Gabriel's Inferno 01 - Gabriel's Inferno (58 page)

“I opened the door and the room was dark, except for the lamp on my roommate’s desk. But Natalie’s stereo was on. It was playing
Closer
by Nine Inch Nails. Stupidly, I thought she’d left the stereo on by mistake. I was going to turn it off, but before I could take another step, I saw them.” Julia went very still. Still like a statue.

Gabriel waited.

“Simon was fucking Natalie in my bed. I was so shocked I couldn’t move. At first, I thought it couldn’t be him. And then I thought, it couldn’t be her. But it was. And…”

Now her voice dropped to a whisper. “She’d been my roommate since we were freshmen. We were friends in high school. They saw me standing there, staring like an idiot. And he looked over at me and laughed, saying that they’d been fuck buddies since sophomore year. I just stood there because really, I couldn’t understand what he was saying. Natalie walked over to me, naked, and said that I should join them.”

Julia’s mouth snapped shut. But it was too late. She’d pronounced the words. She’d said them aloud. And all of the agony and horror that she felt that day washed over her again. She moved to kneel and press her cheek against Gabriel’s chest. But she did not cry.

Gabriel held her tightly, pressing his lips to the top of her head.
I should have killed him when I had the chance.

He was silently glad that he hadn’t known. He would have killed Simon, of that Gabriel had little doubt.
He’s the Angelfucker. He was going to fuck my Julianne like an animal. Only he practiced on her roommate first.

They sat in one another’s arms for a while as she tried to push away her shame, and Gabriel sought to cast his murderous thoughts aside. When he felt her heartbeat slow, he began to whisper. He told her how much he cared for her. He told her she was safe with him. Then he asked her quietly if it would be okay if he talked to her a little.

She nodded.

“Julia, I’m sorry that happened to you.” He shook his head. “I’m also sorry that you didn’t grow up in a house with a man and a woman who shared a bed and loved each other. I had that benefit.

“You know what Richard and Grace were like, always touching one another, always laughing. I never heard him raise his voice to her. I never heard her say anything snide or rude. They were the perfect couple. And as much as it is embarrassing to think of one’s parents having a sex life, it was obvious they were very passionate.

“When Richard gave me the infamous birds and the bees talk, he cited a line from the
Book of Common Prayer
, a vow that he’d made to Grace during their wedding ceremony, ‘With this ring I thee wed,
with my body I thee worship
, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow.’”

“I’ve heard that before. It’s beautiful.”

“It is, isn’t it? And in the context of my rather uncomfortable conversation with Richard, he pointed out that this vow is a pledge that the husband will make love to his wife, and not just use her for sex. He said that the vow expressed the idea that making love is an act of worship. The husband
worships
his wife with his body, by loving her and giving to her and moving with her toward ecstasy.”

Gabriel cleared his throat, which was now hoarse. “I think it’s safe to say that what you witnessed with your boyfriend was predatory and despicable. I know that you saw similar things when you were growing up in St. Louis, things that a little girl should never see. It’s possible you thought that’s just what intercourse is—and maybe you thought that all men were like
him—
malicious predators who use and abuse.

“Richard’s description of lovemaking was completely different. He said that it is no less passionate than other pleasures, because the context provides the freedom and acceptance to explore one’s desires in all of their various forms, whether they’re desperate and needy, or slow and tender. The point is that the foundation that undergirds the act is one of mutual respect and giving—not taking or using.”

Gabriel brought his lips to her ear so he could whisper to her. “I wandered far away from Richard’s lifestyle, but I always wanted what he and Grace had. When I told you that I was intending to worship you with my body, I meant it. With all my heart. I will never take from you. I will only give. In my bed and outside of it.”

Julia smiled against his chest.

“You and I are both starting over, and
behold, all things will become new.”

She reached up and kissed him softly on the lips and whispered words of thanks to his mouth. His affirmation comforted her. It didn’t take the pain away or erase the memories, but it relieved her to hear that he wouldn’t hold her past weaknesses against her. For truly, one of the things she was most ashamed of was
allowing
herself to be treated so badly. It was why she had kept her secret. It was why she had feared exposure.

“Now I feel like an even bigger ass for joking with you about Nine Inch Nails when we were at Lobby. No wonder you were so upset when I mentioned that song.”

Julia nodded slightly.

“As soon as I get back to Toronto, I’m going to change the presets on my radio. I won’t be listening to that station anymore.” He cleared his throat. “Love, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. But I’m wondering what you told your father. I owe you an apology for getting into a shouting match with him at the hospital. I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

She eyed him curiously.

“I told him he shouldn’t have sent you back to live with your mother. That it was his job as a father to protect you, and that he failed.”

Julia was surprised. No one, not even Rachel or Grace, had ever confronted Tom about his choices. No one. An expression of wonder spread across her pretty face.

“Aren’t you angry with me?” He sounded surprised.

“I can’t be. Thank you, Gabriel, for defending me. No one has ever done that before.”

She took his hands in hers and kissed the slightly swollen knuckles and the places where the skin had split. His battle wounds were almost as dear to her as his beautiful, expressive eyes.

“I didn’t tell my dad everything. Just that I caught
him
with Natalie, and that I couldn’t live with her anymore. It created a problem since my dad was dating her mom. But he never complained.”

“How very noble of him,” said Gabriel sarcastically.

“I spent a few days in Selinsgrove trying to calm down, and Dad brought me back to school. He moved me out of the dorm and into a small studio apartment. You would have laughed at it, Gabriel. It was even smaller than the one I’m in now.”

“I wouldn’t laugh.” He sounded hurt.

“It’s just that you’re so particular. You would have hated it even more than you hate my current apartment.”

“Julianne, I don’t hate your apartment. As I said before, I hate the fact that you have to live there. What happened next, after you went back to school?”

“I hid. They sort of became a couple after that, and I was afraid of running into them, so I avoided all of the places where I might be seen. I went to class, I worked on my Italian and my applications for grad school, and I stayed home. I kind of…retreated.”

“Rachel mentioned something like that.”

“I wasn’t a good friend to Rachel. After that night, I stopped taking her calls. I wouldn’t even speak to Grace, even though she wrote me the most beautiful letter. I sent your family a card at Christmas, but I was too humiliated to explain what happened. Rachel knows I caught
them
together because Natalie finally told her. But she doesn’t know how bad it was. And I don’t want her to know.”

“Anything you tell me is strictly between us.”

“I didn’t want to admit that I had been so stupid as to get myself into that situation. That I gave in to him for so long. That I was blind to the fact that they were together. I wanted to pretend that it happened to someone else.” She looked up into Gabriel’s face, which was remarkably sympathetic.

“Please don’t say that you are stupid ever again. Shame on them both for how they treated you. They’re the villains in this story, not you.” He kissed her forehead twice and buried his face in her long hair. “I think you need to get some sleep, sweetheart. It’s been a long day, and we want you to heal.”

“Won’t it upset your family when they realize we’re in here together?”

“They figured out we’re a couple. And for the most part, I think they approve.”

“For the most part?”

Gabriel sighed. “Richard doesn’t object to us as a couple; he has conservative views on sex. So although I promised that we wouldn’t be doing that under his roof, he would prefer we slept in separate rooms. Although I’m sure he’d turn a blind eye tonight and tomorrow night because of what happened to you.”

“What about Rachel and Aaron? They share a room.”

“Richard doesn’t approve of that, but in his mind at least they’re getting married. Rachel has always been supportive of me, and I think she’s supportive of us.”

“What about Scott?”

“Scott is very protective of you, and he knows that I’ve been a libertine, so…”

“You weren’t a libertine. You were just lonely.”

He kissed her softly. “That’s very generous of you, but we both know it isn’t true.”

They both reclined, and Julia rested her head on his chest, running her fingers across his upper body. She hummed to herself as she mulled over his words, how he’d cared for her and wanted to worship her. They were, perhaps, the most important words she had ever heard. She traced a hesitant finger over his chest, outlining his tattoo.

Gabriel’s hand quickly covered hers. “Don’t,” he breathed, pulling her hand away.

“I’m sorry. What’s M-A-I-A?”

Julia heard him catch his breath. “I didn’t mean to bring it up. But we were telling secrets. I thought…”

Gabriel began to rub his eyes with his free hand, but he didn’t release her. “Maia is a name.” His voice grew rough.

“Did you—love her?”

“Of course I loved her.”

“Were you together long?”

He coughed. “It wasn’t like that.”

Julia squeezed him tightly and closed her eyes.

But Gabriel lay awake, staring at the ceiling for a very long time.

Chapter 29

Julia awoke the next day to find Gabriel sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed and watching her. She yawned slightly and stretched in the rays of sunlight that streamed in from between the blinds.

“Good morning.” She smiled.

He leaned over and pulled her into a warm embrace.

“I’ve been up and about, but I returned a little while ago to check on you. You’re very peaceful when you sleep.” He kissed her sweetly, then walked to the closet to retrieve a sweater.

Julia rolled onto her stomach and shamelessly ogled him, admiring the way his dress shirt skimmed across his shoulders. From her current vantage point, she could also admire his backside, hugged as it was by his black jeans.

Now that’s a damn fine derrière
, she thought.

Gabriel peered at her over his shoulder. “What was that?”

“I didn’t say anything.”

His lips pulled inward, as if he were restraining a grin. “Oh, really?”

He walked over and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “I didn’t know that you were an
ass
girl.”

“Gabriel!” Somewhat embarrassed at having been caught, she smacked his arm lightly, and they both began to laugh.

He caught her around the waist and pulled her onto his lap. “However, I would like to state unequivocally that my ass is quite flattered.”

“Oh really?” She arched an eyebrow.

“Extremely. And he wishes for me to convey his very best greetings and—ah—he looks forward to making your acquaintance in a more
personal
manner when we’re in Florence.”

Julia shook her head at him and leaned forward, begging for a kiss. She was rewarded with a brief but tender exchange before Gabriel pulled back.

He grew serious all of a sudden. “I need to talk to you about a couple of things.”

She chewed at her lip and waited.

“Simon has been arrested and there are multiple charges. His father has dispatched the family attorney to save him, and there are rumors of a plea bargain.”

“Really?”

“Apparently, the senator wishes to keep the sordid story out of the news. Scott placed a call to the prosecutor and received his assurance that your case will be given a very high priority. Scott emphasized that all of us would like to see the outcome include prison and not some sort of halfway house or treatment program. But given Simon’s connections, I think prison is unlikely.”

Julia made a mental note to thank Scott for speaking up for her. “What about you? Are you in danger?”

Gabriel grinned. “The Talbot family lawyer made noises about pressing charges. Thankfully, my brother had a short but illuminating conversation with him, pointing out that the press would be very interested in hearing my side of the story, as well as yours. I won’t be charged. Needless to say, everyone involved is now sick of Scott.”

Julia closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. The thought of something happening to Gabriel was painful, especially since she’d brought this trouble to them both.

“I need to take a shower and get dressed,” she said, opening her eyes.

Gabriel gave her a heated look and trailed a single finger down the length of her arm. “I would dearly like to shower with you, but I’m afraid such an act would scandalize my relations.”

Julia shivered. “Well, I can’t have you scandalizing your relations, Professor Emerson.”

“Indeed, Miss Mitchell. It would be most shocking. Most shocking. So in the interest of decorum, my very flattered ass and I will forego showering with you.” He leaned forward, his eyes glowing.
“For now.”

She laughed, and he left her to her daily ablutions.

When Julia returned to her bedroom after her shower, she found Gabriel hovering in the hallway. “Is something wrong?”

He shook his head. “I wanted to be sure you didn’t trip or something. Where are your crutches?”

“In my room. I’m okay, Gabriel.” She limped past him. When she found her hairbrush, she began to pull it awkwardly through her long, tangled tresses.

“Let me do that.” Gabriel walked toward her and took the hairbrush from her hand.

“You’re going to brush my hair?”

“Why not?” He pulled out a chair and encouraged her to sit down, and then he stood behind her and slowly began to run his fingers from crown to ends, disentangling her hair manually.

Julia closed her eyes.

Gabriel continued for a moment or two before bringing his lips to her ear. “Does this please you?”

She hummed at him, her eyes still closed.

He chuckled and shook his head. She was so sweet and easy to please. And he wanted to please her, desperately. When all the tangles had been removed, he gently stroked the brush through her hair, working slowly, section by section.

Never in her wildest dreams had Julia imagined Gabriel as a hairdresser. But there was something instinctual about the way he touched her, and the feeling of his long fingers coaxing her hair made her skin warm. She could only imagine the joys that awaited her in Florence when she would be able to enjoy all of him.
Naked
. She crossed her legs quickly.

“Am I enticing you, Miss Mitchell?” his honeyed voice whispered.

“No.”

“Then I must not be doing this correctly.” He restrained a chuckle and slowed his movements through her hair, pressing his lips to the edge of her ear. “Although my true purpose is to make you smile.”

“Why are you so kind to me?”

His fingers stilled. “That’s an extraordinary question to ask your lover.”

“I mean it, Gabriel. Why?”

He moved his fingers through her hair again. “You’ve been kind to me since the first time I met you. Why wouldn’t I be? Don’t you think you deserve to be treated with kindness?”

Julia elected not to pursue her original question further. Despite the fact that she’d been overwrought the night before, she remembered confessing her love to him at the hospital. But her declaration had not been returned.

This is enough
, she thought.
His actions, his kindness, his protection. This is more than enough. I don’t need the words.

Julia loved him so much it hurt; she’d always loved him, and her love had burned so brightly that even during her darkest days its luminosity had not died. But Gabriel didn’t seem to return her love.

When he’d finished with her hair, he insisted on making her lunch. Afterward, they sat together in the kitchen, making plans for the evening, until the telephone rang and Richard walked in, carrying the cordless phone.

“It’s your father,” he said, handing the phone to Julia.

Gabriel intercepted it and covered the mouthpiece with his hand. “You don’t have to talk to him. I’ll take care of it.”

“We’ll have to talk eventually.” Julia slipped off the bar stool and hobbled on her crutches into the dining room.

Richard shook his head at his son. “You can’t get in between Julia and Tom.”

“He hasn’t been much of a father.”

“He’s the only father she has. And she is the light of his life.”

Gabriel’s eyes narrowed. “If he cared for her at all, he would have protected her.”

Richard placed a hand on his shoulder. “Parents make mistakes. And sometimes, it’s easier to place your head in the sand than to admit that your child is in trouble. And that it’s your fault. I know this from personal experience.”

Gabriel pursed his lips but said nothing.

Within ten minutes, Julia returned. Despite Richard’s continued presence in the kitchen, Gabriel drew her into a hug and kissed her cheek. “Is everything okay?”

“My dad wants to take me to dinner tonight,” she blurted.

Richard seemed to recognize her admission as his exit cue, so he retreated upstairs to his study.

“Do you want to see him?”

“It’s going to be uncomfortable. But I said I would go.”

“Julianne, you don’t have to do anything. I’ll take you to dinner, instead.”

She shook her head. “He’s trying, Gabriel. He’s my father. I have to give him a chance.”

Gabriel shook his head in frustration but elected not to argue with her.

At six o’clock sharp, Tom Mitchell appeared on the Clark’s doorstep wearing a tie with a dress shirt and trousers. He tugged at his tie nervously. He wasn’t used to wearing one. But for Julia…

Richard quickly welcomed him into the living room and entertained him while they waited for Julia to come downstairs.

“Are you sure you want to go?” Gabriel was reclining on his bed, watching Julia apply lipstick with the use of her compact.

“I’m not going to stand up my own father. Besides, Rachel is dragging Richard to see a chick flick, and you’re going out with the guys. I’d end up sitting here all alone.”

Gabriel pushed himself off the bed and walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “You wouldn’t be alone. You’d be with me. And I do know how to keep a lady entertained.” He began pressing wet kisses behind her ear to try to persuade her. “You’re stunning,” he whispered.

She blushed. “Thank you.”

“Rachel found you a scarf.” He fingered the edge of a blue silk Hermès design that his sister had artfully wrapped around Julia’s neck to conceal her bite mark.

“It was Grace’s,” said Julia softly. “A gift from Richard.”

“Richard liked to spoil her. Especially in Paris.”

“You are very like him.” She stood on tiptoe to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Wait till we arrive in Florence.” He pulled her close and kissed her passionately before releasing her.

“So what will you be doing with the guys? Not a—strip club?” She looked up at him through her eyelashes, looking a great deal too adorable.

Gabriel frowned. “Do you think I’d do that?”

“Isn’t that what boys do on their nights out?”

He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “Do you think Rachel would approve of such an excursion?”

“No.”

“And what about me, do you think that’s what I want?”

Julia looked away and didn’t answer.

“Why would I go look at other women when the most beautiful woman in the world shares my bed every night?” he protested, kissing her lightly. “The only woman I want to see naked is you.”

Julia giggled. “What was my question? I can’t remember what I was asking you.”

He smirked. “Good. Come here.”

***

Later that evening, when the house was dark and everyone had retired, Julia slipped into Gabriel’s room wearing a simple blue nightshirt. He was sitting in bed reading. He was shirtless and wearing his glasses, his knees bent up casually.

“Why, hello there.” He smiled, placing
The End of the Affair
on his nightstand. “You look lovely.”

She placed her crutches to one side and fingered her nightshirt gratefully. “Thanks for going to my dad’s to pick up my things.”

“You’re welcome.” He held out his hand, and she crawled into bed next to him.

He kissed her before he noticed that she was still wearing Grace’s Hermès scarf. He tugged on one of the ends of it. “Why are you still wearing this?”

Julia lowered her eyes. “I don’t want you to have to look at my scar.”

He lifted her chin. “You don’t need to hide from me.”

“It’s ugly. I don’t want to remind you.”

He stared deeply into her eyes, searchingly. Then he slowly undid the scarf. He pulled on it so that it gently brushed across the back of her neck and fell into his hand. She felt herself goose-pimple from the sensuous trail of silk across her skin, coupled with Gabriel’s blazing gaze. He placed the scarf on his nightstand and leaned over to press his lips against the mark repeatedly.

“We both have scars, Julianne. Mine just aren’t on the skin.”

“I wish we didn’t,” she whispered. “I wish I was perfect.”

Gabriel shook his head sadly. “Do you like Caravaggio?”

“Very much. His painting of
The Sacrifice of Isaac
is my favorite.”

He nodded. “I always preferred
The Incredulity of St. Thomas
. Richard has a copy of it in his study. I was looking at it today.”

“I always thought that painting was—strange.”

“It is strange. Jesus appears to St. Thomas after the resurrection, and Thomas places his finger in the spear wound in Jesus’ side. It’s quite profound.”

Julia did not see the profundity, so she remained quiet.

“If you want to wait until your scar disappears, Julianne, you’ll wait forever. Scars never disappear. Caravaggio’s painting made that point clear to me. Scars might heal and we might forget about them in time, but they’re permanent. Not even Jesus lost his scars.” Gabriel rubbed his hand across his chin thoughtfully.