Girl Online (17 page)

“Hey, look,” Noah says. “There's one for you here.”

He slides it across the duvet towards me. It's a pale yellow A4 envelope. I tentatively undo the sticky seal, and I'm filled for some reason with trepidation about what it might contain. Who would be sending
me
fan mail?

I tip the envelope upside down over the bed, and a few sheets of paper fall out. I open them up, and it's a printout of one of my blog posts from
Girl Online.
There's a handwritten note in the margins.

Dear Penny,

I just wanted to say what a huge inspiration you were to me when you were writing your blogs. I especially loved your blog about when you first started going out with Brooklyn Boy. It gave me hope that love could be real and maybe it will happen to me! I also thought you were so brave at the start of the year . . . but I am sad you had to close your blog.

I started writing my own blog, because of you. It's nowhere near as good as GIRL ONLINE, but if you want to check it out then I've left a link below.

Your friend,

Annabelle

I hug the letter to my chest. I can't believe someone has written to me! This fills me with a warm, fuzzy feeling, and I know I'm going to treasure this letter forever.

“All right, you crazy kids, I'm heading to bed,” says Dean. “Remember, early start tomorrow—no one is missing that bus.”

I didn't realize he was still standing inside the doorway.

“You got it, Dean-o,” says Noah.

Dean grimaces at the nickname and waves as he shuts the door.

Noah is quiet, his brow furrowed in thought. I know he feels overwhelmed by all this attention—it's still not something that he's used to, even after all this time. I wonder if he will ever get used to it? In a way, I hope not. This could
never
be normal!

I look back down at the huge pile and I'm surprised to see another envelope with my name on it. This one feels slightly squishy, like it has bubble wrap on the inside. I tear into this one with more excitement.

But that excitement turns to fear when I read the note. I drop it like it's on fire, tossing it as far away from me as possible.

“What is it?” Noah looks up abruptly, his eyes wide with alarm.

I just shake my head and point to the letter.

He picks up the discarded note—it's a printout of some of our private text conversations. Some of the words have been circled, and when you read them together it says:
Go home, Penny, or else.

At the bottom is the signature:
TheRealTruth.

I feel shaken and confused—this is what I was afraid of. I thought the first message was just a one-off, but obviously not. Does that mean TheRealTruth is in Berlin?

To my surprise, Noah doesn't look angry or even vaguely annoyed. He looks relieved. He reaches over and grabs my hand, pulling me towards him.

I'm reluctant at first—why isn't he more bothered by this?—but then I know that nothing will make me feel better than a hug from Noah.

He kisses my forehead. “This has proved it to me—it's just a crazy person, nothing more. They can't hurt you, I promise. Now that we have this letter, we can give it to Larry and he can keep an eye out. This is kind of part of the deal.”

I nod, and pull his arms tighter round me. This is real. We are real. That letter is just a sick fantasy. “You really think there's a fan out there who wants me gone?”

Noah gives me a funny look, and I realize how silly I sound. Of
course
there are some fans who would rather I wasn't on the scene. I've seen the adoration and the love for Noah in the crowd, which is bordering on the fanatical. How many of them picture themselves in my position?

“Please don't leave me tonight. I don't think I can sleep if I'm on my own.” I know Noah is reluctant to break the rules
my parents set, but I
also
know he's way too respectful of my feelings to try anything I'm not ready for. I trust him.

To my relief, Noah nods. “I'll clear all this up and then we can get some sleep. I can look at it on the bus tomorrow.”

I head into the bathroom and wash my face. It feels good to scrub myself clean of the day—the reappearance of TheRealTruth makes me feel dirty, even if it is just some crazed fan, like Noah says. I brush my teeth and change into my cosiest pyjamas. I think of all the girls who would rather be here, and it makes me feel a little sad. Would they still want to if they knew how hard it is?

“Did you know you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen?” Noah says, as I emerge from the bathroom in my pyjamas. “You keep me grounded through all of this.” He gestures to the huge fan-mail bag, which he's tidied away into the corner of the room. I sit down on the bed next to him. “You don't deserve what's happening to you,” he continues, “and I promise you that, when these crazy two weeks of tour are over, we can hang out, just the two of us. No more creepy letters and anonymous hotel rooms and non-stop travel. You can finally see New York in the summertime! It's just as magical as at Christmas—if not, dare I say it, even better.”

“It sounds lovely,” I say, drifting off to sleep as he strokes my hair.

“Just remember, Penny. It's you and me against the world.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

When I wake up in the morning, it's still early. Our arms and legs are interlocked like we're a human jigsaw puzzle. I gently lift Noah's arm, which has fallen across my waist, and wriggle out from underneath it, sliding on the sheets until my toes find the carpeted floor.

I pick up my phone from its perch on the bedside table and quickly scroll through the updates from last night. On Instagram, there's a picture of Kira at Brighton beach, dipping her toes in the sea. I can almost feel the rush of the waves, the wind whipping through my hair, the screech of seagulls . . . I can't believe I miss that pebbly stretch of beach, but I do.

There are several WhatsApp conversations that I catch up on. Megan has been giving us a minute-by-minute account of her latest date with a former sixth-form boy called Andrew, who's taken her to the Sea Life Centre. There's a series of selfies of them together in front of colourful fish, their faces lit up by the eerie blue light. It's strange because I know that Megan would love to be where I am now—on
tour with a rock star, living this crazy life—but sometimes I wish with all my heart that Noah and I could just have normal dates, like a normal couple.

A message flashes up on my phone.

It's from Elliot. I type a reply quickly.

“Everything OK?” Noah leans forward and kisses my shoulder.

“Just Elliot being a nosy parker!” I say with a laugh. “And scaring me about stalkers . . .”

Noah shakes his head. “Don't let him—or, more importantly, that creep—freak you out. We'll get through this together. You and me against the world, remember?”

I smile. “I remember.”

“Good. Now, we better get ready or else the tour bus is going to leave without us!”

On the journey from Berlin to Munich, we pass loads of amazing photo opportunities, but there's no time to stop. Instead, each sight just disappears in a blur through the thick pane of glass. The fields are filled with flowers, and each town we drive through is packed with lovely old buildings—even the little cafés on the roadside look picturesque.

The rest of the boys are sleeping in the beds at the back of the bus, but Noah and I take a seat on the sofa for a Disney-movie marathon to pass the time. Halfway through
Aladdin
, I realize the Disney marathon is a one-man race: Noah is out like a light, and he ends up sleeping most of the journey with his head rested on my shoulder. It is so nice just being with him, listening to his deep breaths as we trundle along through Germany. His hair smells clean and fresh, and every now and then I get a strong whiff of his aftershave. I take out my camera and get a few shots of the two of us.

“Penny?”

I look up as Dean says my name. He sits down in a chair next to me.

“Noah let me know about the letter in the fan-mail bag.
I'm so sorry—we try to screen as much of that stuff as possible, but it's not easy on tour. Is there anything I can do to put your mind at rest?”

I shake my head. “No, I guess I just need to learn how to deal with it.”

“Well, remember I'm here to help you as well as Noah.” He looks over at Noah, who is fast asleep, then he lowers his voice. “I can help arrange a trip home for you as well, if it's all getting a bit . . . much.”

Instead of getting angry when I hear this, I simply feel relieved. I feel better knowing that there is an escape route if I need one—and hopefully I won't need it. “Thanks, Dean. That does make me feel better.”

“You're welcome, Penny. I know this is all a lot to take in. I'm sure you don't want to be reminded of this, but you're still young. I spoke to your parents, remember—I feel a responsibility!”

I laugh. “How do you deal with all this? Don't you find it a bit crazy?”

Dean smiles. “Are you kidding? I live for this stuff! And Noah is my shining star. I knew it from the first time I saw him on YouTube. When was that? Almost two years ago now? I can even remember exactly what I was doing when I saw him playing for the first time. I was searching for this Fleetwood Mac song and Noah had done a cover—”

“Oh, of ‘Landslide'? Noah's shown that to me.”

Dean snaps his fingers. “Exactly! It wasn't what I was looking for, but it was magic. I couldn't stop watching, and I thought to myself,
This kid is something special
. Hey, a lot of managers and talent spotters get that feeling—but I'm lucky.
It just so happened for me that it was true. I went from managing a bunch of wedding singers to the big time.”

“Noah's lucky to have you,” I say.

He chuckles. “Hey, whatever I can do to make sure Noah's happy and singing, I'll do it. That boy means the world to me.”

I nod. “I feel silly for worrying about a couple of little notes when it's Noah's career that's on the line. And it's not as if my relationship is the only one that has to face big struggles.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean real-world problems. Like, my best friend, Elliot, has this amazing boyfriend, except he's not out to all his friends and family yet. That feels like such a genuine issue, whereas my problems are superficial in comparison.”

Dean shrugs. “They're both young. Some people are just more confident than others. I'm sure they'll work it out. Sounds as though you're a great support to Elliot too. You'd be surprised how rare loyalty is sometimes, Penny.”

“I hope so. I just want Elliot to be happy. He's the most important person in my world—after Noah, of course.”

Dean laughs. “Well, nudge your lazy boyfriend—we're almost here, and he's got work to do.”

Chapter Twenty-Five