Forgiven (11 page)

I do love him. I can’t imagine being without him. I just wasn’t ready for all of this grown-up drama. I’m still in college, and I’m planning a wedding and dealing with a potential Baby Mama. There is just something wrong about that. I decide that now would be a good time to try to call Sam. That’s another thing. Being away from my two best friends, Sam and John, has been harder than I thought. It’s only been a week and I find that I’m almost home sick, but which home? Charleston or Columbia? And how can I be homesick when I know my home is wherever Bradley is?

I dial Sam’s number. I need to try to talk to her if I can. Besides, she may be able to help me understand this whole placenta thing with Veronica. I press the voice command button on the touch screen of my phone. “Call Sam.”

I am disappointed when it goes to voicemail. Even though I hate talking to machines or voicemails, I decide I’ll leave her a message. I smile as I listen to her bubbly voice saying, “Hi. It’s Sam. You know you wanna leave a message after the beep.”

She’s been so busy with school that it’s been nearly impossible for us to find time to talk. I should have known that calling her during the day was a waste. I know that this message is directed to me. She knows I rarely leave a voicemail. “Sam. It’s me.” I pause a minute. I’m not good at talking to silence. “I was just missing my big sister. Are you going to be able to help me move this weekend?” A tear forms and escapes, falling down my cheek. “Just call me back when you get this. Love you.”

I press the red square to end the call and swipe the tear. I don’t know why I’m so emotional all of the sudden. I reassure myself. Who wouldn’t be emotional with all of the life changes that have happened in the last week? I went from everything being peachy, to things being horrendous, back to beyond incredible, and now I feel like the rug is being slowly pulled out from underneath us again. To say it’s been a rollercoaster would be an epic understatement.

I must have dozed off on the couch studying when I got home. When I squint my eyes open, I see my reflection through blazing blue eyes. My body is limp in the very capable arms of Bradley. He turns his head to the side a little and smiles. “Go back to sleep. Just moving you to the bed.”

I want to talk to him. I want to look at him longer, but I can barely keep my eyes open. I nod and close them back. I’m in that awesome in between sleep. That sleep where you can hear and feel things, but you’re so tired you couldn’t care less about what they are saying or doing to you. He unbuttons my jeans and pulls them down and tosses them to the floor. Instead of taking my t-shirt off, he just simply pulls the duvet up and tucks me in while placing a soft kiss on my forehead. He grunts and whispers, “I love you so much.”

I try to say it back, but I’m sure it comes out as a muffled mess before drifting back into a peaceful slumber.

“Gabby.” Bradley nudges me. “Gabby, wake up.”

I roll over into his hard body. His elbow is bent, and his head is supported in his hand. “Hmm? What are you doing awake?” He’s never awake before I leave to go to school. “I could get used to this, though.” I drink in his disheveled hair and exposed chest. I trace my finger over his sternum.

His eyes are glittering with amusement and then he takes my finger in his hand, and I can see there’s something bothering him. “We need to talk before you go to school.”

“‘Bout what?” I curiously ask.

“Moving.”

Oh
. I don’t think I’m going to like this. I push myself up and lean back against the headboard. “Okay...”

“I called Sam and John last night. They’re going to meet you at your apartment and help get everything packed into one of those Pods.”

I narrow my eyes. “But you’re not coming, are you?”

“I can’t leave, Gabby.” He drops his head. “I can’t be that far away if something happens.”

I look away and bite my lip and proverbially bite my tongue. Nothing that comes out of my mouth right now will be nice, productive, or helpful to the situation. He reaches over and puts his hand on mine. “Look at me.” As much as I don’t want to do it because he’s told me to do it and for no other reason I do. I slowly turn my head and my eyes meet his. I have been so looking forward to moving this weekend. With him. “Please don’t be upset with me.”

“I’m not upset with you. I’m disappointed.”

“I knew you would be. It’s been killing me to know I have to tell you this.” I just sit there. I can’t say what I’m thinking. I can’t say that I feel like he’s choosing her over me because I know that is partially irrational. He’s choosing the baby over me, and I should be thankful because that shows how incredible of a father he is going to be, but a father to another woman’s child. I press my lips together and furrow my brows. Do I lie and say I understand? I don’t want to seem like I’m not being understanding or sympathetic. I don’t want to come across as crass. He moves his hand and caresses my cheek. “I’m sorry,” he gently breathes as his lips come closer to mine.

I nod as I close my eyes. He urges me to release my lips as he brushes his from side to side. I want to kiss him so badly, but I can’t just snap my fingers and turn my emotions off like that. My voice cracks. “This whole ordeal isn’t going to go away, is it?”

He shakes his head and sighs. “It doesn’t appear that this is going to go away anytime soon, nor be easy or quick.” He kisses my forehead. “Please be patient with me, for me.”

I glance up and lean into his palm. “I’m trying.”

He pulls me forward and our foreheads are touching. “I know you are. Are we okay?”

“We’re fine.” I give into my stubbornness and decide to kiss those delicious lips. “Mmm,” I hum. “I just was looking forward to being together this weekend.” He collapses down on the bed and raises his arm for me to snuggle into his side. “It’s funny because even though we’re living together I feel like we got to spend more quality time together before.”

“It will get easier. This week hasn’t exactly been normal.”

I shrug and roll my eyes. “True statement. What time is it?”

His hands wander to the hem of my shirt and lifts it. “Time enough for us to enjoy our morning before you have to get ready.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Did I mention that I could get used to you waking up with me in the mornings?”

He shifts onto his side and starts tracing the trail from my belly button up to my breasts with his tongue. “I think you might have.”

“Ah.” I exhale as my eyes roll into the back of my head. “Mhmm. I did.”

“Well if I can get to enjoy this with you every morning...”

“What’s this?”

He takes my bottom lip into his and sucks, then swirls his tongue around. When he releases, I peek at him. He points to me. “You.” Then he moves his finger back and forth between the space in between our bodies, which is small. “Us.”

“Ah.” I smile. “I see.”

“Gabby, we’re this. And it’s worth losing sleep over.”

Gabby's been so different since the move. It's funny how I had thought that being closer would be easier, when in actuality, it has been far more difficult. I’m so frustrated with her. She's assured me it's just school and wedding stuff, but I can't shake the feeling that it's more than that.

I can’t help but feel like she’s on the verge of leaving me. She’s a runner. That’s what she does. When the going gets tough, her natural tendency is to withdraw. I feel it. I know that’s what she’s doing. It’s like she’s pulling back so that walking away will be easier. My decision to stand by Veronica through all of this can’t be easy for her. I’ve never been insecure like this. It’s unnerving. I don’t know why I’m surprised. Nothing about Gabby and our relationship has been normal or ordinary for me. I have nothing to compare this to.

Part of me feels really bad for following and checking up on her because I trust her. I do. I shake my head as I try to reassure myself that I’m not trying to convince myself of that. If I’m trying to convince myself, that would mean that I doubt my trust for her. I can’t doubt that. Not when I’m about to make her my wife. We can’t start a marriage on a rocky foundation of questionable trust.

I just need to know what is going on with her. Something is bothering her. I can feel it. If she’s not going to trust and confide in me, then I’m going to have to find out on my own. I’m no private investigator, so I hope I don’t botch this. If she finds out I’m sneaking around behind her back then I’ll lose her trust. I just feel like I’m losing control of everything, of her. I don’t know what else to do to stop it.

It’s a Thursday, and she said she meets her tutor, Emmi, at this coffee shop in Suwanee. I’ve tried to park as far away as I can to stay hidden, but close enough to see in the windows. I did have the smarts to borrow Sharon’s car. It would be much more difficult to hide a shiny silver sports car.

I roll my eyes and put my head back. This makes me feel like such a dick. The thought crosses my mind to leave before I find myself in real trouble, but it quickly fades as I see Gabby at the entrance to the coffee shop with another girl. I’m relieved. That must be Emmi. I decide that just because she’s meeting Emmi doesn’t mean she may not be meeting someone else afterwards. I hate that my father’s actions have made me question everyone’s motives, especially hers.