Gabe (Steele Brothers #6) (2 page)

I could have asked Gabe if he had to work, but I honestly didn’t want another reason to be mad at my ex.

“Sorry to hear that,” he said, taking a sip of his lemonade. “I hope she won’t be too disappointed.”

“It’s fine,” I said, shrugging. “I’ll take her.” I knew our daughter would be disappointed that her father had broken another promise, but she was resilient; she’d get over it.

“You’re an amazing mom, you know that?” Gabe asked, bumping his shoulder with mine. “That little girl is lucky to have you.”

“I’m lucky to have her,” I countered. “I couldn’t imagine my life without her.”

“Did you always want to be a mother?” Gabe asked, making the swing sway gently.

“Always.” I set my cool glass down on the armrest of the swing, wiping my damp palms on my cotton leggings. “Being an only child, I’d always wanted a brother or sister to play with, but my parents couldn’t have any more children. I swore when I got married I’d have a house full of them.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t work out that way,” Gabe said softly, his eyes finally meeting mine.

“It still could,” I said, licking my lips. “I haven’t given up hope.”

“You shouldn’t,” he said, clearing his throat as he broke eye contact. “You and Jason could still get back together, grow your family.”

“I wasn’t talking about Jason,” I said, tempted to growl to release my frustration. I could hit this man upside the head and he still wouldn’t get the message that
he
was the one I wanted.

Gabe waved at an elderly gentleman walking his little white dog on the other side of the street. He’d lived here almost four years, he told me, and it seemed everyone in the neighborhood knew and liked him.

“I’m over him,” I said, trying to continue the conversation. “I don’t know what more I can say or do to convince you of that.”

“You don’t know how hard this is for me,” he said, his voice tight. “You know I like you. A lot. But I refuse to be the reason you divorce your husband.”

Touching his forearm, I said, “I initiated divorce proceedings a long time ago and I assure you it had nothing to do with you. Jason cheated on me. For me, that’s a deal breaker.”

“I know.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand, looking annoyed. “And believe me, I’ve asked myself a hundred times how he could have been so stupid. But he made one mistake, Kendra. I can’t help but think he deserves another chance.”

“That’s my call to make, not yours.” I didn’t mean to be so short with him, but all my life, well-meaning people had been trying to steer me in the “right” direction, believing they knew what was best for me, and I was tired of it.

“I know that. But to hear Jason tell it, you and Char are his world. I really believe he still loves you, that given the chance, he wouldn’t make the same stupid mistake again.”

If it were only one stupid mistake, perhaps I could overlook it. But it was a pattern of behavior with Jason. He’d make off-color jokes about other women, often checking them out or flirting right in front of me. He’d gotten caught cheating once, only after his disgruntled lover called to tell me about them, but I wasn’t naïve enough to believe she’d been his only indiscretion.

“I know you think you know him, but trust me, you don’t.” I remembered my promise to myself not to badmouth Jason, and sighed, wondering if it would ever get easier. “I don’t want to list all the reasons we’ll never get back together because, honestly, they don’t even matter. What does matter is what’s in my heart.” I waited until he looked at me before I said, “I don’t love him anymore, Gabe. I haven’t for a long time.”

He stood quickly, as though I’d professed my love for him. “Thanks for the lemonade,” he said, setting his half-empty glass down on the painted wood table beside him. “It was great.”

I reached for his hand to prevent him from leaving. “I’m ready to move on with my life, whether you believe that or not.” I’d never been the aggressor in a relationship before, but I knew Gabe was special. I’d have to go on a hundred lousy dates to meet someone like him.

“But Jason isn’t.” He pulled back, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his worn jeans. “And I won’t be the reason a man I consider a friend can’t tuck his baby girl in at night.”

Kendra

I was still fuming when I went over to pick Char up from her playdate.

Liz took one look at me and laughed. “You look like you could use a stiff drink, girl.”

“If I wasn’t driving to my parents place in a bit, I just might take you up on that.” Lately, I’d relied on journaling, yoga, and meditation to release my pent-up frustration, but sometimes, between Gabe and Jason, only a drink and a bitchfest with a girlfriend could take the edge off.

“The girls are watching the last few minutes of their show,” Liz said, hooking her arm through mine as she led me toward the kitchen. “That gives you a few minutes to tell me what’s got you so bent out of shape.”

Liz was a yoga instructor at a fitness facility down the street, and the one who’d introduced me to this path of self-discovery I’d found myself on since my separation, so I was almost embarrassed to admit to her that I found myself coming apart at the seams. Again.

“Same old, same old,” I said, sinking into one of the lovingly refinished chairs at her vintage table. “Jason failing to live up to his responsibilities and Gabe being a martyr.”

Liz turned from seeping our favorite herbal tea, giving me a sympathetic smile. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but Gabe’s high moral code is the very reason you fell for him in the first place. He’s everything Jason isn’t: honest, reliable, trustworthy, considerate… Need I go on?”

I sighed when she sat down beside me, depositing two of her delicate, hand-painted cups and saucers between us. “No, you’re right.” I pulled my long hair off my face, propping my elbow on the table. “I wouldn’t change Gabe for anything. But what can I do to make him realize I’m ready to move on?”

“Only one way I can think of,” Liz said, adding a drop of honey to her tea. “Start dating again.”

“Ugh.” I saw no point in dating while the man I was most attracted lived right next door. “I don’t have time to date.”

“But you do have time for Gabe?” she asked, smiling. “How does that work?”

“It’s different,” I argued. “He lives right next door. We see each other all the time.”

“And what better way to convince him your marriage is over than to let him see you with a new man? If ever he was going to step up, that would surely motivate him.”

“I don’t know…” Even during college I hadn’t been into the dating scene, which probably explained why I’d married the first man who asked. “It seems like such a hassle. Besides, where would I meet someone?”

“The owner of the fitness studio where I work asked about you the last time you were in.”

“It wouldn’t be right,” I said, shaking my head. “I couldn’t lead someone on, or worse, use them just to make Gabe jealous.”

“Didn’t you tell me just last week you needed to get out more?”

“Well yeah, but—”

“Who says you can’t develop friendships with guys, Kendra?”

I took a sip of my tea, wondering if she had a valid point. “You really think your boss would be interested in going out with me if he knew I was only interested in him as a friend?”

“Absolutely,” Liz said, looking convinced. “He told me yesterday that he’d love to have someone to go out with, no pressure, just someone to have fun with.”

“What I wouldn’t give for a little more fun in my life.” I loved every moment I spent with my daughter. I enjoyed my job and was grateful for my friends and family, but reckless abandon had been in short supply lately.

“Then let me set it up,” Liz said, looking excited at the prospect. “I promise you won’t be disappointed. Mike’s a great guy. You’re going to love him.”

“I’d settle for liking him.” I definitely wasn’t looking for love, just a little relaxation therapy between the sheets with a sexy fire chief. At least for now…

***

Char was watching her grandfather work in his art studio, which gave me some much-needed alone time with my mom after dinner. I wanted to know whether she thought it was a mistake for me to start dating again, given how vulnerable my daughter was.

“You were kind of quiet over dinner,” my mother said, setting the left-over cookies she’d made in a plastic container for us to take home. “Anything wrong?”

“I just wish Jason would sign the divorce papers. I’m tired of living in limbo.” And tired of complaining to the people who’d been kind enough to support me. “I’m ready to move on with my life.”

“When you say you’re ready to move on,” my mother said, turning to face me, “does that mean you’re looking for another relationship?”

My mother had met Gabe several times when she’d visited the house, but I’d never been upfront with her about my attraction to him. I didn’t want her to worry that I was fixating on Gabe to deal Jason’s betrayal, which I suspected Gabe believed.

“I’m looking for a little fun,” I said, hesitantly. “Nothing too serious.”

“Do you have anyone special in mind?” she asked, setting the container on the table, where I wouldn’t forget it. Not that Char would let me. Her nana’s peanut butter chocolate chip cookies were her favorite.

“Why do you ask?” I asked, peeling back the plastic lid and snagging another cookie. That would cost me an extra twenty minutes on the treadmill tomorrow, but my mother’s cookies were so worth it.

“Honey, I’ve seen the way you look at Gabe. It’s obvious you have feelings for him.” She smiled when I looked up, surprised at her insight. “It may not be obvious to everyone, but I’ve only seen you look at one other man that way.”

“Gabe is Jason’s boss, you know,” I said, biting into the cookie with a sigh.

“I know, you told me when you introduced us.”

“That complicates things.”

Why couldn’t Gabe have been a perfect stranger when I’d moved in? Not that I thought that would have made a difference. His morals still would have prevented him from hooking up with a single mom whose ex was hanging around, trying to put his marriage back together, whether Gabe considered the man in question a friend or not.

“Gabe and Jason are friends,” I said. “Not close friends,” I amended. “But they’ve known each other a long time. They go out for beers now and then.”

“And Gabe is having a hard time believing your marriage is over?” my mother asked, helping herself to another cookie as she passed me a paper napkin.

“Can you blame him? I’ve been living next door to him for a while now and Jason and I are no closer to making it official than we were when I moved in.” I debated taking another cookie, but wiped the crumbs from my fingers instead. “How can I expect him to believe me when I tell him it’s over if I can’t prove it?”

“Has he made you feel like he wants a signed divorce decree before you take your friendship to the next level?”

I sank back in my chair, looking around the same warm, spacious kitchen where I’d learned to bake cookies by watching my mother. I’d had a wonderful childhood: love, support, stability, and more than anything I wanted the same for Char, but I’d chosen the wrong man and now we were both paying the price.

“Gabe said he likes me,” I said, crossing my arms. “I know he’s attracted to me, but honestly, I still don’t know if he’d be willing to go out with me even if I were single.”

“Then maybe you’re barking up the wrong tree?” my mother suggested gently. “You can’t make a man want you, Kendra. Nor should you have to.”

In spite of Jason’s indiscretions, I didn’t suffer from low self-esteem or blame myself for not being woman enough to satisfy him. I knew the problem was his, not mine. “Mom, you know I’d never chase after a man who didn’t want me. It’s not like that with Gabe. We get along great. He’s wonderful with Char and—”

“Maybe you’re not ready for another relationship just yet,” she cut in. “Could be you need to give yourself a little more time to think things through.”

Since I had been the one to inadvertently ask for advice, I couldn’t be upset that my mother wasn’t telling me what I wanted to hear. It was her job to play the devil’s advocate and she’d always taken that role seriously, encouraging me to look at both sides of the coin before making an important decision.

“It’s not that I’m actively looking for someone to share my life with,” I said, fixating on the new café curtains my mother had made for the window above the sink, overlooking the big oak tree I used to love climbing with all the neighborhood kids. “It would be nice if I found someone, but I don’t need a man. I just need my daughter.”

“I know you like to think you don’t need anyone,” my mother said hesitantly, obviously choosing her words carefully. “But I think everyone needs someone.”

“I have plenty of people who care about me. You, Dad, good friends—”

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, Kendra. But you’ve always been so independent.” She smiled. “As a little girl you’d play by yourself for hours.”

“I don’t see what this has to do with…”

Raising her hand, my mother said, “Just let me finish. Is it possible that you may have made Jason feel as though you didn’t need him?”

I gaped at her, unable to believe what I was hearing. “Are you saying I’m responsible for what happened?” I asked, flattening my palm against my chest. “That it’s my fault that my husband cheated on me?”

“No, I’m not saying that at all,” my mother said, looking alarmed as she leaned forward to clasp my free hand. We rarely fought, but when we did, we both walked away feeling like we’d been kicked in the gut. “I’m just suggesting that maybe you need to evaluate what you want out of a relationship before you think about starting another one.”

I shook my head, prepared to remind her that I’d done a lot of self-exploration over the past year and a half and I was clear about what I wanted in a life partner, should the right one come along.

“I’m not too proud to admit that I need your father,” she said, looking me in the eye. “And I don’t think that makes me weak or needy because I know he needs me just as much. Would I survive if I lost him tomorrow? Yes. But I know my life would never be the same again. There would always be a void without him.”