Friends Forever (22 page)

They all filed quietly out of court, and the Thomases were shaken. The boy who had killed Gabby was the same age as she was, and looked more like Michelle’s age, and she would have been as ill-equipped to deal with prison as he was, but he had foolishly driven drunk and killed Gabby, and even tried to run away. And however painful it was for his parents, justice had been served.

No one spoke on the way out, and even Billy was quiet. What had just happened wouldn’t bring Gabby back, but the boy who had killed her had been punished. It had a bitter taste to Izzie, as she stood in the June sunshine outside the court building. She looked at her friends, and they were as shocked as she was. A terrible thing had occurred when Kevin was killed. And now another terrible thing had happened. James Edmondson would go to prison. It was the way the system worked. They got back into the cars that had brought them, and they flew back to San Francisco that afternoon. For them, the nightmare of the proceedings was over. And for the boy who had killed Gabby, his nightmare had just begun.

Chapter 16

T
he rest of the summer passed peacefully for all of them. It was a time of healing and reflection. Sean, Andy, and Izzie talked a lot about Gabby, and how strange and empty their lives were without her. Billy was deeply depressed, and his mother was forcing him to go to counseling to talk about it, which was sensible. She was desperately worried about him. They all were. He drank too much, and Sean lectured him constantly about it. His friends were concerned, but as the time came closer for him to go back to USC for practice, he began to seem more like himself. It was possible that he would never fully recover, but football had always been his life as much as Gabby, and they were hoping it would be his salvation in the end.

The others had to find a way to heal and go on. Judy was still devastated, but the tragedy seemed to bring her closer to Michelle. She went to New York with her, just so they could spend some time together and have a change of scene. And when she came back, Judy seemed more like herself.

Andy spent as much time with Billy as he could, in spite of another boring summer job, and he and Sean had dinner often and spent hours talking about what had happened and what it meant to them.

The mothers in the group got together often too. Marilyn was worried about Billy, but also constantly busy with the twins, who were running everywhere and driving her happily insane. No matter what else happened, the twins were the bright spot in her life, and a source of immeasurable joy. Their innocence was like a beacon of hope shining in the darkness. Jennifer and Izzie made friends and got closer to each other. Izzie missed Gabby so much.

Izzie went to Tahoe with the O’Haras, and tried not to remember the night with Andy in the maid’s room. She and Sean talked endlessly about everything they cared about. He was talking a lot again about working for the FBI when he finished college. It sounded more like a goal now than a dream.

They went swimming in the lake, played tennis, went for hikes, and fished. His father took them water-skiing. They did normal things, and tried to forget all the hard things that had happened.

By the time Izzie went back to UCLA in September, she was ready to face life again. And Sean was excited to go back to Washington, D.C. Billy had left for practice in early August, and Andy felt ready to face his second year of pre-med. They were all headed in the right direction. Gabby wasn’t forgotten—she was a memory they would carry with them forever, the memory of fourteen years of friendship, and the childhood they had shared. In important ways, she would always be a part of them.

Sophomore year was hard for Izzie without Gabby. She had loved having her best friend close at hand. Now she was gone. Izzie had a roommate she liked better than her first one, but no one could replace Gabby. She had been like a sister to Izzie and her very best girlfriend. Sophomore year was brutal for Billy too. It was excruciating. Sometimes the agony of losing Gabby still took his breath away. He was having a tough time keeping up with his studies. Izzie helped whenever she could. The only thing that interested him now was playing for the NFL. He was tired of school.

He spent all the time he could working out and at practice. He had taken Sean’s advice, and his adviser’s, and stopped drinking. And he was in fantastic shape when he played his first game of sophomore year. He had a strong winning streak and played a remarkable season. His mother and Jack came down often to watch him play and Larry tried to whenever he could. But by the end of football season and another championship game where he had excelled, Billy knew what he wanted to do. He was certain now. All he had to do was get through another year.

He walked into his adviser’s office on January 2 and told him what he was thinking, and his adviser was sympathetic. He told Billy he had to wait until he turned twenty-one to enter the NFL draft, which Billy knew. It was what kept him going now. He had won a second championship game. And he felt ready, but he still had to wait. He didn’t care about graduating anymore. There was too much waiting for him out in the world. With Gabby, he might have stayed. Without her, he just wanted to get on with his life and start his career as a professional as soon as he could.

He hadn’t dated anyone since Gabby died, and had been faithful to her. She had been gone for just over a year, and he still missed her every hour of every day. Living without her was like living with constant pain.

Izzie wished sometimes that her own career decision were easier and clear. She had a deep need to help others, but still wasn’t sure how to manifest it. She switched her major to English in junior year, and talked to Sean about it. He was more and more set on the FBI. His brother’s death had made his goals clearer. Gabby’s had shaken Izzie and she had felt lost ever since she died.

She tried to explain it to her mother, on one of Katherine’s rare trips to L.A. Izzie and Katherine were not like mother and daughter, and never had been. They were more like old friends now, they weren’t close, but their relationship was peaceful. Izzie no longer expected anything from her and hadn’t in years.

“I still don’t understand why you don’t want to go to law school,” Katherine said to her over lunch. She was still a pretty woman, although she was fifty-four years old by then. She didn’t seem it, and Izzie suspected she had had some work done, but she looked very good. She had moved to London and was living with the same man she had dated for six years. His name was Charles Sparks, he was older than Katherine, and he was enormously rich and successful. Izzie had met him, but didn’t know him very well. Her mother seemed happy, which maybe was enough. Izzie didn’t have to love him too. Both he and her mother felt like strangers to her. And sometimes Izzie felt as though she were a stranger even to herself. She still didn’t know what she wanted to be when she grew up. Sometimes it was hard enough just being alive, but she wanted to lead a useful life too, not just have a job.

“I don’t want to be a lawyer, Mom. I guess that’s the best reason. And I don’t have a head for business like you,” which ruled out going to business school too. Izzie had considered it, but it just wasn’t “her.” She had good organizational skills, but she didn’t know where to use them.

“Don’t be a dreamer like your father,” Katherine said with a stern look of disappointment. She had never been impressed by his work at the ACLU. “He’s always championing the poor. You don’t make money doing that.” Jennifer shared his ideals, as a social worker, and his deep commitment. Izzie respected them for that even if her mother didn’t. They had been living together by then for over a year, and it seemed to work. Her parents’ marriage never had—they were just too different, and were even more so now.

“I might teach for a couple of years. Or go to India, and work with the poor.” Izzie looked at her mother apologetically, and felt like she was playing roulette with her life. Andy knew where he was going, Sean was fascinated with the FBI, and Billy had his football career, but Izzie still didn’t know what she wanted to do. All she had wanted when she was little was to be a good mother and wife, maybe because her mother wasn’t. And in the meantime she had discovered it wasn’t considered a career. It was a question of luck. Connie and Marilyn were wonderful mothers, but both had had jobs before that. Motherhood seemed like a vocation, not a career. And she was only twenty years old, way too young to be thinking of settling down with anyone. She hadn’t met anyone she cared about anyway. She had dated several people a few times, and was never interested in seeing them again. Unlike Gabby and Billy, she hadn’t found true love, and wasn’t looking for it. All she wanted for now was to get an education and have some fun while she did and wind up in a job she loved when she graduated.

“You’ll figure it out,” her mother said when she kissed her goodbye after lunch. She was going back to London that night, and Izzie had no idea when she’d see her again. It had been that way for years. Her father and Jennifer were the constants in her life, and her friends.

Her English major turned out to be the right one for her in junior year. She enjoyed it, and took several classes in philosophy and added a minor in French literature. She was having a good time, and Connie encouraged her to think about teaching. She had enjoyed it until she married Mike.

In January of junior year Billy filed his application to the NFL for the draft. He was finally going to leave school so his professional football career could officially begin. His application was accepted, and in April he was drafted by Detroit. He said it was the happiest day of his life.

It was exciting for him, even if they weren’t the strongest team in the league. It was the best thing that had happened to him since Gabby’s death, and a hugely important event in his life. He had hired an agent and a business manager, and he finally started dating soon after that. Gabby had been gone for two years by then. He dated mostly models and young actresses, showy young girls close to his own age or younger. Not one of them was worth Gabby, but they distracted him, and he showed up in the press at various events with pretty young girls on his arm. It unnerved his mother a little, but she knew it was good for him, better than mourning Gabby for the rest of time.

At the end of Izzie’s junior year, her father and Jennifer decided to get married. They didn’t want to have babies, but they wanted to adopt one. So there were a lot of changes up ahead. Izzie wasn’t upset about it. She liked Jennifer and thought she was good for her father, although she wasn’t sure that adopting a child at her father’s age was such a good idea. But it fit in with their philosophies about improving the lot of those less fortunate than they were, and they were excited about it.

Izzie turned twenty-one and her mother treated her to a trip to Europe that summer with a Eurail Pass and a backpack all by herself. She met up with Sean and Andy in Copenhagen and traveled through Norway and Sweden with them, and then to Berlin. She wound up in Paris on her own, and went from there to London, where she stayed with her mother and Charles for a few days, and she had a good time, and then she came home. She had been gone all summer, and was excited about starting senior year.

She had lunch with Andy before he left for Boston. He had a serious girlfriend, and couldn’t wait to start medical school as soon as he graduated. He was hoping to stay at Harvard for that too, and he looked and acted more like a doctor every day. He seemed so adult and mature, and said he wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon, and he asked her what she was going to do when she graduated. They had talked about it in Europe, but the conversation had been vague.

“I guess I’ll teach for a while. Or maybe join the Peace Corps. I’d better figure it out this year,” she said with a rueful smile. Her mother had invited her to come to London for a year, which sounded exciting, but Izzie didn’t want to do that, she still wanted to do something useful, but had no idea what. “I feel about as grown-up as I did on the first day of kindergarten when I was dishing up plastic food to all of you. You asked for a turkey sandwich with mayo,” she reminded him, and they both laughed. He had looked so proper and serious in his button-down shirt and khaki pants. And he had known he wanted to be a doctor even then. None of them had changed much since. Billy was still obsessed with football, and Gabby would have been an actress if she had lived—Izzie’s heart always ached when she thought of it. Sean still wanted to catch “bad guys” and was fluent in Spanish now and would graduate with a degree in foreign policy, which would be useful in the FBI.

“Maybe you should consider opening a restaurant with plastic food,” Andy teased her, and as he said it, the light finally dawned. It would be slightly different from the path she’d been considering, but suddenly it felt like the right one to her.

“It would be better than my real cooking,” she said looking pensive. “I thought the plastic doughnuts were particularly cute.”

“So were you,” Andy said with a warm expression and ruffled her hair. They never talked about the night they had lost their virginity to each other, but they remembered, and she knew they always would. She was glad he had found someone he really cared about at school. Her name was Nancy and he had met her in lab. He said he was crazy about her, and they had all the same life and career goals and interests. Who knew? Maybe it would work. Izzie had had trouble having faith in anything, the future surely, and even herself, since Gabby’s death. How could you trust anything after that?

Izzie wasn’t sure what she wanted relationship-wise either. She had dated someone for three months at the beginning of the year, but had lost interest in him very quickly. She felt like a ship without a rudder with no serious love interest or firm career goals.

She and Sean talked about the future when they had dinner the night before he left for D.C. Life after college was everyone’s main worry now.

“You’ll figure it out,” he said confidently.

“That’s what my mother says,” Izzie said with a sigh. Things were actually starting to come clearer, but she didn’t want to tell him yet, until she was sure. “What about you? State Department? Justice? Still FBI?” A lot of the students at GW went into government, and she could see Sean doing something more international, now that he was fluent in Spanish.