Forever Is Over (145 page)

Richie had lost a lot of weight. At that stage, he was down from a
well toned fifteen stone to a thin looking eleven, but he was wanting to
make every effort to get out and about whilst he still could. I think he
only ate one small slice of pizza that day. The thing that had shocked
me was the music Richie had chosen for his funeral.

“
‘
You
’
ll Never Walk Alone
’
, is that not a song Liverpool fans sing?
”
I didn
’
t know much about f
ootball, but even I knew that.

“
It is. I
’
ve spent thirty years roundly booing it!
”

“
Then why have it at your funeral?
”

“
Because I was an idiot to boo it! I
’
ve had so much time to think
and reflect recently and it
’
s just struck me as pathetic that I would boo
a bunch of people who want to sing a 1950
’
s Rodgers & Hammerstein
classic at the top of their voices.
”

I was oblivious to the history of the song.

“
I thought it was a Gerry & The Pacemakers song?
”

“
They covered it in the 1960
’
s, Jemma but its from the film, Carousel.
Have you never seen Carousel?
”

“
No.
”

“
Right, after we
’
ve finished this coffee, let
’
s go into Ormskirk and
we
’
ll buy Carousel
. We can watch it tonight. Anyway, in
Carousel, Billy Bigelow dies during a failed robbery and his wife Julie
starts singing it after he has passed away, she
’
s too overcome to finish it
off though, so her cousin Nettie sings it to her.
”

“
Not much point watching it now, Richie! You
’
ve just spoilt it!
”

“
I haven
’
t, there
’
s a lot more to it t
han that, as you will see when
we watch it later. The point is it
’
s a gre
at song but because every time
it
’
s played, I associate it with Liverpool Fo
otball Club, I boo it. Back in
1989, after the Hillsborough disaster, the FA Cup Final was fittingly
between Liverpool and Everton at Wembley. I could have gone to
the game, but as you know my worl
d was being tipped upside down
at that point with Kelly leaving and having cancer, so I just went to
‘
The Buck
’
with Dogger to have a few pin
ts and watch it in their front
room. Dogger isn
’
t really into football
, but because I was supporting
Everton, he said he would as well. Just before the game kicked off, Gerry
Marsden from Gerry & The Pacemakers we
nt on to the pitch and sang
an emotional rendition of
‘
You
’
ll Never Walk Alone
’
. It was less than
two months after the Hillsborough trag
edy and Liverpool fans held up
their scarves and sang, the odd Everton fan did too, but most just kept
a dignified silence. In
‘
The Buck
’
it was the same,
Liverpudlians stood
up and sang, Everton fans sat down an
d were silent, but Dogger, not
aware of the etiquette and a big fan of th
e song, wanted to stand up and
sing.
I pulled him back down and told him to shut up!

That
’
s just ridiculous really, isn
’
t it? I w
as incensed enough to kiss Ray
on the day of the tragedy, because I felt he
had insulted the Hillsborough
dead, but less than two months later, I wouldn
’
t allow one of my best
mates to sing a song, on a day celebrating their lives and mourning their
deaths, because of some stupid, tribal pr
ejudice. Every Evertonian, out
of loyalty to the city they
’
re from, should
have held up their scarves and
sang that day. I didn
’
t and if playing
‘
You
’
ll Never Walk Alone
’
at my
funeral, in some small way, makes ame
nds for that, then the thought
of that, makes me happy. Dress me in a
suit and put me in an Everton
blue and white coffin, but make sure eve
ryone, including Everton fans,
Manchester United fans and Glasgow Rangers fans, sing that song.
”

“
Do you want the Gerry & The Pacemakers version?
”

“
No. I love the version in Carousel, but an even better one in my
opinion is by a Norwegian lady called Sissel. That
’
s the one I want
playing at my funeral.
”

“
Will your Evertonian and United mates not be annoyed with you?
”

“
Jemma, I
’
ll never know, will I?
It
’
s just a song though. A very
emotive song. It doesn
’
t belong to Liverpool Football Club, if it belongs
to anyone, it would be Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein, they
wrote it.
”

“
So you
’
re absolutely sure about this?
”

“
Jemma, I have never been more su
re about anything in my entire
life.
”

“
For Christ
’
s sake, Dot, do you even know what palliative treatment
is?
”

Jemma and I had always had a great relationship, some wives struggle
to get on with their mother-in-laws,
but Jemma and I had always had
a brilliant friendship, but as Richie
’
s
illness progressed and both us
became more anxious about his worsening condition, we started to
disagree. Melissa and Jamie were starting to spend more and more time
with Charlie and myself, as Jemma was spending more time with Richie
at hospital, which was totally underst
andable, but one evening, when
she was picking up the children f
rom our house, Jemma announced
that Richie had opted out of a third se
ssion of chemotherapy. We were
having a coffee together in the kitchen
and Jemma just dropped it into
conversation as though it wasn
’
t that big a de
al. Well, it was a big deal to
me! I thought this was virtual suicide and told
Jemma as much, telling
her she may as well take the lid off the coffin and throw him straight in.

“
I know it
’
s not going to cure him, Jemma, but how could you let
this happen? It could give him an extra six months! Six extra months for the children with their father.
”

“
No, Dot, six extra months with you and Charlie as Richie spends
all his time in bed or on an Oncology Ward. At least without the
treatment, he may get a chance to spend some quality time with his
children. Time that they will hopefully remember fondly for the rest
of their lives.
”

I was dismayed and furious. My son and his wife seemed to be
giving up as soon as the going got tough.

“
Jemma, have you persuaded Richie that this is the right thing to
do, because let me assure you, it isn
’
t? You can
’
t just let him die!
”

“
Dot, first of all, this was Richie
’
s decision
……”

“
And yours.
”

“
No, Dot, it was Richie
’
s decision.
”

I was getting flustered. How could he be so stupid? Maybe it was
because he was ill.

“
Is he well enough to be making such a momentous decision,
Jemma?
”

“
Dot, his brain is functioning fine. He
’
s had chemotherapy not a
lobotomy! Let him be the master of his own destiny. He is thirty two
years old, Dot. He
’
s not a child!
”

“
He
’
s my child!
”

“
Yes, but what are you going to do? Grab his hand like he
’
s a very
naughty boy and drag him up to the hospital?
”

“
If that
’
s what it takes!
”

“
Don
’
t be so ridiculous, Dot!
”

“
Believe you me, Jemma, I
’
m not the one being ridiculous!
”

“
Oh yes you are!
”

“
Oh no, I
’
m not!
”

Jemma laughed sarcastically.

“
Dot, I
’
m not playing pantomime games with you. It
’
s Richie
’
s
decision and that
’
s that.
”

“
As his wife, you should be persuading him to do the right thing!
”

“
No, Dot, the second thing I was going to say, is that he
’
s my
husband, this is the worst thing I could ever have to face, but through
it all, I am going to support him every step of the way. If he wants to
die with dignity, he will face no hostility from me.
”

“
Even if you are betraying your children?
”

Jemma came right up to me. She was so close, I swear at one point
our noses even touched.

“
How dare you say I am betraying my children, Dot! Thank you very
much for looking after them, but I think it
’
s about time I took them
home to their father.
”

I replied angrily and almost shouting.
“
Whilst you still can!
”

“
That
’
s right Dot,
”
Jemma shouted back,
“
whilst I still can!
”

Jemma marched into the lounge, grabbed Melissa off her Granddad
’
s
knee and picked Jamie and his toy cars off the lounge carpet. She put 
their shoes and coats on them in record time and frogmarched them out
the house and into her car. After she had strapped the kids in the car,
she stared at me venomously and spat out,

“
Just back off, will you, Dot! I know it
’
s in your nature to interfere,
but just this once, for everyone
’
s sake, just BACK OFF!
”

             
With that, Jemma slammed the
rear car doot shut, climbed in
herself, revved her engine, then sped off
up the road. I was distraught
and Charlie annoyed me by coming
across all knowing and stating
that,