Full Circle (25 page)

Lily was about to tell Lucy that she had no idea what to do, but the determined look in her eyes stopped her. Lucy would do whatever it took to get rid of this baby and Lily wanted to make sure that she didn’t do anything she would regret later.

“
Where are you staying, Lucy?” Lily asked wearily. “I am going to the hospital this afternoon. I will discreetly ask some of the nurses if they know of anyone who might be able to help. I’ll come see you afterwards.”

“
There is a boarding house around the corner from the Rectory. I think you know it. My Mum said you were helping out there. I purposely found a room nearby hoping I would bump into you. I’ll be waiting there, Lil. And thank you. Thank you so much.” Lucy pulled her hat lower over her eyes and walked out of the park.

“
Well, this is just grand. Where am I supposed to find someone to take care of this? All I need is for Dad to hear that I am looking for someone to do a back-street abortion. I will have some explaining to do then,” brooded Lily as she walked up the steps to her house.

That afternoon between reading Dickens, whom she despised since school, and writing letters, Lily managed to ask a few of the nurses if they might have heard of anyone who could help a girl in trouble. Most of them became really nervous and avoided Lily’s gaze while vehemently saying that they didn’t. Lily had no idea what to tell Lucy as she walked out of the hospital after her shift. She was just about to cross the street when someone called her name. It was one of the younger nurses, named Deirdre, whom she frequently saw around the hospital, but had never really spoken to. She was one of those nurses that all the wounded soldiers were in love with. Deirdre had frothy blond hair, huge blue eyes that sparkled with good humor and pouty lips. The gossip was that her fiancé was in the Navy, but Lily didn’t know for sure.

“
Lily, I heard you were making some inquiries today about a certain matter. I might be able to help.”

“
Oh, yes. Please. I would be most grateful,” replied Lily happily. Deirdre snuck a peak at Lily’s middle and gave her a coy smile.

“
Oh, no. It’s not for me. I haven’t seen my husband in months,” replied Lily embarrassed at the assumption Deirdre had made.

“
One doesn’t always need a husband, does one?” she joked, but then her look turned serious. “There is a woman, known only as Mrs. B. Here is her address. She helped me last year. She is kind and her place is clean. Good luck to your friend,” with that Deirdre handed Lily a scrap of paper and hurried back inside the hospital. Lily looked at the address. It was in one of the meaner areas of the city, but at a time like this one couldn’t afford to be too picky with one’s abortionists, she thought grimly.

The following afternoon found Lily and Lucy walking up the path to a little, old house in a back alley. The brown paint on the door was flaking badly and the drab curtains were closed against the mid-day light. They knocked and a middle aged woman answered the door. She was cadaverously thin with wiry, grey hair and stooped shoulders. Her watery grey eyes slid over them making Lily feel uneasy.

“
Mrs. B?” asked Lily cautiously.

“
How can I help you?” The woman was obviously nervous, so Lily was quick to mention Deirdre. She thought back for a moment, obviously connecting the name with a face and her demeanor thawed.

“
My friend here has a problem we thought you might help us with,” said Lily evasively.

“
Come in, come in. I think I can help,” whispered Mrs. B as she held the door open for them to enter. The girls walked into a small parlor that had threadbare furniture and a faded carpet, but the place was clean and there were pleasant touches, such as jugs of fresh flowers on the table and a doily on the dresser.

“
How far along are you, my dear?” Mrs. B asked turning to Lucy. “Not too far, I hope.”

“
About two months, I reckon,” replied Lucy uneasily. Lily could see that she was really scared.

“
I must be upfront with you. It will be very painful and there is the occasional girl who gets an infection or severe hemorrhaging. If that happens, you must get yourself to a hospital, but you CANNOT tell them who did this to you. You must swear,” said Mrs. B. firmly. “You must swear.”

“
I swear.” Lucy said almost inaudibly.

“
Lucy, are you sure? You can still change your mind,” pleaded Lily.

“
Yes. I am sure. I’d rather die than have his baby,” replied Lucy bitterly. “I am ready, Mrs.B.”

The woman looked expectantly at the girls and Lily hastily took out the money and paid her. Only then did she agree. “All right, then, dear. Go through that door to the other room and take off your knickers. Lie down on the cot behind the screen and pull up your dress over your waist, so as not to get it soiled. I will be right in. Please try not to scream if you can bear it. There are neighbors around, after all.” With that Mrs. B. went through to the kitchen and came back wearing a butcher’s apron and carrying a basin and leather satchel.

“
Sit down while you wait, dear. It shouldn’t be more than a half hour,” she said to Lily as she walked into the adjoining room and firmly shut the door behind her. Lily tried to think of something pleasant as she heard the horrible screams coming from behind the door and then all got quiet. After a few more minutes Mrs. B. emerged from the room carrying the basin. Lily glimpsed something bloody and lumpy before the woman disappeared into the bathroom to dispose of the revolting mess.

“
Your friend is all right. The procedure went well and I have given her a towel to put in her knickers for the bleeding. Take her home and have her lie down and raise her legs. It will help with the bleeding. It should stop in a few days. Stay with her. If she starts getting a high fever or bleeding very heavily, get her to a hospital. Remember, you swore not to tell them who performed the abortion. I could go to jail if you betray me,” reminded Mrs. B. “I don’t do it just for the money, you know, although that sure helps. I know what it’s like to be pregnant and alone with no one to look after you.”

Lily walked into the other room and helped Lucy get up. She was white as a ghost, but there was a satisfied smile playing about her lips. “It’s gone, Lily. It’s gone.”

The girls walked very slowly to the nearest intersection and waited for a taxi. It came after a few minutes and Lily took her cousin back to the boarding house. Lucy looked like she was in agony, but she did not utter a word of complaint. She just lay down on the bed and closed her eyes. After a while she drifted off and Lily dozed off in an old armchair. She must have slept for a while because when she woke up it was late afternoon. She got up to check on Lucy.

Lucy’s breathing was shallow and her forehead was clammy with cold sweat. She was still asleep, but she was tossing and turning and moaning in her sleep. Lily carefully lifted her dress and saw that the towel and her underwear were soaked with blood. She looked for something to replace the bloody towel, but there was nothing in the room save the bed linens and she didn’t want to use those. There was a communal bathroom down the hall and Lily found a towel hanging behind the door. She guiltily took the towel, got a jug of water and went back to Lucy’s room. She was awake now and moaning and clutching at her stomach.

“
Oh, Lily. It hurts so bad,” said Lucy through dry, cracked lips. Lily held a glass of water to her mouth and helped her drink then went about changing the bloody rag. She wasn’t sure what to do with the blood-soaked towel, so she just put it on an old newspaper on the window sill. Lucy’s breathing was becoming ragged and Lily felt her forehead. She was burning up with fever.

“
Lucy, I have to get you to a hospital. I think you have an infection.”

“
No! I am not going, Lil. Everyone will see me with you and your father will find out. He will tell my parents. I’ll take my chances here,” protested Lucy. Lily was about to argue, but saw the set of Lucy’s mouth and decided against it. Time was of the essence.

“
Lucy, listen to me. I am going to go out for an hour. My father keeps some penicillin in his office at home in case of emergency. I will get it, get some more towels and come back. Just hang on, all right?”

“
I will,” whispered Lucy. She was still clutching her abdomen and moaning. Her legs were bent at the knee and they seemed to be bouncing on the bed of their own free will. Lily took one last look at Lucy and ran home.

Martha was feeding Livvy when Lily came running through the door, looking disheveled and scared. “Lily, what is it?”

“
Nothing, Mum. I can’t explain now. I have to run back out now. Please take care of Livvy tonight. I will be back in the morning.” Before her mother could question her any further, Lily ran out with a big bag. Her mother thought she saw one of her good towels peaking out of it, but she had no time to ask as Lily disappeared out the door. By the time Lily got back to the boarding house, it was getting dark and Lucy was just a dark form on the bed.

Lucy was still lying in the same position, except that now there was a pool of blood beneath her. She was shaking hard and her teeth were rattling as sweat ran down her face. She was mumbling something as Lily leaned closer to her. “I’ll get you back, you bastard; I’ll get you back for this.” She is delirious Lucy thought.

“
Lucy, listen to me. You have to swallow these pills and drink some water. Then I will clean you up. That’s a good girl,” she said as Lucy swallowed the penicillin pill and two aspirins. She tried to take another sip of water but almost chocked. She wiped the water from her chin with the back of her hand and lay back down.

It took Lily almost an hour to clean up all the blood and get Lucy into a clean nightgown. She wasn’t trembling as much and the fever seemed to have dropped a little. Lily settled into the armchair and prepared herself for a long night. She must have dozed off because when she opened her eyes it was almost midnight. She got up to check on Lucy. She was still very hot, but she was sleeping peacefully and the bleeding seemed to have slowed down. Lily decided to give her another pill just to be sure. She woke up Lucy, pushed the pill past her lips and helped her drink a few sips of water before letting Lucy fall back asleep. Lily was exhausted, but she couldn’t go back to sleep. She prayed that Lucy would be all right. If something happened to her it would be all Lily’s fault. She had found Mrs. B and she had gone along with Lucy when she refused to go to the hospital. She felt desperately sorry for her. She couldn’t imagine what Lucy must have felt when she first found out that she was pregnant and then when the man she loved and counted on to make everything all right was already married to someone else. How cruelly he had deceived her. “Innocent boys go into battle and die randomly and a wanker like that gets to live,” thought Lily furiously as she tried in vain to get more comfortable in the old, hard armchair. She fell asleep as dawn painted the sky outside in shades of pink and gold.

“
Lily?” Lily jumped up at the sound of her name. Lucy was looking at her from the bed. Her skin was the color of chalk and her lips had a bluish tint to them. Lily was terribly nervous as she came closer to the bed to check on her. She put her hand on Lucy’s forehead and tried to gauge her fever. She was still very hot, but not as hot as the day before. He legs were lying still on the bed and the pain in her belly wasn’t as severe. Lily had given the girl a glass of water and made her take another pill.

“
Lucy, I will go out and get us something to eat. Is there anything you want?” asked Lily gently.

“
No. Nothing,” came the feeble voice from the bed. “I feel better, Lily. I really do. You don’t have to stay with me.”

“
I am not going anywhere. I will run out for an hour and then come back and stay with you. I am not going anywhere, so don’t worry. I’ll see you in a bit,” said Lily as she walked out the door. Lily was chewing her lip in consternation as she walked out of the boarding house. She had to go home and explain to her parents where she had been and she had no idea what to tell them. She couldn’t tell them anything had happened to one of her patients at the hospital because if it did, her father would know of it. She also couldn’t tell them that something happened to one of the children at the Rectory because they would find out soon enough that wasn’t true. She certainly couldn’t tell them that she had spent the night taking care of Lucy because that would be opening up a very nasty can of worms.

Lily was spared having to come up with an explanation because there was no one at home when she returned. Her mother must have taken Olivia outside for her walk and her father was most likely at the hospital. Edward was off somewhere and Lily breathed a sigh of relief as she changed her clothes, got another clean towel and some clean knickers for Lucy and took her ration book. Before she left she also took a thermos from the kitchen. She left before her mother had a chance to come back. Lily stopped by a bakery before heading back to the boarding house. She picked up four buns and asked the owner to put some hot tea in her thermos before she went back to the room.