Girl Online (23 page)

After typing up my post, I lie back down on my bed. I still haven't heard from Noah since our argument, so I haven't had a chance to apologize, and I feel like if I check my phone any more than I already have been I'll start getting blisters. Just as I'm imagining what Elliot would be up to right now back at home, my phone buzzes next to my head. I jump up and grab it like it's Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket—a ticket that will entitle me to Noah's complete forgiveness for my embarrassing outburst, so we can go back to being disgustingly in love.

However, it's not Noah. It's a text from Leah.

I smile down at my phone and feel somewhat comforted by Leah's text, and less alone in this crazy whirlwind. It's nice to know that I can trust her.

I've downloaded the pictures I took onto my computer, and there's one of Leah that is magical. She looks almost like a Roman sculpture herself; she is that perfect. Even the disguise can't hide how magnetic and beautiful she looks. I send my favourite to her with a message.

Then there's a knock at my hotel-room door. Throwing my phone down on my bed, I call out, “I haven't ordered any room service this evening! Wrong room.”

“I haven't got any food, sorry.” It's a voice I know all too well. That husky American drawl with a hint of charm can only belong to one person.

“Noah?” I open the door in surprise and see him standing there, one arm leaning on the door frame. His face is sullen and sad, and he looks more tired than I've ever seen him. But when he sees me it raises a small smile on his face, and his eyes light up. He's wearing a pair of shorts with a long, baggy crochet jumper and his old, beat-up Converse. A beanie pulls his hair back off his face and he has a necklace on that almost reaches his stomach. He looks breathtakingly gorgeous, in his own infuriatingly effortless way.

“Can I come in?” he asks, as he tucks a stray piece of hair into his beanie.

I shrug, and open the door a bit wider. “Yeah, sure.”

He walks into the room and plops himself down on the bed, not caring about putting his dirty Converses on my duvet as he crosses his legs. He begins to speak. “Penny, I—”

“Noah, please. Let me say something first. I'm really sorry. I mean that. I shouldn't have said the things I said. I was being immature and I know you have bigger fish to fry than to entertain me like I'm your kid sister. I just felt a bit let down, and I know there are better ways to communicate that to you, but it all boiled up and I exploded, and I'm sorry that it was so public, and I'm sorry that it was so awkward, and I'm sorry that—”

“Stop.” Noah places his finger over my lips. “You're word-vomiting all over the place.” He smiles. “Penny”—now he is holding my hands, and he looks up at me from the bed as I stand in front of him—“I love you. I love you when you're happy; I love you when you spill smoothie all over me; I love you when you are sad; I love you when you slurp milkshakes; I love you when you eat more pizza than I could ever imagine a human eating; I love you when you fall asleep at eight o'clock; I love you when you're anxious; I love you when you get so excited about things like you're a big kid; and I love you when you're mad.”

I feel a small tear forming in the corner of my right eye, and I try with all my might to hold it in. I'm almost sure it's twitching at this point.

“I don't want to argue with you. I want us to be good, you know?”

“Me too. I'm sorry about everything. I—”

“Stop saying sorry! We're fine,” he interrupts me. “Now,
let's put all this behind us and move forward. I wish I could stay in and watch a movie with you tonight or go out together, but Dean and I have another meal at a restaurant with a really huge newspaper. I just wanted to drop by before I left to make sure we were OK.”

I nod, and let him pull me into a hug. It's too short—milliseconds short. Before I know it, he's pulled away from me. “I also brought this.” He steps back out into the hallway and picks up a large wicker basket. “I know it's not the same as having me here, but I hope it makes this a tiny bit easier for you—and I know that none of this has been easy.”

I take the basket from him, and set it down on the bed.

“Think of it as a substitute-Noah present,” he says, with a wistful smile. “I better head off and at least try to make myself look presentable for this dinner tonight.” He leans in and kisses me lightly on the lips, then heads out the door.

This is not a view of him I like: his back, as he walks away from me.

I turn to the wicker basket, which is covered with something I recognize: Noah's favourite hoodie. I immediately slip it on over my T-shirt, lifting the edge of the collar to breathe in the scent of his aftershave.

I roll up the sleeves, which are way too long, and peer into the basket. There's a DVD in the bottom with the words
WATCH ME
written on it, and an array of delicious-looking pastries filled with fluffy white cream.

I put the DVD straight into the player on the TV in my room, then sit back on the bed.

Immediately an image of Noah pops up on the screen.
He's wearing the same clothes I saw him in just now, so he must have filmed it today.

“Dear Penny,” on-screen Noah says. “I know I've made you angry. I know I've made you sad. Those are two emotions I never want you to associate with me. I'm running out of ways to say sorry, but I hope you know how much I mean it.

“Hopefully you are now sitting there wrapped up in my hoodie and about to eat one of those pastries in the box. I asked at reception, and apparently those are called
maritozzi
and they're the most romantic pastry in Italy.

“Now, I know you're thinking that this video is
still
no substitute for the real me. And you're right: it's not. I wish that I wasn't talking into a camera right now. I wish I was there with you, taking you on a romantic stroll around Rome . . . but I'm quickly realizing how little I know about life on tour. How little I know about this career I've somehow fallen into. I'm basically just a big, ignorant doofus at the moment, and I keep making promises I can't keep.

“Penny, there are some things I do know. I know that I love making music, and I know that I love you. Those two things have got to be enough to get me through anything.

“And so, just in case you were starting to doubt point number two, I've put together this little montage just for you. You're my Inciting Incident, Penny. But I want you as the leading lady in every scene of my life. I hope this shows you that.”

What follows next brings proper tears to my eyes. It's a movie montage of some of my favourite moments of our time together: the big orange moon Noah showed me in New York; Christmas morning opening presents on Sadie
Lee's living-room floor with Bella; my sixteenth birthday at Easter when Noah came with my family to Cornwall; snippets of our Skype conversations that he's recorded; and footage that I didn't even realize was being filmed, like me watching Noah onstage for the first time.

The montage is set at first to “Autumn Girl,” but then it morphs into a new version of the song that I've never heard before. It's haunting and beautiful—just Noah's voice and a guitar, the way I like to hear his voice best. The words plant seeds in my heart that I know will continue to grow as long as my heart is still beating.

Forever girl

You changed my world

You are the one

I know for sure

That we will be together

Forever, girl

Chapter Thirty-Three

A flashing light catches my eye, and I realize it's my phone, abandoned on silent mode on my bedside table. I stretch across the covers and grab it, still running over the conversation I just had with Noah in my mind. I turn on the phone and the screen shows that I have eleven messages waiting from Elliot. My stomach drops. Elliot never sends this many texts. Something must be seriously wrong. I open them up as fast as I can.

I text him back straightaway.

I don't wait for him to answer, but flip open my laptop and Skype him. It dials for what seems like an age and my anticipation spirals. I feel a sense of panic, which is replaced with relief as I see Elliot's face finally appear on the screen.

“Penny, FINALLY!” I can't quite work out Elliot's expression as he glares at me from above the green rim of his square glasses. It's an expression that I don't often see from Elliot.

“Elliot, if you've panicked me with nine desperate texts in
order to tell me off for the small amount of sightseeing on this tour then that isn't funny. You got me worried.” I start searching Elliot's face for any small signs of humour, and wait for him to ease up and laugh, but he doesn't.

“Penny, what was the name of that stalker person you were worried about?”

My heart feels like it stops beating within my chest.

“You mean TheRealTruth?” I ask, willing it not to be true.

Elliot's face falls.

“What? Why are you asking?”

“I don't think they're a fan,” says Elliot, looking miserable. “Not unless they're
very
committed.”

I clutch at my temples, fearing the worst. “What's happened?”

Elliot sighs. “On the train back from the magazine shoot, I got this weird email from an unknown address. I've forwarded it on to you.” He places his hands on his head and sinks into them.

I quickly open a browser window for my email and I can see that Elliot's forwarded me a message from TheRealTruth. I don't even want to open it, but I have to see what's scaring Elliot so badly.

From: TheRealTruth

To: Elliot Wentworth

Subject: READ ME

Penny breaks up with Noah, or this goes viral.

ATTACHMENT: image1052.jpg

I click on the attached image, and my heart sinks even further. It's the photo of Alex and Elliot kissing on the balcony at Noah's concert. It's a really lovely photo and I almost want to smile a little bit at how cute they are. They are so clearly in love, lit up by the stage lights and surrounded by other people who are all watching Noah in awe. Almost like, in that very moment, it was only the two of them in their own world.

But since Alex isn't out to his friends or family yet, a picture like this . . . it could shake up his entire world.

“You took this photo, didn't you? At the Brighton gig?” He crosses his hands and rests them on his knees.

“I did, but—”

“But you didn't think to tell me about the fact that this was on your phone too when it was stolen, and now someone is threatening to make it public! Alex is going to be furious that we could be blackmailed this way. And of course you didn't think there was anything incriminating on your phone because you didn't think about me and my relationship at all.”

I've never seen Elliot like this before. He's angry and sad and frustrated all at once.

But I'm angry too. “OK, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight when it happened. Elliot, I feel awful that you're being dragged into this. I didn't know exactly what this person's intentions were then, but now I guess it's pretty clear.
Penny breaks up with Noah.
Someone wants us apart, no matter what.”