Forever and Always (20 page)

“I was a little surprised to find you having coffee in the hospital” he said sounding a little bit disappointed. “I have been asking you to drop by the hospital since we first met”.

“Simon you know I don’t like hospitals” Melanie said pulling from his embrace and sitting up straight in and locking him with her eyes. “I break out in a cold sweat just at the thought of going into one of those places. But today Calum was hurt and I just had to man up and face my fears”.

“I know sweetheart” he sighed taking her by the hand. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I am just being silly and possessive. Don’t mind me”.

“You didn’t upset me Simon” She sighed and smiled at him. “It’s just been a long day”.

“Well how about we have an early night” he says and raises his eyebrow in hope. He picked up the remote control and switched off the TV. Melanie’s heart sank a little. That was the last thing she wanted.

Simon suddenly stood up and pulled Melanie to her feet. Then taking her by the hand he quickly led her to the bedroom and closed the door behind them.

********************

“Simon I am sorry” Melanie said as Simon got up off the bed and pulled his boxer shorts on quickly. He seemed unable to make eye contact with her.

“
It’s
fine” he replied abruptly as he stomped towards the bathroom. Melanie sat up in the bed and pulled her knees up under her chin and sighed. What the hell was wrong with her? She loved Simon why was she pushing him away.

“Simon” she called as she slipped out of the bed and pulled on her bathrobe. She followed him to the bathroom and softly tapped on the door. When she got no reply she slowly pushed opened the door and peeked inside. Simon was sitting on the edge of the bath. His blonde hair tossed and he warm chocolate eyes filled with sadness. He looked up at her as she tentatively walked over to him and sat down next to him on the edge of the bath and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry” she whispered.

“Melanie if you didn’t feel like doing anything you could have just said” he said and breathed out sharply and his whole body seemed to slump.

“I know” she replied.

“I just don’t understand why you just suddenly freaked out” he said looking at her in confusion.

When he had
led
her to the bedroom he quickly pulled off his clothes and then began to strip her. Kissing her and slowly moving her towards the bed as he removed her clothes. Finally when they reached the bed he slowly lowered her to the bed. But as soon as she hit the bed she could feel her heart begin to race and her breathing became shallow and difficult.

At first Simon mistook her reaction as excitement but then when he climbed over her and as he started kissing her neck she began to hyperventilate. She suddenly pushed him off her and sprang up in the bed gasping for air. She quickly reached for her bedside locker and pulled opened the draw and reached for the paper bag she kept inside her drawer just in case. She quickly brought it to her mouth and began to breathe trying to focus on her breathing and slowing her heart rate.

It had been years since she had a panic attack but she all ways kept her faithful paper bag in her night stand just to be on the safe side.

She began having panic attacks the night she saw the photo of Sam and the bleached blonde Barbie on the internet. She had managed to compose herself after her friends had left enough before her Mom had returned home. When her Mom asked her how her day had been she smiled and said it was fine, she had spent the day studying. She decided not to tell Sarah about her visit from Katie and Lucy. But Sarah noticed she was even quieter the usual through dinner. But she didn’t push her.

Melanie said she was tired and went to bed early. Sarah was just about to head to bed when she heard a strange sound coming from Melanie’s room. She opened the door and found Melanie sitting up in her bed gasping for air and that’s how they started.

For about three months her panic attacks were a night occurrence. Then one night she didn’t have one. And then it went a few nights without one.  It had been almost three year since she had her last one.

At first Simon had looked at her in shock not really sure what was happening. But then when he realised she was having a panic attack he quickly
sprang
into action and began talking to her in calm voice telling her to breath and he tenderly rubbed her back.

But instead of helping her she found his touch and his voice was making her worse. She quickly pushed him away and turned her back on him. And she knew as he quickly moved to the far side of the bed she had hurt him.

“Simon” she said as she lifted her head from his shoulders and looked him in the face. “I don’t know why I had an attack. It’s been a long time since I last had one. I think with what happened today and the stress of the wedding I think it just all caught up with me. But it was nothing to do with you I promise you”.

“I love you Mel” he said as he leaned his forehead against hers. “You know you mean the world to me”.

“I know” she replied and kissed him on the cheek. “And I love you too Simon”.

“Come on, let’s go back to bed” he said standing up and taking her hand. “I am sure you are exhausted. I promise I will be a perfect gentleman.”

They both climbed into bed and Simon pulled Melanie closed to him and held her tightly. After a few minute she could hear his breathing relax and slow and she knew he was asleep.

She tried to go to sleep but her mind was racing. She wished she could put Sam out of her head. But every time she closed her eyes she could see Sam’s beautiful face. She could feel his lips on hers and in the pit of her stomach she longed to feel them again.

When she finally drifted off to sleep she dreamt of soft lips and blue eyes, the same dream she had every night only tonight the images were much more vivid then the usually were.

By the time Friday evening came around Melanie was a nervous wreck. She arrived at Simon’s apartment at about half five. She had insisted they had the dinner at his place because she couldn’t bare the idea of having Sam in her apartment.  Her guests weren’t due till eight so after she finish taking the groceries out of the shopping bag she opened one of the bottles of wine and poured herself a glass.

Simon was due in at six and Melanie had asked him to pick up a couple of things on the way home, including some extra wine, she thought she was definitely going to need them this evening.

She pulled her I-pod from her handbag and walked over the black high gloss side board where Simon had his I-pod dock and plugged hers in. She set it on shuffle and headed back to the kitchen area.

Simon’s apartment was spacious and very modern. Everything was shiny and clinical.
All the furniture and fixtures where high gloss black or chrome.
Except for the large red leather corner sofa that was positioned in front of a 60 inch Plasma TV that was mounted on the wall. And the six high back red leather chairs around a long rectangle high gloss black table. Everything in the apartment had its place and Melanie hated it.

She didn’t feel at home in this apartment. There was nothing personal or comforting about Simon’s apartment. There were no photos or books or anything that might give a clue to the owner’s personality. There were no rugs or scatter cushions, nothing that gave that homely feeling.

She rarely came to Simon apartment. Whenever she and Simon were together it was usually in her apartment. Her apartment was not that far from her mother’s, it was small compared to Simon’s but it was cosy and Melanie loved it there.

She and Simon had argued more than a few times where they would live after they were married. Simon wanted Melanie to move in with him saying his apartment was bigger and was close to the hospital for when he was on call. Melanie argued she would have to leave at the crack of dawn
every day
to make it to work on time because of the traffic, so moving in with him made no sense. In the end they agreed to look for somewhere that suited
them
both better although Melanie was not thrilled at the thoughts of giving up her perfect little apartment. Simon had been asking her to move in with him for so long now but she liked having her own little space. They still hadn’t selected anywhere to live and reluctantly Melanie agreed to move into Sam until they found somewhere under the condition they would have somewhere before she returned to school in September.

It was just after six when the buzzer sounded and Melanie rolled her eyes. She couldn’t believe that once again Simon had forgotten his keys.

She walked over to the intercom and pressed the speaker button.

“Maybe you should ask one of the other doctors to stitch those keys to your hand” She laughed and pressed the release button on the main door to let him into the building and then took the latch off the apartment door.

She returned to the kitchen island and continued chopping vegetables for the salad she was serving with the lasagne. She was just starting to slice open a bell pepper when she heard the apartment door open slowly and then close. She looked up with a smile to greet Simon but was shocked to see Sam standing there instead.
So shocked that she managed to slice straight through her finger.

“Fuck” she screamed out loud dropping the knife on the counter.

“Jesus Melanie” Sam said as he quickly placed the bag he was carrying on the counter and grabbed her by the hand and led her to the sink. He placed her hand under the running water and held it tightly there for a few minutes ensuring it was thoroughly rinsed.

While he held her hand under the water Melanie peeked at him sideways and her heart jumped in her chest. Why did he have to be so damn gorgeous?

Suddenly his eyes met hers.

“Where is your first aid kit?” he asked holding her eyes with his.

“I think it’s under the sink in the bathroom” she replied in a barely audible whisper.

“Keep your hand under the water till I get back” he said looking at her seriously. She nodded and he was gone. A couple of moments later he was back holding a small green first aid box.

He pulled some paper towels off the roll next to the sink and wrapped her hand in it then led her to the chairs around the dining table. He pulled put one of the chairs and guided her to sit down. He
lay
the kit on the table and opened it. First cleaning the cut with antiseptic wipes then using some plasters he gave her a couple of butterfly stitches before dressing her finger in a small white bandage.

“Now, all better” he said softly and smiled his usual beautiful smile his eyes once again locking with hers.

“Thank you” she replied and abruptly pulled her hand from his suddenly feeling uncomfortable by their close proximity. “Why are you here?”

“Simon was delayed by an emergency” Sam explained.  “He asked if I could drop some things off for him”.

“Oh” she replied.

“I wasn’t planning on staying I swear” he continued. “But looks like you are going to struggle doing dinner with your finger. So maybe I can help.
Seems as I am here already”.

“There really is no need” Melanie replied.

“Please let me help” he said and smiled.

“Ok, thank you” she said reluctantly and returned his smile.

He pulled out a high stool for her that was next to the kitchen island. Then he picked up her glass of wine and puts in down in front of her. Before she sat down on the stool she got a glass out of the press and poured Sam a glass of wine.

“Thanks” he said with a smile as she sat the wine down in front of him on the counter. He took a sip before he began chopping the rest of the vegetables. She sat and watched him move around the kitchen with his usual grace. She remembered when she would sit and watch him while he cooked for her in the beach house. She was always amazed with how graceful and at ease he seemed to be in his own skin.

Suddenly she remembered how he moved in the bedroom. How it felt when he touched her. He knew every part of her body and she had never felt more alive than she had with him. She quickly tried to push those thoughts from her mind.

“Nice apartment you have here” he said as he glanced around his surroundings.

“This is not my apartment” she replied, suddenly feeling the need to clarify things for him. “This is Simon’s place. I live the over the far side of the city”.

“Don’t you live together?” Sam asked a little surprised by her answer.

“No” she replied and for some reason she felt embarrassed. Even her friends thought it was weird she wasn’t living with the man she was about to marry. Her eyes dropped to her fingers and she shifted nervously in her chair.

“Wow” Sam replied. “Although I have to admit I didn’t really think this clinical style would have been your thing”.

“God, no it’s not. I hate it here” she blurted out without thinking. Then regretted what she said. Sam face looked a little surprised but even more then that he looked almost pleased with her reply. He didn’t say anything in response instead just returned to chopping the vegetables.

Suddenly the track her IPod changed and Neil Diamond’s song “Hello Again” began to play. Sam’s eyes quickly met Melanie and a broad smile spread across his face.