Friday (Timeless Series #5) (6 page)

Life In Passing

Axel

Was this normal?

It’d been five weeks since Marie and I broke up and I was still as miserable as I was the first day we were apart. Not a single thing had changed. I still opened my drawer and stared at her scarf when the sadness overtook me. I still parked outside her house at night when I couldn’t sleep. When I was at work I kept thinking about her.

Was there something wrong with me?

I’d gone five weeks without getting laid, and that was a personal record for me. The last time I had a dry spell like that I was in high school. In this instance I had no problem getting action.

I just didn’t want any.

I hadn’t stopped by the house to check on Francesca in a long time, and I thought it would be a legitimate excuse to pop in and see Marie. Maybe if we could be friends I wouldn’t feel this way. Maybe I just missed her companionship and her presence. It was extreme talking to every day and then going cold turkey. Maybe that’s what the problem was.

They probably already had groceries but I stopped by the store anyway. I got some baking stuff for Francesca as well as frozen corn dogs for Marie. I knew she loved those.

I knocked on the door before I used my key to get the door open. Francesca never gave me a key, but when she spiraled out of control I took her spare and started to come and go whenever I pleased. “It’s me.” I walked into the kitchen and set the bags down. My heart was beating hard in my chest and I felt a little sick. Pretending everything was perfectly normal was a lot more difficult than I realized.

Marie was sitting on the couch beside Francesca. She didn’t even look up when I walked inside.

“What are you doing here?” Francesca got off the couch and approached me near the table.

“I thought you might be running low. You’re welcome, by the way.”

She peeked inside and spotted all the baking stuff. “That’s sweet of you but unnecessary. I’m making enough money to cover everything. You don’t need to help out anymore.”

“Okay. I just wasn’t sure.” I kept glancing at Marie, hoping she would acknowledge me.

Francesca pulled out the cupcake pan that was shaped like a strawberry. “This is actually pretty cool.”

“Am I a good brother or what?”

“Eh.” She shrugged then stocked the kitchen.

I wanted Francesca to leave so I could speak to Marie alone, but it didn’t seem like she planned on going anywhere. “How are things with Cameron?”

“Good. I like him a lot.” She placed the corndogs in the freezer. “Marie, he got the frozen corndogs you like.”

“Great.” She never sounded so bored.

Francesca closed the fridge then moved to the other cabinet.

I came closer to her and whispered in her ear. “Can you go to your room or something? I want to talk to her alone.”

“Kicking me out of my own kitchen?” She rolled her eyes.

“I just brought you food.”

“Whatever.” She shut the cabinets then headed down the hallway. “Where did I put my phone…?” Her footsteps disappeared then her bedroom door shut a moment later.

Now that we were alone it was even more tense. The TV was still on but I knew she wasn’t watching it. There was no way she didn’t feel the tension in the room. Francesca was out of the picture and now it was just she and I.

I put my hands in my pockets and walked to the couch. “Hey.”

Her knees were pulled to her chest, and a bottle of nail polish sat on the table beside her. A pillow was hugged to her chest and she looked comfortable. She wore Nike sweatpants, the kind that was tight on her waist but loose on her legs. She wore a razorback top that showed of her rounded shoulders. Her hair was in loose curls around her face.

She looked beautiful, like always.

After nearly a minute of silence had passed, she responded. “Hey.”

Our typical awkward greeting was officially completed. “How are you?”

“Good. You?”

I was miserable. Utterly miserable
. “All right.”

She didn’t look at me once.

Without being invited I took the seat beside her and rested my forearms on my knees. “I was hoping we could talk…”

“About?” She changed the channel but her eyes never pulled away from the screen.

“Us.”

“What’s there to say?”

I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV so she would finally look at me.

She turned her gaze on me, and the appearance wasn’t friendly.

“I know this is hard on both of us. I’ve been going through a difficult time handling it—”

She laughed. “Yeah, okay.”

“What?”
What did I say?

“Nothing.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“Anyway…I’ve been lost. My world doesn’t feel the way it used to. Everything is different…I don’t want to lose you.”

“What does that mean?”

“Francesca is my sister and she’s your best friend. No matter what, we’re going to cross paths. I just…I don’t want us to avoid each other or be awkward around one another. I’d really like it if we could be friends.”

“But we were never friends.”

“Maybe we can start now.” Not having her in my life at all was torture. I had no one to talk to or share my feelings with. I couldn’t lose all of her. I needed some of her.

“I don’t know…”

“What else are we going to do?” I asked. “I can’t just disappear. Francesca is my family.”

“I’m her family too.”

“Exactly,” I said. “So, can we make this work?”

“When you say friends…what does that mean exactly?”

I shrugged. “That you don’t hate me.”

For the first time, her eyes softened. “Axel, I don’t hate you.”

“Really?”

“No, of course not.”

“Because it just seems like…I don’t know.”

“Well, it’s uncomfortable. We didn’t end on the best terms and it’s hard to bounce back from that.”

We didn’t end on the best terms? When I broke it off she seemed fine with it. Unless she was referring to the way I stormed out of her bedroom with my shirt on backwards. “Would it help if I apologized?”

She looked away.

“Marie…I don’t want it to be like this. When I came inside you wouldn’t even look at me. When I walked into that coffee shop it seemed like I repulsed you.”

“No…you never repulse me.”

“I still care about you and want to be in your life—if you’ll allow me.”

Her arms relaxed and her hands met together in her lap. She stared at the black TV screen on the wall while her mind considered my offer. She bit her bottom lip gently, what she usually did when she was deep in thought.

If she wanted me to never show my face around here again, I wasn’t sure what I would do.

“Okay.”

I turned back to her, surprised by that answer. “Really?”

She nodded. “Us being at odds with each other can’t be good for Francesca. I don’t want her to get stuck in the middle of it. She’s been doing a lot better but she’s not completely herself just yet. We shouldn’t give her any reason to stress out.”

As selfish as it made me sound, that wasn’t a concern. All I really cared about was seeing Marie, talking to her. I wanted to be in her life, even if it was at a distance. “You’re right. It might make things difficult on her.”

She extended her hand to me. “Friends?”

I eyed it and thought of the way she would trail her hands down my chest when we made love. I thought of the way she would cup my face and look deep into my eyes. I thought of the way she would rest her hand over my heart when I slept. I thought of all the things I could only cherish as a memory. “Friends.” I grabbed her hand and shook it.

***

I knocked before I walked inside. “Yo. It’s me.”

“No one cares.” Marie’s teasing voice came from the kitchen.

Hearing that smile in her voice gave me a burst of happiness that I couldn’t explain. “You’re wrong about that.” I held up the mail and tossed it on the table. “Since it was on the way…”

Marie grabbed the pile and searched it. “Bills…bills…late payment notice…bills…oh shit.”

“What?” Francesca was still whisking the batter at the counter but she stopped when she heard Marie gasp.

“It’s a letter from
Vogue
.” Marie held the envelope in her fingertips. Then she held it out to me like she didn’t know what else to do with it. “You read it.”

“Me?”

“You’re right.” She took it back. “Wait, no.” She held it out again. “I can’t read it. What if it says I’m a stupid girl who needs to dig a hole just so I can die in it?”

“Uh…I doubt they would take time out of their lives to say that.”
Unless they were psychopaths.

“Marie, just open it,” Francesca said. “I bet it’s good news.”

“Wait,” I said. “Why would they mail a letter to your house? If you got an interview they would probably just call, right?” That wasn’t the best thing to say but it was the truth.

“True…” Marie’s face fell.

“Let’s stop guessing and just open it.” Francesca abandoned the batter and joined us, batter and flour smeared on her apron.

I held it out to Marie.

She shook her head.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded.

I ripped open the envelope and pulled out the letter. After scanning though the words I realized it was nothing good. It was full of disappointment and broken dreams.

Francesca could read my expression and already knew what the letter contained.

With every passing second the light in Marie’s eyes went out. “They rejected me?”

I folded the letter and returned it to the envelope. “It just said they didn’t have any more availability for the internship.” I wish I could just lie and say something else. Marie was the best person for that job. They were stupid not to pick her. “I’m sorry…”

She released a heavy sigh. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up…”

“No.” Francesca wrapped her arms around her. “They’re just stupid, Marie. Don’t listen to them.”

“They probably picked some IV league students…”

I tossed the letter on the table and felt my heart ache.

“Something else will come along,” Francesca said. “Don’t worry about it.”

“She’s right,” I said. “This is just one place you applied to.”

Marie moved out of Francesca’s embrace then slowly walked down the hall. She went into her bedroom and shut the door behind her, clearly wanting to be alone.

“Poor girl…” Francesca shook her head.

“They missed out.” I couldn’t personally attest to Marie’s abilities but I knew she wanted that position more than anyone else who applied for it.

“She wanted this so much…I feel bad for her.”

“She’ll be alright. Something better will come along.” She walked back to the counter and continued to whisk the batter.

My eyes were still glued down the hallway, thinking about Marie and her broken heart.

“Can you hand me that bag of chocolate chips?”

I heard her say something but I didn’t catch what it was. I was too busy staring down the hallway at Marie’s door. I wanted to go to her, comfort her in any way I knew how. She didn’t deserve to be sad—for any reason.

“Axel?”

I walked down the hall then approached her bedroom door. The last time I walked inside she told me she loved me and I took off. Now it was hard to cross the threshold knowing that was the last memory we made together. My need to be there for her outweighed my shame and I stepped inside.

Marie sat on her bed with her teddy bear pulled to her chest. She looked like she was on the verge of tears but refused to let them out. Her teddy bear was bent at an odd angle because it was being squeezed so tightly.

I joined her on the bed but didn’t touch her.

She stared at me without hiding her emotions. She wasn’t just disappointed she didn’t get the internship. She was devastated. “I know it’s just a job…one that I wasn’t even going to get paid for. But I really wanted it, you know?”

“Yeah, I do know.”

She rested her chin on her teddy bear. “The worst part is, I don’t know what I could have done better. I did everything to the best of my ability and it still wasn’t enough.”

“The problem wasn’t you. They only had a few spots and hundreds of applications.” My hand automatically went to her hair and I pulled the strands out of her face. The touch was automatic because I’d done it so many times.

She didn’t pull away, like she wanted the affection to happen. “What if I don’t get anything?”

“That won’t happen.”

“But what if it does?”

“You didn’t apply to every single writing gig in the city. There’s always an opportunity somewhere. Don’t feel discouraged. You will find something. Even if it’s not your dream job you’ll work up to it. Where you start doesn’t have to be the place where you end.”

“I guess you’re right…”

I moved closer to her on the bed and wrapped my arm around her. The second I held her that way I felt better. It felt so good to hold her the way I used to. That closeness and intimacy was something I once lived for. It was beautiful and comforting—to both of us.

I rested my chin on her head and closed my eyes, holding onto the moment as long as I could. Being right next to her was so much better than sleeping in my truck outside. Listening to her breathe, to those musical sighs, was the best lullaby I ever heard. “Baby, you’re the smartest, most talented woman I’ve ever known. You will get something great—because you deserve it.” I tightened her against my body and held her the same way she held that teddy bear.

Her face moved into my chest and she closed her eyes, allowing me to treasure her.

I held her that way for a long time because it felt like home. Feeling her in my arms was better than any other sensation I’ve ever felt. It was better than sex. I inhaled the scent of her perfume and wished that smell were still ingrained in my sheets. I knew I missed her, but I didn’t realize just how much until that moment.

As the night deepened we didn’t move. Francesca never came to the door to check on us. My eyes grew lidded and heavy, and when I peeked down to look at her face I noticed her eyes were closed too. She leaned on me like a crutch, the teddy bear slack in her arms.

I lay back and pulled her with me, placing her head on the pillow beside me. Her eyes opened to a sliver and she looked at me. The sleepiness was still in her eyes but she registered my face. The teddy bear was placed aside and she automatically wrapped her arms around me instead.

I kicked off my shoes and pulled her flush against my body. We were both fully clothed and on top of the sheets but neither one of us were cold. I reached the lamp on her bedside and turned it off, blanketing us in darkness.

My hand slid up the back of her shirt and reached the small of her back. I loved resting it there. The curves of her body were appetizing but I didn’t feel the hardness in my jeans. My heart was the one reacting, beating hard and providing my body with enough blood to appreciate this moment.

My hand left her back then dug into her hair. My fingertips grazed the soft strands, remembering passionate nights we spent together in this very bed. For that moment in time she was mine again. I closed my eyes and pressed my face to hers, feeling my body relax the way it used to. I was already drifting away, entering my dreams.

Because she was next to me.