Gail Whitiker (19 page)

Hannah was still on edge when Robert paid her an unexpected visit later that morning. Lady Montgomery and Alice had gone out, desirous of ordering new gowns and bonnets, while Sir Roger was closeted in his study, which meant Hannah had no choice but to see Robert alone. As her brother, he didn’t have to seek permission to see her, nor was it expected that a chaperone or servant be present during their meetings, but this morning, Hannah wished she might have had that option. She felt
as defenceless as a lamb; her emotions too fragile in her new-found awareness of her love.

And yet, when Robert walked into the room, it was as though she suddenly came alive. Every feeling was heightened, every sensation magnified. As she rose to greet him, the sight of him was like sunlight pouring straight into her heart. Everything about him was perfect.

Everything—except the way he made her feel.

‘I hope I’ve not come too early,’ Robert said, closing the door behind him.

Hannah glanced at it briefly. ‘Not at all. I’ve long been up and about. But to what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?’ Suddenly, her heart skipped a beat. ‘Have you news to give me? Have you learned something?’

‘I have learned something, but not in regard to the news you were seeking,’ he said quietly. ‘I’m sorry.’

Hope quickly born, died a fluttering death. ‘Oh. Well, I suppose it is too early to hope for such things,’ she admitted with a smile. ‘You have only just begun to make enquiries.’ She moved away from her desk, pressing her hand to her stomach, trying to quell the butterflies that danced within. ‘Will you sit down?’

Robert shook his head. ‘I should prefer to stand. There is something I wish to ask you. Or perhaps, to have you clarify for me.’

Hannah looked at him quickly. ‘What is it?’

‘It concerns Miss Thorpe.’

Her heart began to pound. ‘What about her?’

‘Am I the gentleman upon whom her affections are fixed?’

Hannah blinked, momentarily at a loss. It wasn’t the question she’d been expecting. ‘Why would you think—?’

‘Pray do not dissemble, Hannah. We have been honest
with each other, and I am asking you to be honest with me now. Are you aware of Miss Thorpe’s affection for me?’

Hannah stared at him in dismay. She did not wish to lie to him, but surely she had no right to divulge the lady’s secret? ‘It is not my place to tell you of another’s sentiments.’

‘It is if they concern me.’

‘But surely you have more insight into Miss Thorpe’s feelings than I.’

‘Unfortunately, any insight I might have is somewhat coloured.’ Robert’s mouth pulled into a tight smile. ‘The nature of my relationship with Caroline is not unlike yours with Mr Twickenham.’

Surprise elicited a gasp from her. ‘It is?’

‘I’ve known Caroline since she was eleven years old. The first time I saw her, she was even more awkward than you.’

That remark had the unwelcome effect of bringing the colour to Hannah’s cheeks. ‘Thank you, Lord Winthrop. You cannot imagine how flattered I feel upon hearing
that
.’

‘Forgive me, it was not my intention to criticise or to wound.’ Robert’s smile warmed. ‘I only said it so you would know that my feelings for Miss Thorpe are not what they should be, or, perhaps, what you think they are.’

Risking a quick glance in his direction, Hannah saw that he was watching her, and her pulse skittered in alarm. ‘Rest assured, I have no thoughts on the matter. It can be of no concern to me what your feelings are for Miss Thorpe. Or any other young lady, for that matter.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Of course. Why would you think otherwise?’

‘I suppose because I was hoping to hear that you were interested in whom I might profess myself to be in love with.’

Hannah blanched.
Robert was in love?

She put her hand on the back of the sofa, thankful she was close enough to it to do so. ‘I am…delighted to know you are not intending to spend the rest of your life as a bachelor.’
Oh, God, how was she to bear it?
‘Are you planning on telling me the name of this most fortunate young lady?’

‘I think it best I do.’ Robert moved towards her slowly, never taking his eyes from her face. ‘You may wish to have time to come to terms with the news.’

Hannah glanced away, desperately trying to think of the name that would so shortly be on his lips. There were so few people in London she knew. So few whose names would mean anything to her…

‘There is nothing for me to…come to terms with.’ It had to be someone she knew, otherwise he wouldn’t have made the comment, but who could it be?
Please God, let it be someone worthy of him.

‘Will you not ask me to say her name?’ Robert asked softly. ‘Or have you no interest in the lady’s identity?’

‘Of course I’m interested,’ Hannah said. ‘Just as I’m…delighted that you have finally made your choice.’

‘Yet you do not sound as though you are happy for me. There is a hesitation in your voice and a shadow in your eyes that tells me otherwise.’

Robert had moved closer as he’d been speaking, until he was standing so close Hannah could scarcely breathe. Her body felt heavy, as though the weight of the world rested upon her shoulders. ‘You are mistaken, Robert. I am most…anxious to share in your happiness.’

‘Are you?’ He touched her face, gently, asking ques
tions without asking. ‘Because what I’m about to say will change things between us, Hannah.’

She closed her eyes.
Then tell me quickly, Robert. Tell me now and get it over with.

Hannah hadn’t realised she’d said the words aloud until he smiled down at her and said, ‘With pleasure, my dear. The lady I’m in love with…is you.’

For a moment, Hannah was quite sure the world must have stopped turning. Because it wasn’t possible that she’d heard him correctly. He couldn’t have said that he was
in love
with her…

‘Have you nothing to say?’

Hannah shook her head. ‘I’ve no idea…what to say.’ How could she tell him that what he’d said was everything she’d ever wanted to hear—and the last thing she needed to? ‘It never occurred to me that you…that I…’ Her words trailed off, silenced by the prickling in her eyes and the burning in her throat. She swallowed hard, willing herself not to cry.
If you cry now, he’ll know everything…

Fortunately, Robert didn’t attempt to draw her any closer. He only stood gazing down at her, his own eyes dark with emotion. ‘You could say that you have feelings for me in return. If you don’t, it’s probably best you tell me now before I make a complete fool of myself.’

Hannah looked at him in silence.
He couldn’t be in love with her.
It was all so terribly wrong. Just as it was wrong that she was in love with him. And yet, how could she help herself, or keep hidden all that she felt? This was not some passing infatuation. She was in love with Robert Winthrop. Every moment she spent in his company, knowing there could be nothing between them, was its own sweet kind of torture. ‘What I feel cannot
have any bearing on this, my lord,’ she whispered finally.

‘My name is Robert.’

‘But that is not what I may call you!’ Heartsick and trembling, Hannah turned her back to him. ‘It was one thing when we thought we were brother and sister. It was…another when we agreed to be friends. But now, it is not appropriate…in any way.’

‘I’ve just told you I love you. How much more appropriate can it be? What would you have a man call the woman he loves?’

He spoke quietly, yet Hannah heard every word.
He loved her.
He truly
loved
her. Yet the knowledge of how wrong it was caused misery to wrap like a chain around her heart. ‘This is not seemly, Lord Winthrop. You cannot feel—’

‘I can feel whatever I want. It’s
you
who’ve not told me how you feel.’ He took a step towards her. ‘You’ve not told me if you return my love.’

‘It is not for me to say—’

‘It
is
for you to say, damn it! How am I to know where I stand if you do not?’ He reached for her and turned her around to face him. ‘I love you, Hannah. I didn’t ask for it to happen. Indeed, I never expected that it would, but I do love you and I’m not ashamed to say it out loud. All I’m asking is that you tell me the truth. Do you love me or not?’

It was within her power to end it. With one word, she could resolve it here and now, with no one any the wiser for what had happened. Here, in this room, she could bring matters to a close. Because if Robert knew that she did not love him, he would go away and leave her in peace. One word was all it would take. One word.

And as the seconds ticked by, she knew she couldn’t say it.

With a muffled cry, Robert pulled her into his arms. ‘Oh, my sweet love.’

And then he kissed her. Kissed her with all the passion, all the longing he must surely have been holding in check. His mouth was warm on hers, his lips insistent, teasing hers apart. His tongue devoured, dipping in to explore the velvety sweetness of her mouth.

Lost to all reason, Hannah let him. Her own breath quickened, and heat spread through her body, leaving her feeling weak and light-headed. Her body felt fragile, as if it might explode at the slightest touch. And yet, as his arms tightened around her, Hannah knew this was where she wanted to be. She clung to him because it felt right. But knowing it was anything but, she finally broke away.

‘Hannah?’ Robert’s voice was thick and unsteady, his emotions fully engaged.

Hannah too, struggled to bring her breathing back under control.
This was too powerful, the feeling too potent.
For the first time in her life, she truly understood the incredible power love wielded. ‘We cannot, Robert. It is wrong!’

‘It is not wrong if we love each other!’

‘But don’t you understand? Love has nothing to do with this. You must remember your position. You are Viscount Winthrop. You have…an obligation to continue the line.’

‘If it makes you feel any better, that’s exactly what I was thinking about doing,’ he said, a devilish light suddenly appearing in his eyes.

‘Do not tease, Robert,’ Hannah pleaded, nevertheless
blushing all the way down to her toes. ‘You know as well as I do that what we are doing is wrong.’

‘The only thing that’s wrong is allowing what we feel for each other to be ignored. The passion I feel for you, the love and the respect—’

‘Are all sadly misplaced,’ Hannah interrupted before he had a chance to finish. ‘You don’t know who I am, Robert. I don’t know who I am. And until I do, I can’t allow you to continue in this. You said yourself, a gentleman must know all there is to know about his intended.’

‘Damn it, Hannah, I was talking about Stanford!’

‘But the circumstances are no different because we’re talking about you. Don’t you understand? You have as much right to know everything there is to know about the woman you would marry as any man. More, in fact. Because you
believe
in the importance of such knowledge. Mr Stanford was willing to marry his dancer because he believed himself in love with her! You would never allow your heart to be so sadly compromised.’

‘And yet, what have I just done if not that?’ Robert said. ‘Have I not just shown you that I am capable of being every bit as reckless as James?’

Hannah bit her lip. ‘You have. And it is as wrong for you as it was for him.’

Robert stared at her, watching her, searching for any cracks in the armour she was building around herself. But he saw nothing. No breaks. No tiny openings. No answers.

‘I won’t sacrifice this, Hannah,’ he said quietly. ‘I’ve never felt this way about a woman before, and I’m damned if I’ll let you push me away now.’

‘You have no choice. Stop to see how impossible the situation is, Robert. Society will never allow it. By your
own admission, we are brother and sister in everyone’s eyes. How will you justify
that
to the people who see you professing love for me?’

‘I shall tell them the truth.’

‘So you will admit to everyone that the woman you grew up believing to be your sister was actually a bastard child who was abandoned in your mother’s carriage. You would reveal my secret in such a way?’

‘I would, if it meant that you and I could be open about our feelings for one another.’

‘Then you would be ridiculed by all who know you for being stupid enough to have feelings for someone who is not worthy of your affections,’ Hannah said sadly. ‘They will look upon you as a fool, and me as an intruder. I am no longer one of your class, Robert, don’t you understand? I am not deserving of your love.’

‘Don’t you
ever
say that to me again!’ Furious, Robert closed the distance between them and drew her back into his arms. ‘I have yet to meet a woman more worthy of my love. You are the most remarkable, the most courageous, the most admirable woman I’ve ever met, Hannah Winthrop. And I love everything about you. Your sense of humour, your compassion, your joy. There is no other I wish to have beside me.’

‘Nevertheless, you must find another.’ Hannah felt tears well in her eyes. ‘I will not allow you to dishonour yourself and your name like this!’

‘Do you love me, Hannah?’ he asked in a low, urgent whisper.

‘Robert,
please
!’

‘Do you
love
me? Answer me, damn it, for I’ll not let you go until you do.’

Hannah shook her head. ‘Robert, I beg you, do not ask me this now.’

But he would not give in. ‘All I want to know is the truth. Either you love me or you don’t. All I’m asking, is that you tell me the truth.’

Hannah choked back a sob. She couldn’t fight him. Not now. She was too weak. She might have been able to lie about it before and sound convincing, but not now. ‘I love you. May God forgive me, but, yes, I love you.’

Robert pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to her hair. ‘Then there is nothing more we need say. Whatever it takes, whatever we have to endure, we will. Because I shall not let you go. I can’t, beloved. Whatever it takes, I will make this happen. And woe betide any man who tries to stand in my way!’