Forever and a Day (57 page)

She sighed and moved back slightly and felt his hardness as she swung herself off him and looked away.

Xander felt his heart fall at the disappointment she tried to hide as she got off him. He wished he could do something for her… anything. An idea floated through his hurt and he asked himself if what he was thinking would be wrong. Her voice interrupted his thoughts.

With her back to him she whispered, “I’m sorry. I keep wanting to forget…”

“Halo, I…”

“Xander, it’s ok. I—I just never felt this way before…” She quickly left the tent and walked out towards the surf with her arms wrapped around herself.

Xander groaned and clasped his hands hard over his face, “Shit! Shit! Shit!” He hissed. He wiped tears of frustration from his eyes. Here is his heart’s desire and she is wonderful in all he could see and feel. If people knew he was here alone with her and she wanted him, they would say he was the luckiest bastard alive and the stupidest all at once. In actuality, he was living in a hell of his own devising. Damned if he did and damned if he didn’t, ‘be the better man’ was always his private motto, but it was killing both of them. He needed to get her gift done and soon…

He got up, dressed then headed down to her. She was standing at the surf just looking out, “Halo? I’m sorry. Am I bothering you?” He asked quietly from behind her. He watched her head dip down sadly.

Without turning she replied, “Thank you, for asking… I—I just need some time.”

“I… understand. I’m here to help…” As soon as those words left his lips, she spun around to him with anguish all over her face.

“No, Xander. You don’t want to help, you can’t!” She cried out to him. She looked in his eyes and saw the hurt, “I’m sorry I’m doing this to you! I know you are married!” She yelled in frustration and threw her hands up in the air.

Xander’s heart felt like it was going to burst from seeing her in pain. He quickly stepped up to her and wrapped her up in his arms. She buried her face under his chin, “Halo, I don’t know what to do… I don’t understand this. I’m so, so sorry.”

She looked up at him with sad eyes, the electric blue all but gone, “What is it you don’t understand?”

“Me! I guess… and you. Us.” He replied with angst in his voice.

“I know you have feelings for me, how—how do you do it? How do you keep yourself distant?” She asked pleadingly.

He looked down at her with all seriousness, “With everything that I have…”

She frowned, “Your wife is the luckiest woman alive, Xander Kostinos, and I fucking bet she doesn’t even know it…”

“Halo, you don’t even know me…”

She looked up at him in defiance, “Oh yes I do!”

Maybe she did, he thought but he was not going to argue, “So now what?”

“Hell, I don’t know!” She pulled away from him and wiped a tear, “Let’s just forget it for now. I’m hungry anyway…”

He watched her walk back up to camp, wondering what he should do. He knew he was skirting past the line of propriety regarding his vows. He should have stopped sleeping next to her when her breathing got better, but he could not help himself as he ached for her touch. He began walking back to camp and found her sitting by the smoldering campfire staring at the rising smoke. She looked up at him, gave him nod and patted the stump beside her. He followed her lead and sat down.

“Xander? I’m sorry I’m putting you through all my mood swings. I’m not normally like this. I can usually keep my emotions in check… do you think something is wrong with me?”

“I can’t really answer that… oh!” He paused at the thought that popped in his mind.

“What?” She asked.

“It’s probably too personal…”

Halo chuckled, “I don’t think there is much left in that department. What were you thinking?”

“Uh… well, uh… I’ve seen this before…” Xander fidgeted in his seat, leaned close and whispered, “Well? Could it be you’re pregnant?”

Halo covered her mouth and began laughing. She patted Xander’s shoulder, “No!” She managed through her laughing.

“You sure?” Xander looked away from her, “I remember my wife acting out.”

“Oh, Xander! No, I’m not pregnant.” She held up her arm and pointed to the dark bruise on the inside of her bicep. “Implant.”

“Oh, wow that bruise is still bad.”

“Yeah, better the bruise than shark bait. That’s where you grabbed me and pulled me out.”

“I’m so sorry!”

She patted his leg, “I’m going to go move Billy Jean, can I ask if we can have an early dinner?”

“Sure.” He stood up before she did and helped her to her feet, “I’ll go check the fish trap. I can move Billy Jean if you would like?”

“I already moved her once I think I can handle it.” She patted his arm again and walked off. As he was ready to walk away, he heard her laughing loudly in the distance. He wondered what she found so funny, with a shrug he set out to check the traps.

Back at camp, Xander began cleaning a decent sized tuna fish that snagged itself on the fish rack’s hooks. This was going to be a treat, he thought as he prepped the fish. Looking up to where Halo went off to, he felt a tingle of concern. Finishing spitting the fish, he rinsed off his hands and set out to find her. He thought she might be off thinking about today’s incident, but something did not feel right.

He cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled, “Halo?”

He heard her voice close by calling to him.

His heart began pumping in his chest as his concern for her sent his blood pressure rocketing, “Where are you!” He called out.

“Over here!”

He sprinted to where he heard her voice and saw Billy Jean untied, munching on the greenery. He caught sight of her leaning against the trunk of a coconut tree.

“Halo! Are you ok?” He asked as he rushed up to her. Before she could answer, he saw her hand at her back. “Halo!”

“I’m ok, Billy Jean jerked her lead and it tweaked my back. I was just taking my time.”

“You don’t look like you are ok, you are in pain.”

“Well, it does hurt. Can you tie her up and help me back, please?” Embarrassment was written all over her face.

Xander rushed over to Billie and got her tied up and came back to Halo, “Here let me carry you.”

“I can walk!” She tried to insist, but he would have nothing of that. She felt his hands come under her gently and soon she was in his arms and headed back to camp. “Xander, I’m ok. I just tweaked it, sometimes you are so silly.”

“Better silly than you tripping and making yourself worse.” He said firmly.

Back at the camp he placed her in the tent, “May I see?” He asked.

“Of course.” With a wince she pointed to the back of her sundress.

Xander paused for a moment, slipped the back of her dress down a bit and peered down at her back, “Yep, you are a little swollen where you hurt yourself from before.” He paused for a long moment, “Uh… I can massage it for you after dinner?”

“Oh hell yes!” She chuckled, “Love your massages…”
 

“Ok. Just relax and I’ll get dinner going! OH! By the way, we’re having tuna for dinner!”

“That will be a nice little change.”

After their early dinner, Xander cleaned up and went down to the surf to wash the fishy smell off of himself. Coming back, he found Halo in the tent with her dress off and wearing her tiny black yoga shorts and a pink bikini top. She was leaned up against her suitcase with a coconut cup in her hand watching him.

“Oh ho!” He laughed as she raised her cup to him.

“Just a little drink, hoping it might take the edge off. I made one for you.” She handed him a coconut cup and he accepted it, took a sip and tasted rum and coconut.

“You were supposed to relax.”

“Isn’t that what I’m doing?” She smiled and took another sip.

“So, how’s your back feeling?” He asked hesitantly.

Halo downed the rest of her rum, set her cup down and laid down on her tummy, turned her head at him and winked, “It’s waiting for you.”

Oh shit, Xander thought. He leaned down to her and met her eyes, “Halo, you know I’m…” Halo swiftly reached out and placed her finger on his lips silencing him.

“I know.” She whispered.

Xander sat there watching her, watch him. Finally he spoke, “Halo, do you trust me?” Xander asked quietly.

“Wow that came out of nowhere!” She laughed and saw that he was serious, “With my life…” She replied and he gave her an odd smile. “What?” She asked.

“I’m going to press you and I’m going to coach you on relaxing…” He cleared his throat and continued, “If you feel uncomfortable just tell me to stop. Your waistband will be the out of bounds boundary.”

“Your call, Mr. Mystery man…”

She turned her head towards him and saw his handsome face relax; the intrigue was beginning to build. She remembered the tingling sensation from his earlier massages, maybe there was more to it. Unexpectedly she became a little anxious and her breath caught as she felt his fingers at her bikini strap. He looked down at her waiting for her ok. She gave him a nod and he untied it and set the spaghetti straps at her side.

Even before he touched her, goosebumps began racing down her back. She looked out of the tent and realized the sun was getting low. She heard him breathing methodically and deeply as he kneeled next to her. She smelled the baby oil and heard his slick hands as they slowly rubbed together, like Mr. Miyagi in Karate Kid.

She felt his hands rest gently on her upper back… they were so warm. He slowly began running his hands down towards her bum then glide back up. Damn! His hands felt so good, she thought. She heard his voice, it held a quality she had not heard from him before. It was soft and almost sensual. His words began to flow in a pleasant rhythm, “Halo… feel your fingers get heavy… now your hands are heavy as well… your shoulders are losing all their tension… yes there you go…”