Goddess Interrupted (12 page)

“Don’t
say
that.” I spun around, and he came within inches of plowing into me. “I’m not Persephone. I’m not going to cheat on Henry no matter what season it is, and I don’t care how much time passes. That isn’t going to change.”

“What if things never get better?” said James. “What if Henry never loves you the way you deserve? What happened to Persephone…I don’t want to see you repeat her mistakes. You shouldn’t have to go through that kind of pain—you or Henry both. He’s set in his ways, and he’s never going to change. There’s no shame in admitting your marriage isn’t working—”

“Just because we have some problems doesn’t mean it isn’t working.”

He sighed. “All I’m saying is that you have a choice, Kate. Understand that, please, and don’t go running in the direction of Henry because you think you can fix him.”

“I’m not,” I snarled. “I’m with him because I love him.”

“Then it shouldn’t be too hard for you to make me a promise,” said James. He was crazy if he thought I was going to promise him anything though. “Think about the possibility of living your own life instead of the life Henry and the rest of the council want you to live—and I don’t mean consider it for half a second. I mean imagine what it’ll be like if Henry never loves you like you love him. Imagine how it’ll feel coming home to a cold bed and a husband who would rather do anything else than spend time with you. Because like it or not, if you stay, that’s a possibility. And in return, I’ll stop badgering you.”

I opened my mouth to tell him to go screw himself, but nothing came out. Instead my eyes welled up, and before I could stop myself, words flew from my tongue, tangled and thick and completely out of my control. “You really think it’ll be like that? You think he doesn’t love me?”

James pursed his lips and reached out to touch me, but I pulled back. “He loves you, but yes, it’s a possibility he’ll never be there for you the way you want him to be. There’s a risk that this time around, you’d be Henry and he would be Persephone.”

So I would be the one left yearning for someone who didn’t want me. I wanted to snap and tell James how wrong he was, that I had a pocketful of flowers to prove it, but I couldn’t. Henry could send me enough presents to fill the Underworld a hundred times over, and it would never be a substitute for his touch. For the feel of his arms wrapped around me like Adonis had wrapped his around Persephone.

“All I’m asking is that you really think about whether or not this is the life you want,” said James softly. “If you decide you’d rather not, no one can force you. And I’m not asking that you spend your life with me, either. I just don’t want you to be tied down to someone who doesn’t appreciate you the way you deserve to be. You should be the one in control of your destiny, Kate, not any of us. And especially not Henry.”

I clutched my pile of sticks to my chest and said around the lump in my throat, “Okay. I’ll think about it. But—stop talking like that, okay? Please. Not when Henry isn’t here to defend himself.”

James nodded once, and that was enough for me. Taking a shuddering breath, I pulled myself together and squared my shoulders. Henry would have a fair shot. He would have a chance to prove James wrong, and when he did, James’s argument would be obliterated. And everything would be all right again.

“Did you at least tell Henry nothing happened in Greece?” I said, pleased the edge in my voice was back. I could break down another time.

His silence was all I needed to hear. With a muted screech, I stormed back toward camp, ignoring the string of apologies James spilled behind me.

As long as Henry wanted me, I would remain faithful. But if he didn’t, if this life together was a chain to him, then the best thing I could do was set him free. At the same time, my mother’s expectations were a heavy burden for me to carry, and thousands of years was a long time to love a single person; it was entirely possible that Henry had the same reservations that held him back. And if he really did believe that James and I had become involved during our trip to Greece, then that was the first thing I’d have to set right the moment I had a chance.

Either way, I loved Henry. Maybe one day he would believe that.

When I reached camp, I dropped my sticks into the center and sat heavily down on a tree stump. James trailed in after me, and once he’d arranged the kindling into another teepee, he started the fire. It would be impossible to sleep with the sounds of the carnival in the background, but Persephone didn’t seem to need it, either. Another advantage of dying, I supposed.

Ava and Persephone continued to bicker, but Ava at least seemed to realize something was wrong, and after another round of retorts, she quit. Persephone tried to egg her on, but once it became clear Ava wasn’t in the mood, Persephone sat on the tree stump next to mine and sulked.

“How many visions have you had?” said Persephone, and the sticks burst into flame. James crouched on the ground a few feet away, and through the fire I could see shadows in the deep lines etched into his face, making him appear years older than he was supposed to look.

I shrugged. “Three, I think. All to the same place.”

“Have you been able to control them yet?” she said, and I shook my head. “Do they happen at regular intervals?”

“No.” I stared down at my hands, unable to stomach watching James. “Did you ever sleep with Henry?”

Persephone didn’t say anything for a moment, and when I glanced at her, her face looked oddly contorted in the firelight.

“It’s okay,” I said. “You don’t have to answer.”

Our eyes met for a fraction of a second, and she straightened, her expression smoothing out. “Have you?”

I nodded. “Once, in March. It’s October now,” I added. “I think.”

Persephone tugged on one of her blond curls and sighed. “I used to be able to tell. Even after I died, my hair changed colors with the seasons, but after a while it stopped.” She smiled faintly. “It’s stuck on summer now.”

That explained why her hair had been a different color in Henry’s reflection. “What—what season did it turn strawberry-blond?” I said.

“Fall,” she said. “It grew redder with the autumn, and in the dead of winter, it was black. It lightened into brown in the spring.”

Of course. James had explained to me that a reflection wasn’t an accurate depiction of what had happened. It was whatever the creator wanted. And what Henry wanted was for Persephone to be smiling when she saw him each fall.

“I didn’t mean to sleep with him,” I said, and I paused. “That sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Part of the test was lust, and Henry had me so well-protected that Calliope didn’t have the chance to kill me, so instead she sabotaged the test by giving us an aphrodisiac.”

Persephone clicked her tongue disapprovingly. “You’ve certainly had it rough, haven’t you?”

“What do you mean?” I said warily. Was she being sarcastic?

“Well, I assume you love him,” she said, and I nodded. “It’s good you’re there for him. He deserves to have someone who loves him.” She hesitated and said reluctantly, as if she were admitting some deep, dark secret, “I worry about him sometimes. It’s terrible that the one time you’ve been with him had to be because of an aphrodisiac.” She glared at Ava. “Aphrodite ruins everything.”

“It wasn’t me,” said Ava, her eyes wide. “I wasn’t even there.”

“It’s
named
after you.”

I started to retort, but Ava huffed and remained silent. After a moment, Persephone gestured at her dismissively.

“Regardless, with what you said earlier about Mother only having you because of me, and then all of this—well, I would imagine it isn’t easy. So you have my sympathies.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Maybe after an entire day of bickering with Ava, she was all argued out. “That’s the nicest thing you’ve said to me.”

“Don’t expect me to keep it up,” she said with a snort. “To answer your question, yes. Once.”

It took me a moment to figure out what question she was talking about, and when I did, my mouth opened, but no sound came out. So Calliope had been wrong after all. Even though I’d known Persephone and Henry had been married, it was a punch to the gut to hear that I hadn’t been Henry’s only. The last thing I had that I didn’t have to share with her evaporated. Once again, Persephone had gotten there first, and all I had were her leftovers.

“It was awful,” said Persephone. Her hand lingered between us, as if she could sense how upset I was, but she dropped it back in her lap. “It was our wedding night, and we didn’t talk about it. It just—happened. It was expected, and both of us were too shy to ask the other if we wanted it. We both assumed.”

I was silent. I didn’t want to think about how badly things would have gone for Henry and me if there hadn’t been that spark between us. His guilt and anger had been bad enough the morning after.

Ava tactfully moved to the other side of the fire, taking a seat beside James. They bowed their heads together, and the soft sound of their conversation wafted toward us, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying.

“When we—” I cleared my throat. “I would’ve waited if I’d had the choice. But I didn’t
not
want to. That was the point I realized I loved him, and—for what it was, it was nice. It was really nice.”

“Good,” said Persephone distantly, staring into the fire. “Hades deserves that. He deserves you.”

I shook my head. It didn’t matter what Henry deserved; what mattered was who Henry wanted, and so far that didn’t seem to be me. “It was the morning after that was so terrible. When Henry realized what had happened, he freaked out. Panicked,” I amended at Persephone’s confused look. “He apologized and took off, and that was the last I saw of him for days. The only reason he came back was because Calliope killed me, and he went to the Underworld to get me.”

Persephone grimaced, and she said in a small voice, “No, it isn’t.”

“No, what isn’t?” I said.

“No, that isn’t the only reason he came back.” She sighed. “When we consummated our marriage, I was the one to—freak out.” She made a face at the expression. “We hadn’t been married twelve hours, and already I’d run back to Mother. She talked me into staying and giving it a shot, and she must have said something to Hades, because we never tried it again. I slept in a separate room, and he never pressed the issue.”

On the other side of the fire, James and Ava grew quiet. “I’m sorry,” I said. “You shouldn’t have had to stay with Henry if you didn’t want to.”

So that was why James was insisting I acknowledge my choice to leave if I didn’t want this. He’d already told me it’d been because of Persephone, of course, but hearing it from her made the pieces fall into place. James was protecting me the best he knew how, exactly like he had the year before. When I thought I’d failed a test, I’d tried to leave Eden Manor, wanting to see my mother before she died. Henry had talked me out of it. James hadn’t known that I’d stayed out of my own free will, and it had been important enough to him to blow his cover.

“I was young,” said Persephone. “I thought love happened immediately. It was my first time living without Mother, and I hadn’t known what to expect. On top of that, being in the Underworld and away from the sun made me miserable. It was the perfect storm, and unfortunately Hades and I both got caught up in it.” She shook her head ruefully. “I never gave him a chance after that. He tried so hard—you wouldn’t believe the lengths he went to in order to see me happy. But it was never enough. He was never enough.”

It was dark now. The glow from the carnival and the pitiful fire were the only sources of light, and when I looked at Persephone again, it was hard to see her face. “He loved you anyway though,” I said. “He still loves you more than anything.”

“I’m not so sure anymore.” She sat up straighter and looked toward the sky. I followed her gaze, and once my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I saw that the stars weren’t in their usual pattern.

“You said he went down to the Underworld to get you,” said Persephone. “Were you really dead?”

I nodded. “It was night, and I was in a park Mom and I used to visit back home. Mom traded her life for mine. Her mortal life,” I corrected. “But the body she was using was dying anyway.”

“It doesn’t matter,” said Persephone. “He wasn’t supposed to do that. While I ruled with him, we only made a few exceptions, and even then there were so many caveats that no one ever really made it back to the surface. He violated everything he’s stood for since the dawn of humanity to save your life.”

Across the fire, James cleared his throat. “She’s telling the truth, Kate,” he said. “He shouldn’t have saved you.”

He had anyway. Smiling, I wrapped my arms around my body as the chilly night air settled over me. I didn’t know how that ranked as far as romantic gestures went, but I was pretty sure it was at least as high as getting me a puppy.

“Can you tell me how to control the visions?” I said to Persephone, feeling lighter than I had since coming down to the Underworld. Even if saving me hadn’t cost Henry much more than his rules and his pride, Persephone thought it was a big deal, and that mattered more to me than it should have. He would’ve done the same thing for her, I was sure, but he hadn’t. I still had some piece of him that she didn’t.

“It’s easy,” she said with a shrug. “You have to focus on where you want to go or the person you want to find.”