Given (9 page)

For a moment, she gave into tears and cried for the woman
who’d never go out on a first date or give a nice boy who’d brought her flowers
the gift of her virginity. There’d be no fairytale wedding. She wouldn’t find a
husband who’d give her a picket fence, dog, and two point five children. That
life was gone forever. She had six men to navigate, all of them vying for her
sexual favors. She’d have to be very careful if she wanted to keep the peace
and her sanity.

Krista stood. One last sob wracked her body and then she
turned off the water. She stepped out onto the chilly tile and grabbed one of
the humongous towels. If she had to be a prisoner, at least she was in a
comfortable cell. Drying off, she went out into the bedroom. There was a box on
the foot of her bed. It was big and wrapped in a red ribbon. She pulled off the
lid after loosening the ribbon. Tissue paper covered the contents and there was
a card on top of the paper. She picked it up.

Krista,

Thank you. Please accept this small token of our
appreciation. Sleep well, knowing you have our esteem.

B and the boys

Braxton had left her a gift. She smiled. She barely knew
them and yet this gesture just felt like his solo handiwork. He’d certainly had
no time to go the store, and the idea of him anticipating her need for some
sort of reassurance spoke well of his thoughtfulness.

She moved the tissue paper aside. The transparent barrier
crinkled loudly in the quiet room. She picked up a fluffy, white robe. It was
soft, one of the softest things she’d ever touched. There was a plain, white,
silk nightgown. It wasn’t something she’d consider “sexy” lingerie, but it was
sexy in a sophisticated and understated way.

She smiled, sure now that
Brax
had
picked this out
on his own
. He seemed one step ahead,
and that told her he thought, not just acted. This was so him. To see seduction
as something with layers instead of just physical parts of a woman’s body was
something she hadn’t anticipated from men who didn’t have to “work” at a
relationship, but had received her as a prize. She ran her hand over the silk
and the temptation to go around knocking on doors looking for him was great.

She knew it wasn’t a good choice, and deep down she wasn’t
ready for emotional sex, physical sex had been enough for her for one night.
She did put on the nightgown and then the robe. Krista glanced at the bed,
frowning. She wasn’t tired. Quietly, she opened her bedroom door and decided to
find a copy of Braxton’s imagined world. Reading would help pass the time,
unless sleep finally caught up with her. When her mind was racing, as it was
now, she never had luck getting into a restful state.

Krista was down the stairs and near the glass patio doors
when a shadow made her jump. She looked around frantically for a light switch,
but the house was so large she had no idea where she’d find one. Normally,
there was one by doors, but she didn’t see one anywhere within reach. The
shadow moved again and she squinted, holding herself still in the shadows.
Then, as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she realized Max stood alone on the
patio, pacing.

Krista began toward the room where she’d find the book, but
paused. Glancing back at the door, she felt guilty for having let Max run off
and not stopping him. She feared for her safety, but she also wanted to
understand him. He was part of her strange, new household, after all, and she
needed to know what had set him off. It had to be more than the joke.

She turned the knob slowly and pushed open the door. “Hello,
Max, it’s me,” she whispered. The glow near his face told her he’d just taken a
puff of something to smoke. “Are you okay?”

“Go away,” he said quietly. There was sadness in his voice.
Against her better judgment, she didn’t go back inside.

“It’s just me. What are you doing out here?”

“I could ask you the same question.” The words weren’t
snarky, but she had a feeling that’d been his goal; something kept him from
being truly nasty to her. She peered at him in the darkness, but couldn’t see
his expression very well.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she replied honestly.

He grunted. “Me either. Want a cigar?” This time she heard
humor and decided declining the challenge wasn’t going to fix the tension
between them.

“Sure.”

He stepped closer to her and took a small cigar from his
shirt pocket, bit off the end, then lit the tip. Max handed her the glowing
stogie carefully.

“Thanks,” Krista said. “This is my first time smoking.” She
took a puff and began coughing hard. “Ugh!”

“You okay?” She could hear the humor in his voice, and it
was both annoying and a relief.

“A…Ah, I—gross.”
She took another
more delicate drag, coughing again.

Max chuckled. “Here, drink this, it might help.”

She took the glass from him and the moment the liquid hit
her throat she began choking. Gasping loudly, she coughed again. “Are you
trying to kill me?” She managed to spit the words out between coughs.

“A little brandy will fix you right up, besides a cigar
isn’t the same without quality booze.” One of the security lights flipped on,
illuminating his amused face. For a grumpy man, Max had a beautiful smile,
Krista decided.

“I’ll take your word for it.” Krista sat the cigar down in
the ashtray and then placed her hand on his back. He flinched and his face
twisted in revulsion. The look stirred a memory.

There’d been a girl brought into the Young Woman’s
Educational Protection Facility about a year after the government had mandated
all females not in a Giving contract live in custody for their own protection.
This girl was used in propaganda about how great it was to live in the safety
of the center. She’d been repeated raped by her
uncles
who’d kept her hidden away in a basement. She’d suffered for years. During one
of the assemblies, they’d brought her up to speak about how much happier she
was to be safe, and a caregiver had inadvertently touched her arm. The girl had
jumped and turned, wearing the exact same expression as Max had on his face
now.

“Who hurt you, Max?”

His eyes widened, and then narrowed. “What are you talking
about?” She’d seen the honesty of his surprise. He wasn’t going to fool her.

“I won’t tell the others. Who hurt you?” She repeated the
question quietly. Krista knew any sexual abuse in his past would’ve made him
ineligible for the lottery based on the stringent restrictions for
participation. She knew why he’d hide it. “Your outburst, it wasn’t about what
Mal said, right?”

“Don’t play head games with me. Go to bed.”

“I just want to understand.” She genuinely did want to help
him, and not just to keep the peace in her new household.

Krista cried out sharply as he literally picked her up,
crushing her against the wall of the house. They were out of sight, deep in the
shadows now.

“You want to understand? This is what it feels like to be
helpless and afraid. Need
me
to show you how it can
hurt worse?”

“N—No, please, I’m sorry, Max,” she stuttered, afraid of
what she’d unleashed in him. “I just want to understand, really. I don’t want
you to be in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, like earlier. I didn’t
know. I swear, I won’t tell the others.”

He relaxed his grip on her, slightly, glaring into her face.
While he wasn’t her favorite person right now, he might someday father one of
her children, she needed to help him. “Let me help you,” she pleaded.

His lips descended and he kissed her with punishing force.
Max let go of her arms and she wrapped them around his neck, trying to show him
comfort. She didn’t know what he needed, but he’d instigated this kiss for a
reason and she wasn’t about to risk destroying the tenuous connection they had.
He pushed away from her as abruptly as he’d grabbed her.

“Go to bed, Krista.”

“If you would like your turn, I’d understand. I promise I
won’t call for another group session again. I just want us all to get along. I
want to help you.”

He put his hand against the wall and leaned down, very close
to her face. “Don’t pretend a good fuck fixes anything. Sex is as much a weapon
as it is anything else. Never forget that. I won’t let you use sex to control
me.” He pushed away from the wall and ran his hand through his hair, turning
from her. Then he looked back, and in the dim light, she could see remorse on
his face. “Don’t say anything to the others, please. I’m sorry if I hurt you.
Just forget it. I’m fine. I’ll take my night when it’s my turn. Don’t worry
about it.”

“I’m here if you need to talk. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

He snorted, shrugging. “Smoking and drinking with me won’t
make you less a prisoner or me less an ass for participating in your slavery. I
think you’ve had enough vice for one night. Go to bed.”

She knew the shock had to be all over her face. He saw her
as a prisoner, worse a slave; was she a sex slave? Less accepting girls had
said similar things about what a
Given
girl was, but
hearing it from a man—one of her men—it shocked her. She didn’t want to be a
sex slave; she wanted a life, maybe a pseudo family, if that was even possible.
She didn’t like feeling as if he was ordering her around, but she wanted to get
away from the unstable man and the misery he stirred inside of her. Krista
rushed inside, went right to the bookshelf, grabbed the book she wanted, and
hurried back up the stairs.

She sat down on the small sofa. Tucking her legs beneath
her, she looked at the cover. The image of a man in chains, surrounded by
beautiful women made Krista roll her eyes. She turned the book over and read
the blurb. It talked of Sperm Production Facilities where the men lived that
forced them to donate their sperm three times a day and punishment rooms where
men endured rape for bad behavior. Krista scowled. This was the first book in a
series. She wondered if the rest were as twisted as this one. Still, curiosity
made her want to read. Krista opened the book and began.

My name is Samuel Johnson, and I haven’t left this prison
since the year I hit puberty. Ripped from my mother’s arms at fourteen, I’ve
learned women only want two things: sex and compliments.

Krista jumped at the sound of her door opening. The book
fell off the arm of the couch and she sat up, feeling stiff. The leg she’d been
sitting on had gone numb.

Jared
peeked
his head into the room
cautiously.
“Good morning, or should I say afternoon.
I was worried about you.”

“Sorry, I stayed up late reading.” She motioned him to come
in.

He wrinkled his nose as he entered. “Why do I smell smoke
and brandy?”

Krista blushed. “I decided it was time to grow up.”

He raised his eyebrow. “That stuff is bad for you. If they
come for inspection and smell booze and smoke, you’ll be removed so quickly you
won’t even have time to say goodbye.”

She grinned at his the-doctor-must-lecture-you-now voice.
“Yes, doctor, I’ll quit immediately.”

Jared grinned back. “I brought you a muffin and some juice.
Do you drink coffee? I could go make you a cup.”

“I’ve never been allowed to have coffee, they were pretty
careful about what we were allowed to eat and drink. I’ve heard it’s bitter,
but someday I’d love to try a cup.”

“I forgot that was on the no-no list.”

Krista frowned. “What do you mean?”

Jared looked like he wished he could take back the casual
statement. He blushed and the red stain made his freckles stand out even more
noticeably. “I…don’t be mad, but we have a list of what you can and can’t eat,
as well as a list of things we can and can’t do with you. Steve has the food
list, so I’m sure this muffin and juice are fine. They have specific items they
want you eating, for fertility or something. From my standpoint, it’s
ridiculous. There’s really little or no science to back up the nutritional
benefits of some of the food, but there are a few things on the list that would
be great for you if you do get pregnant.”

She felt the stranglehold tightening around her life. She’d
thought she’d be mostly allowed to just live, without the protection facility
interfering. “I’m still going to try that cup of coffee,” she grumbled.

Jared gave her a small nod. “I’ll personally make it for you.
I don’t think it will hurt a bit before you’re pregnant.”

She liked him; it was unavoidable. As much as she didn’t
want to like anything about being here, she saw the benefits.

Jared handed her the muffin and juice.

“Thank you, this is very thoughtful. What time is it?”
Krista began yawning as soon as she’d asked the question.

“Almost one.
I wanted to make sure
you were okay.
After last night I…
How are you?” She
thought his flush was adorable.

“I’m fine. Thank you for checking on me. Would you like to sit
with me while I eat?”

He nodded exuberantly and plunked down next to her. “You
look pretty this morning,” he said.

She didn’t feel pretty. Her mouth felt sticky, and he was
right, she reeked of cigar smoke. “Thanks. So what are you guys up to today?”

“We all took our two Giving weeks off. Most of us work or
study so much we aren’t used to having this much time on our hands. I’ll be
working on my homework this afternoon, but otherwise I’m just hoping to spend
time with you. Everyone is going crazy downstairs waiting. We made a
rotation—unless you want to p…pick who gets what nights.” He rubbed the back of
his neck and looked away.

So far, nothing he was talking about was making her feel
happy she woke up. “Whatever,” she replied and then realized just how terrible
her single word reply actually sounded. “Umm, sorry, I—dang it, my neck hurts.”