Full Circle (27 page)

“
What happened?” she asked.

“
Michael and Andrew’s father has come back from the front. He had been in the hospital for months and has been discharged from duty. He is coming to take the boys back to London next week,” explained Molly. The boys looked almost demented with joy and the other children looked on them with envy.

“
We’ll miss you Lily,” they said in unison.

Lily was about to reply, but all that came out was a sob. It was as if the floodgates had opened and she couldn’t stop herself. She ran out of the Rectory, tears streaming down her face. She ran down to the beach house where she and Nick had stayed, took the key from under a flower pot and let herself inside. The house had never been let and it was empty and silent, as empty and silent as her heart. Lily ran up to the bedroom and threw herself on the bed. She cried until there were no tears left and then she cried some more. She must have eventually tired herself out and fell asleep because when she opened her eyes it was dark and she was cold. She could have liked to stay there forever until she died of a broken heart, but she had a baby waiting for her at home, so she forced herself to get up and let herself out of the cottage.

Martha and George didn’t say anything as she came in. They were expecting some kind of breakdown and they were glad that at least Lily was dealing with her grief rather than keeping it all in.

Lily did not go to the station to say goodbye to the twins. She couldn’t bare it. She secretly hoped to adopt them after the war if their father did not come back, and although she was happy that they got at least one parent back, to her it was another loss. She went to the Rectory the day before. The Rector and Mrs. Stone improvised a little going away party for the boys and Lily went with Olivia and her parents.

Their father was already there. He looked to be around twenty five and had a pleasant face with soulful brown eyes. One of his pant-legs was pinned up and a pair of crutches rested next to the chair where he was sitting. “Poor man,” Lily thought. He lost his wife and now his leg. It would be no easy task to care for two six year old boys with one leg. She hoped he had some family to help him out. The boys were overjoyed to see their father again, but a little shy of him. They hadn’t seen him in years and their memories of him were vague at best. They wanted to go back to London, but at this point the Rectory was the only home they knew and they felt sad about leaving everyone. They sat next to their father on the floor, constantly looking up at him to make sure he was real.

The Strattons had it from Mrs. Stone that Joseph Connor had been stationed somewhere in Africa. He was an infantry soldier and lost his leg a few months before when he stepped on a mine. He had been in a hospital in some “heathen” place since and just returned to England two weeks ago to find his wife dead and his sons tucked away in Cornwall. Luckily, the Red Cross was able to trace the boys and Mr. Connor had contacted the Rector last week about coming to take them home. They would miss the boys, but they were glad that their Dad was able to find them and offer them a more permanent home.

Lily kissed them goodbye and gave them the presents she had brought them. Then she excused herself and left. She didn’t want to cry in front of everyone and ruin their happiness. Her parents followed with the baby.

George put his arm around his daughter. “Lily, I know it’s hard to believe right now, but you will be happy again. I promise you. You are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you.”

“
Do I, Dad? I feel very old and tired just now.” They walked back to their house in silence.

As the world celebrated Germany’s surrender in the spring of ’45 the only thing that Lily and Martha celebrated was the fact that they did not live close to the train station. Watching the young men get off the train and run into the arms of their wives, sweethearts and mothers was more than they could bear.

Edward would not be coming back either. As the months passed after his departure, the enemy seemed to be on the run. Everyone was excited and full of hope discussing the latest news at every opportunity and Lily and her parents just prayed that the war would end soon and they would get Edward back. His letters went from being the letters of an idealistic boy to the letters of a soldier who had seen death and suffering. He was no longer so excited to be in the thick of the fighting.

Martha, who had never been particularly religious, frequently went off by herself and Lily knew she was going to church to pray for her son. Apparently, God was too busy to listen because Edward was killed two weeks before Germany’s surrender. Martha was heart-broken and Lily had no more tears left to cry. This war had cost her very dearly and she felt as if something inside her had died as well. She had lost her husband, Ian and now her brother. She felt like she would never be whole again. Her parents’ grief was a terrible thing to behold. They seemed to have aged overnight and her father went noticeable greyer. Martha barely left the house. She couldn’t bear to see all the young men who were returning to their families. Lily didn’t think that her parents would ever recover.

Now that the War was over she had to figure out what to do with her life, but she had no idea. She had no particular desire to go anywhere or do anything. Going back to London seemed pointless. There was no one there, except Aunt Gwen and Uncle William who would be glad to see her. Lily felt adrift in a sea of grief and loss.

Lucy came to visit them in July. She looked much better than the last time Lily saw her, but the sadness in her eyes did not fade. After lunch with Lily’s parents they went down to the beach to take a walk. The girls took off their shoes and walked on the sand as the surf swirled between their toes.

“
I am so sorry about Nick and Edward, Lily. I wish there was something I could do,” said Lucy.

“
Thank you, Lucy. I wish there was something I could do as well, other than sit here and think about all the things that will never happen now,” replied Lily sadly. “What about you? How are you managing?”

“
I am all right. I am thinking of becoming a teacher. That’s probably as close as I will ever get to having my own child,” replied Lucy in a flat voice.

“
What do you mean?” Lily was shocked by her statement.

“
Lily, I went to a doctor when I got back home. He said that my uterus was so damaged by the abortion that I will most likely never be able to carry a child to term, even if I do manage to conceive. There is a miniscule chance that I might be able to, but that would be a miracle. Don’t worry. I have accepted it,” Lucy hastened to reassure Lily realizing that she might feel some guilt over taking her to Mrs. B.

“
Oh, Lucy. I am so sorry.”

“
Don’t be. I made my bed… What about you? What are your plans now that the war is finally over?” asked Lucy in an effort to change the subject.

“
I need to get away from here, Luce. If I stay here I will die of sadness. Every corner, every park, every inch of this beach reminds me of people I will never see again. I can’t live the rest of my life surrounded by ghosts. I need to make a fresh start somewhere. My parents have offered to buy me a ticket to New York. My friend Alice is moving there with her family. It seems that the Red Cross finally found Jacob’s family. His elderly parents died in Dachau in 1943, but his sister, Hannah, managed to escape the roundups and was hidden by some neighbors until someone got her fake papers and she was able to get to Switzerland. She had been engaged in Berlin, but her fiancée was killed while resisting arrest and Hannah wound up marrying the person who helped her escape. They are living in New York and Jacob is desperate to be close to his only remaining relative.”

“
How does Alice feel about leaving England and her own family behind?” Lucy picked up a pebble and threw it into the water watching the spot where it fell.

“
Alice was never that close with her parents and she is eager to start a new life. Jacob has finished his work at Bletchley and they must start anew somewhere. It might as well be New York. Alice has invited me to visit them once they get settled.”

“
Then you must go. Get away from here. Start a new life. If not for yourself, do it for Olivia. No child should grow up with so much sadness,” advised Lucy.

“
You are right. I owe it to her to give her a happy childhood, not one where she is surrounded by a depressed mother and heart-broken grandparents. Thanks, Lucy, for helping me decide. I will tell my parents tonight that I have made up my mind.” All of a sudden Lily felt more hopeful than she had in months. The prospect of leaving Cornwall behind seemed very exciting. Seeing Alice again and living in a new place, even if only for a few months seemed like paradise and Lily made up her mind to leave as soon as arrangements could be made. Martha had offered to keep Olivia while Lily went away, but she wanted to take the baby with her. They would not be separated, ever.

Dusk was already gathering outside by the time Rebecca and Jamie finally said goodbye to Ellen and Jack. Rebecca left a message for Emma and Rachel at the hotel telling them she had been held up and she knew they would be angry with her when she got back, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave Jamie. She had known him for less than a week, but they had a bond that was hard to describe. It’s as if they had known each other before and were simply renewing their acquaintance. She caught Jamie watching her intently from time to time and she wondered if he felt the same way. She knew without doubt that she was in love, but it seemed hard to believe that after all the guys she dated and tried to care for, it happened quickly and suddenly in a place she least expected. She knew that James was attracted to her physically, but she wasn’t sure if his feelings were as intense and she was afraid to scare him off. She would have to play it cool and hope that his own feelings would develop and grow.

Jamie hailed a cab and told the driver to take them to the London Eye. He seemed preoccupied and Rebecca didn’t press him. She was happy enough just to be with him. She would be flying home in two days and this might be the last chance she got to see him before she left. She knew he had plans with his friends and there was some family he needed to visit in Oxford. The cab left them by the entrance and James purchased tickets and led her inside. Surprisingly, there were very few people and they got a cabin all to themselves. As it began to rise, Rebecca looked around in awe at the spectacular view of London at dusk. The city was ablaze with lights and stars seemed within touching distance as they rose higher off the ground. Jamie put his arms around Rebecca and looked out over the city.

“Rebecca, I need to tell you something. I overheard Jack telling you about the accident that left me concussed. There is more to that story than anyone knows. After waking up in the hospital I began to have visions. They happened mostly at night when I was relaxed and susceptible. They showed another time and another place, and another person. At first I thought it was just a result of the head trauma and would go away, but after getting a clean bill of health, the visions remained. They were always about the same person, Nicholas McGuire.”

Rebecca felt as if she was going to be sick. Was she hearing him correctly or was he just making fun of her somehow? Did Emma or Rachel mention something to him and he was having a laugh at her expense? She turned around in Jamie’s arms searching his face for clues. He seemed very serious and his eyes were full of something she didn’t recognize. He seemed to be pleading with her for understanding and acknowledgement.

“You know what I am talking about, don’t you? I knew you the moment I saw you on the airplane. It was like a jolt that went through me. I tried to play it cool, so as not to scare you to death. I needed to be sure. That’s why I took you to Cornwall. If anything would confirm my suspicions, it would be a trip to our cottage. You recognized it. I saw it in your eyes the moment we pulled up. You knew me; you just couldn’t allow yourself to entertain the idea. It’s too preposterous.”

Rebecca looked up at Jamie, her face full of wonder. “Why is this happening to us, do you think?”

“We have some unfinished business, Mrs. McGuire. Are you willing to take the journey together?”

Rebecca caressed Jamie’s face trying to find traces of Nick. He looked different, and so did she, but she could feel him all the same. Now that he had told her his secret, she understood the instant connection between them and the lust that overtook them at the cottage. It wasn’t a new love; it was a reunion, a colliding of souls that were brought together by destiny. Maybe this happened to other people as a matter of course, but they were lucky enough to be conscious of what was happening.

“I suppose there are benefits to getting a bump on the head,” Rebecca said laughing. “I never even gave reincarnation a thought before the dreams began. I always thought it was for New Age kooks who were reading too much into everything. I’ve heard of people getting past lives readings, but I just thought it was weird. I wouldn’t have believed it anyway, even if someone had told me about Lily. I would have dismissed it out of hand and went on with my life.”