Gabriel's Inferno 01 - Gabriel's Inferno (57 page)

Julia sniffled.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. Are you hurt very badly?” When she didn’t answer, he kissed her ear again and squeezed her more tightly.

“Not physically,” she managed, stifling a sob.

“Then tell me,” he whispered. “Tell me how I hurt you.”

Julia threw her hands up in desperate frustration. “You said that you wanted me, but when I finally work up the courage to throw myself at you, you reject me!”

Gabriel inhaled sharply, his breath making a whistling sound against her ear. She felt his arms stiffen and his tendons press into her skin. And something else, further down, pressing into the curve of her behind.

“Believe me, Julianne, I am not rejecting you. Of course I want you. You’re so beautiful. So very lovely.”

Gabriel reached down to kiss the side of her face. “We talked about this. Our time is coming. Do you really want our first time to be tonight?”

Julia hesitated, and that was the only answer he needed.

“Even if you were ready, darling, I wouldn’t make love to you tonight. You’re injured, which means you’re going to be on the disabled list for a while. I need to make sure that you’re fully recovered before we explore—ah—various
positions.”

She could hear his smile coloring his words. He was trying to make her laugh.

“But most importantly, there’s this.” He shifted so that he was leaning around her left side, gently tracing a finger around the angry bite mark on her neck.

She winced at his touch, and a flame of anger flared within him. He inhaled and exhaled several times to get his emotions under control, then he placed gentle kisses near the mark over and over again, until she sighed and let her head relax against his shoulder.

“You were fetal a couple of hours ago. I wouldn’t be a very good lover if I capitalized on your vulnerability. Does that make sense?”

Julia thought about it, and nodded slowly.

“Something frightening happened to you tonight. Of course you want to feel safe and cared for. It’s not a crime, Julianne. And I want to help you, my love, so badly. But there are many different ways to do that. You don’t have to take your clothes off in order to capture my attention. You have it. Completely. You don’t have to have sex with me in order for me to make you feel wanted.”

“How?” Her voice was a tentative whisper.

“Like this.” Gabriel pressed a kiss to her neck and shifted her so that she was reclining on her back.

He lay on his side next to her, propped up on his elbow, staring down into her wide, sad eyes. Starting with her hair, he began to touch her with gentle, unhurried caresses. He stroked her face to remove her tears. He traced her chin, her jaw line, her eyebrows. He moved to her neck and down to the lines of her collarbone.

She gasped when his fingers followed her sternum between her breasts to her abdomen, where he drew patterns on her naked skin. He placed his palm flat against her and leaned over to kiss the very tops of her breasts.

When he withdrew, her eyes were closed. “Darling?”

Her eyelids fluttered open.

“In this bed, there’s only us. You and me. You are all that matters.” He smoothed his hand across the curve of her waist and down to her left hip, where he gripped her loosely. “If you want to go back to your room, I’ll walk you back. If you want to sleep alone, I’ll let you be. I just need you to tell me what
you
want, and provided it’s within my power, I’ll give it to you. But please, darling, don’t ask me to take your virginity. Not tonight.”

She considered what he said and swallowed noisily. “I want to stay here. I don’t sleep very well without you.”

“I barely sleep at all without you. I’m glad the feeling is mutual.” He kissed her lips and began to skim his hand lightly over her thigh and back to the curve of her bottom. “You know that I care for you, don’t you?”

She nodded and touched his chest while he leaned forward, brushing his lips against her neck where the skin was unmarked.

“I’m sorry I did this.” Gabriel circled the fading love bite from the day before.

Julia looked into guilty eyes. “Don’t, Gabriel. That was different.”

“I need to be more careful with you.”

She sighed. “You are very careful with me.”

“Roll over, darling.”

Her eyes held a question, but she rolled onto her stomach and moved her head so that she could look at him, trusting him completely.

He kneeled beside her and gently brushed her hair aside. “Just relax. I want you to feel as beautiful as you are.”

He began slowly, massaging her lightly with both hands, exploring every inch from head to toe. Then he stretched out by her feet and lifted them, paying special attention to her arches and her heels.

She moaned softly.

Gabriel chuckled. “Do you remember when you stayed with me after that disastrous seminar?”

Julia nodded, biting her lip.

His eyebrows knit together. “You were very suspicious of me. Of course, you were right to be suspicious, but even then I’d already decided that I…You’re safe with me, love. I promise.”

When Gabriel finished with her feet he crawled back up her body, allowing his lips to explore where his hands had been, nuzzling, kissing, nipping.

Julia searched his eyes and saw deep affection reflected back at her, and as he sank down by her side, she kissed him deeply.

“Thank you, Gabriel,” she breathed.

He smiled in satisfaction, winding his fingers through her long hair.

It was in this space of peace and security that Julia realized her moment had come. They had already agreed that they would bare their souls before they bared their bodies. And there was a part of her that was weary of keeping secrets. Of keeping
his
secrets.

Gabriel had shared parts of his past with her already. Why had she withheld herself from him? It was going to be painful to speak the words aloud, but perhaps it would be more painful to have this thing between them remain unexplained. She inhaled deeply and shut her eyes, and without introduction, she began.

“I met him at a party my freshman year…” She cleared her throat a few times and continued in a whisper. “He went to the University of Pennsylvania. I’d heard of his father before, but that’s not why I was interested in him. I liked him because he was funny and nice and we always had a good time together. That first Christmas, he showed up at my house to surprise me. He knew I liked Italian things, and so he bought me a candy-apple red Vespa.
Julia red
, he called it.”

Gabriel raised his eyebrows.

“Of course, my love for all things Italian came from you. But I’d given up hope that I’d ever see you again. I thought you didn’t care about me, and so I tried to move on. His parents approved of our relationship, and we were always being invited to Washington to visit them or to political events in Philadelphia. We dated casually for a few months, more like friends really, and then he told me he wanted more. I agreed.

“Things started to change after that. He wanted more of everything, and he became demanding.” Julia’s cheeks flushed deeply in the darkness.

Gabriel felt the temperature rise across her skin, and so he began to lightly rub her shoulders.

“He said that sex was his right as my boyfriend. When I said that I wasn’t ready, he called me frigid. That simply reinforced my determination to wait. I wasn’t really waiting for you, specifically, but I didn’t want to be pressured into it. I know that sounds juvenile.”

“Julianne, it’s far from juvenile to assert that
you
should be the one to decide who you will and will not sleep with.”

She smiled at him thinly. “The more he pushed, the more I tried to compensate by giving into him in other ways. He was extremely possessive. He didn’t like me hanging out with Rachel, probably because she didn’t like him. I did whatever I could to avoid conflict with him. And, um, he wasn’t always pleasant.”

She paused, trying to figure out how to say the next part.

“Did he hit you?” Gabriel forced himself to sound calm.

“Not really.”

“That is not an answer, Julianne.
Did he hit you?”

She could feel Gabriel’s body begin to shake with anger. She wasn’t about to lie to him, but she was worried about what he would say when she told him. So she chose her next words very carefully. “He pushed me around a couple of times. Natalie, my roommate, had to pull him off of me once.”

“You do realize that him pushing you is still assault.”

When Julia avoided his eyes, he continued. “I want to come back to this again. Another time.”

“Honestly, the things he said to me were far worse than anything he ever did.” She laughed softly. “He treated me better than my mother did, for the most part. Although there were times when I wanted him to hit me. I could have taken a punch, and it would have been over in seconds. That would have been preferable to having to listen to him tell me how frigid and worthless I was over and over again.” She shuddered. “At least if he’d hit me, I could have told my dad. I could have shown him the bruise, and he would have believed me.”

Gabriel was sickened by Julia’s admission, which only increased his anger against Simon and her father. Despite his patient silence, she could almost hear the wheels turning in his mind.

“I never felt like I was good enough for him. And he certainly agreed. Since I wouldn’t sleep with him, he demanded—um, other things. But I wasn’t very good. He said if that was any indication of what I’d be like in bed, I’d be a lousy lay.” She laughed again, and nervously played with her hair. “I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I guess you have a right to know before I disappoint you. On top of being frigid, why would you want me if I can’t even please a man in other ways?”

Gabriel unthinkingly let loose a string of profanities that would have curled a profane person’s hair.

Julia remained very still, her nose twitching slightly, like a mouse. Or a rabbit.

“Julianne, look at me.” He placed a light hand on her cheek, waiting until their eyes met. “Everything he said to you was a lie. You have to believe me when I tell you this. He said those things so that he could control you.

“Of course I want you. Look at you! You’re beautiful and warm and intelligent. You’re forgiving and gentle. You might not realize this, but you bring out those qualities in me. You make me
want
to be gentle and kind. And when we make love, that’s how I will be with you.”

He cleared his throat as his voice grew raspy. “Someone as giving and as passionate as you could
never
be terrible at anything sexual. You just need someone who will make you feel safe enough to express yourself. Then the tiger will emerge. He didn’t deserve to see that side of you, and you were right not to show it to him. But we’re different. Last night, the night in the museum, even earlier tonight, I’ve seen your passion. I’ve felt it. And it’s breathtaking.
You
are breathtaking.”

Julia looked into his earnest eyes in silent wonder.

“You told me you believe in redemption,” he whispered. “So prove it. Forgive yourself for whatever you’re ashamed of and let yourself be happy. Because really, Julianne, that’s all I want for you. I want you to be happy.”

She smiled and kissed him, reveling momentarily in his touch and his words. After a moment, she retreated, knowing that the worst of her story was yet to be told.

“I wanted to participate in the junior-year abroad program. He didn’t want me to go. So I applied for it behind his back, and I didn’t break the news to him until the beginning of the summer. He was furious, but he seemed to get over it.

“While I was in Italy, he would write these amazing e-mails and send me pictures. He told me he loved me.” She swallowed hard. “No one ever loved me before.”

She took a deep breath. “I didn’t come home for Christmas or for the summer because I was taking extra courses and doing some traveling. When I came back at the end of August, Rachel took me shopping as a welcome home present. Grace had given her some money, and between the two of them they bought me a really pretty dress and a pair of Prada shoes.”

She blushed.

“Um, you’ve seen those shoes before. I wore them on our first da—um, I mean when you took me out for steak.”

He ran his fingers over the curve of her cheek. “It’s all right, Julianne, you can call it our first date. That’s how I think of it. Even though I was an ass.”

She took another deep breath. “He made elaborate plans to celebrate my birthday. Rachel insisted on helping me get ready at her apartment, and I was supposed to drive to the Ritz-Carlton to meet him. But I forgot my camera. So I went to my dorm room first.”

Now Julia began to shake. Every muscle, every part of her began shivering as if she was freezing cold.

Gabriel wrapped her in his arms. “You don’t have to tell me anymore. I’ve heard enough.”

“No.” Her voice shook, but she continued. “I need to tell someone. Not even Rachel knows everything.” She inhaled and exhaled a couple of times.