Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (26 page)

I’m wide awake, and the alarm clock is blaring its green numbers at me: 3:17 a.m. I was asleep until I had one of my crazy pregnancy dreams. This time, there was a Great Dane telling me to take her home, that she was good with kids. I was amazed to hear her talking English, but apparently, I was the only one who could understand her. Then the people around me started barking instead of talking!

Grayson grumbles and turns over. I do the same, taking advantage of the last week or so I’ll be able to lie on my belly. I stare at the clock and let my mind wander to my conversation with Ray.
What did he mean by my pretending about kisses, touches, and things said?
Why am I blocking some things and not others?

I try to think about the different times I’ve been with him. There are so many to choose from—until Grayson, Ray and I did everything together. We even had unintentional sleepovers. I did like waking up with him the next morning. I even bought him a couple of PJ bottoms for here because he’d fall asleep in his jeans, and it looked uncomfortable. Who wants to sleep in jeans? I remember when I first told him about them.

He called me to see what I was doing after Annie had gone to her grandparents’ for the night.

“Just having a couple glasses of wine and watching a movie. What are you doing?” I asked.

“Nothing, babe. Want some company?”

“Sure. I’m picking the movie though, McNeil! You chose the last one!” I made myself clear. He always picks the damn movies!

“Okay. See you in a few.”

Within twenty minutes he unlocked my door and waltzed in.

Wait! He had a key for the inn, but how did he have one to my room? Why didn’t I wonder about that then? Hmm.

Ray kicked off his shoes and removed his jacket as I poured my third glass of wine. He put his beer down.

“What are we watching, baby?” He looked at the TV as he pulled his watch off and set it on the nightstand

“
Baby Mama
.” I sighed.

“Oh, c’mon, babe. There’s gotta be something better on.” His usual complaint.

“I want something funny!”

“Becs, who are you kidding? You’ll be asleep in twenty ... thirty minutes, tops. Don’t subject me to this crap!” He grabbed the remote. He was right—totally my M.O.! He chose
Star Trek
.

“Okay. This is fine. Thanks for asking!”

“You’re welcome.” He kissed my forehead.

“The guy who plays Spock is hot,” I said as I sipped my wine.

“Babe, hate to break it to you but ... he’s gay.” He laughed.

“No he’s not!”

“Uh, yeah he is!”

“Damn it! Theme song: ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ by Queen.” I sighed sadly. “Hey, in the top drawer over there are the PJ bottoms I bought you.” I pointed, then took another sip. Ray just stood there, staring at me. “What?” I looked up at him.

“Um ... nothing. Okay.” He went to the drawer and took the top one out. He smelled it, which made me laugh.

“Why are you smelling them?”

“You washed them?” He looked over at me.

“Of course I did! Why?”

He just shrugged his shoulders. I looked forward toward the TV as he pulled off his jeans and his underwear.

“Baby, don’t strain your eyes. Go ahead and look at me if you want to.”

I could sense his smile.

“Cocky bastard!” I snapped under my breath. I turned and fixed the pillows so we could sit with our backs against the headboard comfortably. Ray pulled the covers back, uncovering me.

“Nice PJs, babe. I especially like these.”

My shorts had hiked up a little when I turned. He hooked his finger under the edge, caressing my butt cheek before pulling my shorts back into place. If I’d had panties on, I would’ve needed to change them. But I ignored him anyway.

“Ray, you pulled the covers back too far!” They were almost on the floor, so I leaned over the edge of the bed to retrieve them as he got situated. Once I had them, he grabbed me by my underarms like a child and pulled me back to sit between his legs. I was going to tell him I set up my pillows, but it felt nice lying back against him. Instead, I complained and rubbed my underarms. “Ow, Ray.”

“Sorry, baby,” he whispered. He touched my left cheek and turned my face to his, kissing my lips softly ‘til I opened my mouth for him. I remember feeling so nervous.

“Ray ...” I pulled away, unsure.

“Shh ... the movie’s starting.” He nodded toward it. I laid my head back on his chest—his naked, well-sculpted chest. He smelled amazing. I tried to reach for my wine. “Would you like your wine, baby?” He smirked as he stared ahead.

“Yes, please,” I said softly. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, then grabbed my wine.

“What number is this, babe?”
He held it away from me.

“Third. I don’t have to get up early tomorrow.”

He shook his head and handed it to me. I took three long sips to calm my nerves.

“Thirsty?” He raised his eyebrows. I handed it back, not saying anything. Within minutes I felt more relaxed, so I leaned back against him.

“Sit up for a sec, babe.” He nudged me. I did so. “Here.” He unsnapped my bra. “Why are you still wearing that?”

“You were coming over.” It’s true. I had put it back on.

“That’s ridiculous! You hate sleeping in a bra.”
He was right. I took it off and settled back against him. “Better?”
He caressed my stomach, and I jumped a little.

“Yeah.” I looked up at him. He kissed me again and again. His hands traveled up to my breasts, his fingers working at my nipples. I gasped and tried to pull away.

“Shh ... stop.”
He tweaked my nipples hard, and I moaned against his lips. I grasped at his knees with my hands as his touch sent electric currents to my groin. My hips moved against his, and I ground my ass into him.
“Stop.”
He grabbed my hips to still them. “You keep doing that, baby, and I’m not going to be able to control myself.” I laid my head back against his chest and closed my eyes. I felt so confused about what I wanted. So scared. I listened as he drank some of his beer. The light gulps sounded so loud.

“Wine, please.”

“No. Pace yourself, baby.” He squeezed me to him and kissed my hair.

“I only have a little left. I just want to finish it.” Because I didn’t feel relaxed enough.

“Here. No more, though—you drink too much, babe.” He handed me the glass.

“I only overindulge every once in a while. When I have the next morning off, for instance.”

“Or I stay over,” he said under his breath.

“What are you talking about, Ray?” I snapped. He ignored me. I took the last few sips and handed the glass back.

“All better now?” He wrapped his arms around me. I ignored him and watched the movie. I felt my eyelids start to get heavy. “Hey,” he whispered, and nudged my head with his.

“Hmm?” I looked up at him. “Oh, did you want me to move?” I started to shift.

“No, c’mere.” He pulled me back and held me tighter. I placed my arms on top of his and nuzzled my face into his neck, giving him several soft pecks.

“I love you, Ray.” It was true, but it was definitely the wine that made me brave enough to say it. At first, I wasn’t sure if he had heard me. I listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing and felt my eyelids get heavy again.

“God help me, Becca, I’m so in love with you,” he said. He collected my lips with his, then laid me down on my back and climbed on top of me.

Oh God ... how could I have forgotten about this? Did this really happen? I feel like I’m going crazy!

I bring my focus back to the memory.

I caressed his back and opened my legs to give him better leverage.

“Oh God, Ray.” I pulled away from his mouth and moved my hips with his. His teeth clenched at little pieces of my skin, working his way down to my breast. I bit at his shoulder as I felt myself come undone. “Oh ... oh, Ray,” I groaned, lost in the sensation.

“That’s it, baby.” He pulled both my shorts and his bottoms off.

“What are you doing?” My heart and stomach both fluttered in a panicky state as he lifted my leg.

“Bec, stay with me, baby. Please!” He kissed me and entered me quickly. We both gasped.

“Stop! Stop! Get off of me!” I hit his back and pushed at his shoulders. He thrust into me several times, then finally rolled off of me.

“Goddamn it, Becca!” he yelled and got up abruptly. He pulled his bottoms up, then went into the bathroom and slammed the door. Several minutes later he came out and went over to his clothes. He changed and picked up his watch from the nightstand. We stared at each other. He was so angry—his jaw was pulsating off the charts.

“Ray ...” I wanted to say something. I just didn’t know what.

“Shut up, Becca! I’ve had enough of this! Outside of stuff with our girls, don’t call me for anything until you are ready to commit to at least the shit you start!” He threw his coat on and stormed out of my room.

I remember crying myself to sleep that night.

What night was that? When? Why am I only remembering it now?

Christ, its half past four. I get up and go to the girls’ room. They’re still asleep.
Yeah, Becca, everybody’s asleep but you!
I find Annie’s emergency cell phone and call Ray.

“Annie!” He picks up after the third ring, panic in his voice.

“No, it’s me,” I say quietly, and duck into the girls’ bathroom.

“Becca, what’s the matter, baby?” I can sense him jumping out of bed.

“Ray, we need to talk. I ... I’m having flashbacks of things with you. I need to talk to you about them. I feel like I’m losing my mind.” I start crying.

“Now?” he asks.

“No, tomorrow’s fine. Can you meet me here at nine?”
Grayson is going to flip his shit.

“Yes, baby, I’ll be there. Becca, everything is going to be fine. I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

“Thanks, Ray. Love you too. Good night.” I hang up and put Annie’s phone back into her overnight bag. As I close their door and turn to head down the hall, I walk right into Grayson getting off his phone. I look up at him. He seems concerned, which is a relief—I was expecting him to be pissed.

“Everything all right, love?” He grabs my hand.

“Yes.” I squeeze and we head to our room. “I called Ray. He’s coming by at nine to talk. I’ve been awake for two hours now, and I’ve been having some memories.”

“Um ... should I be worried about us, sweetheart?” He sits down on the bed, looking so uncomfortable and out of his element.

“Oh, no. No, baby, we’re okay. I just don’t understand why this is all coming back to me now. I don’t know if it’s real, or what else may have happened. Ray is the only one who can answer these questions, Gray. For my sake, can I please talk to him without security? There’s bound to be some embarrassing stuff.” I kneel in front of him. He shakes his head.

“I’m not comfortable with that.”

“I’m not asking you to be. I’m just asking for your trust and the courtesy of privacy.”

“You’ll be bugged.” He sighs.

“No!” I plead.

“Yes, or it isn’t going to happen,” he says through his teeth.

“Only you can listen.”

“All right, then. Let’s try to get to bed now.” He leans forward for a kiss and pulls me up to get into bed. Finally ... sleep finds me again.

“Up and at ‘em!” Grayson says loudly as he slaps my bum.

“Ow! Babe!” I yell. I glance at the clock. Ugh—a quarter to nine! I want to go back to sleep. Oh. Oh, wait! Ray’s going to be here in fifteen minutes.

“Come on, love, your boyfriend will be here any minute!” he teases.

“You’re my boyfriend,” I grumble, then climb out of bed.

“I am your fiancé, and we are getting married in two months and seventeen days. I can’t wait!” He pulls me into his arms and gives me an
I never want to let you go
hug.

“Hi.” I smile.
What has gotten into him?

“Hi.” He grins boyishly and kisses me. “Is it okay if I start baking with the girls this morning?”

“Um, aren’t you going to be busy eavesdropping?” I wrap my arms around his neck as we sway.

“Nope. I’ve decided not to do that. I trust you. I don’t trust him, but I’m sure Ghetto Sybecca will take care of it if he crosses the line.” I can’t contain my laughter. I recently told Grayson about some of my mental counterparts. He loved that they didn’t exist until he came along.

“Did you tell security?” I raise a single brow.

“That you’re crazy? No, love, they already know that.”

This warrants a slap from me.

“No, about Ray and me speaking privately.”

“Yes, they will keep their distance.” He kisses my nose. I walk to the dresser and pull out a pair of jeans and a shirt, then head into the bathroom for all morning essentials ... pee, teeth, deodorant. If I were Stacey, I guess I’d be putting makeup on, but alas—I am basics Becca! I head out of the bathroom and realize Grayson must’ve headed downstairs already. I lock up and follow suit.