Forever Blessed (Women of Prayer) (24 page)

Laney sat at the kitchen table with her checkbook in hand. Looking between the balance and the list of needs, she knew she was going to have to sacrifice something, but what? They had to have groceries. Matt needed new boots. He’d already outgrown his and there were still almost two months of winter yet. She felt defeated.

She looked over the list, weighing the need with the money available. Working overtime the next couple of months would help, but she would also feel like she was failing her kids. Leaving Melanie in day care all day was not what she had wanted when she’d planned the "mom thing." She wanted to be the one to raise her and watch her grow into a young girl.

She turned her attention back to the list. Groceries could be cut down a bit. The kids wouldn’t be happy but she could cut out the excess, maybe save them a few bucks that way. If the van didn’t need attention, she would be fine. But, the front tires were bald and she desperately needed new ones. There was nothing she could do. Not if she didn’t want to be slipping and sliding all over the snow-filled roads.

She put the checkbook away. This was not the day to be fretting over her finances. She was bummed as it was. Today was her anniversary. She looked at the ring on her finger. She still wore it, even though she wasn’t sure why.

She was about to have herself a real good cry when she heard the knock on the door. The cry would have to wait.

Ella stood on the front stoop shivering.

“Come in, it’s freezing out there. What are you out and about for?”

The older woman began taking off her coat and scarf. “I am going to be gone for a few days. I was wondering if you would keep a watch on my house. After the window incident, I’m fearful to leave, but my daughter needs me and that is more important than a house.”

“Of course, is she okay?”

“Cliff is having surgery. They’re going to remove the tumor. Thank God it isn’t malignant. Marsha will be busy with him and they asked if I would come and help out with the kids. I am taking the bus down to Chicago and Marsha is picking me up at the station. Between her job and Cliff’s illness, she can’t keep up with everything. At least I can help at the house.”

Ella looked at Laney more carefully. “Are you okay?”

“Oh Ella, I’m a mess.” She looked away, hoping to avoid a scene. Crying in front of people was not her thing. “Today is my anniversary. I feel like I failed. Somehow I failed Paul, I failed myself, I failed my marriage and I failed God. I’m not sure things could get much worse.”

Ella wisely remained silent and let Laney talk it all out.

“Why do I care about Paul? Why does it matter if I failed him or not? Should I call him up and say ‘Happy Anniversary?’ Should I send it in an email and add, ‘Hey, why don’t you leave my family and friends alone? Ella, I’m so confused. I don’t know what I should feel or think. I find something wrong with every thought I have running through my head.” Both women sat down. “Today is supposed to be a day of celebration and instead I’m crying my eyes out. This is supposed to be the day we exchange cards and go away for a romantic night alone. Maybe have a glass of wine and a romantic dinner out.” She blew her nose. “I’m sorry to unload on you like this. You have enough going on in your life without adding my drama to it.” She went on, disregarding her own words. “Or should I call up my girlfriends and go out and celebrate? Maybe that is the way to look at this.”

For a few minutes she held onto Ella and cried on her shoulder, using her as a sounding board and a pillow. “Why does life have to be so hard?” Listening to her own words brought on a fresh onslaught of tears.

Ella held onto the woman next to her as tightly as her tired bones would allow. She’d been there. She’d cried through more anniversaries, birthdays and Mother’s Days than any one person should ever have to. Eventually the wall she built around herself protected her from those days that were guaranteed to bring only pain. Even then, she felt the hollow empty place inside her that should have been filled with the warmth of her loved ones. She could never quite rid herself of the longing to be filled.

She stroked Laney’s hair, comforting her as best she could. “Everything will work out, one way or the other. You are strong, Laney, you’ll get through this.” She knew her words sounded cold, but she didn’t know what else to say. Besides, Laney would get through it. Just like everyone else, one step at a time, one moment at a time and one tear at a time. Over the course of months or years, she would be far enough away to be safe, the healing process would be well under way and her tears would be spent. This she knew from experience.

*  *  *  *

Laney agreed to take Ella to the bus station the following morning and see her off before she went to work. With that settled, Ella spent the rest of the evening packing for her trip. She took anything that would spoil to Laney and the kids. She didn’t want any surprise smells to contend with when she got home.

Early the next morning Ella loaded her suitcase into Laney’s van and got situated in the passenger seat. The kids were belted in the backseat, ready for school and daycare. She was excited and nervous all at the same time. She’d never before been invited to her daughter’s house. She wasn’t sure what to expect.

After giving hugs and kisses to the kids, Ella wrapped her arms around Laney and promised to keep her posted. She boarded the bus and waved goodbye to them from her seat. The bus left the lot a few minutes later bound for the northern suburbs of Chicago where she’d transfer to a train heading to Union Station in Chicago. Marsha assured her it would be an easy transfer and get her to downtown much quicker than a bus. Ella sure hoped she was right. Her seat was comfortable and she brought her Bible to help her pass the time. No use to worry about something that hasn’t happened yet.

She read, for the third time recently, the story of the prodigal son and his return home to the father who loved him so. She couldn’t help it. This daughter of hers was lost and was now found. She knew exactly what that father felt like.

Ella exited the train and followed the crowd. As she entered Union Station, she couldn’t help but turn her eyes upward. The details of the building were fascinating. The vaulted ceiling with all the windows and the arched doorways were beautiful. She’d never seen anything like it.

A voice from behind her said, “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

Ella turned around. “Marsha I didn’t see you. I was so distracted by this lovely building.” She hugged her daughter while her grandson took her bag and led the way out of the station. Once again, the view took her breath away.

“Marsha, I’m overwhelmed. Do you live in one of these buildings?”

“No, mom. We live in a house in the suburbs. Not too far from the lake. I think you’ll like it.”

“I’m going to take you and the boys back to the house, and then head back here to the hospital. We’ve been there all morning. I took the boys out of school for today and tomorrow so they could spend some time with Cliff before his surgery.” She cast a knowing sideways glance at Ella. Both women knew that anything could happen in surgery.

“That was a good idea. What time is his surgery tomorrow?”

“First thing tomorrow morning. We need to be at the hospital bright and early. I’d say around 7am.”

“I’ll be ready.”

The rest of the way home was spent in busy chatter. They talked about the weather, the house, the housekeeper and the dog. Everything Ella would need to know when things got really hectic after the surgery. The only subject they didn’t discuss was Cliff’s surgery and the "what-ifs." The big elephant in the room was avoided at all costs, especially since the boys were in the truck.

Marsha traveled up Lake Shore Boulevard. Bits and pieces of ice reflected the sun, making the lake glisten like crystals. The mist hovering over the water testified to just how cold that water would be. Deadly. Ella wondered how any fish could survive in such cold water. God sure created some interesting creatures.

They pulled into the driveway of a mansion. At least that was what Ella thought. She stood inside the entryway, not moving. The boys took off running with her luggage in tow and disappeared. She looked around. The staircase looming in front of her was grand and curved. The flooring was marble and the oak woodwork was polished. Her daughter owned all this?

Marsha had wondered what her mother would think of her home. It was a far cry from how she had grown up. “Mom, it’s just a house.”

“Mmm-hmmm,” was pretty much all Ella got out. She followed Marsha to the kitchen. Stainless steel appliances and white cupboards with speckled green marble counters were the highlight of this huge kitchen. “Wow, I get to cook in here?” She ran her hand along the counters and moved to the stove. What she wouldn’t have given for a stove like this when her kids were growing up. She’d seen kitchens like this one in magazines. That was about it.

“Mom, you don’t have to. I have a housekeeper that comes in every day to do the basics, you know, the cleaning, laundry and some of the cooking.”

“Oh, honey, I can do that stuff while I’m here.”

“Mom, I am paying her either way, so how about we compromise. You do the cooking and she can do the cleaning. I don’t want my mom cleaning my house. Deal? You can familiarize yourself with the kitchen later. Let me show you your room.”

“You have the first floor guest room. It’s a little bit smaller than the other guest room, but you have no stairs, so I figured it would be a good trade off.” She opened the door to a beautifully-decorated room. The boys had already delivered their grandmother’s bags to her room and they were sitting by the bed and opened, everything gone. Ella was alarmed. “Where are my things?”

“Maria put them away already. She is very efficient. I need to introduce you to her before I leave. I’ll let her know you will be cooking while you are here. Normally, she puts dinner in the oven before she leaves at six.”

The small woman standing before Ella extended her hand, offered a warm welcome and then took off again. Ella wondered where she got her energy.

Marsha grabbed her keys off the counter. “I’m not sure what time I’ll be back. Make yourself at home. If you need anything, the boys will show you where to find it. Maria is a big help too; she pretty much knows our house inside and out. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. I got you a cell phone. You’re going to need one here. We don’t have a house phone. It makes things easier and one of the boys will show you how to use it. There’s food in the fridge and the freezer so make whatever you want. If you need something, we can pick it up tomorrow on our way home. I gotta run. Cliff is expecting me.” She started out the door then turned back. “Thanks, mom, I appreciate this.” Then she was gone.

Ella headed straight for the kitchen. Wow. And what a kitchen it was. She opened every cupboard. She studied the contents of the refrigerator and the freezer. She rummaged through the pantry. She grabbed a bottle of water and then made some notes and a short menu out of the items she saw.

She saw a casserole of some sort covered in the refrigerator and assumed that was tonight’s dinner. Maria had probably made it earlier. That was okay. It had been a long day and she wouldn’t mind resting. First, she needed to use the cell phone and let Laney know she’d arrived okay. “Where did those boys go?”

Marsha hadn’t taken the time to give her the grand tour, so she took herself on one. She peeked in doors until she found the distinct sound of a machine gun firing rapidly. Must be the boys. She knocked on the door, not sure if she should just walk in or not.

She heard some yells from beyond the door then finally the noise stopped and the door opened slightly. “Can one of you teach me to use this?” She held up the phone.

“Sure grandma, come on in.” The door opened wider revealing a theatre type room with a big screen and theatre chairs.

“My, that is a big TV.”

The boys chuckled. “Yeah, it is pretty big.” They could understand why she was so impressed. Her TV was so small, you could barely see it.

The boys helped her dial and she left the room so she could hear. She curled up in the sunroom on comfy couch and left a message on Laney’s answering machine, letting her know she arrived safe and sound.

The next thing she knew, she woke up to the sound of buzzing. She was disoriented and confused and looked around, trying to gain her bearings. She could still hear the buzzing. The phone was sitting on the wicker end table and vibrating on the glass top. So, that is where the buzzing is coming from. She picked it up and had no idea what she was seeing. The screen said one new message. She fiddled with it for a couple of minutes then gave up. “Oh forget it.”