Going Solo (New Song) (20 page)

He was solemn. He glanced at the clock. "You'll miss your flight."

She looked at the clock. It was seven. She had to check in at nine and she had not packed yet.

She had expected Carson to beg her to stay, not suggest that she would miss her flight. Why did he not ask her to stay so that she could list the reasons she had to go and maybe convince him and herself?

He left the room and she slowly pulled her bag from the closet, stopping to put on one of his robes. It smelled like him and she hugged it to her while she stood and looked at her bag.

When she heard a tentative knock on her door, she murmured, "Come in." She knew it was Mia. These past four days they had spent a lot of time together and Mia had not once mentioned the fact that she was going away.

She turned around slowly and there was Mia, looking from her to the bag. Her eyes were wide in her face as if she was forcing herself not to blink.

"Oh, Mia," Alice said softly, "Mia I have to go."

Mia ran and hugged her so tightly that Alice was forced to hug her back. It was the first time she was hugging her. She felt her slight body. She was heaving. Big gulping sobs were coming form her.

Alice held her for a long time, only moving when Mia stepped away, her eyes red and swollen. "If you stay, I swear I'll be good." Her lips were trembling.

Alice felt a crack in the hard casing that surrounded her heart where Mia was concerned.

"Oh Mia..." Alice did not want to have to deal with this. She pulled her suitcase to the bed and started packing. "I have to leave. I promise this time I'll call you often, okay."

Mia started crying again and Alice felt like the lowest of the low. She did not want to feel anything for her, this girl, her daughter but who could withstand the pain of a little girl who was looking on her with such pleading?

Carson came to the rescue once more. He came into the room, took one look at Mia and lifted her up. "Come on, Muffin. Daddy is here."

When they left, Alice sank to the floor at the side of the bed with her clothes strewn all around her.

*****

Carson barely made it to the airport in time for Alice to check in. Everyone was solemn. It was as if it were a funeral, and it probably was in a sense. Carson feared it was the end of their marriage. This month proved to him that he loved Alice but he could not live in limbo, waiting on her forever.

He was happy that Mia got to meet and to know her. Yet, he could see how devastated she was now that Alice was leaving. He hoped that Alice did as she said and called because not doing so would be cruel to Mia.

He carried Alice's bag to the check-in point. He and Mia stood like wooden people, watching as she checked in and then turned around to tell them goodbye. It did not help that her face was betraying her suffering. What mattered was that she was leaving. They watched her as she dragged her bags away and turned around and gave them one last little wave that did nothing to sooth their disappointment that she was leaving with only the promise to call. A telephone would never fill the gap of actually having her near.

Mia hugged Carson, pressing her face in his shirt, and he hugged her around her shoulders. Why were they so sad, anyway? Alice was only with them for a month. It was always just the two of them. They did not always have Alice.

Just one month and it actually felt as if they had always had her in their lives. It would have been better if she had not come back. The first time she left, Mia was just a baby and Carson had a pressing job that took up most of his time and energy. This time, he had more time on his hands. Now she had left him with memories that seemed impossible to shrug off and forget. He wished he could just wake up tomorrow and forget that she had come back in their lives.

"Want us to go work on a classic car?" he asked Mia, trying to inject some enthusiasm in his voice.

Mia shook her head. "I think I want to stay home today."

He considered her response. Mia had never refused to help him work on a car no matter how down she was. This type of depression was new and alarming.

"Okay," he said slowly. "No garage for either of us today. Whatever happens today, we stick together."

Chapter Twenty

It took Alice four days holed up in her apartment before she even called Marsha.

"I thought you delayed your flight," Marsha said to her friend, incredulously. "Should I carry over your cat?"

It took her five days before she visited Joss' Cafe. Somehow, the scones did not taste as good as she remembered. By day six, she was sitting in Megan's office. Megan had stepped out for a while. The air condition was broken and when Megan walked into the office, she removed her glasses and looked at Alice, her pale blue eyes filled with surprise.

"You look terrible!" was the first thing she said. "What happened?"

After Alice told Megan of her trip, she ended with, "I miss them. I miss Carson and believe it or not, I miss Mia."

"So what are you doing here? You should be back in Jamaica 'mon'," Megan said trying to imitate the Jamaican accent.

"I am not sure I'll be a good mother or friend or whatever to Mia." Alice bit her lip. "I don't want her to grow up screwed up."

"Alice Bell," Megan said sternly, "I am not speaking as your psychotherapist right now. This session is completely pro bono because what I am about to tell you is going to be very brief. I have been seeing you for five years now. I know your pain. I know what you went through. I know and I empathize and I know this...You are ready. I sent you to Jamaica because I knew you were ready. Do not let fear cripple you now. You are afraid to love Mia, afraid to be her mother, afraid to fail. You are afraid of so many things...let it go, honey. Let the fear go."

She grabbed Alice by the hand and looked at her squarely. She was a little shorter than her, so Alice could look down on top of her neatly coifed red hair, which was peppered with gray. "Carson still loves you after all these years?" Megan asked.

Alice nodded.

"You lived with him for close to two weeks, shared his bed, sang with him at an event, reconnected with your old friends, had conversations with your mother and sister? Girl, what are you doing in this office?"

Megan led her to the door slowly. "Alice, I have grown to love you, and you were a stranger to me until I met you five years ago. So too, you will grow to love Mia. Allow yourself to do so. It's as simple as that."

She opened the door.

"That slime ball who raped you is getting his just desserts, tied to a wheelchair and helpless. Nine years you said? That's not bad prison time and maybe he'll get more. You have to forgive him and move on. That's the final link in your puzzle."

It will take time, but one day, maybe at Mia's wedding, you'll find that you can't remember the bitterness of her conception. You'll just be happy that she is here. I wish you all the best my dear," Megan said, her eyes twinkling. "Send me a post card now and then from Jamaica, will you? Oh, you can name one of your new babies
Megan
; it would be a great honor." She closed the door in Alice's face.

Alice stumbled toward the elevator. Somebody should report Megan for her unprofessional handling of her clients.

She mumbled about it all the way to the shop. She went to her office and looked over the books. She had enough money to expand. Maybe Montego Bay could handle another hairdresser.

Marsha was experienced in running the store. She had done a good job in the month that she was away. When she went to the shop, nobody seemed as if they missed her anyway. She could come to New York every six months and check up on the books. She would need to rent out her apartment and find a way to ship her cat to Jamaica. She needed to pack some of her belongings and ship them home. By the time she was finished sorting through all the nitty gritty details of her life, she was feeling lighter. She was going home.

That meant she could now open the special gift box that Carson had given to her. In it there were two items that she would treasure: a house key and a plain gold band inscribed with the words
Alice and Carson
.

Chapter Twenty One

It took her exactly one month to return to Jamaica. During that time, she had not spoken to Carson or Mia except for that terse phone call when she arrived in New York and called to tell him that she had reached. He did not sound as if he even wanted to speak to her.

It was a Wednesday. She had two suitcases this time. The rest of her stuff including her cat was on their way from New York.

She opened the front door and found Emilia in the living room cleaning the house.

"Hello, Mama," Alice said brightly.

"Alice?" Emilia looked as if she was seeing a ghost. Her mouth further fell open when Alice dragged her two bags inside and closed the door.

"You are here to stay?" Emilia asked gruffly.

"Seems so," Alice said. "My husband and my daughter are here. I figure this is where I should be as well."

"Oh, Alice." Emilia put done the mop and went over and hugged her. "I knew one day you would see that those two really need you around."

Alice nodded, her eyes teary. "I am just going to put these upstairs."

"Let me help you," Emilia said eagerly.

Emilia hardly did anything after that. She and Alice spoke way into the evening, while Alice fixed dinner.

"I don't even know what they like to eat," Alice said before she started dinner.

"Mia loves mac and cheese, and Carson will eat anything you cook," Emilia said helpfully. When Emilia finally left, Alice paced the floor waiting for them to get home. She was still unsure if she was doing the right thing, but there was no turning back.

Carson's car drove into the garage and she heard the car door slam. The door leading to the kitchen then opened slowly.

"I smell Mac and cheese…" Mia said, "and something else, yummy. Seems as if Aunt Emilia cooked."

"Bless her heart," Carson said meaningfully," because I am starving."

He switched on the kitchen light and glanced at the breakfast table. It was laid out restaurant style.

"It's not my birthday is it?" he asked Mia, frowning at the layout.

"No, Daddy," Mia said looking at the table skeptically. "It's set for three." She pointed to a third place.

Carson stiffened.

"Alice?" He did not want to say her name out loud but he did. He did not even know why he thought it. He had gone through a month of torture, waging a war with himself as to whether he should call her or go to New York. He could scarcely hope that it was her but every fiber of his being wanted it to be.

"Yes," Alice said from the doorway. He saw a flash from the gold band on her finger and he breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

"Alice is back." Mia hurled toward her, hugging her for dear life.

Carson did not move. He just put his hand into his pocket.

Alice looked at him, her eyes bright with unshed tears. When Mia finally let her go, Carson walked toward her, his heart free at last. "I love you, Alice."

"I love you more." Alice said, kissing him.

Mia was beyond excited. "My mommy is back." she squealed with joy, hugging both of them as they hugged each other.

The End

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Keep reading for an excerpt from
Duet On Fire
.

Ian and Ruby's story

Available April 2014

Chapter One

"We have an announcement to make. Pastor Bob James and his family will be leaving us shortly...."

A sigh of disappointment swept through the church and then the whispers started, "Why? How come?"

The elder who had announced the unexpected news tried to wait out the whispers, but the buzzing rose to a higher decibel than he had anticipated.

"Brothers and Sisters," he said over the microphone. "There are other parts of the vineyard that need Pastor James more than we do."

Ruby looked at Ian and raised an eyebrow. "Did he say anything to you or any of the guys from the band?"

Ian shook his head. "No. This is a complete surprise to me as well."

Ian looked over at Carson, who was sitting beside Alice. He had his hand around Alice's shoulders. Somehow, Ian doubted that Carson was more surprised at the news than he was. Carson only had one emotion these days—happy. He was in perpetual honeymoon mode with Alice since she returned a month a go.

"Hey," he scowled at his friend. "What are you grinning about? Isn't Pastor Bob's daughter Mia's best friend?"

Carson looked at him. His eyes had that look, that blissfully happy look that was grating Ian's last nerves mainly because he envied what Carson had with Alice. His friend had a love that could stand the test of time. He really wanted the same for him and Ruby, but these days it looked like they were not even on the same page.