Forgiven: Ryder and Sawyer 3 (Fallen Idols Motorcycle Club Book 9) (3 page)

SIX

SAWYER

A battle raged in my mind for days. The side I feared most kept winning. I had to tell Ryder. I denied him once, and I couldn’t do it again. History was repeating itself, and this time I would do it the right way. The problem was, this time was different, and I was petrified of what he might say or do.

I rested a hand on my stomach, thinking of the tiny life growing inside. There were so many days that I regretted giving up Liam. The pictures and updates his adoptive parents sent me, while comforting, still hurt because I couldn’t witness all his milestones myself. I constantly reminded myself that I made the right decision, and, when he was eighteen, his parents told me they would tell him about me and give him the option to contact me. I held onto hope that he would. It’s all I had.

I couldn’t go through it again. But, it wasn’t my decision alone. It was ours. As I pulled into Raven’s Nest, I drew a deep breath. Bones told me Ryder had been spending most of his time here, so I figured it was a good place to start. I prayed he wasn’t preoccupied like last time. Drunk and belligerent I could handle. Him with another woman… seeing that sluts mouth on him nearly broke me.

It was now or never
, I thought as I stepped out of the car, and headed into Raven’s Nest. I had walked through these doors so many times in the past couple of months, I always felt like an outsider, and today was no different. If anything, I felt even more unwelcome than ever before. The feeling didn’t sit well for the conversation I was preparing myself for.

The place, while usually filled with whores and drunks, was empty except for the bartender and Pops. Pops turned when the door chimed as I walked in. It had been years since I had seen him, but other than a few more gray hairs and wrinkles, he looked exactly the same.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Pops smirked, taking a sip from his rock glass.

“No cat. Came in all on my own,” I joked. “I was hoping to find Ryder.”

“Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage to that boy?”

The corner of my lip tugged. “I thought you all were indestructible.”

“While we like to believe that, you and I both know that isn’t true. Sit. Have a drink with me.”

I accepted his kind offer and slid onto the bar stool, realizing just as Pops held his hand up to the bartender that I couldn’t drink. Shit.

“Where is everyone?” I asked, looking around the bar and stalling.

“Out on business,” Pops said with a smile and I knew it probably involved something illegal. He tilted his chin up at me.

“What are you drinking?” Pops asked.

“It’s still early. So, how about a water with lemon.”

“Don’t tell me New York made you soft?”

“I have to go back to the hospital. If my mom smells alcohol on my breath at this hour...”

“Avoiding the wrath of Maria. Good idea.” Pops winked.  “How’s Cruz?”

I shrugged. “As good as he can be. Should be out of the hospital in a few days.”

“Did you just come from there?”

“I did.”

“You must’ve just missed Ryder, then. He and Axel headed up there about twenty minutes ago to talk to Cruz. Or, I should say, Axel dragged Ryder’s drunk ass up there. After knocking some sense into him.”

I tucked a stray blonde strand behind my ear.  “I hear he’s been drinking a lot.”

Pops nodded and took another swig from his glass, as the bartender placed my water in front of me. “Ryder has a big heart. Some say it’s his downfall. For me, I think he’s blessed. To be able to feel and love that much, is a gift. But it’s also a curse. When those emotions turn bad, they consume him, and he spirals into darkness. I only hope that, this time, you two work out whatever it is. Last time, when you left, it nearly killed him. To sit back and watch someone you look at as your own destroy themselves,” he paused, taking another sip of his drink. “It was hard.”  

“I can only imagine. Seeing Cruz in that hospital bed, unable to do anything, it was…” My words faltered as tears pricked my eyes.

Pops rested his hand on mine. “He’s tough like your dad.”

Already too clogged with emotion, the mention of my dad caused the tears to slip from my lids. As a little girl, my dad was the strongest man in the world. I honestly believed there was nothing that he couldn’t do. I idolized him. When he went to jail, everything I thought, everything I made myself believe, suddenly felt like lies. This imaginary world I had created came crashing down.  

I violently swiped at my tears, but they wouldn’t stop. Damn pregnancy hormones. Pops handed me a tissue, and I blotted the streams.

“You and your brother were the most important things in your father’s lives.”

I shook my head. “That isn’t true. The club was. He chose it over us.”

Pops turned toward me, his eyes determined yet sincere. “That is not true. You were his world. The day he found out your mother was pregnant with you? I’d never seen him that happy. From that moment on, he was a changed man. He stopped living for himself, and started living for you. What happened to him, it was just a lot of bad choices catching up to him. You can’t fault him for that. We all make mistakes. But, don’t you think for a second that he didn’t try to do right by you because that’s all he ever did.”

Pops swiveled back in his chair, and finished off his drink. His words spun around in my head on rotation. All this time. All these years, I’ve held so much pain and resentment toward my father, and no matter what anyone said, it never changed anything. But Pops was right. We all made mistakes. I made more than my fair share.

“Another?” the bartender asked Pops.

A smile spread across his face. “Why not, Larry?”

Larry walked over to the wall, and held up the nearly empty bottle. “We’re running low. I have another bottle in the back. I’ll go grab it.”

Pops nodded, and Larry strolled in the back, disappearing from view.

I took one last sip of my water, setting the empty glass back down. “I better get going. Thanks for the talk.”

“Anytime. And remember, you’ll always be a part of this family, Sawyer. Maybe one day you’ll stop hating us, and accept us for who we are.”

I walked up to Pops, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “I don’t hate you. I never could.”

Pops wrapped his big fingers around mine, halting me. He smiled. “So... when are you going to tell Ryder you’re pregnant?”

My mouth dropped open and my eyes popped wide. “How’d you…?”

A hearty laugh rumbled up his throat. “Water?” He raised an eyebrow.

I moved my lips, but nothing came out.

“Plus I’ve known you for a very long time, Sawyer, and I know you aren’t one to turn on the waterworks. When I found out I was going to be a father, it was the best damn day of my life. I expect Ryder will feel the same.”

I lowered my eyes, playing with the wrapper from my straw.“I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

“Complications are what you make them. It doesn’t have to be.”

I let his words sink in. He was right. I only hoped that Ryder felt the same. “Thanks, Pops.”

All of a sudden, the front door flew open, causing both Pops and I to turn. A figure stood in the doorway: Victor fucking Velasquez, the FBI agent who tried to blackmail me. I squinted against the sunlight streaming in, not believing my eyes. Velasquez stormed in, raising a gun, and pointed it at us. I barely had time to gasp before shots flew past us, shattering the glasses on the wall. Pops reached for his gun, but Velasquez turned the gun on him instead. His eyes were possessed, pure evil pouring out of them.

“Don’t fucking think about it, old man.” Pops put his hands up, but I knew he wouldn’t surrender so easily. He was forming a plan. I just wish I knew what it was.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Are you arresting us? What are the charges?” I demanded.

“Charges?” Velasquez spat his laugh, more of a cackle, reminding me of a psychopath or something. “Haven’t you heard, girly? Thanks to you and these other assholes, I’m no longer employed at the FBI. I’m no longer employed anywhere! And, for that, I’m going to make you pay.”

My hands shook in my lap, wishing I’d kept that pepper spray in my purse. I needed to stall, hopefully long enough that Larry could call the cops. Or the rest of the guys. “Me? What did I ever do to you?”

His lip curled in a snarl. “You told me you’d find a way to destroy me, and that I shouldn’t underestimate you. Now, it’s your turn not to underestimate me, bitch.”

He aimed the gun at my temple, cocking the trigger. My heart battered my chest, and I swallowed down the panic. This wasn’t how this was supposed to end.  There were so many things left unsaid. So many things I needed to do to reconcile the mistakes of my past. For me and my baby.

“Please, don’t!” I begged and pleaded, clutching my stomach. “Please. There has to be—”

He lifted his hand higher, the gun a beacon to what was to come. “Shut the fuck up!” his finger twitched.

“No! The baby,” Pops yelled, shoving me to the floor just as the loud bang of the gun echoed throughout the bar.  

His body crumbled to the ground. A scream tore from my mouth as I realized the bullet struck him right in his chest.  I stared at his eyes as they dulled, so full of light only moments ago. In the blink of an eye, they were now lifeless and absent of any reminder of Pops. My heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. I couldn’t manage to catch my breath. “No! No! No!” Tears poured out of me, sobs strangling my throat.

Blood spilled from Pops’ chest.  He was motionless, unresponsive, but I refused to believe he was dead, and pushed my hand to his chest to try and stop the bleeding. My arm was ripped away though.

I tried to pry Velasquez’s hand off of me, and get back to Pops, but his death grip was unbreakable. “Get off of me!” I screamed. “I need to help him. I need to—”

“I don’t give a fuck what you need. You’re coming with me, bitch,” he snarled, as pain exploded behind my eyes, and the world went black.  

SEVEN

RYDER

Axel and I finished our conversation with Cruz, and headed back to Raven’s Nest. What a fucking mess he’d gotten himself into. The kid was lucky that Chubs was no longer a problem. As far as we knew, after speaking to El Presidente, Chubs had been taken care of. Permanently. But, just to be sure, Rogue said he’d make a call to El Presidente himself. If Cruz had just waited, even an hour, before going to Chubs, this whole mess would’ve been completely avoided.

My buzz had worn off, and I was craving another drink, but I’d promised Axel I was done, and I was. If I had been sober, maybe I would’ve picked up on the bigger hole Cruz had dug for himself. We pulled our bikes into the parking lot and removed our helmets.

Axel took his phone out, and a stupid ass grin spread across his face. I punched him in the shoulder. “What are you so happy about?”

“Paige sent me…never mind.” A sinister smirk tugged at his lips, and I shook my head with amusement.

“At least one of us is happy,” I sighed.

“Never thought I’d see the day.” He slid his phone back into his pocket, and turned to me.  “You’ll be next. You and Sawyer will work your shit out.”

“Some things you just can’t fix,” I stated. “Come on, I’ll buy you a drink.”

“I thought you weren’t drinking?”

I patted his back, and pushed him forward. “Just because I’m buying you a drink doesn’t mean I’m drinking.”

Axel and I continued to bullshit as I pushed into Raven’s Nest. We were both laughing at something stupid when, in the next breath, the laughter was sucker punched out of us.

My eyes scanned the bar, taking in the shattered bottles and overturned stools. I reached for my Colt, and stepped in farther, surveying the rest of the place. I checked down the back hallway then scanned the bar before landing on…Oh, God, no!

“Pops!” Axel cried. He ran to the lifeless body on the floor, and gathered him in his arms. Pain and agony etched his face as tears poured from his eyes. “No, no, no. Dammit! No! Not Pops. Not like this. No!”

The gun in my hand suddenly weighed too much for me to hold up, and my hand fell limply to my side. My legs shook, and could barely hold me up, but I needed to be strong, so I pushed my own pain and heartache aside to comfort my best friend.

My legs felt like lead as I walked over to him. I rested my hand on his shoulder, wishing there was more I could do. Axel began to rock, holding Pops’s limp body as his tears fell, mixing with Pop’s blood. Time seemed to standstill in that moment; as if we were trapped in this hell and we’d never get out.

Ten, maybe twenty minutes passed. I wasn’t sure. It could’ve been days for all I knew. I grabbed Axel’s arms and tried to pull him away. “Axel, he’s gone. We need to call the club together. Figure out what the fuck happened.”

He choked on his sobs as he slowly released his grip. I helped him stand, but he fell right into my arms. He cried against my chest, and I held him until he finally pulled away.

The pain gave way, morphing quickly to anger. A vicious and lethal look took over his face. He seethed and his fists clenched.

“We’ll find them,” I swore. “Whoever did this will pay.”

“They will die,” Axel growled through clenched teeth. His entire body shook with fury.

The door flew open, and both Axel and I grabbed our guns and aimed them at the door, ready to shoot whatever motherfucker invaded our club. Larry held his hands up. “It’s me.”

“Larry, what the fuck happened? Where were you?” I asked.

Larry was out of breath, his own gun out, as he rested his hands on his knees. “It was that Fed. After the shooting, I tailed him, but I lost him at the intersection. He went south; that’s all I got. I’m so sorry, man. I tried to,” he paused, sucking in another breath. “But I couldn’t…”

“Velasquez!” Axel shouted. “That son of a bitch. He’s fuckin’ roadkill.”

“There’s something else,” Larry wheezed. I gave him a nod to continue. “He took Sawyer.”

All the hatred I had for her, and for what she did, flew out the fucking window. My heart came to a complete stop, and then picked up at rapid speed. Anger surged through my veins, coursing through every inch. If he as much touched a single hair on her fucking body…

“They went south?” I demanded.

He nodded, wiping sweat from his brow. “That’s all I know. I tried to stay with them, but he knew I was tailing them, so he took a quick turn at the intersection, a truck came by, and I lost them. I’m sorry. I came back here to get everyone else.”

I pushed my hand into my head, trying to keep myself together. “Call the Club. Everybody!” I yelled, and Larry took off to the back.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I slid it out. I had a new message from a number I didn’t recognize. I tapped the screen, and the anger that was surging through me exploded into a fiery rage. I picked up a glass from a table, and hauled it across the room.

“Fuck!” I yelled.

Axel, still shaking with rage, turned his attention to me, and I handed him the phone. His lip curled, and his breathing turned heavy at the text.

You destroyed my life. Now, I destroy yours.
There was a picture of Sawyer, tied up and gagged, and her cheeks were wet with tears, but her eyes were closed.

All I could picture were the last words I’d said to her, and how horribly I treated her. I clenched my eyes shut, desperate to get the image out of my head. No. I would find her. I will find her and make up for everything--or I would die trying.

Twenty minutes later, the entire MC was standing in the remains of the bar, guns locked and loaded. Larry had taken a blanket from the back, and draped it over Pops’ body. Nobody else needed to see him like that. But, as they all discovered who was beneath the cloth, tears fell and bodies collapsed into chairs. Shock became evident on all their faces. We all needed to mourn, but right now, we needed to get Sawyer back. And we needed to kill Victor Velasquez.

I showed the picture that he’d sent me to everyone around the room. Trista held onto it, studying it intently, before she finally stood from the chair she had fallen into. “I know where they are.”

“How?” I demanded.

“Right here. Left corner. That red spray paint on the wall in the shape of a star. It’s in the abandoned warehouse on the other side of the docks.”

“Lets go!” I shouted, and Trista held her hand up.

“Wait a minute. We’re not going in there without a plan.”

“I don’t need a fucking plan. I just need Sawyer alive and Velasquez annihilated. He’s one fucking person. We surround the building. Whoever has the shot, take it.”

Axel stepped forward. “I want the shot.”

I nodded. “Axel gets the shot. Capture him, whatever,” I instructed to the rest of the group.
“But don’t kill him. Let Axel do what he wants. For Pops.”

Heads around the room nodded in agreement, and we all headed out to our bikes. Just as I was about to mount mine, Bones stopped me.

“There’s something I have to tell you.”

“You can tell me after,” I urged.

He grabbed my arm, halting me in my tracks, and making me face him.“No, you need to know now because I’m sure she hasn’t told you yet.”

“Hasn’t told me what?”

“Ryder, Sawyer’s pregnant.”

I didn’t know if life was playing a cruel joke on me, or if I even heard him right. “Pregnant? How do you even know? Did she tell you?”  

“I did blood work on her at the hospital a couple days ago.”

I couldn’t process this, and still focus on the task ahead. I couldn’t. It was… it was too much. “Thanks for telling me,” I mumbled. I took a deep breath, clearing my mind, and pulled my helmet on.

Trista strode up to me, her hands on her hips, and I could see the bitchfest brewing in her mind.

“What is it?”

“Why are we putting our necks on the line to save her? She didn’t want our help with Cruz. Why should we help her now?”

While I loved my cousin, there were times I wanted to resort back to our playground days, and shove her to the ground. But I knew it had nothing to do with not caring. The problem was, she cared too much to the point that, when she got betrayed, she couldn’t let it go. The betrayal consumed her and dictated her actions. Being betrayed by Sawyer, one of the few people she let pierce that hard exterior of hers, there was nothing worse in her mind.

The way she stood with defiance, I could tell she was hell bent on staying behind. I took my helmet off and admitted the truth.

“It’s not just about Sawyer. She’s pregnant. We need to save my baby.”

The fury in Trista’s eyes gave way to shock, and then understanding. She licked her lips and nodded her head. “Let’s do this.”