When Shannon tried to guide her back to the sofa, Maya jerked away. She stumbled back two steps until her back hit the wall.

“Maya.” Shannon reached for her again.

“No.” With a sob, she slid down until she sat on the floor and pulled her knees into her chest. “I—damn it, I’m—this is not me. I’m not a crier.”

Shannon knelt in front of her and grasped both of her hands. “It’s okay.” She sat beside her and pulled her into her arms.

Maya resisted at first, but Shannon’s arms around her felt like the haven she’d needed for so long. While she didn’t break down completely, she stopped trying so hard to stifle her tears. She relaxed against Shannon’s chest and wrapped her arm around Shannon’s waist. Shannon cupped the back of her neck, and something about the touch soothed her. Feeling Shannon’s fingers firm against her neck grounded her when it seemed everything was out of her control.

As she began to quiet, Shannon eased back a little. “This is what you intend to reveal in that interview?”

Maya nodded, not trusting that she could speak without sobbing.

“No.” Shannon’s voice was harder than Maya had ever heard it.

Maya sniffed and pulled in a deep breath. “It’s not up for debate—”

Shannon stroked Maya’s jaw, then lifted her chin until she met her eyes. “You’re right, it’s not. You’re not doing it.”

“I have to.” Maya pulled out of Shannon’s arms and scrambled to her feet. The concern in Shannon’s eyes made her feel more vulnerable than she was ready for. But escaping to the other side of the room didn’t lessen the pressure in her chest.

“You don’t. Honey, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You don’t owe anyone anything.” Shannon stood, too, but remained a couple of feet away. “Least of all, me.”

“If I don’t, they’ll run the photo.” She couldn’t shield Shannon from the reality of media scrutiny forever. But if she could keep this photo under wraps, maybe she’d buy Shannon a bit more time before it really became a factor in her life. “Maybe it’ll be a relief to get the truth out.”

“What you went through—it’s so personal. I won’t be the reason you can’t keep it private.” Shannon’s eyes shone with unshed tears.

“Let me worry about that.”

“Why do you dismiss my part in this? You did it in Hugh’s office and you’re doing it now. I’m not some innocent you corrupted. I was in that bar with you.”

“And if you’ll recall, I was the one putting the moves on you.” Maya closed the distance between them much the same way as she had that night, with several quick strides. She leaned in, demonstrating how she’d gotten in Shannon’s personal space.

“And I wanted you to,” Shannon whispered quickly. She turned her head as she spoke, and her breath feathered across Maya’s cheek.

“You can’t say things like that and still expect me not to kiss you.” Maya turned her head, too, bringing her mouth within inches of Shannon’s.

“I want you to. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since you kissed me in the elevator.” Shannon wrapped her arms around Maya’s waist.

“Well, I’m not going to.” She used every bit of willpower to keep herself still in Shannon’s arms.

“No?” Shannon leaned in a bit more, her nose brushing Maya’s, but their lips didn’t touch.

“This time you’ll have to kiss me.”

“No problem.” Shannon’s lips moved against Maya’s as she answered.

Maya held still for as long as she could while Shannon’s lips caressed hers. In reality, she lasted only a handful of seconds before she buried her hands in Shannon’s hair and pulled her even closer. Where their first kiss was urgent and passionate, this one was tender—a slow exploration of the burn between them. Maya deepened the kiss, pouring her need and the lingering emotions of the evening into every stroke against Shannon’s lips.

Reluctantly, Maya eased back far enough to rest her forehead against Shannon’s, but not because she was done kissing her—she didn’t think she could get enough. She needed a moment to regain control. Shannon pressed her body closer so Maya wrapped her arms around her and held her, using the pressure against her to center herself. Over Shannon’s shoulder she glimpsed the time on the alarm clock by the bed.

She took Shannon’s hand. “Come lie down. You need to try to sleep. You’ll be exhausted tomorrow.”

“I should go.”

“Please, don’t. Stay with me.”

Shannon resisted, pulling back on Maya’s hand when she began to guide her across the room. “It’s been an emotional night for both of us.”

“I’m not trying to get in your pants, Shannon. Not tonight anyway. Despite what everyone thinks of me, using that situation to get laid is beneath even me.”

“I don’t—” Shannon said, then sighed.

“I—I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

Shannon nodded and let Maya lead her toward the bed. Maya released her hand and went to the dresser. She grabbed two T-shirts and two pairs of boxer shorts. After tossing a set to Shannon, she turned her back, pulled off her jeans, and put on the boxers. She replaced her shirt as well. When she faced the bed again, Shannon hadn’t moved. She stood staring at her, with the clothes clutched tightly to her chest.

“What’s wrong?”

“You can’t tell me you’re
not
trying to get in my pants and then strip down to your underwear in front of me.”

Drawing courage from the stark, hot lust burning behind the exhaustion in Shannon’s eyes, Maya crossed to stand very close to her. “I can and I did. But I’m trying to control myself because, as you said, it’s been an emotional night and you’re nearly dead on your feet. So if you don’t get your sexy behind in that bathroom and change so we can go to bed, I’ll have to help you do it.”

Shannon made a breathy sound, like a cross between a sigh and a moan, but she didn’t move toward the bathroom. Emboldened, Maya took the clothes from her arms and set them on the bed. Then she grasped the hem of Shannon’s sweater and lifted it slowly, giving her ample time to stop her. Once she’d freed the sweater, she folded it carefully and placed it aside. Shannon looked down at herself and folded her arms around her stomach. Maya gently moved them aside.