Forever...: a novel (12 page)

Mom and Dad took turns staying home from work to take care of me. My father is a super nurse. He concocts delicious fruit drinks in the blender, knows just when you need a cold compress on your head, and loves to play gin rummy.

I stayed in bed for four days. Jamie wasn't allowed anywhere near me but every night she stood in my doorway and told me about her day. On Thursday I got up for an hour and walked around. I'd lost five pounds and had no strength. That night I called Michael.

"Hi … how are you?" he asked.

"I'm a lot better … I walked around for a while today and tomorrow I'm getting out of bed for good."

"Don't be surprised if you feel like jumping back in … " He coughed.

"You don't sound so good … can't you take something for that?"

"Yeah … I've got a whole mess of stuff."

"I miss you," I said.

"You wouldn't if you could see me … I look like the creature from the green lagoon."

"I don't look so good myself. Are you going back to school tomorrow?"

"No … not till Monday."

"Can you come over this weekend?"

"I hope so … Ill call you tomorrow and let you know."

"Okay … and take it easy."

"You too." He coughed again.

On Sunday afternoon he was well enough to drive over for a short visit. I begged Mom to let me wash my hair but she wouldn't. So I tucked it up inside a beach hat, remembering that's what Grandma does. I knew I looked awful but so did he. He had dark circles under his eyes.

"What's with the hat?" he asked.

"It's hiding my hair … I don't want you to see it this way."

"You think it'd make a difference?"

It might."

"You look tired."

"And you look green," I said, starting to laugh.

"I told you, didn't I?" He laughed with me until he started to cough. "Want a coughdrop?" he asked, popping one into his mouth.

"Thanks."

We sat in the den, holding hands, listening to music and talking.

I waited until my birthday, the following Friday, to tell Michael about the Pill. He had planned a special celebration. First we went to see
Candide
at the Paper Mill Playhouse and then we stopped at Mario's for a spaghetti supper. When we were just about through Michael reached into his pocket arid pulled out a small black jewelry box. "Happy birthday," he said, pushing it across the table.

"For me?" I never know how to act when I get a present. I'm always embarrassed. "What is it?"

"Open the box."

"Okay … " I opened it slowly. Inside was a small silver disk, with
Katherine
engraved across it, on a slender silver chain. "Oh, Michael … it's just beautiful."

"Turn it over," he told me.

I did, and on the other side it said,
Forever … Michael.
Eight away I knew I was going to cry. I bit my lip and tried to hold back the tears but nothing worked.

Michael called for the check while I hid my face behind a napkin. "I guess I should have waited till we were alone," he said.

I couldn't answer.

"Hey, Kath … come on … cut it out, will you … "

I nodded to show I was trying.

"It was supposed to make you happy … not sad."

"I'm not sad," I said in a squeaky voice.

"Let's get out of here." Michael paid the check, steered me through the restaurant, and led me to the car. When we were inside he fastened the chain around my neck and kissed me. I looked down at the silver disk, touched it and said, "In my whole life nothing will ever mean more to me."

"I'm glad you like it"

We kissed again and then I whispered in his ear, "I've got a surprise for you, too."

"My birthday's still a month away."

"I know … this is a different kind of surprise."

"Oh, yeah … tell me … "

"You have to guess."

"At least give me a hint."

"Okay … it's something I've got."

"VD?" he asked.

I swatted him over the head with my pocketbook. "Not unless you gave it to me!"

"No chance."

"Then guess again."

"I'm no good at guessing games."

"Oh … all right," I said, opening my pocket-book. I took out a package of pills and held them up for him to see.

At first he didn't seem to understand but then this slow smile spread across his face and he said, "The Pill?"

"Yup."

"You're taking the Pill?"

"Uhhuh."

"Since when?"

"I got them the day you got sick."

"But where … how … "

"I went to Planned Parenthood in New York."

"You're full of surprises, aren't you?"

"Well, it makes sense, doesn't it?"

"Oh, yeah … a lot."

I'd promised my parents we'd come home early, since according to them, I was still recuperating from the flu. They'd had friends in for dinner and everyone was still there when we got back, so Michael and I had no chance to be alone. We kissed goodnight on the front porch.

"Are Sharon and Ike away for the weekend?" I asked.

"No … "

"Oh … that's too bad." I put my arms around his waist and looked up at him.

"Don't worry," Michael said, "I'll think of something."

"Not your house," I told him the next night when he called for me, "I couldn't … "

"Why not? My mother and father won't be home before 12:00." I checked my watch. It was 7:30. "I don't know … " I said. "I feel funny about going to your house."

"Look," he said, "we don't have to do anything … we can just go there and talk."

"I think I've heard that before!"

Michael's house is red brick with white shutters. It's near the company where his father works. As soon as he unlocked the front door Tasha jumped on me. "Hi, Tasha … " I patted her head.

"Down girl," Michael said, and Tasha obeyed. "Come on … " He took my hand and showed me around. Everything was very neat. Their furniture was big, heavy and dark and the drapes were drawn in the living and dining rooms.

The kitchen was brighter, with yellow wallpaper, and hanging plants. A note was attached to the refrigerator with a magnetic flower. It said,
M—soup in refrig. Heat, don't boil.

"Want to see my room?" Michael asked.

"As long as I'm here I might as well," I laughed.

He led me upstairs, down a long hallway, to a room with cluttered bookcases and an unmade bed.

"Sorry about that," he said. I'm supposed to make it every day but sometimes I forget."

"How can anybody forget to make a bed?"

"It's easy." He turned on some music while I walked around inspecting all the things on his shelves. He had lots of paperbacks, some team pennants, a picture of a chimpanzee dressed in jeans—his family must be very big on monkeys, I thought—and a cartoon showing a little boy, spelling out f-u-c-k with his alphabet soup. I held up a camp trophy. "Congratulations," I said, " … Most Improved Swimmer … wow !"

"Yeah … that was the year I got brave enough to jump into the deep water." We both laughed while Tasha curled up in the corner, under a chair.

"Can I look in your closet?" I asked.

"Sure … help yourself," Michael said and he began to straighten his bed. I opened the closet. The floor was piled high with shoes, sports equipment and, I think, dirty laundry.

"Find what you're looking for?" he said.

"I'm not looking for anything special. I want to see everything … I want to know you inside out. So far I've discovered you're a slob."

"Only about some things," he said.

I opened what I thought was a second closet but it turned out to be a bathroom. There were towels strewn all around which Michael picked up in a hurry and dumped into the hamper.

"God … " I said, going through his bathroom cabinet, "you use more junk than I do." There were three kinds of deodorant, two shampoos, a tube of athlete's foot cream, acne soaps, medicated skin lotions, several prescriptions, and at least six different kinds of after shaves. "No wonder you always smell different," I said.

"Pick out your favorite and I'll throw the rest away."

"I don't know one from the other," I said, lining them up on the counter. I took off all the tops and started sniffing. "I like this one." I held up a bottle of green lotion called
Moustache.

"You would … that's the most expensive of the lot."

"Mmmm … " I said, sniffing it again. "I have good taste." He took the bottle from me and splashed some on his face.

"Do you ever put it on your balls?" I asked.

"I don't shave them," he said.

"I read that in a book … this guy put after shave on his balls before he went out with his girlfriends."

"Well … maybe I would too … if I thought anybody was going to smell them."

"Who did you have in mind?"

"Oh, I don't know … just anybody." He put the bottle on top of the toilet and unbuckled his jeans.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to try it now … so I'm ready … just in case." He stepped out of his jeans, then took off his underpants. "On second thought," he said, "why don't you do it for me?"

"Me … ?"

"It was your idea in the first place."

I felt funny about seeing Michael exposed from the waist down, because it's always been dark when we make love. I've touched him a lot but I've never looked carefully.

He sensed my feelings because he said, "You want to know me inside out, don't you?" So I looked. His hair down there is almost the same color as on his head, but curlier. Mine is very dark, much darker than on my head. "Hello, Ralph … " I said, kneeling in front of Michael. Ralph was small and soft and just hung there. I shook some
Moustache
into the palm of my hand but when I reached out toward Michael, he caught my hand and said, "Don't … it stings … "

"How do you know?"

"I just do … "

"But you said … " He didn't let me finish. Instead, he kneeled with me and as we kissed Ralph grew bigger and hard. I undressed myself, while Michael watched. Ralph stuck straight out, as if he was watching too. We made love on the bathroom rug, but just when I was getting really excited, Michael came. I wondered if it would ever work out right between us.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just couldn't wait … it's been a few weeks."

"That's okay."

We got into his bed and fell asleep for an hour and when we woke up Ralph was hard again. This time Michael made it last much, much longer and I got so carried away I grabbed his backside with both hands, trying to push him deeper and deeper into me—and I spread my legs as far apart as I could—and I raised my hips off the bed—and I moved with him, again and again and again—and at last, I came. I came right before Michael and as I did I made noises, just like my mother. Michael did too. While he was still on top of me, catching his breath, I started laughing. "I came … " I told him. "I actually came."

"I know," he said, "I felt it … is that what's so funny?"

"I don't know why I'm laughing."

"Did you like it, Kath?"

"What a question … I felt so close to you … I've never felt so close to you before."

"Same here."

"Can we do it again?" I asked.

"Not right now … I've got to rest for a while."

"Oh. Michael … "

"Yeah?"

"How'd Ralph get his name?"

He looked at me and smiled. "I named him just for you."

Tasha jumped up on the bed and snuggled next to Michael. I'd forgotten she was in the room. Michael petted her for a few minutes, then put his arm around me and fell asleep again. I watched him. I love to watch him while he sleeps. Besides everything else he is really my best friend now. It's a different kind of friendship from the one I have with Erica. It makes me wish I could share every day with him—forever. After half an hour I shook him gently. "It's 10:30," I said.

"Mmm … we better get going."

"I'm starving," I told him.

"Me too."

"I need a shower."

"Want company?"

"That'll be fun … are you sure we have enough time?"

"If we hurry."

We went into the bathroom and Michael got clean towels out for both of us and adjusted the water over the tub. "Do you always wear your necklace in the shower?" he asked.

"Of course," I said. "I never take it off."

He soaped my back. Then I did his.

We dried each other off and I used one of his deodorants. He put
Moustache
on his face, then we got dressed and went out for something to eat.