Forgiven (7 page)

We got separated at a light so Bradley beat me home. I hate that we had to take two cars, but I am thankful for some time alone to reflect on the information he gave me at dinner. When I’m with him, it’s so hard to focus on anything. He knows exactly how to push my buttons, the good ones and the bad ones.

I feel horrible for feeling the way I do about the baby. I’m so torn. Part of me wants to be understanding. There’s another part of me that hates it. Then there’s the part that wants it to all go away. Sometimes I just want to completely snap and ask him how he could have been so irresponsible in the first place. Even if she was before me. I can’t believe that Mr. in Control Pants would have not used a condom.

Then I realize what my real problem is. My real problem is that she’s been with him. She’s had what I haven’t. The thought that Bradley knows what it’s like to be with someone like that and I don’t really bothers me. It’s like I’m sharing him with her, or she’s sharing him with me? That’s it. It feels like I’m the third wheel.

When I walk in to the apartment, I toss my keys across the counter. It’s super dark in here. I know he’s home. I saw his car in the parking lot. “Bradley?”

“In the bathroom,” he calls.

“Oh okay.” I have so much reading I need to do for school. I unpack my bag and plop myself down on the couch with one leg tucked under my bottom.

I pull out one of my books, but before I have time to even open it he ridicules me. “Come to bed.”

I sit there for a minute and roll my eyes. This ‘going to school’ thing is going to be really hard living with him. He wants me to come to bed with him every night, and I have things to do. I can’t just go watch TV or read every evening. I shake my head and open my book. “I need to study.”

I turn my iPod on and put the ear buds in my ears. He is going to have to get used to this, or that date we made tonight isn’t going to work because I’ll be having to take Maymester and summer classes to make up the classes I fail this semester.

I have read the same line multiple times. I can’t concentrate, and I feel bad for blowing him off. I’m startled when I feel a finger tapping on my shoulder. I grab my chest with my hand and yank the ear buds from my ears. “You scared the living daylights out of me.” I take a deep breath.

Bradley erupts out into laughter. I glance back and scowl at him, but it doesn’t last long. He’s only in his boxer briefs, and when he laughs all of his muscles clench. I can’t help but smile. “Seriously. You scared the crap out of me.”

He puts his bottom lip out like a puppy dog face. “Awe, I’m sorry.” He holds his hand out to me. “Come to bed, and I’ll make it up to you.”

It’s not like I was going to be getting any studying done anyway. I certainly won’t now that I’ve seen him in his underwear laughing at me. I put my hand in his and push my stuff to the side on the sofa. He pulls me into his arms, our bodies crushing into one another. “I’m not sure I’ll make it back to the bedroom with you,” he huskily breathes.

“Oh?” I ask as he starts to nibble on my ear.

He wraps his arms around my waist and starts to back us up closer to the bedroom. His kisses move down to my neck. I move my head to the side to allow him easier access. I feel like all of the tension I’ve been feeling the last couple of hours is melting away, and I’m turning into pile of mush. I have no idea how he can make me forget I care about anything else in the world with just a touch, just a kiss.

When we are in the bedroom, I notice the flicker of light coming from the bathroom. He keeps moving until he’s backed us in there. There are candles lit all along the wall where the bathtub is. The tub is already filled. There’s soft, soulful music playing. “Told you I didn’t think I’d be able to make it to the bedroom with you.”

He starts to undress me, pulling my sweater over my head. Then he covers my exposed skin with kisses where the clothing had been. I thread my fingers through his thick, dark hair as he makes his way down, unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them down to the floor. “Ha, you’re sneaky. When did you do this?” I ask.

“While I was waiting on you to come home.” His tongue teasingly swirls around my belly button.

I suck in a sharp breath. “Ah, this is why you wanted me to come to bed?”

“Mmm hmm,” he mumbles.

When he’s gotten me fully undressed, I watch as he straightens his body, pushing his boxer briefs to the ground. I reach out to grab his erection. He smiles as I do. “I wish I didn’t have to wait. I mean, it’s not like anyone would know that I didn’t keep the promise. It’s not like I’m in high school and if I got pregnant it would be the end of the world.”

He pushes my hand away and shakes his head. “Stop it. Stop.”

I feel like a child. I hate it when he scolds me like that. He kisses my forehead. “You know you’d regret it. You’d know. That would be enough.”

“I hate that she knows what it’s like to be with you and I don’t,” I whisper.

He pulls me into his arms. “She may have been with me, but I wasn’t with her. I was, but I wasn’t. Does that make sense?”

I shrug. “I guess.”

He pushes me back and tilts my chin. “When we’re fully together, Gabby, it
will
be a first for me.”

“How?”

“It will be the first time I’ve ever truly made love to a woman. The first time that I loved the woman more than anything in this world. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.” He softly kisses me. “You have a part of me that no one, and I mean no one, has ever had before.”

I cup his head in my hands and kiss him back with everything I have in me. I pull back. “Thank you.”

“Let’s get in before the water gets cold.”

“Okay.” He holds my hand while I climb into the water.

I have my back against his front. He’s massaging my shoulders and kissing my neck. “We moving you this weekend?”

“I hope so. I have some stuff that I really need.” I sigh. “I hate the idea of moving twice in a month, though.”

“I was thinking we’d put the stuff you don’t immediately need in storage until we move into the big house.”

“The big house?” I laugh. “More like the huge house.”

“Our house. How’s that?”

I turn my head to where our noses are touching. “I like that.”

He picks up the bottle of coconut body wash, pours it onto the aqua loofa, and then lathers it. He pushes my hair to the side and starts washing my shoulders. It feels incredible. I don’t think I will ever get used to this, even if he did it every day for the rest of my life. “Ah,” I moan. “That feels so good.” I close my eyes and let my body completely relax into his arms. He pushes me off of his chest so he can wash my back. When he’s done, he makes his way to the front. When his hand reaches my breasts, the relaxation is gone instantly. Instead desire is turned on, and my body comes to attention. I turn around and cup his face. “I wish we didn’t have to wait. It’s killing me. This is killing me.”

“Not budging, Gabby.” He is completely serious and his eyes are hooded. I don’t know how he can be so strong about it when he knows what he’s missing, and I don’t even know. “Don’t you miss it?”

“Miss what?”

“Miss sex.”

He throws his head back laughing. I don’t think it’s very funny. “Of course. But it’s not like I’ve taken an oath to permanent celibacy.”

“Oh I hope not!” I can’t help but laugh.

“Let’s get out of here. The water is getting cold, anyway. There aren’t many things I hate more than being in a cold bath.” He uses his arms to push off the sides of the tub and stands. Then he offers me his hand to help me get up. When I step out of the tub, he has a towel waiting for me. He wraps me in it and moves his arms up and down, drying me off and warming me up all at the same time.

He kisses my forehead. “If this is too hard.” He closes his eyes. “If us being together so much is too tempting for you to be able to wait, then I can live with my parents until we get married.”

I look up to him and smile. “I don’t want to live somewhere else until we get married. I think that would be even more torture.”

“Agreed, but you need to know that if you can’t control yourself, I can and will control the situation for you. You’ve made it this long. I will not be a part of you breaking that promise.” Then he smiles that sexy, panty dropping smile. “And you best not be with anyone else to have them break it, either.”

I nudge him with my arm through the towel. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

He leans down and kisses me, tugging and sucking my bottom lip. “Mmm.”

He drops the towel, wraps his arms around my waist, and pulls me the short distance to our bed.

My mom popped by the office for lunch to discuss a surprise birthday party for my sister. I’m not really into that kind of stuff, but Mom insisted I needed to help her. Ultimately, I think she just wanted an excuse to see me since Gabby and I got engaged. You know what they say about mothers and their son’s. We’ve always been really close. I know she’s secretly been wanting me to get married, but I think she also is worried she’ll lose her “little” boy.

I will admit that your mother bringing you a home cooked meal for lunch is never unwelcomed, no matter how old you are. She brought my favorite, Beef Stroganoff, and I close my eyes, savoring the taste. I will never get tired of her taking care of me. She can bring me homemade lunches any day she wants.