Freakshow (5 page)

I could feel Cai’s approval and knew I’d moved another step closer to his acceptance. With all these hoops to jump through, I wondered if anyone had made it past the first day.

We made a bit of friendly small talk with Lara, and then we were on our way. He took me to a seating area where we could watch the performers work on their act. He wanted to talk and kept asking me questions about my upbringing, but I was too enthralled by the people on stage to reply. This was access to something that would normally be beyond my budget, so I wanted to take in as much as possible.

“You enjoying the show, Miss Normal?” Cai teased me when I didn’t respond to his previous question about my family.

“Yes, very much,” I said and watched a family of tumblers working with a brightly coloured clown. I didn’t see anything right off the bat that was especially freakish about any of them. “So do you allow normal people in the Cirque as performers?” I asked and indicated the family.

“We do and we don’t,” he replied. “They’re all normal in terms of physical oddities, but they do possess certain
abilities
that are useful for other performances. I mean beyond the general oddities of the Cirque, the ones you are aware of. A couple of them are sword swallowers, there’s a human rubber band too. See the older fellow? He can still twist himself up in poses you’d take an hour to get your head around. Each one of us are considered family, and we’re all together in this because of our individual qualities that keep us bonded.”

“So if you’re not unusual looking, you can earn your way in,” I said, not taking my eyes off the performers, not wanting to make eye contact with him. I knew it was crazy, but I thought I might like to stay with the Cirque maybe a little longer. Maybe because of Cai.

“That’s right,” he said and leaned towards me, “so do you have any special talents you want to share?”

I looked at him, saw the humorous glint in his eye and felt red heat in my cheeks. “I might have a thing or two up my sleeve,” I said but didn’t think I’d manage anything beyond taking money and handing out tickets. I just didn’t want him to stop talking, end our orientation session, and forget about me the moment I was gone from his sight.

“I believe that,” he said and winked. My face burned again, my body’s response to him was uncontrollable and completely illogical.

After a lifetime of blending into the background, here I was figuring out how I could stand out in a room full of professional freaks.

Those eyes though, those lips. I realized I was staring at him a little too long and looked away, suddenly focused on the stage.

“Let’s take you to the ticket area,” he finally said, “then we can wrap up your orientation and get your training started.”

“Sounds good,” I replied and stood abruptly, catching my purse on the chair behind me, flipping it over with a loud crash. The performers stopped in mid tumble formation and froze, staring at me. “Shit, sorry. I’m so sorry,” I stuttered and tried to regain my composure while dying a little inside.

They began to slow clap as we walked, I heard a couple whistles and cheers and my face was on fire from my neck to the tips of my ears.

On a whim I turned, took a deep bow and added a curtsy for good measure. The performers started to clap in earnest and laugh heartily.

“Nice one, Miss Normal,” Cairo chuckled, “we might have room for you in the Freakshow after all.”

“Ha ha, you’re so funny,” I replied in a sarcastic tone, but I was grateful for his attempt to make light of my disastrous exit.

We walked to the front of the Cirque, taking our time talking and walking slower as we made it back to the only entrance. The entire perimeter of the Cirque was protected by a tall metal gate, and everyone coming and going had to go past the ticket booths I’d be working in.

“Is there a staff entrance?” I asked when we stepped up into a booth. I was suddenly aware of how small the inside of it was, it hadn’t seemed so bad the day before with Carl, and Carl was huge in body. Cairo was huge in presence though, and every cell in my body was acutely aware that he was just inches away from me.

“No, we don’t really need one. Everybody stays on site and when they leave, it’s only for a short time,” he replied. “I’ll show you your sleeping quarters after this. You’ll be bunking with a couple other girls, but you have your own bedroom.”

“Oh cool,” I said and didn’t want to tell him I’d be going home every night. In fact, I wanted to ask him where he slept, so I could imagine him just a few feet from me if I decided to spend the night at some point.

This was just temporary though, I told myself again. I had to keep reminding myself that it was just for a couple weeks and I’d have a new job by then.

But why did it feel like I was starting something new, something meaningful, and something life changing?

The Cirque possessed an air of mystery, as if I could almost see movement out of the corner of my eye. There was something mystical at work perhaps, and somehow I was picking up on it. I was being drawn in even against my will.

Or maybe I was just horny as hell for this incredible fire eating tattooed beast of a man.

Either way, I was definitely coming back.

We went over a few cash procedures, it wasn’t rocket science and I picked up on it immediately. He leaned over me to show me where they stocked the register tape and he stopped. He sucked in his breath and said, “Oh shit, that must hurt like a son of a bitch.”

He was looking down at my leg. I followed his gaze and saw a nasty gash open on the side of my knee. I must have gotten it tripping over myself when I’d left, on one of the chairs perhaps. It was gaping, bleeding and probably would hurt like a son of a bitch if I were normal.

“Oh my god, how did that happen?” I gasped in faked surprise, “Ouch!”

“This is a good time to show you where First Aid is located,” he said and offered his arm in support as we crossed the Cirque grounds to a medical trailer. I pretended to limp slightly, just to lean on him a little more than needed. “I hope you don’t decide to sue us for faulty chairs or something. What a terrible thing to happen on your first day.”

“I’ll survive, and I swear, no lawsuit. It was my own fault, I’m such a klutz.”

“Here we are,” he said and surprised me by lifting me into his arms to carry me up the five steps to the First Aid trailer. I suppressed a nervous giggle and did my best to look pained when he opened the door and set me on an examination bed.

“I’ll be fine, I promise,” I told him, “I get hurt all the time and I’m a quick healer.”

“I can see that,” he said and traced the network of scars along my shin, “you do these to yourself?”

I knew what he was thinking, that how could I possibly do all of this by being a simple klutz. People always suspected I’d been beaten or had a terrible childhood to carry such scars, but truth was my life had been great up until my parents had died. I, of course, did have my abnormality, and felt no pain to keep me from walking into shit all the time, but my formative years had been relatively nice. People never realized how much their sense of pain kept them in line, pain was what told you to stop, what gave your body warning to move back or avoid the source of injury.

Not feeling pain might seem like a big plus to some, but it truly wasn’t. I never learned self-preservation. Physically at least, I was closed off emotionally to make up for the lack of feeling on my skin. I would protect myself anywhere I could.

“I did every single one of them to myself,” I confessed, “I wish I could blame anyone else but myself. I grew up on a farm, and I’ve always been a tomboy. Always played sports. You’re probably just used to pretty girly girls, right?”

“You’re not a tomboy now though,” he said and touched the edge of my skirt. “And you’re right, you’re not pretty.”

I couldn’t help it, my face fell and I looked at him with my brows raised, daring him to call me ugly.

What he said made my heart skip a beat though. He looked at me, smiled and told me, “You’re beautiful, and that’s beyond pretty by a country mile.”

I laughed and looked away, at anything, to avoid meeting his gaze. “Well, this isn’t going to fix itself,” I said gently and touched my knee. “It’s starting to hurt pretty bad too.”

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” he said and moved to grab a First Aid kit. He cleaned it up and bandaged it with expert precision.

“You almost seem like you know what you’re doing,” I said and watched his skilled hands finish the job. I was sure if I could feel anything, I would feel relief at his ministrations simply because of his touch.

“I wanted to be a doctor,” he said and packed up the First Aid kit. He placed it back on the shelf and continued. “I even did a couple years of med school in Toronto. But, obviously I’m here...so that didn’t work out.”

He helped me hop down off the bed and I looked up at him, “Did you quit?”

He said, “I did, but only because my mother died and the Cirque was going under without somebody managing the finances and bookings. In short, my family needed me and I was compelled to respond.”

“That’s very noble of you,” I replied and admired his dedication. After my parents had died, my only family was my sister. We all knew she resented me, so I supposed it might be different when the family actually cared about each other.

“Yeah, noble,” he said and laughed, “not really though. It was all guilt. My father knows how to pull those strings is all, and I didn’t want my sisters to be left here on their own.”

“Your sisters work here too?” I asked, “How many siblings do you have?”

“Just two, Paris and Milan. And yes, we were all named after cities, and no, not the cities we were conceived in,” he quickly added when I raised my brows.

“I never would have gone there,” I laughed.

“I saw it in your eyes, cheeky Miss Normal,” he replied with a grin. “So Paris is my next younger sister, she works in part of the sword swallowing act. Milan is the youngest and she’s an acrobat. She sometimes works with the group you so gracefully interrupted today.”

“Interesting,” I said and held his arm again when we left the trailer. He offered to buy me an after-injury drink, and how could I possibly refuse?

We headed over to the staff concession and I fell even harder and a little farther for the man I’d just met.

M
y first week sailed by; the days were spent in a whirlwind of ticket sales interspersed with running errands for Carl or avoiding Orion whenever he came looking for me.

I got to know more of the performers, the people who were in the big top tent every night were more along the lines of acrobats and entertainers. There were clowns, horse and tiger shows, trapeze artists and tight rope walkers.

The sideshow was set in a long tent behind the main stage. It was basically a walk through after the main event, a time for people to see the real freaks up close and a little more personally. They were ushered through though, and not allowed to spend much time on each min performance. The side show performers were more protective about the mystery surrounding their assorted attributes that made them side show worthy.

We had a variety of such performers, two little guys who performed elaborate sword fights, Lara, the giantess and her stage husband, Vivaldi who was even taller than she. There was a man whose body was covered in thick, scaly skin known as the lizard man, Joanna with her luxurious beard. We had twin boys from Central America who were mostly covered with thick, coarse hair and two teenagers, one from China and one from Romania, who had additional limbs.

The night I snuck through, I felt stifled and overwhelmed by the crowds, the nervous, curious energy and exclamations of disgust, but the Freaks themselves fascinated me. Not because of their deformities, but because they seemed so completely at home in their bodies, something I’d never come close to achieving.

I still didn’t know what it was, but Cai’s father unsettled me. He was courteous and charming whenever I saw him, but there was something deeply disturbed about him just under the surface that made me nervous.

He sometimes looked at me like the tigers had, like the only thing keeping him from pouncing on me and devouring me whole was the threat of a whip, a flimsy social construct that dictated he not kill me. I didn’t want to test him too often.

So I avoided him...all while trying to find ways to run into his son.

It was almost a comical scenario if not for the hint of anxiety Orion added to the mix.

I was working late on a Friday, and was scanning the employment ads during a spare moment. The show had started an hour ago, so I was basically here to tell the stragglers that they were too late and push them to purchase tickets for tomorrow.

Nothing in the job market had come up all week, and I knew the Cirque would be heading south to Seattle in the next month.

I felt like packing it all up, letting my apartment go, and follow Cai and my job as they criss crossed the continent.

But the self-preservation portion of my brain that was missing from my body, it completely controlled my emotions. It was on overdrive, flashing warning bells to protect my heart and stay behind. End up homeless if I had to.