Forever and Always (17 page)

As she wrapped her arms tighter around her pillow she could feel something hard inside it. She reached into her pillow case and pulled out her phone. She vaguely remembered shoving it in there the night of her birthday deciding the best way to avoid the temptation of ringing Sam until she got home was not to bring the phone with her.

She looked at the phone. Of course it was flat. She reached over carefully and switched on her bedside lamp. Then peered down at the floor next to her bed and spotted the cable from the charger sticking out from under her night stand where it was plugged into the socket behind. She reached down to pick it up but winced with the pain in her abdomen from where she had her surgery. She sat back up for a moment , then taking a deep breath she reached down again and this time she caught hold of the cable and pulled it up and connected it to her phone.

She had to wait about twenty minute before there was enough power in her phone before she could switch the phone on. She quickly switched it to silent mode. Then she watched as text after text silently arrived on her screen along with three missed calls. They were all from Sam. She took a deep breath and opened them all starting with the earliest one. It had arrived late on the night of her birthday.

“Hi, it’s getting late, maybe you are still out with your folks, call me when you get back x”

She opened the next one

“So it about 3 am in Dublin so I guess you
are
probably asleep. Call me when you wake
up doesn’t matter what time x”

The next one was delivered the following afternoon

“Melanie please
call
me. We need to talk x”

And the next day another one.

“Melanie I love you please talk to me x”

And the following day yet another one.

“I tried calling you but it just went straight to voice mail. I am starting to worry. Please
just a text to say you are
ok x”

As Melanie continued to read his texts it became harder and harder through the hot tears that were burning her eyes. She quickly brushed the tears from her eyes and continued to read.

“Melanie I miss you so much it’s killing me. Please ring me. I
need to hear your voice”

Melanie couldn’t hold back a sobbed that escaped from her. She loved him so much but she was no longer the girl he loved. She had changed forever and he couldn’t possibly love the woman she had become.

“The half woman” she thought bitterly. She finally opened the last message he sent her. It was from two days ago. She held her breath as she read his words and what was left of her heart broke completely,

“My dearest Melanie, my heart is broken that you have walked away from me completely. The lose I feel is indescribable. But I will respect your choice and will allow you to move on with your life and leave you alone. However I want to you to know. I will always love you. You are my other half and no one could ever replace you. If time changes your mind about us, know I am only ever a phone call away. Forever yours, Sam xx”

Melanie dropped the phone and sobbed freely into her hands as she curled up into her bed. Her heart was broken. She wanted to call him right then and there and tell him she loved him too. But she couldn’t. She was too broken for anyone to love anymore. And she loved him too much to expect him to settle with what was left of her. She needed to let him go.

As the days passed and she read the text over and over again and each time she read it she felt her determination grow weaker and weaker. She missed him and it was becoming too hard to let go.

One afternoon, about a week or so after she had come home from the hospital she was sitting in the living room making her way through some work she had asked her teachers to send home. As this was an important school year she needed to keep her studies up.

She stopped to make herself some tea. As she stood in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil, she slid her phone out on her tracksuit bottoms. Once again she opened his last text and read it again. She needed to talk to him. She checked her watch. It was just after one so that made it was morning time on the east coast of America. She figured Sam would probably be back in New York and back at College but hopefully he hadn’t already left for the day. She scrolled down through her phone book for his number and was about to press dial when the buzzer to her apartment sounded. Quickly she closed her phone and put it back into her pocket.

She walked to the intercom beside the door and picked up the receiver. Melanie was surprised to hear Katie and Lucy on the other end of the intercom. She buzzed them in and left the door on the latch for them and returned to the kitchen and took out two extra cups for tea.

A couple of minutes later she heard them coming through the front door.

“I am in the kitchen” she called out to them and moments later they appeared at the door way of the galley Kitchen. Melanie looked up and smiled at her friends. “You want some tea?”

“Yeah, that would be great” Lucy replied nervously and shot Katie a quick glance.
But not quick enough because Melanie caught it too.

“What’s wrong” she asked her friends. “Why aren’t you at school? What couldn’t wait that you skipped your afternoon classes for?”

“Let’s forget about the tea” Katie said taking Melanie’s hand.
And pulled her back to the sofas in the lounge.

“Just tell me what’s wrong” Melanie said, anxiously looking from one to the other. “You are kind of freaking me out”.

“Ok Mel but you not going to like this” Lucy said. Katie and Lucy sat side by side on the sofa opposite Melanie and both took a deep breath.

“Ok” Katie began. “We were in IT this morning. And Ms Kenny was called out of class for something”.

“Ok” Melanie said cautiously not really knowing where there were going with this story. She looked nervously from Katie to Lucy expectantly.

“Well you know Katie loves those celebrity and society gossip pages on the internet” Lucy explained rolling her eyes at Melanie because Katie’s obsession was an
on-going
joke between the girls. Melanie nodded. But something told her she really wasn’t going to like where this was going.

“Have you got your laptop handy” Katie asked. Melanie nodded and pointed to the pile of books on the table. Her laptop was buried beneath it. Katie quickly pulled it out and switched it on and handed it to Melanie for her to enter her pass word.

Once Melanie had done that, she handed the laptop back to Katie and watched as Katie began to rapidly type on the keyboard. Lucy looked from what Katie was doing to Melanie and then back to Katie. Melanie felt her heart begin to race.

Finally Katie sat up straight and looked over at Melanie and took a deep breath.

“Mel I am really sorry” she said as she slowly turned the laptop around to Melanie and held her breath.

Melanie’s eye moved from Katie’s face to the image that was on the screen. Immediately she could feel the blood drain from her body and her hands began to sweat.

There on the screen was a picture of Sam and on his arm was none other the life sized bleached blonde Barbie herself, they were at some black tie event. Melanie thought she was going to be sick but she tried with all her strength to seem as casual as she possible could.

“He is a free agent” she said nonchalantly. “If he wants to date some air head bimbo, well that’s his business”.

“You sure you are alright with this” Lucy asked astounded by her friend’s reaction.

“I am fine” she lied and forced a smile on her face. “He is history anyways. Good riddance”.

“Wow” Katie replied. “I really thought you would go postal when you saw this”.

“What’s the point” Melanie said brightly and very convincingly. “It was just a summer fling, yeah I know it went drastically wrong, but hey I can’t change any of that.
Time to move forward.”

“Have to say I am impressed” Lucy said standing up. “I mean I think I would have freaked a little if it were me. But I am so proud of you”. Melanie smiled at her friends and stood up.

“So how about that tea?”
She asked moving towards the kitchen.

“Actually we should be getting back” Katie replied as they both stood up. “We have a test in last
class; English
so we need to sneak back in”.

Melanie laughed and showed her two friends to the door.

“Thanks for coming around girls” she said as she hugged them both. “I am grateful but I am fine”.

“We’ll call by later” Lucy said before they disappeared out the door and closed it behind them.

Melanie couldn’t hold back no longer.
She slumped against the door and sobbed. How could he run back to her after everything he had said? He told her he would love her forever but obviously forever only lasts a few days in his world.

But how could she blame him. He had tried and tried but she gave him nothing in return. She had shut him out and pushed him away. She had done this to herself.

She got up slowly from the floor and made her way back to the sofa. She picked up the laptop and stared at the photo.

He looked somehow different. He seemed thinner and looked tired. She stared at his eyes and she barely recognized them. He had lost his spark and if she was honest all she could see looking out of his eyes was sadness.

She had done this to him. She had broken his heart and left him to pick up the pieces alone. And that’s what he was doing. And she had no right to judge him or be angry with him for being with Carolyn because she had pushed him back to her.

She realized at that moment it was over and she had to move on and forget about the past. Finally she would let him go.

2012

The first thing Melanie heard was Calum’s loud scream then all she could see was blood.

“Oh fuck” she cried as she quickly swept him up in her arms and held him close to her. Lucy was going to murder her. “It’s ok little man, Aunty Mel has you”.

Suddenly there was a crowd around them and Melanie felt very
self-conscious
. She wasn’t sure what she should do. Her car was back at her apartment and it would take her at least fifteen minutes to get back there. Maybe she should get a cab to the A&E.

“My car is over there” one of the mothers she recognized from her rare visits to the playground said. “I will drop you to the hospital if you’d like. My friend can take my daughter home with her”.

“Oh my God” Melanie exclaimed grateful to this friendly stranger for the offer of help. “That would be brilliant. Thanks you so much”.

They rushed to the nearby car and Melanie climb in the back with a screaming Calum, and fastened them both into the one seat belt. Not ideal she knew, but she was already aware that his blood was all over her, the last thing she wanted was to ruin this good Samaritans car too.

By the time she reached the hospital, Calum had thankfully calmed down enough so she could hear the lady who was behind a glass screen taking Calum’s details.  She gave as much of his details as she could and told her that she had already rung his Mom and she was on her way to the hospital.

She was directed to a triage room down the corridor. When she reached it a friendly middle aged nurse lead them into the room and began to examine Calum’s forehead and once again he was wailing at the top of his lungs.

Melanie felt panic wash over her. She had no problem dealing with thirty 5 and 6 year olds. But a screaming two year old was just way out of her comfort zone. When they were finished they were lead to a bed in the treatment area.  The nurse told Melanie there would be a different nurse with her shortly before the doctor would come to see Calum.

About five later minute a pretty young nurse who introduced herself as Abby arrived in the cubicle and pulled the curtain closed behind her.

Abby was a natural with Calum. He was completely taken with her and soon his tears and the cut on his forehead was completely forgotten about. He let her check his temperature and pulse. He thought it was hilarious when she shone a light into his eyes to check them. Melanie could feel herself relax.

“I think it looks worse than it actually is” Abby said and smiled at Melanie reassuringly. “But we will just have the doctor check it out to be sure”.

“Oh thank God” exclaimed Melanie. “I don’t know how I would face his Mom if it were serious. I think she would have definitely killed me”.

“If I had a euro for every time someone said that to me” Abby laughed. “I would be a rich woman”.

Suddenly there were voices coming from outside the curtain and Melanie felt her heart jump in her chest. It had been a few years now but she was sure she recognized one of the voices immediately. She could feel the blood drain from her face and it felt like her heart and stomach had both hit the floor.

“Are you ok?”
Abby asked Melanie, looking at her with concern.
“You have gone as white as a ghost”. Melanie nodded but she said nothing just tried to concentrate on controlling her breathing.