Gifted, A Donovan Circus Novel (38 page)

Before I could defend myself,
Gabriel leaned over and grabbed my arms. I tried to fight him, but he covered
my mouth and yanked me into his trailer. He slammed the door shut behind us and
we grappled for a moment. I slammed my fists into his chest, shoved him into
the door. All the while, he kept his hands on my arms and once I tired out, he
merely steadied me. When I calmed down, he let go and I saw his hands now
blistered from the heat on my skin. I looked up at him; his eyes faced the
ground but after an excruciatingly long moment, he looked up at me.

“It’s not what you think.”

“Then explain it to me.” My
hands curled into fists by my side.

“It’s not that simple, Luce.”

“Tell me, was anything you told
me true? Your past, Rehab…your feelings?” I crossed my arms over my chest and
glared at him.

“All of that is true. I didn’t
lie to you…I just didn’t exactly tell you everything.”

“That’s pretty much the same as
lying if you ask a normal person.”

“I can’t tell you everything. We
need to go to Sheffield.”

“The hell we do. I’m not going
anywhere with you. I shouldn’t even be here, but if you so much as take one
step out that door or towards me, I’ll set your ass on fire.”

“It’s not simple. I can’t explain
everything, not when I hardly know the facts myself.”

“You have no idea what you’ve
done. Finley is probably dead and I’m definitely next! Who are you?” To my
humiliation, my voice cracked. I looked down and squeezed my eyes shut. I would
not cry. He could not have that satisfaction. I swallowed the knot in my throat
and focused on my anger.

“Please don’t…you have no idea
how hard this has been for me,” he pleaded.

I felt sick to my stomach,
couldn’t breathe through the anger. I wanted to punch his nose right off his
face. “For you?
For you?
I don’t give
a shit about your problems! You lied to all of us, to me. You ran back with
information to Felix so that he could trick me, use it to kill Sheffield and
enslave everyone here. My friend was killed tonight because of you.”

“No, it’s not like that, I
swear. Felix already knew so much about you.”

“So you admit you’re working
with him!”

“It’s not what you think!”

“Then explain it to me!” I
yelled.

“I was supposed to protect you,
not fall for you!” he shouted back. His hands clutched his head in frustration
and he kept his head down. Totally taken aback, I didn’t know how to respond.
Embarrassment and awkwardness piled on top of the anger and confusion.

Instead, I looked around at his
camper for the first time. Somehow he’d gotten a single; I never would’ve
expected it to be so neat. Books lay on every free space, no television or game
console in sight. I spotted a folder underneath his bed, where a picture
escaped the bottom. A picture of me, with my father, from years ago; I walked
over and picked it up. Gabriel made no objections, but simply looked at me.

“Where did you get this?” I
asked. I held the photo up, brought it closer so I could see. This was before
my dad’s decree on fire; we were in a long-forgotten parking lot, where he had
taught me the basics on how to move fire that wasn’t mine. My father stood
behind me while I tried in vain to make his fire dance.

“Sheffield let me borrow it.”

“You lie. My mother took this
photo. How would you get this from Sheffield, how would he have it? Why would
he give this to you?”

“Lenny gave it to him, to show
your progress. Everything in that folder, Sheffield gave to me, so I could know
you, help you.”

I stared at the photo, ran my
fingers over the smooth glossy paper. I lingered on my father, his face lit up
with pride at my hard work. My face, so squinty in concentration, almost made
me smile. In the photo, I exuded so much effort into that skill when now it
came so easy to me.

Gabriel interrupted my memory.
“I wanted to tell you everyday since that night at the bar. I was only supposed
to keep an eye on you, make sure no one came after you. But instead, you turn
out to be this woman that I have no idea how to handle. Your spirit and talent
intrigued me and I had to know more. I wanted to know you better. I did it
despite the fact I shouldn’t. That’s what I meant when I told you my feelings
that night, about why I shouldn’t be with you. I gave in anyways. I don’t
regret it, either.”

I tore my gaze away from my
father’s image, back to Gabriel’s blue eyes. “You’ve been watching me for
Felix. You took everything I said to him and now he’ll use it against me, turn
it around to hurt me and everyone else here.”

“No! I never worked for Felix.
He only thought I did. I’m here because Sheffield asked me to be here…and I
stayed because of you.”

My anger, lessened by the photo,
faded a little and I sunk onto the edge of Gabriel’s bed. I leaned over, picked
up the folder and opened it. Gabriel didn’t stop me, only watched me from where
he stood a few feet away by the doorway.

The folder contained a few
sheets of paper that showed my basic information: my gift, with several details
scribbled underneath in Sheffield’s handwriting, including the incidents since
I’d been here; my previous addresses and schools; my history of power and
usage; and a family tree. My mother’s side was completely human, of course, but
my dad’s side contained little stars next to names. Gradually, more stars grew
as the line went down. Four stars were scribbled next to Lenny Sullivan, while
my name held five and an exclamation mark. I could hazard a guess to the
significance.

A handful of photos spilled out
on my lap. They chronicled different times in my life after we left the show:
me juggling fireballs in the backyard at fourteen; of me and my mother, her
head on my shoulder and a soft smile on her face; my high school graduation
shot; one at my father’s funeral, looking more stoic than sad; and finally, a
shot of me on my first day back, laughing with Delia.

Seeing the shot of my mother and
me saddened me. All the heat left my body and I felt more depressed than ever.
For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was cold. My shoulders
hunched and I looked up at Gabriel, defeated.

“Why would Sheffield need you to
spy on me? He can ask me whatever he wants.”

Gabriel cautiously walked
towards me and took a seat on the bed next to me. In the small space, our
shoulders touched. He touched the folder and his hand accidentally grazed mine.
I tried to ignore the tingly thrill my skin had at his touch.

“He gave me what was in there; I
didn’t do any research. It wasn’t necessarily about getting to know you. That’s
just your history. He asked me to at least try and talk to you. He wondered
about some things, but most of it was my doing. He’d warned me you were tough,
would be hard to get to know and I guess part of it was my arrogance at first.
I thought I could crack you. You keep everything so hidden, I was sure I could
figure you out without using my gift. When I couldn’t, it made me more curious.
I wanted to get to know you better.”

“You knew about Felix all
along?”

“Yes. Felix wants your gift, but
to do so, he’ll probably have to kill you. I won’t let that happen.”

“Did you ever think maybe I
don’t need your help?” I snapped the folder shut, but not before I took the
photos with my parents in them and put them in my back pocket. When I shifted
to do so, I leaned into Gabriel and he didn’t pull away.

“You need everyone’s help. We
need to work together; Felix is powerful, now more so than ever,” he said.

“Funny that you’re rallying the
troops together. You didn’t want anything to do with us when you got here.”

“My only concern was you,
because that’s why Sheffield brought me here. Then I got to know you, spent
time with you and shared secrets no one knows. Eventually, my protecting you
wasn’t just for Sheffield anymore. I wanted you safe. I’ve never felt about
anyone the way I feel about you.”

I dropped the folder back on the
ground. It fell with a
slap
and I
kept my eyes on it. “How can I believe anything you say?”

“We can go to Sheffield right
now. He’ll back me up.” His tone edged on pleading.

“Why ask me all those questions
about Sheffield when you already knew?”

“I needed to throw you off my
scent for one. I don’t know him as well as you think. I didn’t know he was a
Collector until very recently, so I obviously had to act surprised when you
told me. I also didn’t want you to be a lemming, another one of Sheffield’s blind
followers. You’re smart enough to think for yourself. You deserve to know the
truth about your dad, what he’d been through to protect you. I don’t know a
lot, but I shouldn’t know more than you do about your own father.”

“I’m still in the dark about that
one,” I muttered. “But I still don’t understand why’d you try to lead me away
from Sheffield being a trusted ally, all that mafia circus bullshit, how other
groups are scared of him.”

“Some of it
is
true. You needed to have an idea, an inkling of the rumors Felix
would try to feed you. I knew he’d tell you those things because he told me.
Had I not already known Sheffield, been working for him, Felix may have
persuaded me to the wrong side. I wanted you to form your own opinion.”

“What if I’d formed the wrong
one, genius? What if I’d believed you, believed Felix?”

“I knew you wouldn’t. You’re too
good.”

I scoffed at him and he shook
his head.

“No really, I mean that. You
believe in right and wrong, and you’ve known Sheffield for so long. You wanted
to protect him, your friends, even me, and I can’t explain to you how much I
admire that. I knew you would never take Felix’s side.”

“So is any of it even true? Are
there really others who fear Sheffield?”

“Yes. Sheffield got to the top
for a reason and there are some who will come after him as they’ve done in the
past. I wanted to make sure you heard it from me instead of Felix, because he’s
tricky enough to convince people. After Felix approached you, Sheffield wanted
to know where your loyalties lie. When you stayed strong on your opinions, I
had no problem telling him you would support him. He wanted to know what Lenny
told you about their work, but obviously there wasn’t much to go on there. He
wouldn’t tell me everything. He’s pretty good at secrets.”

“Like most other people around
here, it seems. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for this, no matter what
Sheffield confirms. You’ve lied to me all this time. Sheffield can’t back you
up on whatever feelings you say you have.”

“I know. The other night on the
Ferris wheel, I almost told you everything. But you were already so mad at me
that I knew you’d burn the place down. I can’t begin to explain how hard this
has been. I’m not asking for your forgiveness, but I want to help you.”

“Why you? Why did Sheffield want
you of all people to protect me?”

“I have the sort of history
Felix looks for in his groupies. I fit his criteria—I have a powerful
gift, I’ve abused it in the past, and I don’t really like authority. I’ve
helped Sheffield for a few years now, since your dad died, actually. But when
you called him up and joined, he decided I was of better use here.”

“Sheffield brought you in to
trick me? To make me…to get close to me?”

“No. I was supposed to keep an
eye on you, make sure Felix didn’t get near you. Instead, I wound up crazy for
you. The other night when you saw me with that girl, it was two-fold. I never
should have confessed my feelings for you. I’m still not sure why—maybe I
thought I could balance it out. I was hurt when you reacted the way you did. So
I did what I did out of anger, but I guess maybe I thought it would also push
you away, reestablish that I couldn’t be with you. It killed me to hurt you
like that. Lucy, I still want you, to be with you.”

With no idea how to respond to
his emotions, I decided to focus on the bigger problem at hand. My personal
feelings couldn’t get in the way right now.

“Did you tell Felix I was here?”

“No. He’s sent some of his own
people in here occasionally to spy for him. They buy tickets in and sneak
around for information. Sheffield’s never given them much to go on. But then
Felix heard about the bar fight, got interested in the violence that occurred.
He found those men from the other night, discovered that it involved a
redheaded girl with the power to burn. He knew, used Knox’s Tracker power to be
sure.”

His right leg bouncing
impossibly fast, Gabriel looked everywhere but at me. He caught me looking at
the movement and he stopped, cleared his throat, and continued.

“When he learned I was there
that night, I couldn’t lie without being caught. He believed he could use me to
get to you. I was the reason that hose didn’t work that night you helped the
clowns—I unhooked it and Felix was there to make sure of it. He was so
fucking happy when you ran out there.” Gabriel’s voice grew hard.

“Why didn’t you tell us it was
Felix when you saw Marty’s body that night? We could’ve formed a different plan
if we’d known he was a Firestarter.”

He gave me a look. “Boy, you
don’t miss anything, do you? I didn’t know it was Felix that killed Marty at
the time. He’s got some Firestarters on his side, figured they were following
orders.”

“You did lie to me, you know,
giving me some bullshit story about Sheffield and his circus mafia, warning me
I shouldn’t side with him. You made me think my father was some sort of hit
man.”

“He wasn’t a hit man, Lucy, but
he did do favors for Sheffield. You don’t know everything and maybe you
shouldn’t, but Sheffield and others have gone to great lengths to protect this
group.”

I looked up at him, at his blue
eyes underneath long black lashes. “Including you?”