Forgiven (15 page)

I’ve been sitting at my desk all day working with the door closed. Well, trying to work. My ADHD is usually very well controlled, but today I can’t seem to focus on anything of importance. My mind is wandering like a lost puppy around town. It goes in circles. One minute I’m working and the next I’m thinking of Gabby. Thinking of that phone conversation and how I think she can tell that something is wrong. I wonder if it’s just me and knowing that I am carrying this burden, this secret. Then I wonder if it’s her. Maybe there is something more going on with her that I haven’t figured out yet despite her reassurance.

I shake my head, toss my pen across the desk, and turn in the chair to look out of the floor to ceiling windows. I watch as people walk around the streets and carry on their lives. I realize as I watch them, that it’s me keeping this huge secret from her. I’ve tried to reassure and justify to myself that, like Sam says, the truth would shatter her. I’ve tried to tell myself that I’m doing the right thing, but if that was really the truth, this gnawing wouldn’t be eating me alive. I know I have to find a way to tell her, but I don’t know how to even begin that conversation.

I will have to talk to Sam. There is no way that I can keep this from her. It’s not even been twenty-four hours and I can’t stand myself. Maybe it’s because of all the crap that I’ve been through with my father’s secrets. I have made it my life’s mission to make sure that I don’t operate like that. I love Gabby, and the last thing I want to do is upset her, destroy her, crumble her, but I also can’t sacrifice myself for her sake. That does neither one of us any good.

I turn and pick up my cell phone. Right as I am looking up Sam’s phone number, the hospital number shows up on the caller ID as the phone starts to ring. My heart drops into the floor. That can only mean one thing. I swipe. “This is Bradley Banks.”

“Mr. Banks. I’m a nurse at Emory. We have you listed as Ms. Veronica Johnson’s emergency contact.”

“Right. What’s going on?” I can barely breathe. I don’t know what to make of this.

“There have been some complications.” With the word complications, I immediately grab my coat from the back of my chair and dig my keys out of my pocket and start to walk towards the door. “They are prepping her for an emergency Caesarian section. We would recommend that you get to the hospital as soon as possible.”

“I’m already on my way. Are they okay?” I swing the door open and mouth to Sharon that I’ll call her before rushing down to my car.

“I can’t tell you anything other than this about their condition. Please drive safely.”

What the hell? I can’t stand it when people open a can of worms and give you enough information to know there is something wrong and then close it to then leave your mind to wander to a million different scenarios, most of which are far worse than the actual situation. I hope that’s the case. “Thanks. Will do.”

As soon as I hang up from the hospital, I call Sharon. She answers quickly. “Mr. Banks, is everything okay?”

“I have a personal emergency. Cancel my day and I’ll touch base with you tomorrow.”

“Yes sir. I hope it’s not Gabby.” It’s a statement, but I know she’s hoping I’ll answer the unspoken request for information.

“No, it’s not Gabby. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yes, sir.”

Speaking of Gabby, I realize I need to let her know what’s going on, but I don’t have time right now to call her. My office isn’t far from the hospital, so I’ll be there soon. I would rather just wait to call her and tell her when I know more of what is going on with them.

As I approach the entrance, I decide that I’ll do the valet parking . I don’t know how much time I have before they do the c-section, if they haven’t already done it. I throw the gear into park, pick up my cell phone, and open the door. The valet is holding a ticket and I shove it into my pocket along with my cell phone.

I see the elevator has a line of people waiting, and I don’t have time to wait. I dash to the stairs and take them two at a time until I reach Veronica’s floor. I rush through the door and to the nurses station, planting my hands firmly down and trying to catch my breath. “Mr. Banks. Come with me. We need to get you sterilized.”

Apparently Emmi has some personal stuff going on right now. She called at the last minute and had to cancel this session, as well. I was already at Gi Gi’s so I decided to go ahead and stay and study. I don’t know what it is about this guy, who I think is the manager or owner of this place, but he absolutely creeps me out. I always feel like I have eyes on me, and when I turn to look, it’s always him. He tries to act like he’s not been looking at me, but I know he has been. I haven’t told Bradley because I know he will freak. I’m already having enough trouble with him being okay that I meet Emmi here. If I told him I wasn’t comfortable that would be it. The last thing I need is to piss off my tutor and then not be able to get credit for this semester.

I stare out of the window as I daydream and realize that I’m not going to be able to get any studying done today. My mind is just not in the right frame of mind. Maybe it’s also that Emmi isn’t here. For some reason, this guy is making me even more nervous than he normally does.

Reaching down, I pick up my bag and start to quickly shove my stuff into it. I pull my keys from the hook on the inside pouch. I toss my empty coffee cup in the trash closest to the door. Maybe I’ll surprise Bradley at the office. I can’t get that shower makeout session out of my head. It sends shivers down my spines and goose bumps erupt on my skin as the temperature changes from the warmth of the shop to the cold air outside.

When I get to my car, I quickly close and lock the door. I don’t know why I’m so nervous and jumpy today. I just don’t have a good feeling about this guy. I roll my eyes as I look at the roof of my car.
You’re just being paranoid, Gabby, because Emmi isn’t here.

I put the key in the ignition and turn. Nothing. It doesn’t even turn over. There is a click, and that’s it. It doesn’t even attempt to start. I cross my arms over the steering wheel and bang my head. This is the last thing I need right now. Then I remember the conversation with Bradley that first morning in Thomson. That boyfriends fix girlfriend’s cars. It brings a smile to my face. I pull my phone from my pocket and quickly dial his number.

I haven’t even had time to think about whether I wanted to be in an operating room watching a child be delivered, a child that I don’t even know if it belongs to me. But I realize this child, no matter who’s it is, deserves to have people here cheering for it. This child is a life. Veronica needs someone, so I don’t think much more about this decision.

I can’t believe my ears when I hear my phone start to ring. It never has gotten reception in here and now of all times, I do?

She shakes her head. “You have to turn that off. We barely have time to get you dressed. I’m so sorry.”

I pull it from my pocket and notice that it’s Gabby, and God I want to answer it. I lift my brows and glance at the nurse. She says, “I’m so sorry.”

I look away and close my eyes and power down the phone. That decision is ripping me apart. I feel like I’m choosing Veronica over Gabby. I am choosing them right now over Gabby, and there is something that feels so very wrong about that. But I know this is the right decision. I shove it back into my pocket and push my arms through the sleeves of the blue gown she’s holding for me. She gives me these foot things to put over my feet and then the ever so fashionable hair cap. The last thing is the mask. I put it on, and then someone lets me through another set of doors and I’m in the cold, sterile operating room.

I glance around to take in my surroundings. There are a ton of people in this room. They are frantically working and talking. I’m taken to Veronica’s side. She’s on her back, and there are tears streaming down her face. I feel so helpless. I don’t know what the hell is going on, and I’m not sure how to ask at this point. The only thing I can think to say is, “I’m here. I’m here.”