Gabriel's Inferno 01 - Gabriel's Inferno (54 page)

“Too much of that and I’ll have you right here,” he whispered. “You deserve better. You deserve everything, and that’s what I’m going to give to you.”

She leaned into his hand.

“Given your decision, there are a few other things we should discuss.” Gabriel’s voice was no longer playful and sultry. He cleared his throat and took a couple of deliberate deep breaths. “If you choose to go on the pill or if you are on it already, that’s fine. But I need to tell you that contraception is unnecessary.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I can’t have children, Julianne.”

She blinked at him.

“Are children something you always wanted? Maybe I should have brought this up sooner.” He shifted somewhat anxiously.

She paused as his revelation began to sink in. “I didn’t exactly come from a happy family. There have been times when I thought it might be nice to have a husband and a baby. But I never really thought something like that would work out for me.”

“Why not?”

She shrugged and averted her eyes. “I never thought I’d find someone who could love me. I’m not exactly sexy. I’m shy. And weak.”

“Oh, Julia.” He embraced her and kissed her on both cheeks. “You’re wrong. You are incredibly sexy. And you are far from weak.”

She fingered the lapel of his leather jacket for a moment. “I’m sorry to hear that you can’t have children. Lots of couples have trouble conceiving.”

Gabriel stiffened. “Their situations are completely different.”

“How so?”

“Their infertility is natural.”

Julia noticed Gabriel’s eyes narrow as he watched her with a very worried expression.

She raised a hand to his face and gently touched his cheek. “Were you very disappointed when you found out?”

He grasped her wrist and removed her hand from his face. “I was relieved, Julianne. And I didn’t find out.”

“Then how…”

“I made the decision to have myself sterilized when I came out of rehab.”

She swallowed hard.

“Oh Gabriel, why?”

“Because someone like me shouldn’t reproduce. I told you about my father. I told you what I was like when I was doing drugs. I thought it would be irresponsible to leave open any kind of paternity. So I had it taken care of, and I will not have it reversed. I decided that there would be no children for me. Ever.”

He turned his piercing gaze on her. “I didn’t account for you, though. And now I almost regret my decision. But really, Julianne, it’s better this way. Trust me.” His body suddenly tensed, as if he were preparing himself for an onslaught. “You might decide it would be best not to get involved with me now.”

“Gabriel, please. I just—need a minute.” Julia moved to sit beside him as she tried to process the information he’d just given her.

Gabriel followed suit, tugging on one of the blankets so that it was wrapped around her entirely. She realized that he’d given her a half-admission, that the true secret was the event or events that led to his despair. Those events had to be more than just his upbringing and his drug use.

Does it matter? Is there a secret he could tell that would kill your love for him?

He was as still as a statue in the cascading moonlight, awaiting her response. The minutes seemed like hours to him.

I love him. Nothing he could say could kill that. Nothing.

“I’m so sorry, Gabriel.” She flung her arms around his neck. “But I still want you. I realize there might come a time when we need to revisit this conversation, but I’ll accept what you’ve said for now.”

At first he was taken aback by her reaction. Then her gentle acceptance overwhelmed him. It made it difficult for him to find the right words.

“Julia, I need to tell you who I am. What I am.” He was suddenly insistent.

“I will listen to whatever you have to say, but I still want you. It was always you, Gabriel.”

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her gently, as if his soul was begging to be joined to hers. “It was always you, Julianne. Only you.”

He held her and breathed in her comfort. All of a sudden, he could see the future. He had hope. He had faith that maybe, just maybe, when she knew everything, she would look at him with those big, brown eyes and say that she still wanted him.

You love her.
Once again the voice came out of nowhere, only this time Gabriel recognized it. And he silently whispered his thanks.

“You seem so far away, love.” Julia smiled as she used his new term.

He kissed her softly. “I’m right where I want to be. Perhaps tonight isn’t the best night to share all our secrets. But I can’t take you to Italy without telling you everything. And I would like you to tell me everything too.” He looked into her eyes with a very serious expression. “I can’t ask you to bare your body to me without asking you to bare your soul. I want to do the same with you. I hope you understand.” With his eyes he tried to express his feelings, how he was thinking only of her in adding this prerequisite.

She nodded slowly in agreement. He pressed their lips together, and Julia sighed, resting her head against his chest and listening to the steady, contented rhythm of his heart. Time passed or stood still. Two almost-lovers entwined beneath a dark November sky, the stars and moonlight their only illumination.

***

The next morning, Julia awoke early and walked down the hallway to take a shower. She dressed and packed her suitcase, knocking on Gabriel’s door at eight o’clock. But there was no answer. She pressed the curve of her ear against the door and listened. There was no movement. No sound.

She dragged her rolling bag down the hallway and carried it down the stairs. As she turned the corner into the living room, she saw Richard and Rachel sitting on one of the sofas. Rachel was crying and her father was trying to comfort her.

Their eyes flew to Julia’s as she dropped her bag accidentally. She apologized profusely.

“It’s all right, Julia,” Richard greeted her. “How did you sleep?”

“Well, thank you. Rachel, are you okay?”

Her friend wiped her eyes. “I’m fine.”

“Why don’t you two talk while I make some breakfast? Rachel likes blueberry pancakes, Julia. How about you?” He stood up and gestured toward the kitchen.

“Thanks, but my dad asked me to meet him at Kinfolks for breakfast at nine.”

“I’ll drive you. Just let me whip up some pancakes first.”

Richard disappeared, and Julia sat next to Rachel on the couch, putting her arm around her friend’s shoulders.

“What happened?”

“I had a fight with Aaron. He was moody this morning, so I asked him what was wrong. He starting talking about the wedding and wondering if I was ever going to set a date. When I said I wanted to wait, he wanted to know how long.” She threw up her hands in frustration. “I told him what I said before—
I don’t know
. Then he asked if I wanted him to let me out of the engagement!”

Julia inhaled sharply in surprise.

“We never fight. But he was so upset that he couldn’t even look at me. Then in the middle of our conversation, he just walked out the front door and drove away. I have no idea where he went or if he’s even coming back,” Rachel sobbed.

Julia hugged her friend tightly. “Of course he’s coming back. I’m sure he was upset with himself for fighting with you and went for a drive to cool off.”

“Dad overhead us. So of course he wanted to know why I was delaying the wedding.” She wiped her eyes with her hands. “He said Aaron was right, I couldn’t put my life on hold. He said that Mom would be upset if she knew I was putting things off because of her.” Rachel’s face crumpled as her eyes filled with more tears.

“Your dad is right—you both deserve to be happy. Aaron loves you so much. He just wants to get married. He’s worried you’ve got cold feet.”

“I don’t have cold feet. I’ve loved him forever.”

“Then tell him that. He took you to an island to reconnect with you after the funeral. He’s been patient about everything. I’m sure he doesn’t care when the wedding is, he just wants to set a date.”

Rachel sniffled sadly. “I had no idea how upset he was.”

“Maybe you should eat some breakfast, then call him. He’ll have calmed down by then, and you two can go somewhere and talk. You can’t work things out here with so many people around.”

Rachel shuddered. “Thank God Scott didn’t walk in on us. He would have sided with me and pissed Aaron off even more.”

At that moment, the front door opened and closed and a tall, brown-haired man, sweaty from jogging, strolled into the living room. His hair was messy and damp, and he was wearing a black Nike jogging suit. As he approached the two women, he took a pair of ear buds out of his ears and pressed a button on his iPhone.

He looked at Rachel and Julia, frowning darkly. “What happened?”

“Aaron and I had a fight.” More tears fell down Rachel’s cheeks, leaving Gabriel stricken.

He walked over and pulled her into a hug, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m sorry, Rach. Where is he?”

“He left.”

He subtly shook his head in frustration. It pained him to see his sister cry.

Before he could ask for more details, Richard emerged from the kitchen, announcing that breakfast was served. “And Julia, if you can give me a few minutes, I’ll take you to Kinfolks.”

Gabriel released Rachel. “What’s happening?”

“Julia needs to meet her father at nine.”

Gabriel looked at his watch. “It’s not even eight-thirty.”

“That’s okay. I can just have a cup of coffee at the restaurant and wait for him.” Julia avoided Gabriel’s gaze. She didn’t want to be an inconvenience.

“Let me shower and I’ll drive you. I have to stop by my real estate agent’s house anyway.”

Julia nodded and the three of them entered the kitchen while Gabriel went upstairs. Over blueberry pancakes, Rachel produced something from her purse and fastened it around Julia’s neck.

She touched the pearl necklace with surprise. “What’s this?”

“They were Mom’s. We wanted you to have something of hers.”

“I can’t, Rachel. You should have them.”

“I have other things,” she said, smiling.

“What about Scott?”

Rachel giggled. “Scott said they weren’t his style.”

“We wanted you to have them.” Richard looked at her kindly.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course!” Rachel hugged her friend, grateful for the opportunity to return her kindness in some tangible way.

Julia was overwhelmed, but she fought back tears for Richard’s sake. “Thank you. Thank you both.”

He pressed a fatherly kiss to the top of her head. “Grace would have been so happy to see you wearing something of hers.”

“I should thank Scott.”

Rachel rolled her eyes and stifled a snort. “He won’t be up till noon. Aaron and I had to turn the stereo on last night to block out the sounds of him snoring. We could hear him through the walls.” She looked up into her father’s slightly disapproving face. “Sorry, Dad, but it’s the truth. Anyway, just bring your dad to dinner tomorrow night, Julia, and you’ll be able to thank Scott then.”

Julia nodded, fingering the pearls thoughtfully, marveling at their smooth spherical shape.

***

Gabriel and Julia didn’t say much on the drive to the restaurant. Almost all the words they needed to speak had already been spoken. They held hands like teenagers in the car. Julia beamed when Gabriel gave her his Magdalen College scarf and said that he wanted her to have it. When they arrived at the restaurant, Tom’s truck was nowhere to be found.

“I guess we’re lucky.” Julia sounded relieved.

“He’ll have to be told eventually. I’ll tell him, if you wish.”

Julia turned her head to see if he was serious. He was. “He told me to stay away from you. He thinks you’re a criminal.”

“Then you should let me tell him. You’ve taken enough abuse to last a lifetime.”

“Gabriel, my father never abused me. He isn’t a bad man. He’s just—misguided.”

Gabriel rubbed his mouth but said nothing.

“I’m not going to say anything until we’re back in Toronto and the semester is over. It will be easier to explain on the phone. But I should go. He’ll be here any minute.”

Gabriel kissed her lightly, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand. “Call me later.”

“I will.” She kissed him again and slipped out of the Jeep.

He pulled her luggage out of the back and placed it at her feet, leaning forward to whisper in her ear, “I’m already fantasizing about our first time.”

Julia blushed and murmured, “Me too.”

Tom Mitchell was a man of few words. He was incredibly average-looking—of medium height and build with medium brown hair and rather medium brown eyes. Despite his failure as a father and whatever failures he had been guilty of as a husband, he was a dedicated volunteer and very active in municipal life. In fact, he enjoyed an excellent reputation amongst the townsfolk of Selinsgrove, and his opinion was frequently sought after in all matters municipal.