Man From Mundania

MAN FROM MUNDANIA
 
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XANTH 12

Chapter 1. Heaven Cent

•vy woke, stretched, and opened her eyes. It

was dawn; the sun had not yet quite dared show its round

face, because darkness made it nervous, but soon it would

get up its nerve. She looked at the Tapestry, with its ever-

changing picture of Xanth. She never really tired of watch-

ing it, though her interest waxed and waned. It waxed

when it rained outside because it was more fun to remain

inside where it was dry, and it waned when Zora Zombie

was waxing the stairs and the smell of the wax got chok-

ingly thick. Thus, as she put it, it waxed when it waned,

and waned when it waxed. It was her private joke with

Dt^ph? the adults didn't understand. Adults were chroni-

cal^slow about such things.

Sure enough, Zora was waxing today; the smell was just

starting. Ivy had only minutes to find a pretext to go far

away, several days if possible, until the wax settled down.

But she was running out of pretexts; what was left?

She jumped out of bed so suddenly she frightened the

monster under it—Grabraham; she heard his honk as he

shrank away. He was a young monster, replacing Snorti-

mer, who had departed long ago; he tended to be timid.

She was also reaching the age when folk started not be-

lieving in Bed Monsters, and that made it that much worse.

When she turned eighteen she would stop believing en-

tirely, and the poor thing would fade away. Grabby was

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Man from Mundania

Man from Mundania

3

quite upset over the prospect, for some reason. She was

sorry about that, but there was really no alternative; she

couldn't stop herself from getting older.

She ran barefoot to the next room where Princess Nada

slept. Nada had moved in three years before when Dolph

brought her home, and the two had become great friends,

because they were the same age and rank and similarly

pretty. Nada was only half human, but she kept her human

form when staying at Castle Roogna, just from courtesy.

Princesses had to leam courtesy early, because princes

certainly didn't.

"Nada!" she cried. "I need a pretext in a hurry."

Nada sat up in bed, wrinkling her nose. "I know; I

smell it too. I'll go with you."

"Of course! But where?"

Nada concentrated. "Have we used the mirror yet?"

"We don't have the magic mirror!" Ivy reminded her.

"Com-Pewter got it last year, and won't give it back!"

"Yes. So—"

Ivy caught on. "So we'll just have to go and fetch it!

Because I'll need it when I use the Heaven Cent!"

"Exactly. Except—"

"I know. Except that Com-Pewter isn't going to let us

have it without a fight, and he fights dirty. Still, it's a

perfect excuse, if we can only figure out a way."

"Maybe Electra—"

"That's right! She could shock Pewter into letting it

go!"

Electra appeared in the doorway. "Did someone say my

name?" she asked sleepily. She was a freckled child whose

hair was a bit frizzy; her eyes were the color of wonder,

and there were smile lines around her button nose. No one

would think, to look at her, that she was tragically in love.

"Zora's waxing the stairs! Come help us get the magic

mirror from Com-Pewter!"

"Is that what I smelled! Just let me get dressed!"

There was a scramble as the three of them dived into

proper clothing. In a moment they were together again;

the two princesses in dresses, glancing jealously at Electra

in her rainbow jeans. She was of common stock, so could

get away with practical clothing. She was also slender

enough to wear it without attracting stray male eyes or

female frowns.

Quickly they trooped down the hall to the farther stair-

way, avoiding the wax. Unfortunately this led them past

Dolph's room, and he heard them. He had ears like those

of a werewolf, perhaps because he commonly assumed

wolf form to snooze. His door banged open. "Hey,

where're you going?" he cried. "Are you sneaking out

again?"

Nada and Electra paused: Nada because she didn't want

to hurt his feelings, Electra because she was in love with

him. Both were betrothed to him, of course, though he

was only twelve. In a moment Electra would invite him

along, because she always wanted to be close to him.

To prevent that. Ivy dived in. "We're going to get the

magic mirror from Com-Pewter so I can have it when I

use the Heaven Cent," she said. "So we can find out

where Good Magician Humfrey is and finally complete

your Quest."

"But Mother won't let you—" he started, reasonably.

"So you'll have to cover for us!" Ivy finished. " 'Bye!"

He still looked doubtful. But Nada stepped in and kissed

him, not saying a word. "Uh, sure," he said. He was

Silly Putty in her hands, of course, even though he knew

she didn't love him. It was the mirror image of his asso-

ciation with Electra. He changed into zombie form and

walked back the way they had come. Zombies didn't mind

the smell of wax, so he would be able to brave those stairs

despite Zora's mischief.

They completed their escape. Whatever Dolph had done

must have been sufficient, because no one tried to inter-

cept them. Ivy whistled for Stanley, and in a moment the

dragon whored around the castle and joined them. He

was almost grown now, and soon would have to depart for

the Gap because guarding it was his job. Ivy would be sad

when he left, but knew it was the same as it was with her:

age had its burdens. Meanwhile, he was excellent protec-

tion; they had no fear of wild monsters while in the com-

pany of the tame one.

Man from Mundonia

4

They snatched fruits from the orchard as they passed

through it, eating on the run. Then they reached the main

path going north. Every so often Com-Pewter arranged to

set up a D-tour, and then King Dor would send out some-

one to shut it down because it was a public nuisance. Ivy

happened to know that there was a D-tour currently in

force, and this time they meant to take it. It was the easiest

way to reach the evil machine. They were supposed to

stay clear of the infernal contraption, of course, which was

part of what made him so intriguing. Stanley would be>fio

protection against him, but Electra would.
        
v^>

Sure enough, there was the D-tour. They veered onto

it. Now they could relax, because even if it got shut down,

they wouldn't lose it.

They stopped for the night near the unlevel playing field

where the Bulls and the Bears charged back and forth.

Grundy Golem had discovered this during his Quest to

locate the missing pet dragon. It was called the Market,

and the Bulls and Bears were the Stock. Almost every day

the foolish animals resumed their pointless activity, react-

ing dramatically to insignificant events and ignoring major

events. There were many strange things in Xanth, but this

business was too strange for even the craziest folk to un-

derstand. What did those Bulls and Bears find so fascinat-

ing about that Stock Market?

Stanley whomped off into the thickest wilderness to

catch a bite to eat, while the three girls harvested pies

from a pie tree near the path. It wasn't much of a tree,

but Ivy used her talent to enhance it, and then the pies

became so healthy that they steamed. There were many

more such trees along all the paths than in years of yore,

because Ivy's mother, Irene, had seeded them in and made

them grow, and Ivy had Enhanced them.

While they ate, they talked, for it was always fun to talk

when there were no adults to listen in. Inevitably the sub-

ject found its way to Romance, for that was the most

fascinating concept ever to approach teenage girls.

"When are you going to Find a Boy, Ivy?" Nada in-

quired. "I mean, you're well into seventeen, and when

Man from Mundania
         
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your mother was that age she had already landed your

father and trussed him up."

"And by the time my little brother was nine, he had

already landed two finacees," Ivy agreed. "I confess to

being retarded."

Nada and Electra grinned ruefully. Nada had been four-

teen when the young Prince Dolph had come to her father,

the King of the Naga, for help, and because the naga

needed an alliance with the humans, the King had agreed

to help if Dolph married his daughter. Nada had had to

pretend she was Dolph's age, nine, knowing that her real

age would freak him out. It was only a betrothal, of course;

they would have to wait until Dolph came of age for the

actual ceremony of marriage. But meanwhile the alliance

was valid, and Nada had kept company with Dolph while

her folk received sundry items from the Castle Roogna

arsenal to fight off the encroaching goblins. There seemed