Friends Forever (16 page)

Brian became a regular visitor at the hospital to see Michelle, and he was happy to hear she was going home for Thanksgiving—he thought it would be good for her. He had come to view her as an older sister and friend. He had been visiting her two and three times a week, and when Judy saw Michelle’s visitors’ sheet, she was surprised to see his name.

“What’s he been doing here?” Judy asked her with astonishment. They were three years apart in school, and she couldn’t imagine that they had anything to say to each other.

“He’s been really nice, Mom. He’s a sweet kid,” Michelle said sincerely. Her other friends had come only once or twice, and after that were too busy with their own lives to return. Judy realized that Brian and Michelle must have felt they had something in common—both had been overshadowed by their older brother and sister. Judy had begun to learn a lot about her younger daughter, her sense of disappointment about life, and the hidden resentments she had. And if making friends with Billy’s younger brother made Michelle happy, she was pleased.

Michelle’s friendship with Brian was a good addition to her life.

Judy mentioned it to Marilyn the next time she visited her. Marilyn could hardly get out of the house anymore, she was so busy with the twins, and they were on different feeding schedules, which made it even harder. But Marilyn said she was aware that Brian had been visiting Michelle. She said he felt sorry for her being stuck in the hospital, and he looked up to her. “I think he really misses having Billy and Gabby around. Michelle reminds him of them. They’re both lonely without them,” Marilyn said pensively.

“Aren’t we all!” Judy said wistfully, thinking of her daughter in L.A. “At least you have the twins to keep you busy. I never expected this to be so hard when Gabby left.” But it was also helping her to establish a closer bond to Michelle. Judy had come to understand that she and Adam had failed Michelle until now by concentrating too much on Gabby. Judy had apologized to Michelle for it in group, and both of them had cried but felt better after. The therapy sessions had helped them both a lot.

All the kids came home from their various colleges for Thanksgiving, and the holiday had its bumpy moments for some of them. It hit Sean hard when he walked in the front door and realized his brother still wasn’t there, and never would be again. The reality of it was starting to sink in. On Friday night Sean stunned everyone and got a DUI, which was totally unlike him; he had always been so responsible. Connie and Mike were incensed. Connie had the distinct impression that he was trying to
be
Kevin, in order to keep him among them, but she didn’t know how to say it to him. She had read something like that somewhere, about someone imitating a sibling’s bad behaviors in order to keep them alive.

Connie called their old pediatrician to talk to her about Sean, and she said she wasn’t surprised by what he was doing, and the DUI. Sean had suffered a terrible shock with the death of his older brother, and some acting out was to be expected. She thought in time he would calm down again and act like himself. But Connie and Mike took the car keys away from him anyway and told him he’d have to pay the fine himself. And he had to stay on Monday after Thanksgiving for a hearing at the DMV about the revocation of his license. Mike had hired a lawyer to try and get the DUI charges dismissed, but Sean’s blood alcohol content had been .09, which was over the limit, so he had to face the DUI charges, and there was a hearing set on Monday for that too. Sean was deeply ashamed by what he’d done. He told the others about it on Saturday. And Izzie told him he was a fool. She couldn’t believe he’d been dumb enough to drink and drive, and she told him so. They knew better than that.

She was in a bad mood for the rest of the day, and angry at Sean for putting himself at risk. And then, that night, Izzie’s life took an unexpected and most unwelcome turn. She and Jeff had gone to Jennifer’s for Thanksgiving dinner with a group of friends at her apartment, and on Saturday, Jeff told Izzie that Jennifer was moving in with him. She was stunned. She had never expected that and was horrified at the idea.

“Are you crazy? You hardly know her, Dad. And she’s half your age.” Izzie was furious about it, but her father seemed serious and refused to be dissuaded.

“Not quite,” he said ruefully, and he was honest with her. “It’s lonely here without you, Iz. And your mom’s been gone for a long time.”

“Are you going to marry her?” she asked him with a panicked expression.

“I don’t know. We haven’t talked about it. Not yet, anyway. I think living with her will be enough. That’s all I’m ready for right now.”

“And what if you don’t like her? How will you get her to move out?”

“She’s not a squatter, Izzie. She’s a woman I’ve been dating whom I really like. The first one in a long time.”

When Izzie told Sean about it before she went back to school, he didn’t pay much attention. He was too upset about his DUI, and the possible consequences if it went to trial. He felt like a total fool and had been one.

Gabby was startled by her younger sister, when they had a disagreement over the weekend, and Michelle told her that she was tired of living in her shadow, and being treated like an invisible person, while Gabby was always the star and got her way. Michelle had found her voice in the post-treatment program, and she was suddenly much more willing to assert herself, which was a shock for everyone else in the house. And Gabby was even more surprised to see Billy’s little brother drop by.

“What’s Brian doing here? He’s just a kid,” she said to her mother after his visit. Her feathers were still ruffled by some of the things Michelle had said, but it was a sign of Michelle’s improving health that she had said them.

“He and Michelle are friends. He visited her in the hospital every few days. He’s a really sweet kid.” Gabby knew he was, but it seemed weird to see him hanging around her younger sister, and he was even younger, no matter how mature he looked.

Gabby had left for L.A. three months before, and things had changed. They all felt that way when they came home. Their parents were beginning to adjust to their absence, and although they had missed them, they were settling into new routines.

Billy had to go back to L.A. the day after Thanksgiving. He was playing in a game for USC on Sunday. All of them were planning to watch it on TV, except Gabby, who was flying back to L.A. on Saturday so she could be at the game.

The weekend went by too quickly, and on Sunday night all their houses seemed painfully quiet again. Only Sean stayed till Monday for his hearing for the DUI. In the end the judge gave him a stiff fine and reprimanded him severely, but he didn’t require DUI school, or revoke his license, since it was a first offense, and his lawyer explained that it was a difficult holiday for him after his brother’s recent death. Sean was relieved and flew back to Washington, D.C., that afternoon, greatly mollified by his court appearance and hearing at the DMV.

Connie and Marilyn talked about it on Tuesday, while she helped her bathe the twins.

“Sean suddenly seems so much more grown-up and more independent. Except for the DUI. Mike was furious about it. But other than that, he just seems a lot more adult now,” Connie commented with some relief. He had seemed to be heading in a bad direction after his brother’s death but was back on track now, despite his slip over the weekend. It had been an agonizing Thanksgiving for her and Mike too, their first without Kevin.

“Billy seems more responsible too,” Marilyn said as Daphne smiled up at her, enjoying the bath. Billy had even helped her with the twins on Thanksgiving, which was a first for him.

“You’re lucky you have the twins,” Connie said enviously. “It’ll keep you young.”

“Not exactly,” Marilyn laughed. “I haven’t had a full night’s sleep in five months, and I look about six hundred years old.” She thought Connie was doing a little better about Kevin, but she didn’t want to ask. She knew the holiday had been hard for her, as was to be expected. And instead of cooking dinner as she always did, they had gone to relatives of Mike’s.

“It’ll be nice having them all home for Christmas,” Connie said wistfully. “I miss seeing their friends too.” She missed Sean constantly, and talking to Izzie, and seeing Billy lope up their stairs two at a time, with Gabby right behind him, and Andy with them. She missed all of them. And she still couldn’t believe that for the rest of time, Kevin would never come home again. She knew it would take her all of her life to understand that he was gone forever.

Chapter 11

T
he kids all came home for Christmas, some earlier than others, depending on their schools. They returned to find their homes decorated for the holidays, with lights strung up outside the houses, and a Christmas tree already set up in the living room of each of their homes.

Connie had decorated theirs with a heavy heart this year. Mike didn’t even look at it. He usually put lights up outside the house, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it this time, and he didn’t help her with the tree. She did it quietly by herself one morning, crying for Kevin. But she wanted to have the tree up for Sean when he arrived.

The Westons had a good-looking artificial tree every year, set up by their florist, with beautiful decorations. Andy knew what to expect, although he always preferred the lopsided, less elegant real trees in his friends’ houses, particularly at Billy’s.

Marilyn and Jack went all out. They had much to celebrate. It was the twins’ first Christmas, and Brian helped Jack with the lights. They even had reindeer on the roof, and a lit-up Santa Claus in the front yard. It was corny, and they knew it, but they loved it, and so did all their friends.

Judy ordered a white-flocked tree every year and decorated it in silver and gold for Michelle and Gabby, and they had a matching white wreath on the door. Judy was in particularly good spirits. She had her eyes done just before Christmas and was very pleased with the result, and Adam said he loved it. Her new Jaguar arrived the week before Christmas. Michelle was doing much better. And Gabby was up for a national ad campaign for a cosmetic line, which would pay handsomely if she got it. Her career as a model was off and running, and she had signed up for acting classes in January.

Brian was still a regular visitor to the house, since Michelle got out of the hospital. She was looking better, and doing well in school. And she seemed less stressed and was even glad that Gabby was coming home. She was surprised to discover that she missed her. The sister who had garnered all of her mother’s attention for her entire life seemed like less of a threat now, as Michelle learned to express herself and developed a personality of her own. She and Brian talked about it often, since he had spent his whole life in Billy’s shadow too. His older brother was a lot to live up to. He had been playing in every game at USC, even though it was his first season on the team, but they needed him desperately since they’d lost their star quarterback to an injury. It was a stroke of luck for Billy, and all of the families who knew Billy and had watched him grow up, now watched him on TV. He had a big championship game coming up in January at the Rose Bowl. Gabby was planning to be there, and her parents, Sean, and the O’Haras were going, and Jack and Marilyn were taking Brian.

Gabby’s life seemed much more grown-up than Izzie’s now. She had an apartment, went to go-sees for modeling jobs, and she was focused on her career. She no longer had to worry about midterms, finals, papers, or assignments. She had entered the real world. And Billy could hardly wait to do the same. He thought of college as a bridge to his ultimate goal, playing for the NFL.

Billy had to play one last game before Christmas break, and was coming home on his own, and Izzie and Gabby flew up from L.A. together, and shared a cab from the airport into the city. Gabby dropped Izzie off first and wished her luck, as Izzie got out of the cab with a glum expression. Jennifer had moved in right after Thanksgiving, and this was going to be the first time she’d been home since that momentous event. She wondered if everything would seem different, or the same. She liked Jennifer, but she didn’t want to go through the same changes as Billy, if her father married her one day, or had babies with her. Izzie had been happy the way things were.

She waved at Gabby as the cab drove off, turned her key in the lock, and walked into the house she had shared with her father, and before that both her parents, since she was born. At first, nothing looked different, and then she noticed that the couch had been moved, her father’s desk was now in front of a window, the books in the bookcases looked different. There was a new reclining leather chair, and there were vases of flowers on every table. And the decorations on the Christmas tree were different. As she approached it, she saw that none of her favorite decorations from her childhood had been hung this year. They had bought new ones, and as she walked into her bedroom, she felt suddenly displaced and like a stranger in her own home, although her bedroom looked the same. She set down her bag and sat down on the bed, looking for signs of an invasion here too, but there were none.

She got a text message from Sean as she sat there, that he was leaving D.C. in a blizzard but would be home late that night, and he’d call when he got in. She answered, wishing him a safe flight, and then added that she just got home and it felt weird. He didn’t answer, and she wondered if he was already on the plane.

Izzie realized then that she didn’t have a gift for Jennifer, and she went to Fillmore Street that afternoon to find one. She ended up getting her a sweater from Marc Jacobs, and a picture book of Cuba, which had no particular meaning, Izzie just liked it, and she went straight to her room when she got home. It felt strange sitting in the living room now, as though it were someone else’s house and no longer her own.

Izzie heard Jennifer come in late that afternoon, and she lay on her bed and didn’t move, not wanting to face her just yet, and a moment later, her door opened and Jennifer started when she saw her. Izzie hadn’t made a sound.

“Oh … you’re home … I was just checking to make sure everything was neat in here, and turn the lights on. Are you okay?”