Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (27 page)

Ray looks up and smiles at me as I come down the stairs. God, he is so good-looking.

“Hey, leave your coat on. We’re going to go to the office in the barn.” I grab my coat as well. He holds out his hand for mine, and I grab it.
Old habit.

“So, how did you manage this?” He swings my arm and looks over at me as we walk the perimeter of the inn.

“Manage what?”

“This, babe. Us ... alone. I couldn’t even give you a hug at the hospital a few weeks ago without them breathing down my neck.” He glances back and finds my detail slowly following us.

“Grayson knows how important it is that I talk to you right away. I’m very upset, Ray.”

He opens the door to the barn and we head in.

“Oh, my guys did start in here! They weren’t sure if they’d be able to before Christmas.” He eyes the plastic drapes and scaffolding. I glance around as well.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to see it when it’s done.”

“Well, come on.” He points and we head in. “Oh, hey, they installed the fireplace!” Ray heads over to it. “It’s all set to go, baby. Should I turn it on so you stay warm?” I nod. He turns the dial.

“It’s beautiful.” I pull my coat off.

“Yeah, quite the sight.” He stares at me.

I throw my coat over the chair and sit sideways on the new couch. The door is closed and the blinds on its window are down. I’m glad for the privacy—but also nervous. Ray takes off his coat and sits so we’re facing each other. “What’s going on, baby?” He touches my face.

“Um, as I’ve mentioned, I didn’t realize anything intimate had happened between us except for the kiss in the rain and me playing Lady Marmalade a few months ago. I just remembered the sleigh ride because Morgan brought it up, then my birthday because you brought it up. Last night I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. I started thinking about our conversation.” I take in a deep breath.

“And?”

I’m thankful that he is my usual patient Ray right now.

“Well, I was trying to figure out what you meant by me pretending things didn’t happen.”

“Becca, you’ve been doing it to me the past five years.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

“Well, what do you mean exactly?” I feel irritated, but not with him.

“Becca, baby, stuff happened. Kissing, touching. Sex. And the next day, it was like it never happened.” He sounds equally frustrated.

“Ray, I wasn’t pretending. I really truly didn’t remember, sweetie. I’m really sorry. It’s not your fault. This is why I have to see Patricia. It’s all coming back to me now. I had no idea.” I fight my tears.

“Shh ... baby, don’t cry.” He pulls me into his arms.

“Ray, this is scary. I’m missing important pieces of my life.” I cry into his neck.

“Important?” He pulls my chin up.

“Yes, Ray, You know you’re important to me. Please don’t kiss me.”.

“Baby, I’m so going to kiss you before we leave here—just so you know.”

“I need you to tell me everything first.” I turn away.

“Wait. You’re going to let me kiss you?” He brings my face back.

“Ray, if I wasn’t with Grayson, I’d give you a complimentary fuck for putting up with my shit for so long.”
Yeah, I’d do that! I’m fearless these days!

“Complimentary, huh?” He gives me a big Ray smile. I giggle and nod. “What do you need to know?” He takes my hand and kisses it.

“How many times have we had sex, and when was the first time?” I swallow hard.

“Right to the good stuff, huh?” He chuckles.

“Was it good?” I bite my lip to hold back my smile.

“It was when it lasted more than two minutes ... if that.” He rolls his eyes.

“Ohh ... yikes. Problems, Ray? You know, you are getting older.” I’m teasing, because if my memory from last night is correct, I was the problem.

“Oh, yeah, there was a problem all right. A problem caused by one Becca Campbell.” He pushes at my shoulder playfully.

“Okay, so, when was our first time?”

“Baby, do you mean the first time I got that far, or the first time you actually let me finish?”

Wow ... this is terrible.

“Um, I guess start with when things started happening in general.” I feel my face flush and my stomach tighten into knots. I lean my cheek against back of the couch. I’m still facing him—I just need to stop this dizzy spell.

“Babe, you okay?” He touches my face again.

“Yeah, I’m just overwhelmed. Seems like that should be my permanent theme song. I should ask Grayson to write me a song called ‘Overwhelmed,’” I blather on.

“I’m sure there’s one out there. So, from the beginning?”

“Yes please.” I open my eyes and look at him.

“Well, obviously I had a crush on you from the moment I met you.” He starts laughing. I know exactly what about—parent-teacher night, five years ago.

We sat next to each other, listening to their kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Finley. She was talking about us all working together and how, when children act up, there’s something going on, and as parents and teachers we should stop ... collaborate.

I piped up and said, “And listen.” I bit my lip and shook my head. Sometimes things just can’t be helped. The teacher agreed with me.

“If there’s a problem ... we’ll solve it,” Ray added. My body started shaking and I bit my lip to the point of almost drawing blood to stifle my giggle. I dared to look at Ray, and he was doing the same. Everybody else was so serious—I assumed we were the only ones on this planet in the nineties. It felt like Ray and I were good friends in school, laughing about something but trying not to get caught. Well, we were, except we were the parents.

After the teacher’s speech, which we both went into
Charlie Brown
mode over, we finally introduced ourselves. We were so excited to find out who each other’s kid was. Both girls had already declared themselves best friends. We ended up talking for an extra hour out in the parking lot after the conferences ended.

“Hey, Becca, did you have dinner?” he asked.

“No, I was going to wait until after.” I looked at my watch.

“Well, it’s after. I haven’t eaten, either. Do you want to grab a bite?”

I agreed. I felt very safe and comfortable with him right away. We went to a local pub and talked for hours. I had just bought the inn and I was looking for a contractor to build the store.

“Becca, I’m an architect. I’ll stop by and look at it,” he offered.

“Well, I have a budget,” I said nervously. An architect sounded much more expensive than a contractor. I wasn’t too sure how the whole construction process went.

“Most people do, Becs. Let me check it out. I’ll give you a good deal.” He reached up to push a strand of hair behind my ear. It was a very familiar gesture that caught us both off guard—we had only met that night. “Uh ... sorry ... habit. I do that with Annie’s hair,” he said quickly.

“Wow, one hundred points to McNeil for quick thinking.” I bit my smile back.

“Yes, Alex, I’ll take awkward situations for two-hundred points,” he said, then thumbed my lip away from my teeth. “What is, please stop doing that for reasons I can’t discuss right now?” He took a swig of his beer. I’m pretty sure I had a stupid grin on my face.

“Ah ... so, you were subjected to the nightly 7:00 p.m. torture of
Wheel
and
Jeopardy!
as well?”

He rolled his eyes. “Still am.”

“You live with your parents?” I couldn’t help my laughter.

“Hey, I’ve got my own apartment in the basement!” He jokingly tried to defend himself. He didn’t really live with his parents, of course.

“Shut the fuck up!” I hit his arm.

“Becca! I’m shocked! Such language!” He tried to sound appalled. “Where are you from? So unladylike.”

“I’m from Jersey, where we only had one ‘sight word’ to learn.” I smirked.

“What was that?” As he asked, I flipped him off.

“Oh, we are going to get along great!” He laughed. I smiled and finished my wine. “Another one, baby?” he asked, and my eyes went wide. “Oh, I’m just clearing that ‘awkward’ topic on the board.” He gave me that boyish grin. God, I remember how handsome I thought he was then. Right from the start, there was just something about him. We were already silly stupid with each other. I felt like I’d known him forever.

He made eye contact with the waitress and pointed to our drinks.

“Oh, Ray, I shouldn’t have another.” I really wanted one, though, and I didn’t want to go home yet.

“You’re fine! Look, they’re starting up karaoke. We’re both in the same boat—we rarely get a night off! My parents are with Annie. Oh, who’s with Morgan? Can they stay?” he asked.

“My friend Stacey is. Yeah, she’s visiting.” I pulled out my phone to text her. I don’t remember everything she said, but she did tell me to “get some.” Of course, I didn’t see that text ‘til I came back from the bathroom to a Ray who was trying to pull himself together.

“Um ... Stacey texted you again. The screen lit up and I saw her text ... sorry.” He laughed. I didn’t even have to look, because Stacey has no filter sometimes. I slid my head into my hands, already defeated by embarrassment. I finally put on my big-girl pants and glanced at the message. My head went back into my hands.

“We have Ray and Becca coming up now! Ray and Becca ... you’re up!”

I lifted my head and looked at the DJ, then at Ray. He stood and held his hand out to me. Oh, Christ! I went up with him and grabbed a mic. “Ice Ice Baby” popped up on the screen.

“Aww ... it’s our song, sweetie!” I said to Ray with a hint of playful sarcasm. The music started and Ray and I busted out the lyrics all serious, like it was our job. Kind of became our M.O. for karaoke.

We stayed there until they closed at one in the morning. He followed me home in his truck just to make sure I got home all right. We were still at the rental home then. He walked me up the steps.

“Hey, Becs, I had a lot of fun. Thanks for sitting next to me and coming out tonight.”

“Technically, you sat next to me,” I said.

“Yeah, well, I guess old habits are hard to break.” He smiled.

“Huh?” I gave him a look that I’m sure matched my confusion.

“I always tried to sit next to the prettiest girl in the class.” He touched my cheek softly. I rolled my eyes at his comment, then bit my lip. He was so close to me.

“Please, Becca, you have to stop biting your lip, baby.” He pulled it away, then bit it himself. I gasped, which opened my mouth enough for his tongue to enter. The kiss was so urgent and so sweet. He took my breath away.

I open my eyes to find Ray watching me.

“Ray, did we kiss the first night we met?” I ask quietly to confirm the memory.

“Yes. That was the best first date I’ve ever had in my life.” He frowns.

“Me, too.” I grab his hand.

“So, great, you forgot.” He sighs.

“What happened after?” I ignore his comment. I can only apologize so many times.

“You wigged out the next time we saw each other.” He raises his hands for emphasis.

“I wigged out like
wiggy-wiggy
?” I pretend to scratch a record. “Or like
wigged out
?” I pull an imaginary wig off. He just sits there and stares at me blankly. I decide to fight against the urge to hold up a pretend microphone, tap it, and ask if it’s on. “Well, why did you stick around?” I ask, feeling defensive.

“I talked to Stacey because I wasn’t sure of what to do. She told me about George and the PTSD. She told me to run, and fast—unless I liked you enough to be extremely patient. She also told me I was the first guy you even gave the time of day to. I found that encouraging, but what did it for me was watching you play in the leaves with the girls and hearing all three of you laughing. I just knew at that moment that you were the one.” Cue the waterworks.
Damn it!

“I’ve loved having you in my life, but I wish you
had
run. I’ve done nothing but hurt you.” I let my tears fall freely.

“Moving along ...” He sighs. I nod. “I held off on kissing you again, which was very hard. I wanted to kiss you every minute I was near you. You and your perpetual lip biting. Stop it!” He pulls my lip away from my teeth quickly.

“Sorry,” I mumble.

“Do it again—see what happens.” He gives me a mischievous grin.

“I can’t help it.” I sigh.

“Yeah, I’ll use that excuse, too.”

“Ray, the next time?”

“Uh, well, I went slow ... hand on your back, arm around your shoulder, holding your hand.” He scratches at the inseam of his right leg, which he has bent under him on the couch.

“Well, I remember that stuff. Our familiarity with each other.” I grab his hand to make him stop. He laces his fingers with mine.

“But you don’t remember us kissing?” He gives me an unsure look.

“No. I may have when it first happened, but I guess I pushed it out.”

“This just doesn’t make sense, Becca. How can you lose all these memories with me?” He lets go.

“Do you think I want this? Do you think I like coming to you to ask about our past? I don’t!” I yell in a low tone. I’m beyond frustrated.

“Okay. Okay. Stop.”

Geez ... what is it with the way he says that word?
Country Sybecca is twirling her pigtails and slowly circling around a pole.

“Tit for tat, baby.”

“Huh? What?” I look up at him. He moves closer.

“You’ve hurt me over and over again. I understand now, sort of, what was going on.” His face is so close I can smell the mint from his toothpaste. “So, how does it work? Do you remember events once they’re mentioned?” He thumbs my bottom lip away from my teeth. “Baby, baby, baby ...” he whispers, then bites my lip.

I gasp, just like the first time he ever did it. He deepens the kiss, and I match his urgency. I don’t know why. Well, I do, I think. Oh God, I’m so confused! Ray pulls away and grabs his phone.

“Theme song,” he says, and glances up at me as he hits an app to get into his playlist. After hitting the screen a few times, he puts his phone back down and palms my face. Slowly, he leans in to kiss me again. “The Scientist” by Coldplay blasts as loud as it can on an iPhone. The words help a sob escape my throat. Ray grabs my hips to pull me down onto the couch. He hovers over me, but doesn’t come any closer. “The second time we kissed like this, it was the evening of our first Easter. We fell asleep on the couch at my parents’ house when we were up there for Easter vacation.” He pecks my lips again.