For the Love of Cake (23 page)

“I don’t.”

“The show—”

“No. Not good enough.” Maya shook her head. “The show is so temporary. It’ll be over in a couple of months.”

“But Hugh—”

“Forget about Hugh. He doesn’t have to know. Next?”

“We’re from two different worlds.” She resorted to generalities, because, even half drunk, she knew better than to bring up certain things with Maya, especially here where neither of them could escape when the conversation got too hard.

“Honey, I hate to break it to you. But you’re about to be from two different worlds yourself. Do you think you’ll just step back into your old life once the show is over?”

“That just makes my point. You’ll go back to New York and I’ll—who knows what I’ll do. I have a lot to figure out.”

Maya gave a resigned sigh and nodded. But she looked like she wanted to say something more. Without another word, Maya turned and walked back inside.

Shannon squelched the bubble of hope that Maya had wanted to ask Shannon to make her a part of those decisions. She’d admit to some harmless fantasizing about Maya, probably since the first time she’d seen her on her own season of the show. But she shouldn’t delude herself into believing they had some kind of future.

C
HAPTER
F
IFTEEN

Maya stared out the front window of the black SUV as if she could see into the matching one just ahead of them. Yet even if she could see Shannon, she wouldn’t be any closer to understanding their conversation at the party. Shannon was jealous of Greta, that much she got. In fact, she kind of liked it. She even agreed with many of the reasons they shouldn’t pursue the attraction between them. What she couldn’t get her head around was why it bothered her so much. While she wasn’t exactly the “love ’em, and leave ’em” chick people believed she was, she also didn’t do much sticking around.

But when it came to Shannon, she wanted nothing more than to be there. Shannon had said she wanted Maya to flirt with her and mean it. And Maya really did. She found it difficult to be in the same room without wanting to be closer to her. And once she was near, she wanted to touch her—sometimes the urge for the kind of casual, comforting touches that couples shared came on surprisingly strong.

The two cars stopped under the portico of their hotel. As soon as Maya closed the door, both vehicles pulled away, leaving the group of them standing there together. Wayne and Jacques nodded at her, then disappeared inside, followed closely by Ned and Mason. By the time Maya tried to follow the others, Alice had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, blocking the entrance.

“I’m not ready for bed yet. That party was a bit of a dud.” Alice grabbed Shannon’s arm. “Let’s go out.”

“What? Where?”

“I don’t know. This is your town.”

“I don’t think we’re supposed to—”

“Please?”

Maya moved to step around them. “Have a good evening, ladies. Don’t worry. I won’t rat you out.” Her arm brushed Shannon’s shoulder, and, as she eased past, she instinctively touched the small of Shannon’s back.

“You should come along,” Alice said.

“I’m not sure the producers would like that.”

“My mistake. I thought you were a rebel.” Alice was challenging her.

Maya raised her brows and glanced at Shannon, who shrugged. Maya couldn’t decide if that meant she wanted her to join them or if she simply felt as trapped as Maya did. Now that she thought about it, Shannon hadn’t actually agreed to go yet. What if she agreed and Shannon bowed out, leaving her alone with Alice?

“I’m in.” She held Shannon’s eyes and tried to convey her hope that Shannon wouldn’t abandon her.

Shannon nodded. “Okay. I’ll show you where you should have gone when you went out on your own.”

“Great.” Alice looped her arm through Shannon’s and pulled her down the street. “And we already have our party clothes on. Where are we going? Can we walk there from here?”

As Maya followed them along the sidewalk, she couldn’t hear Shannon’s answers as each one was drowned out by the next question. Shannon stopped suddenly next to a taxi parked by the curb. She pulled open the door and waited for Alice to get in.

“We could walk, but this is faster.” She jumped in behind Alice and slid to the center of the seat.

Maya got in last and pulled the door closed. With the three of them in there, Maya was pressed tightly against Shannon, and her other side hugged the door. She slipped her shoulder behind Shannon’s and tried not to notice the way Shannon’s arm rested on top of hers or how little effort it would take to hold her hand.

Shannon leaned up and gave the driver their destination. As she sat back, she looked at Maya. In the mix of darkness and streetlamp glow, the planes of Shannon’s face appeared more dramatic, and, though they weren’t alone, the moment felt almost more intimate than Maya could handle.

“Are you really okay with this?” Shannon asked quietly while Alice continued chattering about the architecture of the bridge they crossed.

“Which part?” She turned her hand over and caressed her fingers against the underside of Shannon’s wrist, confident that their legs hid the move from Alice’s sight.

“How much trouble are we in if we get caught?”

Maya let her eyes drop to Shannon’s lips, purposely misunderstanding just what she thought they might get caught doing.

“Stop.” Shannon’s firm voice didn’t erase the images in her head.

“You can’t make me,” she said stubbornly, then sighed. “Hugh will be pissed. But mostly because he didn’t catch us in time to get someone to tail us. His biggest concern is the show. And he loves to ramp up the drama. Haven’t you ever noticed that the questions in those
interviews
they pull us into every so often are geared toward pitting you guys against each other?”

“I never thought about it.”

“They don’t put you in teams so you can work together. They do it because if you have to work closely in very small groups, you’re more likely to blow up at each other.”

Shannon was quiet for the rest of the ride. Maya took the opportunity to watch the neighborhoods change outside the window. The tall buildings of downtown gave way to a four-lane street lined with old gas stations, discount beer and tobacco markets, and storefronts with iron bars on the windows. Two blocks later, she began to see signs of rehabbing—fresh paint and new fences.

The cab stopped and Maya handed the fare through the divider before she climbed out. Three bars lined the sidewalk. Across the street a bicycle shop had already gone dark for the night.

“This way.” Shannon led them into the bar in the middle.

Inside, Maya immediately inhaled a mix of yeasty beer, fried foods, and cigarette smoke. A group of college-age kids clustered around the bar. And the two tables in the back held a crowd of hipsters obviously too cool for personal hygiene.

“When did beards come back in, anyway?” Maya asked as they settled around one of several empty tables.

“I don’t like them,” Alice said.

“Right. Too itchy.” Maya rubbed her cheek.

“There are darts and pool tables in the back room, if you’re into that,” Shannon said.

“I love darts.” Alice glanced around. “But first I want a beer.”

“Me too.”

“Great. You two have so much in common,” Shannon murmured, clearly referring to more than the darts, but Maya didn’t think Alice heard her.

Maya narrowed her eyes at Shannon but decided not to call her on the snarky comment. “You were right. This place is much better than that club I went to.”

Their waitress came by a couple minutes later and introduced herself. She took their order, and Maya slipped her credit card to her in order to start a tab. She signaled to put all of the drinks for the table on it.

Maya wanted to settle back in her chair and watch Shannon, but she ended up fielding questions from Alice about everything ranging from New York City to how she got her hair to stand up the way she did.

When she bent her head and rubbed her hand over her head, still getting used to the shorter length, she caught Shannon’s intent gaze. Maya could practically feel Shannon’s fingers sifting through her hair and caressing her scalp. Goosebumps rose on her arms, and from the way Shannon stared, she wasn’t the only one entertaining fantasies.

“Who wants another?” Alice asked.

“One is my limit,” Maya said.

“One?” Shannon’s chuckle turned to a cough as she must have realized Maya was serious. “Really?”

Maya nodded.

“Okay,” Alice said. “Let me know if you change your mind.” She headed for the bar, leaving Maya and Shannon sitting in awkward silence.

“Not what you expected?” Maya asked.

“Not at all.”

“I don’t like being drunk. It slows me down too much.” She would have bet that Shannon was recalling the many grainy tabloid photos in which Maya seemed to be partying hard. But the pictures never told the whole story.

“Are you really that much of a control freak?”

Maya clenched her teeth and tightened her jaw, wishing she’d just taken the drink and nursed it like she always did. What was it about Shannon that made her want to open up?

Shannon covered Maya’s hand and squeezed. “I’m sorry. I just meant—you seem to be fearless and fly by the seat of your pants in the kitchen. I assumed you were as—”

“What? Reckless?”

“Well, yes. But more like carefree, really. I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

“It’s okay. I think I know what you meant.” Maya withdrew her hand.

“Maya.”

“It’s fine.” Her first reaction was anger. She’d spent the past seven years being judged by people who didn’t know her, and she wanted Shannon to be different. Sometimes she was, and then she said something to remind Maya of her complete lack of privacy. “I don’t drink much. It’s not a big deal. I don’t have some hidden addiction or anything. You watched my season. You know I partied a lot during that time.”

Shannon nodded.

“I saw people around me doing a lot of stupid things back then and using alcohol as an excuse. I witnessed how much someone can fuck up their life without a conscious thought, and I don’t want to be one of those people. Despite those party days, I don’t have a high tolerance for alcohol, so it doesn’t take much for me to feel out of control. So, yes, I guess I
am
a control freak.”

“I’m sorry.” Under the table, Shannon laid her hand on Maya’s thigh. “I understand. And that’s actually admirable.”

God, Maya couldn’t resist when her voice went all soft like that. But something about Shannon viewing her as honorable in some way didn’t sit right either. So many times she’d acted selfishly, and yes, she had been reckless, with her choices and with others by extension. She stood and wandered toward the back room. She could feel Shannon following her, but she didn’t acknowledge her. The area around the pool tables was more crowded than the front had been. She waited while a guy took his shot then edged around to the far wall. She leaned against a bar stool next to the wall, not really sitting but just resting the edge of her butt on the seat. Shannon caught her and grabbed her wrist.

“Hey. Really. I’m sorry.”

Maya stared at her for longer than was polite, then finally nodded before averting her eyes. No one was playing darts, and, in fact, no one could since the area in front of the boards had been turned into an impromptu dance floor. Couples of all races and genders swayed to the slow jazz coming from large speakers around the room. Maya watched them, jealous of their freedom to embrace each other. She pushed off from the stool, latching on to the excuse to hold Shannon in her arms.

“Dance with me.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t dance?”

“I can’t dance with
you
.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t be that close—”

“How close?” She took a step forward, leaving only inches between them. “This close?” She’d intended to tease Shannon a bit, but too late, she realized she’d tortured herself as well.

Shannon’s eyes flashed with heat, but even though she had plenty of space behind her, she didn’t move away. “I can’t touch you without completely giving myself away.” Shannon’s words hit Maya like a wave, crashing white-hot lust over her until she thought she might drown in it.

“It’s just one dance.” She forged the lie in an effort to recover from the naked desire in Shannon’s expression and the answering pull within her.

“No. It’s not.”

“Do you know how bad I want to kiss you right now?” Desperate now, she threw the most honest words she could think of into the tense space between them.

“I have some idea.”

Knowing that Shannon was just as affected by their exchange didn’t make it any easier to restrain herself. She couldn’t breathe without pulling in the fresh, lightly floral scent of Shannon’s perfume. When Shannon looked away, she got a reprieve from the intensity of her gaze, but the smooth length of neck exposed by the turn of her head didn’t ease the ache. She leaned closer and spoke near Shannon’s ear, tormenting herself with a close-up view of the skin she wanted her mouth against. “I can’t think of a good-enough reason not to.”

Just then a blinding camera flash cut through the darkened room. She jerked back and looked around, but she was still seeing stars from the bright light and couldn’t make out who had taken a photo and of what. Shannon stared at her with an expression of panic.

“That would be one reason.” Shannon’s voice sounded surprisingly calm, but Maya guessed it was numbness that dulled her tone.

“Shannon—”

“I have to get out of here.” Shannon sounded like she might be starting to panic.

Before either of them could move, Alice hurried up to them. “What was that? Who was taking pictures?”

“I don’t know.” Maya glanced around, but apparently whoever it was had slipped away. Several bystanders stared at them, but none looked guilty enough to be the culprit.

“On my way over, I saw a guy watching you two, right before it happened.”

“Let’s get out of here.” Maya herded them both toward the door, making a quick stop on the way to close out their bar tab.