Girl Online (38 page)

“How is it that you always know what to say, Penny? You're very wise, you know.”

My stomach flips as his eyes meet mine. Like a magnet, I feel completely connected to Noah. It's like the tension that was left over after our latest goodbye has been carried off with Dean and his beer-stained shoes. I suddenly get the urge to kiss Noah, but I don't. Instead, I think about how I can actually help this situation that he's in.

“Wait—Leah gave me the number for someone in her management team a while back. She said that if I ever needed her urgently I'd be able to get to her through this woman. I think her name was Fenella. Maybe give her a call? If they can't sign you, they can maybe at least give you advice?”

I whip out my phone and transfer the number across to his.

“Thanks, Penny,” Noah says. “I seriously don't know what I am going to do without you.” He jumps up. “I'm due onstage! I only came back to grab some posters that I'd signed for these competition winners. I'm going to have to go, but, even if you still don't want to stick around, can I call you?”

“Sure,” I say.

I watch Noah hurry off the bus, and I feel happy that things might have finally worked out for the best. I grab my bag and head off to find Megan, smiling to myself as I wonder exactly how much trouble she's got herself into.

Chapter Fifty-Six

The pop-up gallery for our school showcase looks amazing.

The school has taken over one of the small, cute stores tucked away in the Lanes for the exhibition. With the sun streaming through the big windows onto the whitewashed walls and blue tiles, it almost feels like we've been transported to some far-off Greek island. Our photography-exam work is displayed on the walls, hung off rustic wooden planks, and it looks gorgeous.

To my surprise, when I arrive the tiny place is absolutely packed. There is even someone handing out drinks and canapés. In the midst of planning the surprise for Elliot, I had
almost
forgotten that tonight also meant my photography was going to be on display. I'd always been dead against the idea of showing off my work, thinking it would be an awful trigger for my anxiety. However, Leah helping me to believe that my photography could turn into something more than a hobby—a real profession—was an eye-opener, but it's also something that could never happen if I didn't show any of my work in public.

“I'm really proud of you, Pen-face. These are incredible.” Elliot and I stand side by side. As he sips his sparkling orange juice, he wraps an arm round me. I feel my face blush crimson as he studies the photos. Elliot has always been my biggest cheerleader, and for that I love him very much.

“Thanks, Wiki.” I squeeze him into my side by pulling on his waist and we just stand together, connected by a sideways hug, looking at all my photographs displayed on a wall alongside the work of my other talented classmates.

“I have to say, I
especially
like this one,” Elliot says with a wink.

Of course he does, because it features him. It's a silhouette of him standing outside the Royal Pavilion in Brighton, the domes lit up orange in front of a darkening sky. It was for a series of pictures I called
Local
, about special areas of Brighton that are close to my heart.

“How is everything with Noah? Have you spoken since the weekend?” He lowers his voice and draws me into a quieter corner. “I'm sorry I couldn't come with you to the festival, but it was good for me to have some time with my parents. Now
there's
a sentence I never thought I'd say.”

I shake my head. “No, we haven't spoken, but we've texted. He's busy sorting out everything to do with Dean. I don't know what's going to happen with us. There are no hard feelings there and we both seem happy. I'm a bit scared that if we really make a go of this again—properly—it will hurt more than ever and I'll turn into one of those crazy, jealous stalker girlfriends while my famous boyfriend goes on tour. It takes up a lot of headspace . . .” I bite my nails and let out a huge sigh.

“I know what you mean. His life is about to get a lot crazier. But you know, Penny, he was very lucky to have you. I can't believe his manager was the creepy stalker after all!”

“I know,” I say—I'm still stunned by the revelation.

“Maybe it's like murderers—you should always look at the people closest to the victim first.”

“Well, he's in good hands now.” Leah's manager had been all too happy to help when Noah called. “I'm so glad that it's working out for him.”

“It's not just all about him, you know, Penny. Yes, he is extremely cute and plays the guitar like an absolute god and sings like an angel, but you are really very special too”—he raises an eyebrow—“in your own weird way.”

We laugh together and I notice Miss Mills approaching us. She's made a real effort today, tying her hair up in a really chic chignon and wearing a stunning LBD. I'm always impressed at how normal teachers look outside of school. It's easy to forget that they have lives beyond the hallways and the classrooms.

“Penny, I was worried you wouldn't show! Don't your photos just look so stunning like this? I'm so proud of all my students. And you must be Elliot—or should I say Wiki?” She extends a hand to Elliot and he holds it and curtseys.

“A pleasure to meet you,” he says as he dips on his heel, smiling in the cheeky way he does. Miss Mills giggles and Elliot slides off to look at other people's work and to follow the tray of pizza canapés that are rapidly disappearing.

“How has your summer been?” asks Miss Mills. “Have you been OK, anxiety-wise?”

I can imagine so many students would reel with
embarrassment at the thought of their teacher knowing so much about their personal lives, but when Miss Mills talks to me it's like we're best friends and I instantly feel at ease.

“It's been the most challenging summer I think I've ever had—a total emotional roller coaster! But now I feel the most
me
I've felt in a really long time. I feel like I've discovered a lot about myself—maybe in the hardest way possible, but it's definitely been an experience and I wouldn't change it.”

She gives me one of those smiles that is both warm and a little sympathetic. “They say everything happens for a reason.”

“And for the first time I am starting to think that might actually be true. I know that anxiety is a part of my life, and maybe in time I can change that, but for now I want to live a full life. I have anxiety, but it's not who I am.”

“This is the best thing I've ever heard you say, Penny. I want to see you succeed in everything you do, and I don't want you to feel like there is anything in your way. There are people out there who could learn a lot from the things you write about, and even the photos you take.” She points at my photography display and gives me a huge, beaming smile.

“I think I might make my blog public again . . .” The words slip out of my mouth before I've even thought about them. This must be what it's like to be Elliot—always speaking without thinking first.

I watch as Miss Mills's face fills with excitement, and she starts jumping up and down, clapping her hands with glee. I try to shush her so that everyone else enjoying the gallery doesn't turn and stare, but Elliot has already noticed and scuttles over.

“What's going on here? Give me the good news.” He sidles up and looks between the two of us, trying to read our faces.

“Penny is going to blog again, publicly!” She claps her hands together.

“That's
awesome
news, Pen!” he says, giving me a huge hug. “I bet
Girl Online  
's fans have missed reading your posts.”

I smile before I sneak a quick look at my watch and realize we still have an hour before Alex will be ready for us, and we can't stay here much longer as the party is starting to wind down.

“You know what—I could write a blog now. I know somewhere with free Wi-Fi
and
that's open late for coffee and cake.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah!” I say. “I have my laptop in my bag. I'll buy you a slice of cake if you come?”

“Well, you know I never say no to good cake! Come on then, you eager little writer.”

We say goodbye to Miss Mills and head towards a little café in the Lanes that is still open and serving sparkling elderflower (Elliot's favourite on a summer evening) and delicious thick slabs of carrot cake covered in cream-cheese frosting. We sit outside since it's such a warm evening, choosing a bench underneath a canopy of coloured fairy lights. I pull my laptop out of my bag and start typing a blog post that's been brewing for some time.

Elliot is scrolling through his phone as I type. He lets out a long sigh and I look up at him sharply. “Are you OK, E?”

“Oh, don't mind me. I'm just looking at pictures of Alex. Look at this—have you ever seen anyone more adorable?”

He turns the phone round and shows me a picture of Alex sitting on a fallen log in the New Forest. He's smiling up at the camera, clearly looking at Elliot with so much love and affection. It's a look I know well, because it's the way Noah used to look at me.

“Maybe I should call him? Seeing how you and Noah managed to patch things up and be friends again makes me feel like I owe it to Alex to do the same. You know, I still love him, Penny.”

“Oh, uh . . . maybe wait for me to finish this post? Then I'm all ears. You need my full attention for a decision like that!”

Elliot frowns at me, but then nods. I don't want to be dismissive of his feelings but the last thing I want to do is ruin Alex's surprise. It warms my heart to hear Elliot say these things and gives me a good feeling for tonight.

“Why don't you read it to me?” Elliot says, putting his phone facedown on the table.

I nod. “OK, here we go . . .”

Hello, World!

I feel like I'm writing to a long-lost friend, one who's been missing from my life for far too long.

To be honest, I feel a little apprehensive about typing this, but here goes.

For a while now, I've been blogging as
Girl Offline . . . never going online
. I've still been writing and posting here, even though I knew full well that nobody (except a handful of people) would be able to read the things I had to say.

I felt like I'd lost my voice, and this blog wasn't a happy place for me anymore.

I'm going to change that now. I've decided that, from today onwards, there is no more offline. It's a big decision for me to make, and a lot of things have had to change in my life for me to realize this isn't just something I
want
to do; it's something I
need
to do.

One of the last posts you may have read from me told you to make the right choices when posting online, to focus on being nice and spreading positivity.

So, this time, I want to start off by talking about not letting negativity into your life.

We all have one life, and we can choose how we want to live it. It's important to realize that, no matter what anyone else says or how people may try to influence the way you do things, it's ultimately down to you. Whether that's a bully, an online troll, an authority figure, a parent, a friend or a partner that you feel is oppressing you, only YOU can live for you. You can't live in someone else's shadow, or permanently try to please someone else, because then what do you have to show for it? You won't have any of your own accomplishments, you won't reach your personal goals, and you'll only be ticking someone else's boxes for them. If there is something in life you really want to do, then do it. You'll only ever live this day once in your lifetime, so start now.

Sometimes the hero of the fairy tale isn't a handsome prince. Sometimes it's you.

Girl Online . . . going offline xxx