Forgiveness (33 page)

My mantra became “I forgive everyone for everything.” No matter what, “I forgive everyone for everything!” I just said it even though I didn’t believe a word … at first. Then I wrote the forgiveness statements. Each time I wrote one, he would come up in my mind. How many times do I have to forgive him?! When is he and all of his energy going to vacate the crevices of my mind? The answer came the one day I heard my mind respond, “When you can see the good that came from your relationship and how it prepared you for where you are today.”
Wow!

H
OW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO FORGIVE HIM?! WHEN IS HE AND ALL OF HIS ENERGY GOING TO VACATE THE CREVICES OF MY MIND
?

As I thought about it and allowed myself to feel my own sorrow and sadness, my thoughts about and my experience of my ex-husband shifted. It didn’t happen overnight. Instead, it was slow, gradual, and thorough. Each day I thought of something I could be grateful about during my time with him. As resistant and reluctant as I had been to give him credit for anything, I really began to appreciate him for all the lessons he taught me and the blessings I received during our marriage. Today, not only can I say I love him, I truly want nothing but the very best for him. He has a very special place in my heart. Forgiveness was the key. Forgiveness = Peace + Love + Joy. And you know what? The best gift of all was realizing that my ex really didn’t do anything to me. God was always in control, and so was I.

F
ORGIVENESS
= P
EACE
+ L
OVE
+ J
OY
.

D
AILY
F
ORGIVENESS
P
ROCESS
R
EMINDERS

For a more detailed explanation of the
Daily Forgiveness Process Guidelines
,

1. Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed for at least 30 to 60 minutes.
   
2. Still your mind for at least 5 minutes or listen to the
   Stillness Meditation.
   
3. Read the Forgiveness Prayer once silently and once aloud.
   
4. Scan the
   Emotional Triggers
   List.
   
5. Write out the 12 Forgiveness Statements for each day’s topic on thinking, judging, and believing in your Forgiveness Journal (Days 1–18). Write your Forgiveness Letters (Days 19–21).
   
6. Perform your Pro EFT™ Forgiveness Tapping Sequences.
   
7. Process thoughts and feelings consciously through your Forgiveness Journal Reflections.
   
8. Listen to the
   Gratitude Meditation
   on the Forgiveness CD.
   
9. Complete the day’s practice in quiet reflection or with meditative music.
   
10. Be sure to do something good for yourself today!
    

I F
ORGIVE
M
YSELF FOR
J
UDGING
M
Y
P
ARTNER
/E
X
-P
ARTNER

T
oday’s forgiveness practice is about releasing and healing all grievances we hold against our current or a past intimate partner. The challenge with those whom we love is that they are the only ones who can get close enough to us to cause us heartbreak. They are also the ones who come into our lives to teach us the most powerful lessons. Unfortunately, it is normal to get stuck on the heartbreak, and in doing so miss the lessons.

W
HAT PART OF YOURSELF CAN YOU SEE IN YOUR PARTNER/ EX-PARTNER
?

As you move through today’s practice, give yourself permission to tell the low-down, dirty truth about what you are thinking, feeling, and believing. What part of yourself can you see in your partner/ex-partner? And are you willing to forgive it in you?
Love brings up everything unlike itself.
This means the deeper you love someone, the more unloving parts of yourself will be revealed.

A P
RAYER OF
F
ORGIVENESS

Dear God:

Once again, I lay my weapons down. This time, I really mean it. This time, I really open my heart. This time, I really surrender my hurts and judgments. This time, I ask for and open myself to know the part of myself that is being revealed in the behavior of my partner/ex-partner. I ask to know and see it. I ask to acknowledge and heal it. I forgive myself for making this so hard on myself and for blaming someone else for the pain I have endured.

I rest in thee.

I let it be.

And so it is.

– I F
ORGIVE MY MIND FOR
T
HINKING
–

EXAMPLE

I forgive my mind for thinking that my wife is not worth my time or energy.

I forgive my mind for thinking

is

I forgive my mind for thinking

is not

I forgive my mind for thinking

has always

I forgive my mind for thinking

will never

– I F
ORGIVE
M
YSELF FOR
J
UDGING
–

EXAMPLE

I forgive myself for judging my ex-husband for not having a better relationship with our children.

I forgive myself for judging

for

I forgive myself for judging

for not

I forgive myself for judging

about

I forgive myself for judging

should

– I F
ORGIVE
M
YSELF FOR
B
ELIEVING
–

EXAMPLE

I forgive myself for believing that my ex-partner, and not my choices, are responsible for my unhappiness.

I forgive myself for believing

should

I forgive myself for believing

should not

I forgive myself for believing

has not

I forgive myself for believing

cannot

– T
APPING
S
EQUENCE
–

Review Basic
Tapping Sequence
Guidelines.

1. Review each of the day’s 12 Forgiveness Statements out loud. This will help you identify the specific aspects of the issue that you want to tap on.
   
2. Rate the intensity level of any unforgiveness you hold about today’s topic on a scale of 1 to 10. Write the number down.
   
3. Neutralize all subconscious resistance. Repeat a Reversal Statement 3 times while tapping continuously on the Karate Chop point.
   
4. Focus on the issue you’ll be tapping on. Repeat a Set-Up Statement 3 times while tapping continuously on the Karate Chop point.
   
5. Tap 7 times on each of the 10 meridian points while repeating out loud the key details from the 12 Forgiveness Statements. This process can be modeled on the bonus Tapping Scripts.
   
6. Recheck the intensity level of any unforgiveness you hold about today’s topic. Write the number down. If the level is at 8 or higher, repeat the entire sequence. If the level is less than 8, tap on a Modified Set-Up Statement, then perform the 10-point Tapping Sequence on your 12 Forgiveness Statements until you are at a 0 level of intensity.
   

– R
EFLECTIONS
–

With forgiveness, your victim identity dissolves, and your true power emerges—the power of Presence. Instead of blaming the darkness, you bring in the light.

—ECKHART TOLLE,
A N
EW EARTH
: A
WAKENING TO
Y
OUR
L
IFE’S
P
URPOSE

– DAY 15 –

I F
ORGIVE
M
Y
B
ROTHER
/S
ISTER

I trust my brothers, who are one with me.

Everything I do to my brothers who are one with me, I do to myself. Everything that I do to myself, I do unto my brothers. No part of You is individualized, different, special, or separate, but All One Self. What could give me greater peace than to unify with every aspect of what you have created? Today I choose to trust my brothers who are one in love with You.

—P
RAYER FOR
A C
OURSE IN
M
IRACLES
W
ORKBOOK
L
ESSON
181

– Forgiveness Friend Story by Rev. Beverly Saunders Biddle –

O
ver 35 years—hard, dark years, I had been harboring anger and resentment against my father and brother. For my dad, I was enraged for what I remembered as an unstable home life due to his alcoholism. For my brother, it was because he was not available to my parents or me during their illnesses and ultimate transitions. For these two very important men in my life, forgiveness was not something I offered because, quite frankly, I didn’t think they deserved it. Thank God for another thought!

As a child, I felt embarrassed for a good portion of the time because of my father’s drinking. We moved a lot because holding a job was hard for him. And there were many instances when he would stumble drunk in the street, or take me shopping and never buy the things he promised, or show up to my school in front of all of my friends. Even as an adult, I felt the same embarrassment when he could hardly walk me down the aisle at my wedding. These were very painful memories that I used as a weapon against my father in my own heart and mind. These weapons robbed me of what could have been a beautiful relationship with him and other men in my life.

M
Y BROTHER WAS MY SURROGATE FATHER
. I
TRUSTED HIM
.

I had always looked up to my brother as a straight-A student, a musician, and an athlete. When I was an adolescent, my parents separated. For the first few very difficult years, my brother was my surrogate father. I trusted him. I depended on him to keep me in line and to make me feel safe. When my aged parents were in failing health, and when they both passed on, I never thought he wouldn’t be there for them and for me. I was mistaken. He was nowhere to be found. I felt betrayed, abandoned, and disappointed that my hero turned out to be a total flake. At least he was in my mind. I vowed never to forgive him for not being who I needed and wanted him to be in my life. How dare he!