Friday (Timeless Series #5) (9 page)

Anniversary

Axel

I called in sick today.

I didn’t care if it pissed off my boss or piled more work on someone else. It was one of those days where I just wanted to sit in the dark and be alone. The date didn’t escape my notice.

On my mom’s anniversary I visited her grave and brought flowers. I always took time out of my life, no matter how busy I was, just to see her. Sometimes I ran into Francesca and sometimes I didn’t. We always mourned differently—never together.

But I wasn’t going to my father’s grave.

I didn’t go to his funeral and I hadn’t visited him once. If he chose to leave voluntarily, then he didn’t deserve my sympathy or compassion. We just lost our mom and he chose to follow her rather than look after the two kids he made with her. I could understand that kind of despair, but I couldn’t understand that kind of cowardice.

I tried to keep my mind off of it by watching TV. I lay in my sweatpants and t-shirt, the same thing I slept in. My phone was somewhere in my room. I didn’t want to have it on me because I knew Francesca would call me. She’d pester me to visit Dad, like every other year.

I wasn’t going to do it.

I was just about to fall asleep when someone knocked on the door.

Irritation immediately swept through my body and I ground my teeth together. Francesca only called me. She never arrived at my doorstep like this. It ticked me off because she failed to understand my personal space.

I walked to the door and opened it. “You’re crossing a line—”

Marie stood on my doorstep, holding a bouquet of flowers. She didn’t seem surprised by my outburst, like she suspected I would assume she was Francesca. “Hi…”

“Hi…” I stared at her in disbelief, unsure if she was really there.

“I’m sorry to bother you…can I come in?”

Where were my manners? “Sure.” I allowed her inside before I shut the door. “Sorry…I thought you were Francesca.”

“It’s okay. I understand.” She set the flowers down on my table. Then she stared at me, keeping several feet in between us.

I was a mess, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. My hair was in disarray and I hadn’t even brushed my teeth. “How’d you know I was home?”

She shrugged. “Lucky guess.”

Francesca must have told her what today was. There was no other explanation. If she thought she could get to me through Marie she was stupid. “I called in sick today because I wasn’t feeling well.”

Marie didn’t buy it. “Do you have any plans today?”

I shook my head.

“Well, I’m going to the cemetery if you’d like to join me.”

It wasn’t going to work
. “I’m not going. But thanks for stopping by.”

She didn’t move to the door after I dismissed her. “Axel—”

“I know Frankie put you up to this. I’ve made my decision and I’m not going to change my mind. You should just go.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” She crossed her arms over her chest and stood her ground.

“You’re welcome to lay around here, but I’m not leaving.”

“Fine.”

“Fine.” I moved to the hallway. “I’m going to take a shower. Make yourself comfortable.”

***

After I cleaned up I walked back into the living room. Marie was sitting on one end of the couch, wearing a black dress with wedges. Her legs were crossed and she was watching TV. I left the daytime cartoons on.

“I’m a child. I know.” I sat on the opposite end of the couch, keeping distance between us.

“That’s not what I was thinking.”

“Oh really?”

She shook her head. “I like cartoons too. I grew up on them, you know?”

I leaned back into the couch, feeling a little better now that I showered and brushed my teeth. “My favorite was transformers. Yours?”

“Tiny Toons.” She smiled at the memory.

“Good choice.”

She grabbed the remote and turned off the TV.

I knew what was coming.

“Please come with me.”

“No.”

“Axel—”

“I said no. He abandoned me—both of us.”

“I know,” she said gently.

“He didn’t think twice about it. He shot himself in our kitchen, knowing I would come home from school and see it. What kind of sick freak does that?”

Her eyes fell in pity but she kept pressing on. “Even so—”

“He left us as orphans. He dropped us on Yaya, who just lost a daughter. He was a fucking asshole.”

“I get it.”

“I don’t think you do. I was still numb from my mother’s death and then I came home to his brains all over the walls. You think that image isn’t forever ingrained in my mind? It doesn’t matter how many years pass, I’ll never forget it.”

“Axel, he’s your father.”

“And I’m his son—but he turned his back on me. Now I’m going to do the same to him.”

“If you keep harboring this anger you’re just going to make yourself feel worse.”

“Shut up.”

Marie’s eyes narrowed on my face, and she looked like she might slap me.

I realized how badly I fucked up. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Damn right you shouldn’t have.”

“I take it back.” I felt guilty as soon as I said those words. Marie didn’t deserve to be treated that way. “You should just go…I’m not my best today.”

“I’m not going anywhere—unless you come with me.”

“Then we’re watching a blank TV screen for the rest of the day.”

“Fine.” She turned back to the TV and fell silent.

I stared at the other wall.

Minutes of silence passed. She crossed her legs then uncrossed them.

“When we’re depressed we do crazy things,” she said. “If you’d gotten home earlier I’m sure he would have changed his mind. He was experiencing a lot of grief and he didn’t know how to handle it. I’m not justifying his actions, but keep in mind he was going through a lot. He just lost his wife and now he was a single father to two kids. It would terrify anyone.”

“My mom wouldn’t have left us. If she knew what he did she’d be so disappointed in him…”

“Women are different than men.”

“What kind of excuse is that?” I snapped.

“Women are more emotional so they can handle it. Men are different in that way.”

“Don’t justify what he did. He was a coward and we both know it.”

“Maybe he was.”

I turned to her.

“Maybe he was a piece-of-shit father for abandoning the two of you. But you should still forgive him.”

“I don’t have to do anything.” If he could take his own life so easily, then I could forget about him. “I’m not one to hold a grudge but this is different. I would never leave our kids like that, even if you died—” I closed my eyes in anguish when I realized my stupidity. I said something I could never take back no matter how hard I tried, and now that echo would live on forever. Marie heard it, and I heard it a million times over. I was stuck in that moment forever, reliving it. I turned the other way so I wouldn’t have to look at her anymore. I was humiliated beyond words, confessing feelings I wasn’t even sure I had.

Marie didn’t say anything. She was dead silent.

I stared at the wall again, feeling the tension rise. It was palpable and hot, burning my skin as it pressed against me. I’d give anything to have a redo, to fix what just happened.

Marie rose from the couch.

I saw her movements in my peripheral vision. She’d probably grab her flowers then leave. After what I said she was probably fed up with me. I made her so uncomfortable that she wanted to walk out.

She slowly approached my side of the couch, her leg touching my knee. I felt her rub against me.

I kept staring at the wall, refusing to make eye contact with her. I was aware of her closeness, even the rate of her breathing. Her scent washed over me, hinting at vanilla and honey. My heart skipped a beat when she was close to me.

Marie placed her hands on either side of my head, grabbing the back of the couch. Then she straddled my hips and slid into my lap, her chest pressed to mine. Her forehead connected with mine.

My hands automatically ran up her thighs until I gripped her hips. Her dress rose up past her thighs, exposing most of her skin. Her pink panties could be seen but I didn’t look at them.

My heart wouldn’t slow down.

Her arms wrapped around my neck and she kept her face pressed to mine. The swell of her breasts rubbed against my chest, and I remembered the way they felt against my bare skin when we made love.

My entire body was on fire. Feeling her touch me, invade me, made everything burn. I felt uneasy, but I also felt better than I had in a long time. The aches and pains in my body seemed to disappear. All I felt was the syncing of our heartbeats and the match of our breaths.

I forgot what we were just talking about.

My hands glided to her back, feeling the steep curve there. I loved the curves of her body. It reminded me of the various hills in the Swiss Alps. They were deadly, but also beautiful.

Marie placed her fingers against my chin and tilted my chin up slightly, forcing my look on her. She stared into my eyes, the look on her face matching mine. Her fingers dug into my hair just the way they used to.

Feeling that connection with her chased away all the anger and pain. The bitterness evaporated like steam on a hot pan. All I felt was the peace she gave me. It wrapped around me like a warm blanket on a winter morning. It was the greatest sensation I’d ever known.

“Axel?”

When she said my name my entire body tensed. It was on alert, ready to obey whatever command she gave. “Baby?”

“Come to the cemetery with me.” She continued to look into my eyes, forcing me to obey with just a look.

I still didn’t want to go, but I didn’t want to deny her either. In that moment she could get me to do anything. She hypnotized me with her spell, manipulating me with just her touch. She possessed the kind of magic that affected everyone around her. She tempted me with this affection, the feel of her warm skin under my fingertips. For a moment, it seemed like she was mine.

And that made me crumble.

“Axel?”

Helpless, I obeyed. “Okay.”

***

I didn’t even know where the grave was.  Somehow, Marie did.

She held the flowers in one hand while she held mine with the other. She stopped when we reached the headstone. It was a slab of charcoal marble with his name etched into the stone. My name as well as Francesca’s was written at the bottom, saying we were his legacy.

I stared at it and felt nothing.

Marie held the flowers out to me.

I eyed them for nearly a minute before I took them. A stone cup sat beside the tombstone, a place to insert the stems. I placed the flowers in the cup and arranged them so they looked nice. Then I stood back and stared at the grave again. My father’s remains were directly underneath me.

But I still felt nothing.

Marie hooked her arm through mine.

When I visited my mom’s grave I always came alone. No one was around so I told her about my life, the things that were going on. I told her about Francesca and what she was up to. She couldn’t hear me but I spoke anyway. Somehow, it made me feel better. It made it seem like she was still there with me.

But what did I do with my father?

Marie stood beside me in silence. She didn’t pressure me to do anything. She was just there—comforting me.

Seeing his name in the stone brought back so many memories. I remembered how depressed he was when my mom was diagnosed. With every passing week he became worse. He was heartbroken before she was even gone. Despite how much I hated him I knew one thing.

He really loved my mother.

“Tell me your fondest memory of him.”

“Of my father?” I whispered.

“Yeah.”

I searched my memory and thought of so many things. Before my mom got sick we were close. We did a lot of stuff together. “We used to go fishing a lot. Francesca would come sometimes, but it was mainly just he and I. He taught me everything he knew. On my tenth birthday he got me a new fishing pole. It was a real one—not those little boy ones. I thought that was the coolest thing.”

Her fingers rested on my arm. “That’s nice.”

“There’s other stuff too…but I remember that one the most.”

“Thank you for sharing.”

I stared at the grass below my feet, noting how thick and long it was. It was lush and green. The graveyard was beautiful. Both of my parents were buried in a nice place. “I try to look after Francesca as much as I can but it’s hard sometimes…I’m not sure how you tolerated her for so long.” The words left my lips on their own. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until it was already done. “I protect her and chase the dogs away but I don’t like it. It’s hard work. You know how she is…”

Marie rubbed my arm gently.