Gonzo (Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club Book 7) (4 page)

I nodded and he said, “And you aren’t married? Brains
and
you can cook?”

“The twins need me right now.”

“And Aunt Constance’s last boyfriend wasn’t nice!” Declan shouted, and I felt my face go red.

“What did he do that wasn’t nice?” Gonzo asked him.

“He hit her, and she hit him back with a lamp, and an ambulance had to come!” shouted Chloe.

I looked Gonzo in the face, refusing to let him know how mortified I was, and he said, “If he hasn’t already been taken care of, just give me a name and he will be.”

My dad used his deep, scary voice to say, “Oh, he’s been taken care of.”

“Good for you, for teaching your daughter to defend herself with whatever’s at hand.”

He didn’t respond, and I looked at the twins. “We’ve talked before about why it’s not okay to hit people at school, even if they hit you first. At school, there are teachers to act as referee. I didn’t have anyone around to keep him from hitting me, so I had to do something. Right?”

Chloe looked at her plate and said, “I’m sorry, Aunt Constance. I didn’t know his nose would bleed so much if I hit him.”

“I know you didn’t baby, but you got in a lot of trouble and almost got kicked out of school. You can’t do it again.”

Gonzo’s smile told me he was pretty happy about the fact his daughter had given a boy a bloody nose, and I rolled my eyes at him with a grin.

He’d scared me when I first saw him, but then I’d seen something else when he rescued the girls coming out of the bathroom. I’d wanted to soothe the broken man who’d cried when he’d first seen the twins’ picture… and even when he’d lost it and punched the daylights out of the wall, I hadn’t worried he was going to hit
me
. My heart went out to him, which is the last thing I’d expected to happen when I first saw a picture of the biker who looked like he’d just as soon gut you as speak to you.

“You went overboard for lunch,” Harmony said. “It’s wonderful, thank you so much.”

“Chloe helped me keep track of the time, and she helped bread the chicken. Declan counted the potatoes and brought me things from the refrigerator when I asked, and they both helped dry the pots and pans after I washed them during cleanup.”

“We’re helpful,” Chloe declared, and Gonzo grinned at her.

“I bet you are, Clara.”

He froze as he said it, and then was up and forty yards away from us facing the other direction in a matter of seconds. Harmony stood as she said, “I’ll go talk to him.”

G
onzo

I
’d called her Clara
.

It’d just slipped out, but my baby girl hadn’t been much older than Chloe when she’d been killed, and she looked
so
damned much like her.

I heard and smelled Harmony behind me, and she stood with me a few moments before saying, “I can’t begin to know what this is doing to you, but I know it’s opened a lot of old wounds. You know we’re here for you.”

“I know you’d go to the ends of the earth for me but I’m glad you don’t have to. I have kids, and I have to be able to look at them without seeing the ghosts of my dead kids. How do I do that? I don’t even know where to start.” My heart felt as if it were being ripped from my chest, but no way was I telling that story to the kids or their aunt today. I had to make them like me, and I couldn’t do that while so grief stricken.

“It’ll happen. This is the first time you’ve met them, of
course
your mind is making comparisons.” She stood in front of me and reached up to cradle my cheek in her hand. “You’re strong and you’re alive. You didn’t ask for this, but I know you well enough to know you’re going to do right by those kids.”

“Their aunt has kept them alive, so maybe I’m best leaving them in her care? I want to take them home with me but I’d just have to hire a nanny for nights, and they’re in preschool during the day so what would be the point? They have a life with her. Her home is their home.”

“You’ll figure out the details — nothing has to be decided today. Get to know them, and you and their aunt can figure out how to work out whatever happens next. With her dad living in Virginia and only here for a week here and there, it sounds like she’s had to be a single parent. I’m betting she’ll appreciate the help.”

“What should I tell them when they want to know who Clara is? Chloe’s name is so close, it’s just…. it’s hard.”

“Tell them it’s a very sad story and you don’t want make anyone sad on this beautiful day, and then change the subject.”

I nodded and hugged her, and she hugged me back. Harmony is one of the few women I respect, but we had to walk through fire to get to this point. We’d had a rocky start but she’s now one of the few females I trust with a weapon around me. I don’t even hug the women I have sex with, but Harmony insists on hugs when she sees me.

We walked back together arm in arm, and she sat beside Brain while I took my spot beside Declan.

“Who’s Clara?” Chloe asked.

“Clara’s story is a sad one, and I don’t want to make anyone sad while we’re eating this wonderful meal you helped your aunt cook. Instead, why don’t you tell me what you’re learning in school?”

She wrinkled her nose. “I like learning to read, but I don’t like adding things.”

When we finished eating, I cleaned Declan’s hands with a baby wipe while Connie took care of Chloe’s. I was about to tell the kids I’d brought squirt guns when she said, “I brought their skates, if ya’ll would like to walk our dinner off? The Riverwalk is perfect for them to skate on.”

“How do you keep up with them?” I couldn’t imagine what these two might do with wheels on their feet.

She laughed. “They’re still learning, so they’re slower on wheels than off, for now.”

We packed everything up, stowed it all away, and I helped Chloe with her skates while Connie helped Declan. Chloe’s feet were so tiny, and it reminded me again how fragile she is.

She’d eventually be a full werewolf, and much tougher, but for now she was susceptible to a bullet, or a knife, or even a swinging baseball bat.

I set those thoughts aside as I asked about her favorite color, her favorite doll, and whether she liked to have tea parties.

Connie double-checked my lacing job, and I could tell she was making sure they were tight enough for support but not so much it’d cut off circulation. She apparently approved, and we set the kids on the concrete.

“Brain and I are going to hang out down on the dock while ya’ll walk,” Harmony said.

I nodded, understanding they felt this might be better with fewer people, and we were on our way.

We started out with Chloe holding my hand for balance, while the Sergeant Major held Declan’s.

Chloe let go of mine for a bit, then held it again, and finally let go for good. I got the feeling Declan only let go because his sister had, but before long he was going along mostly okay, too. They both fell a few times, but got right up and kept going.

We were gone about an hour, and when we returned to Brain and Harmony, Connie said, “We’ve had a big day. We should go.”

“Aren’t daddies supposed to live with their little girl? Annabell’s daddy lives with her, and he reads her stories and tucks her in at night.”

“Katie’s dad doesn’t,” Declan said, his little eyes so serious. “She’s sad now because she can only see her daddy on weekends because he has his own house now.”

They both looked to me for an answer, and I went to my knees again and told them, “I’d love to be able to read you bedtime stories and tuck you in, and maybe someday that can happen, but we’ve only just met. I love you both already, and I hate to have to say goodbye, but we’ll see each other again soon. Can I have hugs?”

They both threw their arms around me and I closed my eyes, overtaken with emotion once again.

They didn’t let go, and I didn’t want to, but after much longer than a normal hug should last, I finally relaxed my arms and backed away. “I’ll see you both again soon,” I promised.

I stood and offered my hand to their grandfather, and he looked at it a second before shaking it.

Connie looked hesitant when I turned to her, and I grinned and asked, “Am I in danger of being hit with a lamp if I try to hug you?”

She held her hand out and said, “Let’s go for a handshake, today.”

I nodded and shook her hand, though I wanted to pull her into my arms and hug her. I told her, again, “Thank you.” It wasn’t enough, but it was the best I could do. So many emotions clogged my throat, I didn’t dare talk too much right now.

She handed me a card she’d written her name and phone number on, and said, “Text me before you leave here, so I’ll have your number, please. My email address is also on there.”

“Drive carefully.”

She nodded, and I watched her walk away with my kids.

I sat and texted my email address to her, and then looked up to Harmony and Brain. “I need to fight someone. I wonder if Bash can get me in last minute at the fights in Ringgold.”

“Why don’t you and Brain go for a run, instead?” said Harmony. “He can drop me off at the house and I can work with my latest boarder. She’s skittish and the owner wants me to see if I can give her more confidence.”

She was right — letting my wolf out to run would do me more good than an organized fight.

“Are you good with us because you’re good with animals?” I asked.

“Shit, my horses are easy compared to the lot of you.”

“We’ll stop by the compound and see if anyone else is up for a run,” Brain told me as he put his arm around Harmony. “You aren’t scheduled to work tonight?”

“I was. Duke took me off the schedule.” I turned toward the water. “Saying goodbye to my children so they can go home with someone else isn’t going to work for me.”

“Slow and steady, Gonzo,” Harmony’s arms came around me from the side and I turned and let her hug me as she finished her thought. “You’re the one who told us kids need routine and familiarity. Change their routine slowly.”

“Right. Okay then, to the compound? I don’t suppose there’s any chance we’ve kept this quiet?”

“Nope,” Brain said with a grin. “The phones have been burning up. You’re the subject of the day.”

I shook my head, pulled away from Harmony, and strode to my bike. If it’d been Angelica I’d have tousled her hair, but Harmony has been known to shut down when someone besides Brain messes with her hair, so I’m careful not to touch it.

This early in the day there might not be too many people at the clubhouse, but if we could get together a small group it’d be better than running alone.

G
onzo

Imagine my surprise when I walked into the clubhouse to find Dawg, Bash, Duke, Ghost, Dozer, Paco, and even Nix, an RTMC member from North Carolina who was considering a move to Chattanooga. They were all waiting to see how my meeting with the twins had gone, and they all said a run sounded perfect.

We mounted our bikes and left, and just being on the road surrounded by my brothers made me feel better — a much needed reminder I wasn’t alone and the MC had my back.

I think maybe Harmony was right about me having to come back to life before I can do justice to my kids. I’ve built walls designed to protect me. Walls I never intended to come down. I’d have never chosen to have more kids in a million years, but now that I knew I had them, I wanted them in my life in the worst sort of way.

I don’t believe Connie anticipated me wanting to be an actual father, and I was certain we were going to bump heads, but I intended for my kids to be living under my roof within three to five months. They could visit her, they could spend the night with her often, they could go on vacation with her in the summer, but I’d never be okay with someone else raising my kids now that I knew they existed.

I also knew the first thing I should get started on was having myself named their biological father. The MC has a stable of attorneys, but I didn’t think any of them specialized in child custody.

I let those thoughts fade as we went from interstate to back roads and I felt the wind on my body as I effortlessly glided through the twists and turns. Before I knew it, we were dismounting and undressing, and then we were wolves.

The wolf doesn’t care about researching to find the safest car, or figuring out how to find the best attorney, or any of the other things I now had on a lengthy to-do list. The wolf’s instincts are tuned into the here and now, and he wanted to
hunt
.

Our paws pounded out a chaotic rhythm as we ran through the forest. We don’t often run in daylight, but we were safe from humans seeing us here and I breathed in the sunshine as if it were sustenance. We came to a meadow filled with wildflowers, and I dropped to the ground and rolled. The heat of the sun felt good on my fur, but I smelled a field mouse and my instincts had me back on my feet as I pounced on it. The little mouse was only a few bites but it was young and sweet, and I smelled to see if there were more. I found four more and caught three of them, but they were mere appetizers and I stood and sniffed the air to see if I could scent a deer. I smelled rain in the distance so the deer should be out feeding even though it was a little early for them.

Brain growled and ran, and the rest of us followed because his growl told us he’d smelled something worth chasing. Within minutes, we’d topped a hill and spotted a herd of deer. I immediately set my sights on a doe on the outskirts, and the other wolves followed my lead. They helped me corral her where we wanted her, and then they let me take her down and have the first, warm bites as I tore into her throat. We feasted on venison, and then made our way back to the meadow and cleaned our fur in the glorious sun.

Too soon, Duke head-butted me toward our bikes. I wanted to stay wolf, but he insisted. We growled at each other a little, until Bash plowed into me from the side and rolled me, and I faced off against him, too. I snapped at him, he snapped back, I jumped on him and he rolled me, but I kept us rolling until I was on top and my teeth were around his throat, threatening without biting. Brain was the next to slam into my side and knock me down, and I realized they weren’t going to let me stay out here.

We didn’t run back to the bikes, we trotted, and we took several detours to investigate smells, and once to play in a small stream.

Eventually, though, it was time to shift back and I had to fight my wolf for control. I
change
from human to wolf in seconds, but it sometimes takes a few minutes to return to my two-legged form — and it
hurts
. The wolf doesn’t want to let go.

I didn’t
change
back with everyone else, but a hundred yards inside the forest, out of the sight of my brothers. They could smell my distress, but at least they didn’t have to see it. When I made it back to the bikes most of them were dressed, and I silently stepped into my underwear and jeans. I didn’t say anything until I’d buckled the belt.

“Thanks. I needed that. My wolf needed it, too.”

Duke slapped my back and ruffled my hair. “We’re always here for you.”

I nodded, “I know, and I love you all for it.”

I’ve said it before, but the MC is my family, and I love them. Even lone wolves crave a pack, and I’d found mine. There were lots of hugs and slaps on the back, more verbal confirmation about how they’ll always have my back, and then I finally put my shirt and boots on.

I looked to Brain as I stood after lacing my boots. “I need the best child custody attorney in town.”

I could tell it was on the tip of his tongue to ask if I was sure, but instead he said, “Ethan’s wife Samantha is a divorce attorney. I assume she’ll have plenty of experience with custody cases. The Duchess will have her number.”

That was an item I could check off my to-do list, and it meant I might be able to talk to her before Monday morning — to at least get an idea of what was going to be involved in being declared the twins’ biological father.

“Thanks. I don’t suppose you happen to know the safest four-door car out there in the thirty-thousand dollar range? New or low mileage, I don’t care.”

“My sister just bought a Maxima in part because it was listed as one of the safest, but I’m pretty sure she paid more for it,” said Paco.

I nodded and filed the information away as I told them, “I don’t plan to bring the kids to the clubhouse anytime soon, but if I do, please do what you can to make their aunt feel welcome.”

Now Ghost hugged me as he said, “Of course, brother.”

“And as soon as they’re yours legally, we’ll get them on your health insurance,” said Brain. The MC has our own little group health insurance coverage. The wolves may not need it, but our kids do until their first
change
, and those with human spouses need it. We also have life insurance available. I hadn’t taken it out before, but I put signing up for it as another item on my mental to-do list. There’d been no one to list as a beneficiary, before.

We stopped at a little country barbecue joint and ate our fill on the way home, and the conversation stayed on lighthearted subjects like mufflers and handlebars.

A few brothers peeled off in different directions as we arrived in town, so there were only three of us to line our bikes up with the others when we reached the compound. I keep a laptop in my room at the clubhouse as well as the one I have at home, and I retrieved it and went back to the main room. I didn’t want to be alone right now, and I wasn’t ready to deal with the changes needed to my house just yet. The twins still shared a room at Connie’s house and I wondered how old they’d need to be before someone insisted they have their own. Her house was huge, there were plenty of bedrooms, so they were obviously still sharing because they wanted to.

My initial thoughts were to give them each a room, with a shared room in between, but there are no rooms in my house I could easily configure to make it work. Perhaps just a door between the rooms, with beds situated for now so they can still see each other at night when it’s open.

I called the Duchess and asked her for Sam’s home number, and then took a deep breath and called Sam. This early on a Friday I expected to leave a message, but she answered.

I introduced myself and then dove in. “I apologize for taking up your Friday afternoon with work business, but I’ve just discovered I’m a father to children I didn’t know existed. I’m told there’s no father listed on their birth certificates and I’m trying to get an idea of what’ll be involved in having myself legally declared their biological father.” She didn’t say anything so I told her, “I’m not asking for free legal advice — I’m fully prepared to write a check for whatever size retainer you think this will take.”

“That isn’t why I hesitated, I was just considering how to tell you everything you need to know. First, if you’re declared the father then you might be liable for not only child support moving forward, but also all of the child support you haven’t paid over the years. It isn’t a given, but you need to be aware of the possibility.”

“Their mother is dead and they’re being raised by their aunt. I have no intentions of screwing her over, and I’m hoping she’ll be agreeable to slowly letting the kids get used to coming to my house before we make it permanent, but my end goal here is to have full custody. I don’t think she’ll go after me for four years of back child support, but if she does — so be it. I want my kids.”

“How did you find out they’re yours, and are you sure they are?”

“The mother left my information in her will, to be used only if there was a medical issue that made knowing the biological father important, but the aunt felt I had a right to know so she told me. She did the right thing, and now I want to do right by her as well. I want to give her a ton of access to them, she’s been the mom figure for years… but I just can’t let someone else raise my kids now that I know they exist. And yeah, there are too many similarities for them not to be mine.”

“Adjudicating parentage will be easy since there’s no father listed on the birth certificates and none acting as father at the current time. We’ll need a legal DNA test and then it’s a straightforward process. However, doing so opens up a whole host of things that won’t be so easy to handle. Custody will have to be decided, visitation rights, etc.”

“And if the aunt and I don’t want any of that to be handled legally? If we just want to do what’s right for the kids without involving the courts?”

“Then we go to mediation and write an agreement everyone can agree to, and it’ll be filed with the courts but you won’t have to go before the judge. The agreement can be that you’ll share joint custody and the two of you will work it out as you go, and if there are issues you can’t agree to you’ll come back to mediation. I can write in that a child support agreement isn’t necessary at this time, but should either party wish to change this then, again, they should return to mediation.”

“And the joint custody agreement will work while we’re letting the kids stay with me for periods of time until they get used to being here.”

“Yes, and if at some point in the future you want to change it to full custody and she’s willing to sign, I can write the papers up without a need for mediation.”

“Oh, what about changing their last names? I want them to be
my
children in every sense of the word.”

“With the mother out of the picture — unless the aunt wants to fight it — it should just be a matter of filing the paperwork.”

“Thanks Sam, you’ve taken a huge load off my mind. I need to talk to their aunt and let her know my intentions before I start talking about a DNA test. I assume I should call your office and set an appointment when I’m ready to get started? How far out are you booked?”

“I try to keep a few slots open on Fridays, but if you’re going to want to come in the next couple of weeks, you might want to go ahead and call to set something up.”

“Do I need to write a check to make sure you’re mine and she doesn’t step in and snag you?”

“It wouldn’t hurt. If you can drop by Monday with a sheet listing your name, the children’s names, the mother and aunt’s name, and anything else you have, along with a five-thousand dollar check, then you’ll have me and no one else in the firm will take her case. Just give it to my assistant. I’ll let her know to expect you.”

Next, I emailed Connie to ask how the twins had handled our visit.

I went through my internal to-do list and put it to paper, and did an internet search for the safest cars… only to discover they were all pussy cars. I hadn’t really expected to see muscle cars on the list, but I didn’t want to drive any of these.

I thought back to who I was before I’d lost everything, and realized the me of ten years ago would’ve chosen the Toyota Forerunner from this list. However, further research showed the Nissan Maxima had higher safety ratings, and one version of it didn’t look too bad — and with a V6 engine it should have some decent pick-up. The model I wanted was closer to forty thousand dollars, which made me take a look at my finances.

The MC is good at laundering ill-gotten gains into legal money, but I still have more than a hundred grand in cash, and buying a car with cash gets your name on
all
the wrong lists. I had sixty grand in the bank I could easily get to, and nearly two-hundred grand in investments but it would take some time to liquidate those funds. My house is paid for, and it might be easier to borrow against it than to pull money from my investments.

Brain had gone home, but Duke and his Duchess were snuggled together on a sofa on the other side of the room while Duke watched a game and Gen did something on her laptop.

I typed, “I may need to get thirty grand from my safe into the bank without raising red flags.”

I got Duke’s attention and motioned him over, and let him read the question. I’d have gone to him, but he prefers we keep club business away from Gen.

“Brain has some ways. It can get complicated but it’s possible, and you may lose a substantial chunk for that fast of a turnaround, so you’ll need to start out with a lot more than you need. I don’t want you to worry too much about it, though. We’ll make sure you have enough.” He shook his head. “You’re all tense again.”

The whole room looked up as he said, “Hey, Britches!”

When she looked our way he told her, “Gonzo needs some stress relief. Take him downstairs and make sure he comes back chilled-the-fuck-out.”

I closed the file I’d used to type the note to Duke without saving it, and then shut my laptop as I glared at Duke. He was right, of course — a good fuck would clear my mind and possibly put me to sleep, since I hadn’t slept more than an hour last night. I was exhausted but my brain was running a million miles a minute.