Forbidden Lessons (19 page)

"I sort of… tried to proposition Mr Rydell." Susie had worked herself into her part so well that she actually managed to blush at this point. Meanwhile her brain was working furiously to visualise how he might genuinely have reacted in such a situation.
 

Grace Grant had experienced many things in her years of teaching but this threw her. Susie wasn’t even in the Upper School yet. She knew the girl was precocious but this was bizarre behaviour.

"I imagine he didn’t respond how you intended." She hoped against hope that the German teacher hadn’t responded how Susie intended.

"No he was very shocked and embarrassed. I think he was quite angry but he tried to be kind. He made me feel such a moron." Susie was getting into the swing of this now. In her own mind it had practically happened for real. "He made me a cup of tea because I was in a state and then told me to go back to the House." She knew the tea thing was pushing it but she had to account for the length of time that Teresa claimed to have observed.

It was time for Grace Grant to pass judgement.

"This was a very serious and silly thing to do Susie. I realise you might like to think of yourself as sophisticated, but you are only a schoolgirl and you have your whole life ahead of you to experience boys and relationships. This kind of foolishness could not only ruin your own life but could have ruined Mr Rydell’s reputation and career as well. I appreciate that you regret what you have done, but you must realise how badly it could compromise him."

Susie attempted what she believed was meant by "hanging one’s head".
 

"Should I write to him and apologise?"

"I don’t think that will be appropriate or necessary. I will have a private talk with him and if you can give me your word of honour that you won’t attempt anything like this again, we may be able to put this all behind us."

Grace Grant was very unsettled. She needed more time to think about the matter. Something, she felt, wasn’t right. Had she seen the gleam of relief and triumph in Susie’s eyes she would have had even graver doubts.

* * *

A mammoth task lay ahead with very little time. Susie had to get to Laura to warn her to keep her mouth shut. She had to get to Mr Rydell to convince him to let her take the bullet for them. And she had to get to Teresa Hubert to let her know her plan was foiled. That last would at least be a pleasure.

She couldn’t manage all three in the time available. In particular she could hardly track Mr Rydell down now herself for a private rendezvous. Charlotte would need to take on that task. Hopefully she would be finished with hockey practice by now. Susie went to the changing rooms to set up an ambush.

On the way she had the misfortune to bump into Mr Peters.
 

"Susanna! Headed to the library, I see?" Her route to the changing room took her in the same direction.

"Actually I have to fetch some gym kit."

"And how is your recital progressing? Don’t forget my offer to help in any way I can. The Metaphysical poets have long been a special area of interest of mine." He gave her what he felt was a warm and suggestive smile. To Susie it looked more like a leer.

"There are a couple of lines I’m getting stuck on," Susie said. This was a lie.

"Never hesitate to ask if you need assistance. It’s always a delight to teach a truly receptive mind."

Fortunately they had reached the changing room. She escaped into its stale sweat, body spray and muddy-shoe scented sanctuary.

Laura was white with shock and looked close to vomiting. Susie had managed to get her to the music rooms so they could talk as privately as possible.

"It’s all ok. Gi-Gi lapped it up. It all hangs on you and Mr Rydell now, just don’t do anything idiotic. Remember it’s worse for me, not better, if you now go and confess. As it is I’ve got away with it all pretty much. If she finds out I was lying we’re all for the chop. The others may get dragged in too."

"I have to see him."

"No you absolutely don’t. Not now, no way. Charlotte is handling it. If you love him for God’s sake don’t wreck this for him."

* * *

Charlotte played her part admirably after Susie had cornered her in the changing room and explained the crisis. Buoyed by a very successful practice Charlotte was still on a high when she tracked down Mr Rydell. By a stroke of luck he was in the German classroom with no one else around.

He initially reacted exactly as Susie had predicted to Charlotte that he would. He was utterly opposed to Susie taking the fall and it took all of Charlotte’s persuasion to convince him.

"If you don’t go along with this, we’re all fucked. Particularly you and Laura. Susie knows what she’s doing, I know you don’t teach her so you don’t really know her, but she’s not like other girls," Charlotte said.

"I’m becoming increasingly aware of that," he said. "But I can’t let her lie for me."

"She’s not doing this for you. We’re doing this for Laura, she’s our friend."

"I need to think about this."

"There’s no point three people going down when no one needs to. Susie’s done this now. Don’t screw it up by being noble, she won’t thank you," Charlotte said.

He ran his hands through his hair. He looked exhausted.

"You’d better run along. Tell Laura…" He broke off, not knowing what message it was appropriate to send via Charlotte, if any. He didn’t want her to be compromised any more than she already was.

But they were all, as Susie had put it, in it up to their necks.

Charlotte could see that the battle was won. "Tell her what?"

"Tell her that everything will be OK."

"That’s it?"

He looked directly at Charlotte, his grey eyes meeting hers. For a moment she saw him as Laura saw him and understood everything better than she had done before. He was a person first, their German teacher second. Mr Rydell was flawed in terms of how he had yielded to temptation and crossed the line. But he genuinely loved Laura. Charlotte grew up in that moment, recognising something she hadn’t understood before. In a way it temporarily reversed their roles. She was the one in command of the situation.

"I’ll tell her you love her, and that she needs to be patient."

His eyes expressed gratitude and relief.

"Thank you."

* * *

It was the elephant in the room. The thing that none of them dared discuss. It was hardest for Laura because she had never needed so much to talk with the others about it, particularly Susie, but none of them felt safe even holding a conversation about it for now.
 

Susie had seen off Teresa Hubert effectively, or so she hoped. "Margie told me that you’ve been stirring. I hate to take the wind out of your sails but I’ve already been to see Gi-Gi and told her all there is to tell. Which is nothing - I paid him a brief visit, no more. So feel free to go and tell your sneaky tales but it won’t be news to her."

Teresa was livid but she knew when she was beaten. She suspected that whatever Susie had told the housemistress contained a multitude of lies but she had no additional proof of anything herself. Doubtless Susie had come up with some excuse for what was likely a liaison of the worst sort.
 

Teresa was convinced that someone like Susie was the kind of girl to act in the most promiscuous way possible. But the wrath of Mr Rydell was another consideration. If she wrongly accused them of having an affair he would be incandescent with rage and despise her forever. Even if she rightly accused them he would be furious.
 

Then there was her own crush on the German teacher. It was more comforting to hope that Susie might have been telling the truth that nothing was going on, so Teresa could continue to look for special attentions paid towards herself.

The others were still worried about what Teresa might try and do to expose things.

"It’s German that terrifies me. She’ll be there, watching us like a gimlet," Laura said.

"She won’t, she genuinely believes it was me. She may spread her nasty little tale around but I’m not sure who would listen to her." Susie also didn’t care if Teresa did try to slander her as she genuinely didn’t give a jot about other people’s opinions. Particularly opinions based on something that wasn’t even true.

Susie was quite in control of things and was very content with herself. With the midnight feast over and this latest disaster averted, it was time to complete her campaign against Mrs Ayers. Luck comes in threes, she thought, not that she needed luck.

* * *

Laura was absolutely desperate to speak with Mr Rydell. She knew that they needed to avoid being alone together more than ever but it was killing her.
 
Teresa managed to be as slow as possible gathering up her books after German so there was no way Laura could try and linger behind.

She hoped he might leave her a note but he didn’t. Tuesday came, and then Wednesday, and she was getting frantic looking out for him at lunch and around the school, hoping and hoping that they might manage to speak to one another.

The others were worried about her because she was barely eating or sleeping. In the end it was surprisingly Margery who decided they had to do something.

"He’s looking even worse than you. I’m sure he thinks he’s doing the right thing but I can tell he’s desperate to speak to you. He’s going to give the game away if he doesn’t stop glancing at you all the time." It was always Margery who had noticed the way he looked at Laura, more than the others did.
 

"But what can I do? Teresa is always there, always the last to leave," Laura said. "And he’s clearly not risking ever bumping into me alone around school any more."

"You need a chaperone," Margery said. "Charlotte and I will come up with some excuse to speak with him after class. If there’s three of us then Teresa can’t be so suspicious. We’ll hang back in a corner and you two can have a quick chat together."

Laura hugged Margery. "You’re the kindest friend ever. And I don’t deserve it, given how I ditched you on both exeats."

"It’s ok, I’ve got over it.
 
Seeing you like this has made me realise how much it all means to you," Margery said. It had also made Margery realise that there was more to life than schoolwork. She didn’t think she ever wanted to experience the desperate intensity of what Laura was going through, but at the same time she hoped she might one day get a sense of it for herself. Charlotte’s relationship with Julian was so laid-back by comparison, Margery often wondered if Charlotte’s heart was really in it.

But Laura and Mr Rydell: if there was such a thing as true love, perhaps this was it.
 
As inappropriate and misguided and wrong as Margery thought it was she recognised it as more sincere than Charlotte’s affair.

* * *

All went to plan. Mr Rydell was initially confused by Charlotte and Margery approaching him with some questions about German poetry translations.

But with Teresa finally gone, leaving only him and the three girls in the classroom, he realised the opportunity they were giving him.

It was still awkward talking because Charlotte and Margery would clearly be able to hear, though they tried to talk amongst themselves at the back of the room.

"How have you been?" he asked Laura. The answer was pretty obvious given how pale she was.
 

He also looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks even though it had only been a few days since the near disaster. His hair was tousled at the front and she longed to brush it back off his face and have him kiss her, make everything okay.

"Not great. But probably no worse than you," she said.

"I’m losing sleep because of you. But we’ve got no other options except patience and caution."

"I know. It’s so hard though. I feel like I can’t even be normal around you in class, like Teresa would notice the tiniest thing," Laura said.

"We just have to get through these weeks, and look forward to the holidays." Susie had invited Laura to stay with her for the final week of the Christmas holidays. The plan was for Laura to split the time between Susie and Mr Rydell.

"I was worried you might have changed your mind about everything," she said.

"Never." He paused. "There is one thing though, it’s not definite but it’s probable. An old friend has offered me a job in the New Year and if they’re able to replace me here I’m going to take it."

Laura was shocked, devastated. She felt like the world was collapsing around her. She stared at him, too distraught to respond.

"This makes no difference to us. If anything it’s better." He tried to reassure her. "For me to stay here, it’s going to be like this permanently otherwise. No more risking being with you, constantly having to suppress how I feel about you, constantly watching our backs. This way I’ll be free to write to you and even phone you."

"But it won’t be the same. At least here I get to see you every day." She couldn’t believe he would do this to her, to them.

"Not properly though. This way we can still see each other when you’re out of school. If anything we can make it more official. There are no rules, after all, about you having a relationship with someone outside school. Though we don’t want to push our luck, and there are your parents to consider."

The thought of being official with him made her heart leap for a moment, but the prospect of losing him from the school was still awful. She imagined the vast, empty loneliness of the playing fields knowing that he was no longer in the groundsman’s cottages. No longer anywhere there, accessible to her. No more daily glances. No more greetings when she passed him in the courtyard, knowing that he was smiling specifically at her, thinking of her.

"It will be awful without you here."

"It’s awful now, being so near you and not being able to spend a second alone with you," he said. He dropped his voice. "If it wasn’t for the others I would take you in my arms now. I miss holding you. You’re mine, Laura, I love you and none of this changes that."

Susie turned on the sugar in their next English lesson with Mr Peters. Not that he needed much encouragement. She made sure to ask him a couple of questions that flattered him to bestow his knowledge upon the class. He lapped it up.