Fragile Hearts (10 page)

I walk in the house and my mom greets me. She
asks about Morgan and I try to blow her off by saying, "Hey, she's a sweet
girl."

Mom counters, "You really like her, don't
you?"

My mom has always been able to read me like a
book.

"Yeah, and believe it or not, we're
friends."

"Are you going to tell her?"

I open the fridge and pull out a can of coke,
popping the top. I shrug. "And make her hate me?"

Mom shakes her head. "As much as I've told
you over the years that it wasn't your fault, I think it goes in one ear and
out the other." She places her hands on my shoulders and looks me squarely
in the face. "It wasn't your fault, son." She emphasizes the words.

Turning away, I say, "I've got tons of
homework."

Mom follows me to my room. "Tyce, you've
got to stop this guilt trip."

Finally, I look at her and say quietly, "Mom,
the truth is that I made a decision that I knew was wrong and it cost the lives
of three people and put Morgan in a wheelchair. Now I don't want to talk about
it anymore."

My mom throws up her hands and makes an exasperated
sound before stalking from my room.

Later that night my cell phone rings and the ID
says it's Cindy. The woman is driving me crazy and I can't believe how stupid I
was to sleep with her. Somehow she thinks we should be a couple now and her
friends are even worse than she is. Tina is always giving me the come-on, so I
have to go out of my way to avoid her at school. Of course, with her being in
one of Morgan's classes, that's pretty much impossible.

Instead of ignoring the call, I answer it. I
decide to try convincing Cindy once more that there's nothing between us.
"Hello, Cindy."

"Hey, Tyce. What's up?"

"Homework."

"Well, me and some friends are headed over
to Bandy's Bar; would you like to join us?"

"I'll pass."

She hesitates. "You know we could slip away
somewhere and continue where we left off."

"Cindy, it's not going to happen. That
night, well, I'd had a rough day and drank too much. What happened between us won't
happen again."

"Ah, come on, Tyce. It was great and you
know it."

I roll my eyes because it wasn't great, but I'm
not so heartless I would tell her that. I say, "Cindy, you're a beautiful
woman, but I'm not the guy for you."

I hear anger in her voice when she replies,
"It's that crippled girl, isn't it. Why have you got the hots for her? She
can't give you what I can."

Now
I'm
angry. "You don't know what
you're talking about. Morgan is my friend. I
can
have female friends
without sleeping with them, you know."

"I'd believe you if I didn't see how you drool
over her."

"Cindy, this discussion is over.
Goodbye." I start to hang up.

"Wait!" she interjects. The line is
silent and then she says, "You don't know what a good time you're
missing." She hangs up.

I toss my phone on the bed and groan. I have a
feeling Cindy is not going to give up so easily.

It's been a couple of weeks since Morgan tutored
Kaylee and I've been hanging out with her and Lucy. Lucy is great—and great for
Morgan. I invited the girls to the movies and even let them choose a
chic-flick.

As I lift Morgan into my arms to put her into
the cab of my truck, I want to kiss her. Instead, I gently graze my fingers
across her cheek where the scar is barely visible and tuck a strand of hair
behind her ear. Her eyes widen and she leans away. I want to run the tip of my
tongue across the scar and then taste Morgan's mouth. I've got to get a handle
on my emotions.

In the theater, Morgan wheels to the handicapped
section directly in front of the screen, and I frown. She's way too close. I
tell her to grab my neck because I'm taking her higher up. Lucy stows her
wheelchair while I climb the stairs carrying Morgan. She smells like vanilla
and cinnamon.

I ask her how high she wants to go and she tells
me as high as we can. I know we're talking about seating, but there's another
meaning to the words that makes my blood rush.

We munch popcorn and drink sodas and I'm very
surprised at how much I like the movie. It's witty and romantic and I place my arm
around Morgan's shoulders, giving her a squeeze. She smiles shyly at me and I
feel gut punched at the innocence of it.

That night, as I lay in bed, I try to comprehend
my feelings for Morgan. She's not like any girl I've ever known. I'm not proud
of the fact that for a long time I was pretty wild and slept around. It wasn't
until my sophomore year in college that I finally buckled down. Good grades have
always been easy for me, so fear of flunking wasn't the reason for my change.
If anything, I finally let my guilt motivate me into helping others. I was
tired of living without purpose. That's when I decided to become a physical
therapist. From my sophomore year until I saw Morgan in the hallway, I'd become
a model student…well, almost.

Then I came face-to-face with Morgan and my
world tilted on its axis. At first, I'd determine to steer clear of her; I
didn't need the old guilt trip ruining the rest of my life, but whenever I was
around her, she was like a magnet pulling me ever closer. Since we've become
friends, I want to be around her all the time. She's shy, funny, witty, and yes—I
can't lie to myself any longer—sexy as hell. Of course, if I were to tell her
that, I'd scare the daylights out of her.

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. I
only have two options. If I want a relationship that's more than friendship, I
have to tell her the truth about my role in her accident. If I don't tell her,
I need to stay away from her, because, heaven help me, I won't be able to keep
my hands off of her.
I'm fucked.

I stare at the ceiling for a long time before
falling asleep with nothing resolved.

The next day, I invite Morgan to visit Kaylee
with me because the girl keeps asking about her. I think Morgan made an
impression on Kaylee.

After school I go to Morgan's dorm to pick her
up. I knock on her door and play a joke on her by sticking my eye against the
peep-hole. She looks through on the other side and then laughs as she opens the
door. She says, "I'd know that eye anywhere."

"And how would you know it?"

"It's the new color—sexy blue."

I think we're both shocked by her words.

Morgan stutters, "Ah, ah, that's what Lucy
said the first day we all met."

She's so flustered that she makes me grin. I
repeat, "Sexy blue. I like that. But what about you, Morgan; do you think my
eyes are sexy blue?"

"I think you're trying to fluster me."

"Is it working?"

"No—not working."

"So…if my eyes aren't sexy blue to you,
what color are they?"

Morgan almost smiles as she says, "Murky
gray."

Her response is unexpected and funny and I laugh
with her. "Do you want to know what color your eyes are to me?"

She doesn't say anything.

"Chocolate brownie."

"My eyes are the color of chocolate
brownies?"

"Yep. When they're just out of the oven,
warm and sweet." After I say the words, I want to kick myself. So much for
my resolve to keep things light between us; I'm flirting outrageously with her.

On the walk to Kaylee's we don't say much. When
we reach Kaylee's gate, it immediately clicks open. Kaylee is waiting for us on
the porch and I can tell right away that she's been having some bad days. She
wants to go to the park, but I tell her I need to talk to Julie to see if it's
okay for her to leave the house.

While Kaylee takes Morgan to her room, I go in
search of her nurse. I find Julie swimming laps. I yell her name and she swims
to the ledge.

"Hey, Tyce. You don't even have to ask. She
wants you to take her to the park, right?"

I shrug. "Yeah. Can she go?"

Julie swipes hair out of her face. "You
know she's going downhill fast, don't you?"

"I can see that. I wish my kidney would
have been a match."

"Or mine. She's at the top of the list for
a donor, but so far, no one has been a suitable match."

"Do her parents know how serious things
are?"

"Of course. I'm in touch with them
daily."

I shake my head. "You'd think they'd want
to be here with her."

Julie shrugs. "They're cut from a different
cloth than you or I. They love her, but from my observation over the years, I
think they both suffer social phobias about being around illness. I have to
tell you, though; I think it's for the best that they're not here. They'd just
drag that little girl down. She tries to act normal when they're home, even
when she feels like crap."

I puff a breath. "So, can I take her to the
park?"

"Yeah. She enjoys it so much it boosts her
spirit, and you know what they say about happiness promoting wellness. We just
need to keep her going until that donor shows up. Take her out for an hour, no
longer."

"You got it." I tell Julie goodbye and
head toward Kaylee's bedroom. After I knock on the door, I grin at her
response. "Come in only if you're Tyce."

I let Kaylee and Morgan know we have an hour of
reprieve and Kaylee suddenly looks better. She rushes into her closet. While she
changes her clothes, Morgan grills me about the wisdom of taking her outside,
and I assure her that Julie is qualified to make those kinds of decisions. Kaylee
returns after a few minutes dressed entirely in pink. She looks at us
suspiciously and asks, "What are you two whispering about?"

Before I can reply she says happily, "I'm
ready to go!"

We walk about a block and then I bow and say,
"Princess Kaylee, you know the routine."

As I lift her into my arms, she breaks my heart
when she says, "Someday, I won't have to be carried, I'll be able to walk
all the way to the park."

My tutoring of Kaylee started when I was twenty
and she was seven, and since then I've learned that the child is brilliant when
it comes to facts. Because she is often homebound because of her illness, she
has voluminous magazines and books on subjects that interest her. As we walk
toward the park, she points out various trees and flowers and names them. Her complexion
doesn't look so pale now, but I know that can change in a heartbeat. I take her
to her favorite bench. She points to the huge tree shading it and says,
"That's an oak." Then her attention is captured by the playground
equipment. "Oh, look. They've added some stuff for the tiny kids."
The child never misses anything.

We watch the children play and the young mothers
chasing their toddlers is hilarious. Before it's time to leave I tell Kaylee we
have time for her to swing. I'm surprised when she declines and insists that I
swing Morgan instead. She says she's going to turn me into a toad if I don't. The
girl is a little manipulator, but I don't mind.

I lift Morgan from her chair and she asks me if Kaylee
always get's her way. I tell her, "Always. Do you think I want to be
turned into a toad?"

After Morgan chooses a swing, I lower her into
it and she confides, "I haven't been in a swing since…" She doesn't
finish her sentence.

"Since before the accident?" I ask.

She nods and my throat closes up. I'm very
gentle as I begin to push her. After a short time, she says, "You can push
harder."

Slowly, I increase the momentum, and soon the
swing is going higher.

Morgan laughs and it's the most beautiful sound I've
heard in a long time. The knot in my throat loosens a little because I've given
Morgan a moment of happiness.

Finally, she says, "I'm ready to stop
now."

A few days later, I knock on Morgan's dorm door
in the evening. Something has put her in a funky mood because she frowns at me.
Good naturedly, I say, "Close the door and I'll knock again." She
continues to frown and I tease, "You're in one of your moods. Let's just close
the door and start over. You can pretend to be ecstatic to see me."

I'm not making her laugh. She states,
"Aren't you the comedian."

Continuing past her, I wave a brochure in her
face.

She asks, "What's that?"

"This, my dear, is the next six months of
your life."

"What are you talking about?"

Holding my breath, I show her the brochure with
big letters across the top.
PARALYPMICS.

Immediately, she starts arguing and finally
surprises me when she says, "I'm in a fucking wheelchair!"

I almost smile. I've never heard her cuss
before. Patiently, I try to convince her to read the brochure, but she jerks
her wheelchair around. I can tell she's about to cry because of the sound of
her voice.

Taking another tactic, I open her fridge and
grab a V8. She asks me to leave. Instead, I pop the top on the juice.
"Would you like one?" I ask. I'm really making her mad. Finally, I
say, "Just let me have my say and then I'll leave."

"Do I have a choice?"

That makes me smile. "In this instance—no."
Sucking a breath, I begin my spill. "Sometimes, life is unfair."

"Ya, think?"

After a few more words, I kneel in front of her
chair. "Because you're my friend, I want to help you make the right
decisions when I think that you're not."

I try not to, but I reach to stroke Morgan's
cheek. Her eyes widen and I can't breathe, but I keep talking. "You're a
beautiful woman." I have to clench the fingers of my other hand to keep
from kissing her. I have to get my thoughts back on track. "Kaylee told me
about your desire before your accident to try out for the Olympics." I
move my index finger to the scar on her cheek. "Don't let your dream go.
The Paralympics are just as competitive and fulfilling as the Olympics. Don't
you understand that life is not about winning or losing, it's about
doing?"

I glance sideways because I can't take being so
close to Morgan and not tasting her mouth.

Quickly, I stand and ask her to just read the
brochure. Just as quickly, I leave.