Goodbye Secrets (The Lost & Found Series book #2) (30 page)

“Yes, baby, please.” I was barely audible, but that changed once Ray again started giving me the solid tongue lashing he felt I deserved. It didn’t take long for me to come undone again. He quickly climbed on top of me, his mouth on mine. I could taste myself on his tongue and lips.

He shifted and I could feel him at my entrance. “Ready, baby?” he whispered.

Ready? Ready for what? Oh, no ... no, no, no!

“No, Ray, stop! We can’t. I can’t. Please don’t,” I begged and pushed at him.

“Baby, please. Please, Becs. I need you. Don’t do this, please.” He kissed me between short sentences. He slid his erection slowly up and down my sex. If I wasn’t flipping out, it probably would have enticed me.

“No! No, Ray, stop!” I yelled as he brought it to my entrance again and pushed a little. I could feel myself trying to open for him.

“Baby, let me just dip it in once ... please,” he begged (like a teenaged boy, mind you!).

“That is not a fucking potato chip in your hand, and I’m not a container of French-onion dip! Now get the fuck off of me!” I yelled. He laid on top of me and released a sigh of defeat, then started to laugh uncontrollably. “What are you laughing about?” I asked through my teeth as I tried to control my anger.

“You say the funniest shit sometimes, baby.” He looked up at me with that boyish grin and I couldn’t help but laugh a little at myself, too. “I guess I’ll take that lotion with a sock now.” He sighed and rolled onto his back.

“I don’t have a tube sock around, but I do have a towel and my hand. If you guide me, I’ll help you work things out.” I gave him a half smile. He raised his head and supported himself on his elbows, looking at me.

“Okay, baby,” he said softly. I put on his T-shirt before I went to the bathroom for a towel. As I settled back down on the bed near his midsection, he sat up and pushed my hair behind my left ear. “You’re so beautiful, baby.”

I took his hand in mine and guided them downward, finally looking for the first time. Oh ... wow ... um. Bow-chicka-wow-wow! I must’ve looked nervous, because Ray caressed the top of my hand with his thumb.

“Don’t worry, baby, it will fit ... when you’re ready.”

I bit my lip to stifle my giggle. It was sweet that he was trying to comfort me, but kind of silly, too. I mean, I did deliver a nine-pound baby only six years earlier. I was pretty aware that he would fit—that wasn’t the question. I actually don’t know what the question was. I just couldn’t get the porn music out of my head.

“Theme-song alert!” I giggled.

“You have a theme song for this?” He thumbed my lip away from my teeth and I nodded. He turned his head sideways, intrigued.

“Bow-chicka-wow-wowwwww.” My upper body danced around a bit. Ray released a laugh, then palmed my face.

“This is the shit that keeps reeling me back to you, baby,” he said in a very serious tone, like he was answering a question that kept being asked.

“Come on, now,” I said after he kissed me. “Show me how you like it.” And so began my lesson on how to please Ray with my hands. After a few minutes, once I got it just the way he liked it, he was able to let go of my hand and fully enjoy what I was doing to him. I loved watching him and listening to him, knowing that I was the one bringing him to the edge.

“Ah ... Becs ... baby ... oh, baby, that’s it.” His face scrunched up and his head went back as he erupted in my hands. I quickened the pace for a moment like he had told me to, then slowed and squeezed a little for the end. I suddenly felt this insatiable urge to taste him. I don’t know if it was the wine egging me on or if my white flag was suddenly replaced by my freak flag (I didn’t even know I had one of those!), but I bent down and took him into my mouth.

Ray breathed sharply and fisted my hair.

“Baby,” is all he could say as I sucked the last few drops out of him. I licked the tip and gave him a sweet, quick peck there before sitting back up. I contemplated the taste. Warm, a little salty ... it was Ray, which raised the bar up to it tasting divine.
Hmm ... I’d do that again
, I thought, as I meticulously wiped him
up.
I brought the clean part of the towel up to my mouth to dab the corners of it—like a proper lady would. That’s when I noticed Ray’s intense gaze. “Intense” may be too harsh of a word ... it was more of a full-of-wonder look.

“What?” Suddenly, I didn’t feel so brave.

“Nothing ... that was just ... unexpected.” He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand.

“Um, I think everything tonight could fall under that category.” I got off the bed and put the towel in the hamper, then picked his bottoms off of the floor and handed them to him. “Can I wear your shirt to bed?” I crossed my arms, rubbing my shoulders through the soft material. He stood up to pull his bottoms on.

“Of course, baby.” He chucked my chin and planted a soft kiss on my lips. I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly to me. He had just the right amount of chest hair, and it tickled my face. “Hey. Hey, baby, are you okay?” He rubbed my back.

“Yes.” I smiled up at him. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was home. “I have to brush my teeth.” I leaned up and kissed him again before I let go. The credits were rolling on the TV. “So, which movie did we not watch?” I asked as I walked into the bathroom.

“Uh,
Good Will Hunting
,” he said as he turned on the side lamp and shut off the TV. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. As I dried off, I glanced into the mirror to find Ray leaning against the doorframe, chewing the inside of his lip and smiling.

“What are you doing?”

“Enjoying the view.” He glanced down. It suddenly dawned on me that I had no panties on and had been bending over the sink. I rolled my eyes and shook my head. He walked up behind me and kissed my hair as he grabbed my toothbrush. I watched him apply toothpaste and brush his teeth ... with my brush. Hmm. I guessed there was no point in mentioning the swapping of germs! “C’mon,” he said as he rinsed and shook off my brush.

We walked out and both climbed onto my side of the bed. Guess we were sharing. I didn’t mind, though, being wrapped so tightly in his arms. He grabbed his phone and set his alarm.

I remember waking up the next morning with a slight hangover and a folded note in front of the alarm clock. I sat up and opened it.

Good morning, baby,

I hope you have a good day with the girls. My day has already started out fantastically! It always does when I wake up next to you. I don’t know how I’m going to wipe this stupid grin off my face today. I’ll see you around five tonight.

Love, Ray

P.S. Loved that you called me “baby” last night!

Don’t forget Bill is stopping by today.

You look so beautiful ... I hate leaving! XXX

“What are you smiling about?” His voice pulls me back to the here and now.

“Oh, the note you left me. That was lovely.”

“Wait! You haven’t gotten to the wedding yet?” He widens his eyes.

“No. To you, these are just memories. I feel like I’m experiencing them all for the first time,” I explain.

“Christ, Becca, we’ll be here for a week! Actually, I wouldn’t mind that.”

“I called you
baby
, huh?” I’m a little taken aback by this.

“Yes. You only do it when you are drunk or high.” He frowns.

High? Oh yeah ... the ecstasy.

“Well, what happened with the whole note thing?” I can’t seem to remember. What else is new?

“Oh! The ‘lovely note’?” he says. I can tell by his air quotation marks that it was not pretty. “Well, let’s see. Between waking up with a hangover, in my shirt, with no panties, no recollection of the night before, and the ‘lovely note’—it’s safe to say you flipped out a little. Well,
a little
is an understatement.” He sighs.

“What happened?”

“You called me at work. Like an idiot, I was so excited when my secretary said you were on the line. I actually thought you were as giddy and ridiculously happy as I was.” He shakes his head. “I picked up the phone and was all like, ‘Hey, beautiful!’ Hearts flying out of my eyes ... sunshine beaming from my ass.”

“Really? Sunshine was beaming out of your ass?” I giggle.

“Shh.” His finger touches my lips. Giggle stifled. “‘How dare you get me drunk and take advantage of me? What did you do, you selfish son of a bitch?’ you yelled. I actually felt my heart breaking. I didn’t say anything. I just hung up on you. I told Gwen to clear my schedule for the day, that I had to go get Annie—she was sick. I left and went right to the inn to pick her up. I walked in through the store entrance and saw you in your office. You looked up and saw me.”

“I remember.” I put my hand up to his mouth.

“Good. You think about it, because I really don’t want to go through all that again.” His jawline twitches, and I wince.

“You were very mad.” I kiss him.

“Baby, you have no idea. I was so tired of you hurting me. I just wanted to smack you hard across the face and be done with you.” A tear escapes the corner of his eye.

“You should’ve run from me, Ray.” I kiss his lips over and over again. “I’ve never been good enough for you. You deserve better than me.”

“Don’t say that, baby. You are everything to me. You are the center of my universe. I’ve tried being without you ... several times. The pain is far worse than when I’m putting up with your bullshit. I need you, baby. You are like air to me. Without you, Becs, I can’t breathe.” His kiss becomes urgent. “Sorry, c’mon. Go back to the memory. I need to bring you back to me.” He pulls away.

What does he mean?
I wonder before I refocus.

I opened my office door. I was so upset and confused.

“What are you doing here?” I snapped.

“I’m picking Annie up. Where is she?” His tone was flat, but he was obviously irritated. He clenched and unclenched his fist, looking everywhere but at me.

“She’s in the kitchen, eating her breakfast. Don’t you think we should talk?” I asked angrily through my teeth.

“What the fuck is there to say, Becca? You drink, you do shit you don’t remember, and then you fucking yell at me for it! Well, I’m done! I’m going to grab Annie and I’ll be out of your hair—and your life!” His eyes turned into a storm and his jawline pulsated.

“Yeah, now that you got what you wanted! You like all your women incoherent?” I pushed him.

“That’s what you think of me? That’s who you think I am?” A look of rage passed over his face. Never in the year had I known him had I ever seen that expression. He grabbed my arm and forced me into the crop room, slamming the door behind us. He shoved me up against the wall.

“Let me tell you something, baby! If I fucked you last night, there is no question that you would be one sore little girl today!” He was all teeth and anger. “It’s official, Becca! I fucking hate you! I hate you!” he screamed in my face and pounded on the wall next to my head. The next thing I knew, his mouth was on mine. It was raw and painful. He cupped my chin harshly with his hand and pushed my head back; it slammed against the wall. He walked away and out of the crop room. I slid down and cried on the floor. A few minutes later, I heard Annie saying that she didn’t want to go. Then I heard nothing but a truck’s engine starting outside, and the sound of it speeding away.

“Did you really hate me?”

“Obviously not, Becs. I just ... I really needed you. I was counting on that bid. Remember, it was a multimillion-dollar one, and I thought it was in the bag. To have that pulled out from under me—it was devastating. I was worried and I needed you and just when I thought you were finally there for me ... you pulled that rug out from under me as well. Had that happened at a different time, I wouldn’t have reacted the way I did.” He thumbs away my tears.

This is so hard to listen to and remember. All I’ve ever done is hurt him. All he’s ever done is try to love me and be patient. I didn’t do any of it on purpose, but that certainly doesn’t make me feel like any less of an asshole.

“Well, how did we end up at the wedding? That was only a few days later.”

“Hmm? Oh, my mother had a hand in that. I love you, Becs.” He kisses me again.

“I know you do, Ray. I love you, too. How did your mother have a hand in it?” I need him to stay focused.

“My parents came down that day because we were all going to go to Boston together on Saturday. With everything going on, I forgot they were coming. My mom could tell that I was really upset about something. She and I took a walk while my dad stayed with Annie. My mom had always known what I was dealing with when it comes to you. I needed someone to talk to, Becca, and I’ve always been close to her.”

I think he’s waiting for me to be upset about this, but I love Elise very much and I love his relationship with her. I love
my
relationship with her. I’m glad he had somebody to turn to.

“It’s okay, baby, go ahead.” I touch his face. He takes in a sharp breath. “What? It’s okay that you talked to her. I’m glad you talked to someone.”

“Um ... well, I told her what had happened with the bid, and then with you—without full detail, of course. I told her about your reaction and accusation, and then my reaction. She said, ‘Son, if you love her, it will all work out. I know she loves you. I have proof. When we get back to the house, I’m a-gonna show you somethin’, sweetie.’ Then she said, ‘Ray, I know this alls been tough on you, but that girl’s been through somethin’ awful. I think she has PTSD, son. She just needs a good therapist, some time, and some Ray McNeil. She’ll come around, sweetheart. Now we goin’ pick her up like we was plannin’. I’m a goin’ give my baby girl a talkin’ to today. Ain’t nobody quittin’ on nobody. She loves ya, son. Have faith in God’s plan, baby, it’ll all work out.’” Ray always does an excellent imitation of his mother’s sweet Georgia accent.

“I love your mother even more for saying all of that.” Suddenly, my heart breaks for what she must be thinking of me now.