Gifted, A Donovan Circus Novel (26 page)

“I know mine is all in here,” he
replied, tapping his temple. “It’s different for all Empaths, like you have
different skills and abilities with Firestarters. For me, I guess the first
part of it is more like seeing an aura. It’s like subtle colors that radiate
off a person who is exceptionally emotional. Once I see how strong of an
emotion it is, I can manipulate it.”

“I thought Empaths only felt
emotion, not warped it in any way.”

“Just like some think
Firestarters go around lighting shit on fire for fun,” he shot back. I rolled
my eyes.

“I didn’t mean anything by it. I
knew you said you could take it from them or whatever. Can you change their
emotions?”

“If I try hard enough, sure. No
matter what emotion, I can make it stronger or weaker. By making it weaker, I
take it away and put it on myself. Empaths are born to handle it. You could see
why they would make excellent therapists.”

“When you take away their anger
or sadness or whatever, you become that?”

“New Empaths do, yeah. We sort
of…
absorb
it. The first few years are
absolutely awful; you feel every little thing and get overloaded. It can drive
you mad. We eventually learn how to harness it like you do with fire. Those who
become skilled enough can eventually change the emotions on a person or like
I’ve said before, take them away to the point of demise.”

“If you make someone’s feelings
stronger, what happens?” I asked.

“We emphasize the emotions
already there. That’s a lot harder to do. Any gift requires lot of energy,
obviously, but if I gave you more focus on your emotion, it would drain me.
Since I’m a fairly selfish person, it’s not something I offer to do for a lot
of people.” He gave a small laugh that sounded anything but humorous.

“What’s one of the worst
examples?” I blurted out the question before I could stop myself.

For a moment, I didn’t know if
he’d tell me. He paused but then said, “A man found his wife in bed with me.
His wife already hated him and didn’t feel guilty about a thing. He was
furious, broke everything in the place and threw things off the hotel balcony.
I accidentally turned his rage into sadness, self-blame. I honestly didn’t mean
for it to happen, but he jumped off the twelfth story balcony.”

He grew quiet and I tried to
keep my jaw off the floor. Gabriel had said he did terrible things, but he
didn’t sound too regretful about it, even had a slight smile on his face. I
left it alone.

I looked around again at the
intimate setting. The lights danced on Gabriel’s face and hair. Stubble
shadowed his strong jaw. His clear blue eyes met mine and my heartbeat sped up.
What the hell was wrong with me? I shook it off and thought of Keegan instead.

“Wanna go for a walk?” Gabriel
asked.

“Why not?”

We walked out of the Big Top and
headed in no particular direction I could tell. Neither of us said anything for
a couple of minutes. I wanted to confess something and opened my mouth before I
could change my mind.

“I’ve been thinking…” I trailed
off, unsure if I wanted to reveal what had gnawed at me all day.

Gabriel waited, one eyebrow
raised with curiosity. When I still didn’t respond, he got impatient. “You’ve
been thinking what?”

“Well, my dad and Sheffield were
really good friends, for years. And now I find out Sheffield might be some sort
of Godfather of ringmasters, so I have to wonder if…well, you get the idea. I
don’t even want to say it.”

“You think your pop was a hired
gun?” he asked. I winced at his bluntness.

“The fact that it makes even a
little sense is worrisome. He was powerful. Sheffield has always gone on about
how talented my dad is; what if he was some kind of circus assassin?”

Gabriel burst out laughing. “I
don’t think that’s what people call it, Lucy. You might be jumping to
conclusions.”

“I don’t know,” I said. I
thought about it some more. “To the rest of the world he was an insurance
salesman, but he still kept his hand in show business. He’d go away for a
couple days a month to train someone or clean up a mess. I thought my mom let
him so he could still be a part of it.”

“Sounds like he cleaned up more
than just horse shit,” Gabriel snickered. I shot him a look; he bit back a
grin. “Sorry.”

“For a couple years after we
left, we trained every day we could. He talked about all these gifted people he
knew, the stories of drama off stage. Then one day, out of the blue, like I
said before, lockdown. He forbid any more fire tricks, said it was dangerous
and I needed to stick to controlling my emotions around humans. He didn’t want
me to return to the show, ever, but he never attempted to tell me any specifics
about what happened. The other Firestarters told me they never spent much time
with him.”

“If he was doing that at all,”
he reminded me. “You don’t know for sure. Just because he consulted with
Sheffield doesn’t mean he’s a murderer.”

“I guess. But it doesn’t look
too innocent, either.”

“Even if that’s the case, what
are you going to do about it?”

“I hadn’t really gotten that
far.”

“I don’t think you should. You
shouldn’t be involved with Sheffield more than you have to be. Just keep it
professional.”

“What do you care?” The
seriousness in his voice took me by surprise.

“Because you shouldn’t get
caught in the middle. You might get hurt. He might ask you to be like your dad
in some capacity. I think I know you well enough to say you’d jump in
headfirst.”

“Gabriel, if my father was
secretly an assassin for a circus ringmaster De Niro, then I’m already in deep
shit. My being here is enough—Sheffield is giving me an act. He’s going
to make it so that I can’t, or won’t, want to leave. I’ve already agreed. This
could be the first step in my contract.”

“He gave you an act?”

“Well, I had to start training
the day I got here. But he saw what I did the other night with the house and
everything else. He told me I’m more talented than he originally thought.”

“What did Batman and Robin say
when you told them you get to do your own act while they both ride the inside
of a tiny ball?”

“I haven’t told anyone yet.
Please keep that to yourself,” I whispered. Whoops. I hadn’t meant to tell
anyone about the act. Damn my big mouth.

“You didn’t tell Keegan?” His
lips curled up in a smile.

“I didn’t really mean to tell
you. I didn’t want anyone knowing. Don’t think I was divulging some secret to
only you.”

“That’s fine. It’s just funny
how you can tell me the truth even by accident.”

“Stop being an asshole. Don’t
tell anyone.”

“Or what? You’ll set me on fire?”

“I think one day I might, just
for fun. Maybe then you’ll change your attitude.”

Gabriel grabbed my shoulders and
we stopped walking. He put his hands on my face and I looked up at him,
surprised. Then he kissed me, and I had to make a conscious effort not to catch
fire. All I knew was Gabriel. His fingers were entwined in my hair, his lips
pressed intensely on mine. It couldn’t be helped; I let go of my thought
process and kissed him back.

Everything else blurred, noise
faded into the background, and I melted into him. His arm enveloped my waist
while his free hand settled on the back of my neck to pull me in closer to him.
My hands touched the sandpapery stubble on his face and combed through his
thick blonde hair. I felt lighter than I had in years. Heat flooded through my
body. He gave a little sigh as I leaned into him.

Then I realized what the hell I
was doing. I pushed him off me, straightened my clothes and hair. What were we
doing? And wow…that was a moment I don’t think I could ever forget. My body
hummed as I tried to keep my temperature in check. How embarrassing would it be
to catch him on fire by sheer lust? I felt dizzy, though to be fair, Gabriel
had just made my entire world spin.

I looked up at him, completely
speechless. Where did that even come from? I was surprised, suspicious,
definitely turned on…and now worried. Gabriel had thrown one more problem into
my currently crazed existence.

“That was…” he started in a low
voice. His eyes searched my face, grazed over my lips and back to my eyes.

“Unnecessary,” I tried to
finish. “What was that?”

“You didn’t really protest.”

“Well, no, I won’t lie to you,
that was pretty fantastic, but completely out of nowhere.” At least I would be
honest with him in that regard. It
was
a damn good kiss.

“Just wanted to change my
attitude.” He smiled a little. “Lucy, I’ve been thinking—” he tried to
say, but I couldn’t let him go anywhere near that sentence.

“I gotta go. I’ll see you
tomorrow. I…well, yeah, see you,” I stammered. I immediately turned and walked
away. It didn’t matter to where, as long as it wasn’t here.

Chapter
20

The next day, I did everything I
could to avoid Gabriel. Since we had to prep for the show, it wasn’t too
difficult. There was only one time at lunch when he saw me and I quickly
attached myself to a departing Fin and talked with him on my way out. Despite
my best efforts, I finally got caught.

I was making sure Bianca had
props together before her act when he spotted me. I handed her a Frisbee when
Gabriel walked into the staging entrance and gave a hard look around the room.
He saw me and marched over.

“He looks intense. Glad I’m
about to perform,” Bianca muttered to me. She whistled at Henry and they trotted
off into the spotlight. I could hear kids squeal at an animal they could relate
to in everyday life and the crowd applauded.

“Can we talk for a second?” he
said in a low voice as he reached me.

“I’m busy, Gabriel. We’re right
in the middle of the show.”

I tried to walk around him but
he stood his ground.

“Lucy, seriously, you’re being
really fucking annoying right now. I kissed you and I’m sure as hell not sorry
about it. Let’s talk about it.”

“There’s nothing to say! I know
better than to get involved with you.”

“You mean you want to run as
fast as you can in the other direction because you’re chicken. This isn’t about
me. This is about your own insecurities.”

“Boy, you know how to charm a
girl.”

“I promised I wouldn’t read into
your emotions and I’ll hold to it. But I cannot tell you how much easier this
would be if I had some idea. You’re just scared!”

“All right, knock it off with
the insults. What do you want me to say, Gabriel? That we should jump into a
relationship because you kissed me? We’ve only been here for a couple weeks and
barely know each other.”

“I know enough,” he interrupted.
“You might be the only person I’ve ever truly enjoyed being around. You know
how many times I’ve sat on a front step and just talked with someone? In only a
couple weeks, you already know more about me than anyone else. Ever. It’s
actually a little scary. There’s something between us. I think you should stop
spending so much time with Wonder Boy and spend it with me instead. End
monologue.”

My poker face was blown; I never
expected Gabriel to say anything like that. I had no idea how to respond. It
wasn’t only that I could get hurt; there were other people who could get hurt,
too, like Keegan or friends that got caught in the middle. A relationship on
top of everything else like oh, I don’t know, murder and mayhem, stressed me
out. I didn’t want to face any of it.

“Boy. Never pegged you for the
type to spill your guts like that.”

“Knock it off. I’m already past
that wall of sarcasm, thank you.”

I sighed. “Gabriel, I
don’t…there’s so much going on. I don’t know if it would be a good idea to get
involved with anyone…”

“You mean with me.” It was a
flat, cold statement and his blue eyes clouded over.

“No, I mean with
anyone
. You know how crazy things are;
not only am I the new girl out to prove myself, but then there’s the whole
murder suspect problem.”

“And what would the answer be
should Keegan be standing here instead of me?”

“That’s not fair, Gabriel. I
barely know him, either. I need time. You’re trying to make me choose something
that needs consideration, if it’s even on the table at all.”

“Either you want to be with me
or you don’t, Lucy.”

“It’s not that black and white.”

He sighed, paused for a moment
before speaking again. “I shouldn’t feel this way and it’s probably a bad idea.
I’m willing to try anyway.”

Despite my own protests, my
curiosity won out. “Why is it a bad idea?”

“It’s hard to explain. All I can
say is I have a right to know if you feel anything for me…if you would even
give me a chance to try.”

“I can’t talk about this right
now. I have to go help Bianca.”

“Is that the answer you’re
always going to give me? An excuse?” He crossed his arms over his chest and
glared at me.

I shrugged helplessly. “I don’t
know what to tell you, Gabriel. I gotta run.”

I ran to the sidelines to help
Bianca get her hula-hoops offstage. My hands shook and I knew my red face
betrayed my calm demeanor. I turned back and saw Gabriel; I couldn’t read his
face as he pulled out a cigarette. He lit it, took a drag, and gave me one of
those long looks he liked to do, then turned and walked away.

“What did he want?” Bianca
asked.

“Nothing,” I replied. “Just
business.”

Chapter
21

After the show, I hid in my
camper for a while. I thought about what Gabriel had said, ran my mind over it
a thousand times. While I’d never admit it out loud to him, he was right. I was
scared. I talked all the time about seeing the best in people and taking
chances and I couldn’t even commit to a dinner date. I decided to go to his
camper after the show was over and try to explain myself better.